funny/ embarrasing labour stories

[Jennifaerie]

Tee hee, these are very funny!
Mine is more of a post baby story, I had a third degree tear and had really bad uncontrollable wind for a while, about 3 days after birth the midwife came round to check my stitches.
I has to lie on my side and she lifted my bum cheek, yep you guessed it, I trumpt right in her face! Was mortified...

I am a nurse scooby, I cant tell you how many times patients have passed gas in my face! embarrassing for you but completely normal for her!

Please let that not be me!!!

 

[cherryglitter]

darlingme: i love your avatar picture

 

[Rachyroux]

Ugh after my epidural I couldn't control my gas! I was farting alot, infront of midwife, student midwife , boyfriend and mother! I literally couldn't hold it in! haha. I kept saying "I'm soooo sorry..." they weren't quiet either. Oh shaming.

 

[ferens06]

During my first labour I had a poo and my immature 31 year old husband found this very humourous. With my second he kept on making a joke that if I did it again he would take a pic and put it on facebook, obviously he would not do this but after I had given birth to my second I was completely out of it with the shock and pain and kept shouting "Did I poo?? He's going to put it on facebook" The midwives looked at him in discust. Ha, he felt so embarrassed.

 

[Ali90]

Love reading these!!!!!
With my first labour I said to hubby I was going to get in the bath and that he should go back to sleep. After about an hour or so I thought the contractions were getting closer so I'd better wake him up. Our bathroom was opposite the bedroom. I'm calling his name over and over, louder and louder and nothing he continues to sleep soundly. Didn't want to get out of the bath so called our dog. He came running up the stairs (which he never does) and into the bathroom. I said go and wake up daddy! He bounds into the bedroom and jumps right onto the bed, wagging his tail. The look on hubbys face was priceless! He was like 'what whats the matter' and I was like 'I'm having a baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!' Our dog looked so proud of himself.

 

[Rhiana79]

Love reading these!!!!!
With my first labour I said to hubby I was going to get in the bath and that he should go back to sleep. After about an hour or so I thought the contractions were getting closer so I'd better wake him up. Our bathroom was opposite the bedroom. I'm calling his name over and over, louder and louder and nothing he continues to sleep soundly. Didn't want to get out of the bath so called our dog. He came running up the stairs (which he never does) and into the bathroom. I said go and wake up daddy! He bounds into the bedroom and jumps right onto the bed, wagging his tail. The look on hubbys face was priceless! He was like 'what whats the matter' and I was like 'I'm having a baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!' Our dog looked so proud of himself.

lol that is awesome x

 

[nicki01]

well we were driving to hospital, about five minutes out and my wife starts screaming/ shouting at me through a large contraction.

Stupidly I asked 'are you ok, should i pull over ?'

As the contraction eased she shouted..

'you've trapped my finger in the f@@@ing window you w@@@er'

Ive been laughing for a good 5 minutes about this one! My favourite for sure!

 

[Reyba]

I've not had a baby but I've had gas and air before. All I wanted to do was sleep and I hated talking because my voice would be super low and everyone would laugh!!!! I sounded really stupid!

It was pretty amazing though, when I could stay awake but the nurses would take it away from me because they said that people sometimes get the sensation of wanting to fly and didn't want me to jump out of the window

 

[MaybBaby]

oh mercy me i have been in TEARS! over these stories, OH has now run off to buy a game in PC world saying 'maaaan im going to be one of these stories im so scared!' bless the sod ive scared him orf! keep em coming ladies i hope to join soon

 

[amandad192]

I had diarrhoea and my OH had to support me as I squat over a little cardboard sick thingy on a chair. It stunk really bad too.

Omg, couldn't they get you into a toilet or anything?! :/ xx

The midwife was out of the room.
I had been examined and refused to get dressed again so had no trousers or underwear on. I stayed in the delivery room the whole time with the door shut.

If I'd asked, they'd probably have helped me dress and got me to the toilet..but I was in too much pain to care.

