FOB is a pedophile. I feel so gross.

[trashit]

I don't think the age matters, if he was 20 or 25 or even 35, the fact is he preys on young girls who feel they need someone to love, he makes them trust him, and then uses them for sex.

 

[lily123]

Ally i'm very sorry that you're having to deal with all this

To be honest i'd be doing exactly what you are doing regarding parental rights, it might not be everyones choice, but if it's the right choice for YOU then take no nonsense hunni! Though if i were you i'd maybe look at pressing charges, i don't know what the laws are in the US but over here this would be seen as statuary rape because you were a minor.

Good luck hun keep us updated x x x x x

 

[Croc-O-Dile]

Firstly - this guy isn't a paedophile. Sorry. He sounds like a bit of a w**ker, but i don't think you can compare him with someone who has sex with children. With regards to cutting him off from your child - it scares me how easily some women will do this. Just imagine for a moment - someone saying you can never see your child again. Imagine what that would do to you?

Also on a practical note i would say - you said you stayed inside the 'messed up' laws of your state. I have no idea what these laws are, but if you did, surely this won't help you take his parental rights away from him? And it would mean you can't report him either, surely?

Here's one for you: Just imagine for a moment- Picking your 14 year old daughter up from her FATHER'S house and having her confess to you that he was having SEX with her or her friends. That's what I'm looking at.

If this was a one time deal, I would not think of him as a sex offender. But seeing as this is not a one time deal and he has done this to other girls, he is, by law, a sex offender.

And as far as staying inside the law, that was pertaining to the year that I was running away and such, not this case.

I grew up without my biological father around. I see him once a year maybe, and talk to him a few times a year. But my step-dad has been my father since I was 3. Sure I went through a "why did daddy leave?" phase, but I know now, after learning the whole story of my parents divorce, that my mom did what was right, because my bio-dad had made some pretty f*ed up threats.

 

[trashit]

Just have to say to Ally and Linzi, you're both completely correct
As i have told people a million times, blood does not make a father, a father is so much more than the sperm that made that child. And considering he has acted in the way he has acted, i think you are MORE than right to keep him away. If Livi wants to see her dad when shes older then let her have that choice, i'm sure she'll decide for herself that she doesn't want him in her life when she sees what he's like. I'm doing the same for Jude, he has that choice when he grows up but until then he's my baby and i'll care for him. You're a strong girl x

 

[Croc-O-Dile]

Ally i'm very sorry that you're having to deal with all this

To be honest i'd be doing exactly what you are doing regarding parental rights, it might not be everyones choice, but if it's the right choice for YOU then take no nonsense hunni! Though if i were you i'd maybe look at pressing charges, i don't know what the laws are in the US but over here this would be seen as statuary rape because you were a minor.

Good luck hun keep us updated x x x x x

I've been thinking about it. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place though. As much as he disgusts me, and as much as I don't want him near my daughter, I don't want her to grow up asking why daddy's in jail. iykwim?

I am asking that he be required to do therapy in order to have visitation. Which in NJ won't be hard to get approved. If they can get out of one more court case they will.

Maybe you girls that are saying he isn't a pedophile are right, maybe is just severely mentally ill. Either way he needs help.

 

[Linzi]

Im sorry if its already been asked hun but why aren't you going to the police? x

*edit* sorry posted at the same time lol

is it not the same explaining why he's in jail or why you took parental rights away??

Im not saying you're doing the wrong thing at all, I think you're doing the right thing, I would just worry for other young women who would come in to contact with him

 

[lily123]

Ally i'm very sorry that you're having to deal with all this

To be honest i'd be doing exactly what you are doing regarding parental rights, it might not be everyones choice, but if it's the right choice for YOU then take no nonsense hunni! Though if i were you i'd maybe look at pressing charges, i don't know what the laws are in the US but over here this would be seen as statuary rape because you were a minor.

Good luck hun keep us updated x x x x x

I've been thinking about it. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place though. As much as he disgusts me, and as much as I don't want him near my daughter, I don't want her to grow up asking why daddy's in jail. iykwim?

I am asking that he be required to do therapy in order to have visitation. Which in NJ won't be hard to get approved. If they can get out of one more court case they will.

Maybe you girls that are saying he isn't a pedophile are right, maybe is just severely mentally ill. Either way he needs help.

Ohh i definitely know what you mean hun and the therapy thing sounds very fair and very good at the end of the day, if you don't trust him (and he's given you every reason not to) then how on this earth are you gonna trust him with the most precious thing, your daughter. your dealing so well hun - i'd have no idea what i'd do if i was in this situation it's a good job you have a supportive Mom and family xxxxxx

 

[MyFirstNoodle]

I'm with a few others such as Jen and that. I don't think FOB is a nonce...YES he shouldnt of slept with you under the age of 16....but the other girls that are 17 and above are legal...right?

