Friends

[Hopeful42nd]

Aw you look so cute any feeling on what the baby's gender is? I knew it was a boy with Xavier, but with her I couldn't tell, it just felt different. I'm sure you will be fine. With everyone else having different births, one has to go just as a normal birth would, so you're it! Just read lots, generally fear is from the unknown. Educate yourself, watch some shows then you won't feel so unprepared.

 

[Sugarlys]

I'm definitely thinking boy...I've referred to baby as "him" since quite early on...we do have girl names just in case

 

[Hopeful42nd]

Man I'm tired. Plus it's so hard to get anything done besides pee. And make sometimes timely meals for my son/hubby. She constantly wants mommy and my tata's!
I know it will change but for now it's hard.
I made pie crust last night and still haven't got to rolling or filling it. It was supposed to be for a chicken pot pie yesterday. We ended up with chicken strips and fries, lol.
I need to go for groceries, also to do laundry. Ugh, it's piling up...guess I just have to adjust to disorganized life for now.
I kicked Kev out of bed at 4am cause of his friggin snoring once I finally got get to sleep for a short time. He was so mean all morning cause of it till I spoke to him about his actions. He had stayed up till 2:30 am playing video games while I nursed and changed diapers and was unable to sleep, he drank a few beers, so he comes to bed once irk ally get her settled enough to close my eyes, and he's sawing wood like crazy. After waking himfrom that many times I told him 'enough, you gotta go, your not fixing anything'and he was waking her by that point. I just don't get the me time and selfishness of his actions, when do I get that break from him? Since he was pissy yesterday I decided to take Our do from the tub to get him dried dressed ready for bed and read stories, all while she was screaming and feeding and such so he could take a long soak in the jaccuzi. Did he thank me? Nope.
I know it sounds selfish of me to expect, but really I don't ask for much from him.
I'm sure this is just an adjustment for all of us, but he does need to step up more especially if he plans on doing this Sunday night hockey thing he used to do. Though it's not happening for the first month!
Okay done venting. Let's see if she'll nod off feeding here so I can get dinner going and get dressed to go out for those groceries.

 

[Ersurgeongirl]

Awww your bump is adorable!

Hopeful, I really don't know how youre managing to juggle a toddler, a newborn, and a needy husband. You're superwoman!

I got his kidney ultrasound back... His kidney condition is a grade 3 almost 4, of 5. So next week we go see a kidney specialist and Get a VCUG test done I'm scared. We also went to church today... I'm not super religious, more towards agnostic, but it's a family tradition to get the babies baptized catholic because the family funeral plot is in a catholic cemetery and you have to be baptized to be buried there. I could care less what religion he chooses to identify with as long as he's happy and no harm is done to others... Live life closely to the ten commandments because those are basic rules that I think all humanity should follow... I mean, don't do adultery (like his father... And all the hurt it caused) and don't steal... Pretty simple rules for a peaceful life.

 

[Sugarlys]

Wow Hopeful...things sound BUSY. Hoping that hubby has helped you out a bit more today! It was such a nasty day here - so much rain - you too??

ER - sorry to hear about baby's kidney...praying that everything goes okay at the specialist. How are you feeling?

AFM, I have a dr appt tomorrow...interested to see if there is any progress in things...I have a baby shower on Tuesday...so excited!! Anyway, I'll update after my appt tomorrow!

Tainted and Blessed - hope you are both doing well!!

 

[Ersurgeongirl]

I keep hitting the stupid back button on my iPad, I'll reply tomorrow lol but good luck at the docs tomorrow!

 

[Taintedlove]

Soooooooo I have the flu... And scared that I'm pregnant! Haha! I want another but this soon??? Uhm no! Lol I don't want my head in the toilet 9 times a day and taking care I a newborn! OHHHH bother! Lol

 

[Sugarlys]

PREGNANT?! Are you serious?!????

Sorry to hear that you have the flu! Is Phil still there??

My dr. appt went well..no progression yet!!

 

[Hopeful42nd]

Sugarlys- we had rain off and on. Just one of those super nasty grey days. The wind has been crazy here. It's blown over Palio chairs and ripped fabric.

ER- not sure about that, lol, he helped out a bit more and went out to the garage and reorganized so I can park my car in it before snow gets here. How nice of him

Tainted- where did you pick up the flu from? You poor thing. Hope Jett doesn't catch it. As for being pregnant again, I think your odds of that this soon are rare, but not to say it doesn't happen. Didn't you just say you had your period? In most cases women take a couple periods to get back on track with ovulating, but some ovulate before they get the first one.