 

[LoolaBear]

OMG these are so funny! i am getting very weird looks from the two male office members i work with trying not to burst out loud with laughter!

ive got a couple...

with the twins i had a planned c-section but afterwards the funnies came. it had been about 4 hours after having them and the midwife came to check on me.
MW: can you feel your legs yet?
ME (ever so proudly) : yep, i can move them and everything (proceeded to wobble my legs like jelly) SEE!!!!
MW: oh well thats not really movement is it its just shaking them.
ME: why do you hate me so much?

then at about 10pm (12 hours after having the twins) i buzzed the nurse and told her that i really really needed to pee. she said that i shouldnt feel like that as i was still cathaterised.
she toddled off but i still felt like i had this huge urge to pee. buzzed her back where she said well i can take the cathater out incase its irritation from this giving you the urge to pee but i can garuntee you dont need to actually pee.
so she took it out and off she went. with that i decided to relax knowing i needed to pee. and there the whole contents of my bladder went everywhere. called her back and said see told you i needed to pee!!! she then proceeded to give me a dose of morphine so i could get out of bed so she could clear up all red faced.

when i was labouring loosing my angel i loved loved loved the gas and air, i kept telling the doctor all this information i had read online, also telling him what his job was to do, i just could not stop talking. i also kept giggling to myself as i kept talking to myself. i loved it.
they gave me pethidine which i will never have again, mum and dad had just gone downstairs to get themselves some breakfast when it kicked in and it made me feel scuicidal! i kept trying to jump out the tiny 4 inch gap in the open window, and then walking round the room just screaming Oh My God over and over again. then when mum and dad came back i jumped on the bed and sat there as if nothing had happened!

 

[GreyGirl]

Some hilarious stories!!! I've read all the pages, thanks for the laughs
I haven't given birth yet, but I hope to have some funny stories to tell one day

 

[MissRhead]

I was in early labour for a couple of days, on off contractions, and i made FOB drive me to mcdonalds, for breakfast, i had a really strong contraction and started wailing in the passenger seat, the poor man in the drive thru didnt know what the hell was going on.
Another one, when i was at the pushing stage, FOB had a bottle of diet coke, and everytime i had a contraction id shout at him 'coke!' drink some then scream at him 'i fucking hate diet coke!' I also kept swearing at the midwives and then saying 'im so sorry i dont usualy swear, do you hate me now?' Oh and i kept pressing the buzzer every time the midwife left the room to ask her how much longer she thought it would be haha. I so wish i had it all recorded!x

 

[Kimboowee]

I pee'd on my mw after giving birth! She was pressing on my stomach to help the placenta with her hand 'up there' - accident waiting to happen...

 

[SmileyMTB]

ahhh i stumbled on this by accident but im soo glad i read it all, been laughing so hard. suppose ive this all to look forward too

 

[MiissMuffet]

my midwife came to check me when i was in labour and she said "lets go check your cervix" and i cried "but i havn't shaved" She said "it's ok, aslong as i don't have to whack through with a axe and a hachet it'll be fine"



Also have a video of me talking to penguins i was so out of it and singing about jetplanes

The gas and air made me talk and talk and i remember telling my midwife all about bnb

 

[chuck]

I find it strange reading about how crazy some of get on gas and air?!?! I was still holding normal conversations between ctx and while still feeling buzzy on the stuff.

With my first the pethadine did make me a little more silly but nothing mad just smiley and slurry for a little bit.

The morning after my EMCS I had morphine and again holding normal conversations.

So dont worry ladies not all painkillers make you go mental!




As for me hmmm with my 1st at the BC hubby left the room while I was having a VE, I sat up after had a huge ctx and felt sick so the MW handed my cardboard bowls...I filled 3 and then as I was finishing up a mouthful or 2 in the 4th bowl hubby strolls back in...MW says to him, 'she's just been a little sick but she's ok' I look at him, he looks at me and gives me that awwww sorry look (thinking it was only the bowl I was holding) then I catch the shock and revulsion on hi9s face when he clocks th3 other bowls brimming with my sick. Bless him.

With my 2nd I was hoping to HBAC but we transferred and the mean ambulance guys made me walk to the ambulance (I was 10cm and bleeding heavily my vans got ruined!) when we got close to the hospital I remember telling them I AM NOT WALKING ANYWHERE WHEN WE GET THERE!!!! 'its alright love we'll wheel you in on the bed' GOOD, I CANT WALK, I WONT WALK!!

Bless them the ambulance guys were lovely really -if any of you get transferred and the guys are good please write to their area office, letters of thanks are kept on their permanent record.

 

[Courtcourt]

Really an after labor story, but one of my nurses- Nurse Chan, with a very heavy accent kept wanting to "clean my poo poo spot" after labor. I kept telling her I didn't poop. Then she kept chanting "You need pee, you call me!! You need pee, you call me!!"

Finally I had to call her for help to pee (had epidural) and she still insisted on "cleaning my poo poo spot" (her words exactly)

lmao, awwwkward!

 

[ferens06]

^^^^^

 

[Jaimie2Eyes]

I hope I get a nurse that funny! Although I would find a poo poo spot cleansing a little awkward as well