I don't know what its like where your from but I'm originally from London and I know ALOT of girls 14/15/16 that go out with blokes 18/19/20 alot of girls in high school use to go out with older blokes, it was cool and the norm IYKWIM?! and I personally when I was 15 went out with someone that was 25 but I would never call him a nonce, I was just about to turn 16 and I agreed to have sex with him!

As for people saying you can bring your child up as a single mum, yes you can and Im pretty sure you would do a great job but I do think children need their dads. I know it affected me not having my dad around....BIG TIME!!

Good luck with whatever you decide but I do think you need to think carefully about not allowing FOB to see his child....my OH isn't aloud to see his daughter because the MOB is a twat and it affects him REALLY badly...he crys etc.

Anyway take care x

 

[Croc-O-Dile]

Im sorry if its already been asked hun but why aren't you going to the police? x

*edit* sorry posted at the same time lol

is it not the same explaining why he's in jail or why you took parental rights away??

Im not saying you're doing the wrong thing at all, I think you're doing the right thing, I would just worry for other young women who would come in to contact with him

Not really, because in NJ a lot of men avoid paying child support that way. They still see their children, but they don't have to pay for them.

I am worried about the other girls that he'll come in contact with, and I've thought a lot about pressing stat. rape chargers. But if I do, it won't be until after Livi's born because I already am bordering high blood pressure and a court battle on top of it would send me over the edge.

Then at the same time, I'm thinking what if he just is mentally ill? What if he needs psychiatric help as opposed to legal help?
I would hate to send him to jail and then find out he's actually got some mental disorder and that's why he is the way he is. You know?

 

[Croc-O-Dile]

I'm with a few others such as Jen and that. I don't think FOB is a nonce...YES he shouldnt of slept with you under the age of 16....but the other girls that are 17 and above are legal...right?

I don't know what its like where your from but I'm originally from London and I know ALOT of girls 14/15/16 that go out with blokes 18/19/20 alot of girls in high school use to go out with older blokes, it was cool and the norm IYKWIM?! and I personally when I was 15 went out with someone that was 25 but I would never call him a nonce, I was just about to turn 16 and I agreed to have sex with him!

As for people saying you can bring your child up as a single mum, yes you can and Im pretty sure you would do a great job but I do think children need their dads. I know it affected me not having my dad around....BIG TIME!!

Good luck with whatever you decide but I do think you need to think carefully about not allowing FOB to see his child....my OH isn't aloud to see his daughter because the MOB is a twat and it affects him REALLY badly...he crys etc.

Anyway take care x

The legal age here is 18, so the 17 year olds are still illegal.

He put me through hell about keeping Olivia in the first place, so he's already proven he doesn't care about seeing her. He cares about having control over ther situation.

I am in no way saying that any of your OH's, Ex's, Brothers, or Sisters are pedophiles or sex offenders in their with someone younger. Nor do I think that about them. Everybody is different, and every situation is different.

 

[AnnabelsMummy]

ally.. why don't you try speaking to someone maybe confidentially yourself..
it might help clear things up for you and livi a bit.. cause it must be quite hard for you

to be honest i think no matter how anyone put it YOU WERE UNDER AGE - HE KNEW YOU WAS UNDER AGE - and he STILL CHOSE to sleep with you.. that is actually classed as statuary rape in the UK.. it doesn't matter whether the other girls he slept with were18 or 19 or even 25, YOU were only 15.. and he obviously makes a habbit of it..
alot of the girls who have older OH's, i'm not saying that it's the case for their OH's, i'm just saying that - that's how the law counts it, (and for a reason) plus their OH's might not make a habbit of it..
plus other people haven't seemed to have read the post properly - HE USES DIFFERENT NAMES, and there's a few things which are NOT normal...
i dunno whether he is mentally unstable or what, but either way, you have a right to know and TRUST the people looking after your daughter - i'd be worried too!

 

[MyFirstNoodle]

I'm with a few others such as Jen and that. I don't think FOB is a nonce...YES he shouldnt of slept with you under the age of 16....but the other girls that are 17 and above are legal...right?

I don't know what its like where your from but I'm originally from London and I know ALOT of girls 14/15/16 that go out with blokes 18/19/20 alot of girls in high school use to go out with older blokes, it was cool and the norm IYKWIM?! and I personally when I was 15 went out with someone that was 25 but I would never call him a nonce, I was just about to turn 16 and I agreed to have sex with him!

As for people saying you can bring your child up as a single mum, yes you can and Im pretty sure you would do a great job but I do think children need their dads. I know it affected me not having my dad around....BIG TIME!!