Afm- I am alone with two today. Morning has gone well, a bit too well. Everyone was fed but me by 9:15. (baby, toddler, dog, two cats) and I've now had coffee and a biscuit and am finishing getting the final two of us dressed. Got blueberry muffins and bran muffins baking. Figure we can have homeade pizza for dinner and will pull out the breadmaker for fresh dough. Hope my plans work out.i got a bath in last night at midnight do now I'm clean and less hairy ah the simple things in life we take for granted huh?

 

[Ersurgeongirl]

Tainted- how are you feeling?
Sugarlys- praying for progression for you!!!
Hopeful- how dis yesterday go? Seems like a smooth start!

Let's see... Baby is taking to breastfeeding a lot better. He still has his "omgfeedmenow!!!" moments where he gets soooo pissed it's hard to get him to latch on and then stay on. I've been feeding him an ounce of either formula or pumped milk before latching him on and it seems to help him calm down and have a successful breastfeeding session.

I saw my ob yesterday... My incision is healed up and you can barely even see it! It's more obvious where the staples were. She asked me a series of questions... One of them being if I'm having troubling thoughts/thoughts of harming myself or my baby... Sadly, I have. I would never ever ever in a million years act on these thoughts. They scare the shiiiiiit out of me. They come and go randomly, but when they do come, they shake me up for the rest of the day. So today I had an appointment with a mental health doctor... We discovered that besides these thoughts, I'm not depressed or down or have any other symptoms of ppd. I've been diagnosed with postpartum OCD. Weird, I never heard of this before but it's relatively common. And looking at the other behaviors I've noticed... Freaking out about who touches the baby, needing to watch them wash their hands, sterilizing all of his bottles on top of washing them, not putting them in the dishwasher in fear that they may not have truly come clean, etc. Oh yeah, it's making sense now. So I've been given Zoloft to help manage it... It's for depression and anxiety. Right now he has me splitting 50mg pills in half and taking half a day for the first week, but I'm going to see how it effects me, I may be able to stay at 25mg. And approximately only 4% of this medication sees it's way into breastmilk, and according to the book I bought "medications and mothers milk" studies have shown that in moms taking up to 100-150mg had no adverse effects on baby... All gained weight and reached milestones accordingly. 4% of 25mg seems reasonable for me. Obviously, some moms may not feel that way, but if it stops the horrible thoughts and I can still feed my baby, I'm okay. Besides, he gets formula during the night and sometimes during the day.

 

[Sugarlys]

ER, I am so glad that you mentioned this too your dr. Too often women feel ashamed and don't say anything and then the problem just spirals out of control. I know many AMAZING mothers who have had the same thoughts as you so know that you are in a large club (one of those ones that no one else wants to be in)....its especially tricky when you don't have a stable partner to help carry the load and look out for you at the same time. I am so happy you are getting help. Your son is so lucky to have you.

I was getting contractions (I think) a bit earlier today...felt a bit like period cramps?? Nothing tonight though. Had my baby shower - got some beautiful stuff! Very exciting

 

[Ersurgeongirl]

I figured, I'm my sons only hope for a stable life... And he needs a stable momma. The doctor said most likely the medication will be used on a temporary basis until all the hormones settle down... But who knows. Mental health is pretty illusive at times.

Oooooooh contractions! Start jumping up and down or go get it on or eat spicy food! Lolololol I know it doesn't work, but that's super exciting! Let's hope they come back soon and progression happens sooner rather than later!

 

[Hopeful42nd]

ER- good for you. Funny a friend on facebook wrote a status of 'I feel like such a bad mom' today. I don't know what provoked it, she is an excellent mother. My reply to her is. The mothers who question if they are doing a good enough job for their child and second guess themselves ARE the good mothers because they care enough to worry.
You are a great mother for realizing you needed to be clear and free of the worry to properly handle your newborn. I would say the minor risk of the meds passing into breastmilk is worth the benefit of you of healthy mind. Go see the therapist or whatever is offered to you. You need to relieve your stress by talking things out with someone neutral. Plus you also have us to talk to, so make sure you us us if need be

Sugarlys- contractions at 37 weeks? Lucky, maybe you will be one of those early ftm's? Make sure you get on your feet lots, walk, squat, bounce...get that baby lower

 

[Sugarlys]

ER...glad that you are able to ask for help..and yes, vent to us at any time!!

AFM, the contractions ended but today my lower back is super tight. I went for the prenatal tour today...yikes..made the whole thing much more real. I came home and cried...I am so scared!! I know that women have been giving birth since the beginning of time but that doesn't help me in the moment.

 

[Ersurgeongirl]

I decided to rent "dropping the baby and other scary thoughts"... It's a book about well, scary thoughts that come postpartum. They estimate that about 91% of moms and dads have scary thoughts at times, sometimes these thoughts are debilitating and lead to OCD/anxiety/ppd... But sometimes they can be easily brushed off and nothing leads from there.

It's 100% normal to have scary thoughts. It's anxiety causing because the conscious self realizes that these scary thoughts are the complete opposite of what you would/actually want to do and the anxiety of realizing that these thoughts are not normal but yet the worry if you are actually capable of doing these thoughts, or the anxiety can cause a person to not bond or be with the baby to try to keep the baby safe from these thoughts. It's starting to make sense.

Risk factors include those with previous history of anxiety or depression, or those with a perfectionist type mentality, those doing it alone... Hmm, I've got the risk factors.. Of perfectionistism and doing it alone.

I talked to my sister this morning... And I told her what I'm going through. She told me that it's going to be okay. She had some really bad ppd... She called her husband at work in hysterics saying she doesn't love the baby, nothing about him is lovable, and that she needed to give him up for adoption. Her husband told my mom who told her that she needed to get help right away (she was 3 months in at this point...) and she did and she told me she was on medication for 3-4 months and then she was fine. It was a very scary time for her, but she said getting help was the best thing that she could have done.

 

[Hopeful42nd]

Wow, glad you have someone else to talk to who's been through it. That will be helpful for you. There was moments with my son that he was crying for so long inconsolably that I had to set him in his crib and just walk away for a short time. go outside and get some fresh air. I knew he was safe, just crying. It sets off something in your head that says you have to fix/stop it, but it can't always be done. So if you need that break do it. To back with your head cleared and you'll be able to deal with it that much better.

AFm- coping well so far. Ventured out with two looking for clothes, found some awesome deals of used items. Got six pieces for Ella and Five for Xavier (including a lined letter jacket), for 14 bucks. My sister spoiled us with manicotti for dinner yesterday and today I'm meeting my mom to go to Ella's checkup. She made us dinner for tonight. I feel spoiled

 

[Ersurgeongirl]

Wow that is a really good deal!

Baby has been gassy and finally pooped after saving it for a day... First time getting pooped on, peed on, and him peeing all the way up to his hair and ears. I think it's bath night for both of us lolololol

 

[Hopeful42nd]

Lol, never got pooped on, but peed on many times, lol. Ah the joys of motherhood. Everytime I think of baby boys peeing on someone I think of that movie where drew Barrymore is a teenage mom and gets peed on but it ends up in her mouth! Forget the name but friggin hilarious.

 

[Ersurgeongirl]

Lol that's funny!

Warning... This could be upsetting or triggering... Mentions scary thoughts..











I think that the book I rented and the Zoloft is making a difference already. Gave baby a bath and had a super fleeting thought that I could just drown him... I know, wtf. Usually these thoughts (wont mention the others because they are waaaaay scarier) last a while, like a few minutes, and I put the baby down and walk away or hand him to my parents. This time the thought lasted a split second and then I thought well maybe the water is a bit too high and he is pretty squirmy.... So I lowered the water a bit and we had a happy bath time

It was the only thought of the day like that... My brain is quiet and calm today too. Took the entire 50mg pill though.

Talked more to my sister and she told me she kept getting thoughts like how she could just throw the baby over the balcony.... She wished she got help sooner. She didn't know that this a very common occurrence for both moms and dads.

 

[Hopeful42nd]

Hey,
Missing my ladies its been busy, crazy hectic, and fun all wrapped into one. Getting stuff done like a simple grocery run is chaotic, been trying to keep my head above water. Not an easy feat, and today was no exception. Got moving late again due to hubby waiting to shower and shave till this morning cause echoes to play games last night again. Once all is said and done we got Ella packed in the car seat and as he started the car and she barfed up a crapload, got herdiaper shirt pants and hoodie along with all the straps of her carseat. I felt like crying. So I changed her, pulled apart the carseat and washed the straps, blow dried them, breastfed her again, and left an hour later. Ugh, not good. Only got done half of what we needed to, his mom was supposed to one by in the afternoon but we called and explained our bad day so she's coming tomorrow.
Made a nice whole roast chicken dinner to make up for the bad day.
Oh to top it off my son is teething and super whiny.