Good luck with whatever you decide but I do think you need to think carefully about not allowing FOB to see his child....my OH isn't aloud to see his daughter because the MOB is a twat and it affects him REALLY badly...he crys etc.

Anyway take care x

The legal age here is 18, so the 17 year olds are still illegal.

He put me through hell about keeping Olivia in the first place, so he's already proven he doesn't care about seeing her. He cares about having control over ther situation.

I am in no way saying that any of your OH's, Ex's, Brothers, or Sisters are pedophiles or sex offenders in their with someone younger. Nor do I think that about them. Everybody is different, and every situation is different.

Ok.... didn't say you did! IMO I dont think he is a nonce probably because I see it too often round here!

You do what you feel is right....I was just telling you how my OH struggles not seeing his daughter AND he never wanted her in the beginning!

Just hope you do the right thing.

 

[trashit]

Ok so there's 25 year olds that live near you that have every girlfriend underage?

 

[MyFirstNoodle]

Ok so there's 25 year olds that live near you that have every girlfriend underage?

I'm sorry are you talking to me?

 

[Croc-O-Dile]

I'm with a few others such as Jen and that. I don't think FOB is a nonce...YES he shouldnt of slept with you under the age of 16....but the other girls that are 17 and above are legal...right?

I don't know what its like where your from but I'm originally from London and I know ALOT of girls 14/15/16 that go out with blokes 18/19/20 alot of girls in high school use to go out with older blokes, it was cool and the norm IYKWIM?! and I personally when I was 15 went out with someone that was 25 but I would never call him a nonce, I was just about to turn 16 and I agreed to have sex with him!

As for people saying you can bring your child up as a single mum, yes you can and Im pretty sure you would do a great job but I do think children need their dads. I know it affected me not having my dad around....BIG TIME!!

Good luck with whatever you decide but I do think you need to think carefully about not allowing FOB to see his child....my OH isn't aloud to see his daughter because the MOB is a twat and it affects him REALLY badly...he crys etc.

Anyway take care x

The legal age here is 18, so the 17 year olds are still illegal.

He put me through hell about keeping Olivia in the first place, so he's already proven he doesn't care about seeing her. He cares about having control over ther situation.

I am in no way saying that any of your OH's, Ex's, Brothers, or Sisters are pedophiles or sex offenders in their with someone younger. Nor do I think that about them. Everybody is different, and every situation is different.

Ok.... didn't say you did! IMO I dont think he is a nonce probably because I see it too often round here!

You do what you feel is right....I was just telling you how my OH struggles not seeing his daughter AND he never wanted her in the beginning!

Just hope you do the right thing.

No, no, no, I wasn't trying to say that you did. I was just making that a point because a lot of ladies have been saying how their OH or FOB is older than them but they aren't a sex offender. I was just making it clear that I didn't think they were, nor was I trying to imply that they were. I think it just got a bit heated for a moment and came out wrong.

 

[amandad192]

She is doing what she feels is best for her child. There are plenty of children who grow up never knowing their real father, and those are cases of bad breakups or the guy just leaving. In the case of finding out that FOB was a criminal, I think it would definitely be time to cut off all ties. He didn't just manipulate her, which would be horrible but wouldn't make him a predator. But he is a predator, criminally, as he constantly goes after younger girls.

How does anyone know what age he would draw the line at? There are plenty of 14/15 year olds that look pre-pubescent, it's just a possible stepping stone to textbook pedophilia.

Even if not everyone would cut off parental rights, Croc-o-dile is doing exactly what she thinks is right for her baby.

It is not her child, it is THEIR child. It takes two to tango. It is NEVER okay to stop either parent from seeing their baby unless they are seriously at risk, in which case SS would be involved.

Has any one considered that maybe he has very low self esteem and he thinks the only way he can get anything is to take whatever he can get, maybe he'd be shagging granny's instead if all the young ones turned him away.

I don't think he alone can be blamed for sleeping with underage girls if they have all consented. Even if they all believed him to be 21 and called Bob Fred or Frank, they CONSENTED to him sticking his dipper in them, so should take some responsibility also.
As the Law is in the UK, you must be 16 to consent to sexual intercourse, Male or Female. There are many reasons for this which I won't go into detail of. During my citizenship GCSE I had to write an essay on this so I could go on forever. To be honest I don't think there should be an "age of consent."
It makes it more difficult for any one 17 or over to claim Rape and makes the process longer for them and less likely to speak out.
The legal age to take responsibility for a criminal offense is 10, so if a ten year old must stand in a court If they murder some one, surely they can make their own decision when it comes to sex (Not that I'm saying 10 year olds should be having sex but I hope you understand what I mean.)
Some 16 year olds are very immature and others are very mature, so I think it's wrong that the same rules should apply.

I think every rape claim should be looked at on a case-by-case basis no matter what the ages of the victim/offender are.

All over the world the Age of consent Varies. All over the states the age of consent varies. Some countries/states even have different consent ages for males and females.

Sorry for the essay but I've been following the thread a lot to see other people's opinions, and as a girl who was VERY badly affected by my father being absent for a large part of my life, I'd be forcing any guy that got me pregnant to man up and take responsibility.

 

[emilyjean]

Going through the court system, if you press charges, will be beneficial for everyone, at least IMO. The court could rule he needs to start therapy rather than putting him in jail, and then he'll be on the sex offender registry, won't be allowed near schools, etc. Which can only help other girls from going through the same thing as you, and may really help you. Definitely wait til after the baby is born, that way you can use a paternity test as evidence against him, as proof he is the father. Plus, like you said, you don't need the stress.

Myfirstnoodle- It's a little different in the UK, I think. It's really not acceptable in the US, because laws are different and there are definite cultural differences.

ETA: amandad192- Rapists are to be allowed to see their children? That's what this guy is, a rapist, just because there was consent doesn't mean anything, she was too young to legally consent. So it was statutory rape. People go to jail for this all the time.

 

[Croc-O-Dile]

She is doing what she feels is best for her child. There are plenty of children who grow up never knowing their real father, and those are cases of bad breakups or the guy just leaving. In the case of finding out that FOB was a criminal, I think it would definitely be time to cut off all ties. He didn't just manipulate her, which would be horrible but wouldn't make him a predator. But he is a predator, criminally, as he constantly goes after younger girls.

How does anyone know what age he would draw the line at? There are plenty of 14/15 year olds that look pre-pubescent, it's just a possible stepping stone to textbook pedophilia.

Even if not everyone would cut off parental rights, Croc-o-dile is doing exactly what she thinks is right for her baby.

It is not her child, it is THEIR child. It takes two to tango. It is NEVER okay to stop either parent from seeing their baby unless they are seriously at risk, in which case SS would be involved.

Has any one considered that maybe he has very low self esteem and he thinks the only way he can get anything is to take whatever he can get, maybe he'd be shagging granny's instead if all the young ones turned him away.

I don't think he alone can be blamed for sleeping with underage girls if they have all consented. Even if they all believed him to be 21 and called Bob Fred or Frank, they CONSENTED to him sticking his dipper in them, so should take some responsibility also.
As the Law is in the UK, you must be 16 to consent to sexual intercourse, Male or Female. There are many reasons for this which I won't go into detail of. During my citizenship GCSE I had to write an essay on this so I could go on forever. To be honest I don't think there should be an "age of consent."
It makes it more difficult for any one 17 or over to claim Rape and makes the process longer for them and less likely to speak out.
The legal age to take responsibility for a criminal offense is 10, so if a ten year old must stand in a court If they murder some one, surely they can make their own decision when it comes to sex (Not that I'm saying 10 year olds should be having sex but I hope you understand what I mean.)
Some 16 year olds are very immature and others are very mature, so I think it's wrong that the same rules should apply.

I think every rape claim should be looked at on a case-by-case basis no matter what the ages of the victim/offender are.

All over the world the Age of consent Varies. All over the states the age of consent varies. Some countries/states even have different consent ages for males and females.

Sorry for the essay but I've been following the thread a lot to see other people's opinions, and as a girl who was VERY badly affected by my father being absent for a large part of my life, I'd be forcing any guy that got me pregnant to man up and take responsibility.

IMO, if I have to worry about whether or not my child's father is having sex with her, that's as good a reason as any.
BUT, I respect that we have different opinions on the matter. I did try to keep him in her life, but he wanted out. When I let him leave, he wanted back in. He's been yo-yoing with this since the start. I grew up without my father from the start, so it didn't affect me as bad as it did you, as you already knew him from 8 yeas. (I am thinking of the right person, right? sorry if I got you mixed up with someone else.) I don't want him walking out on her once she's old enough to know what's going on, either. IYKWIM?

 

[Croc-O-Dile]

Just to avoid this getting too heated, maybe we should all take a break from this real quick. No reason to go at war over this. To each their own, you know?

 

[rubixcyoob.]

Croc-o-dile I think that whatever you do you must think it through a lot. You cannot charge him as a pedophile because by legal definition he isn't. You could charge press statutory rape charge though. Also to stop him seeing olivia you would need a court order in which he is stripped of them but will have to definately prove he would be an unfit father etc.

Goodluck with whatever you decide xxx