General chatter while we wait (and commentary on the "pull out method")

[JLM73]

I try to give us all a good laugh at least once a day. It kinda balances the sadness a bit.
Vanyas - No judging here. Guilty secret...My donor is MARRIED lol.
I found out when I ran a background check on him. He has donated before and has 2 kids from such in the last 2 yrs...NO idea if the wife is in the know, but He speaks openly about "we" this and "we" that when we chat while I pick up the ahem..."sample". I found out the background info just before meeting to get the first "sample" but have never let him know, I know.
Really he could just be married on paper, separated etc, who knows. So I don't ask or judge. You never know why ppl do or want what they do.
I personally want a child more than waiting another 6 months to find a good donor again.
Not sure if I will try again with him this cycle tho...the drive distance makes it very hard to make alot of pickups, tho he doesn't mind.
I also understand not telling anyone till too big to hide.
I am almost 42, and NO ONE knows but the donor I am trying.
It's really no one else's business what we want anyway.
I'll have to see how this cycle goes as to whether or not O is clear enough to know when or how many pick ups I may have to do.
Some days it just seems SUCH an uphill battle...When the hell do we get to the top???

 

[gigglebox]

Can the donor meet you half way?

 

[pacificlove]

JLM, I love your story with the donor, we all do what we do for a reason. Maybe his reason simply is to help single mothers.

In the meantime, I am on CD6, bleeding is just about to stop here. Normal is 6 days.

 

[claireybell]

My AF is nearly done, cd 4

 

[JLM73]

Gig and Pacific- he can meet 1/2 way, but I made it part of the deal that I drive to his town, as most pick ups are after he gets off work.
Not to mention I know what he doesn't know I know lol that he could very well have a wifey wondering why he comes home late every month around the same time
Since I already pulled the background check, I figured he would be more likely to meet more than once if needed if he didn't have to have an excuse every month.

I did ask when we first met what his reason was for donating, and his answer was that he just wanted to help other women out after a friend of a friend (lesbian couple) asked if he would help them. I first met him from when I was with an agency that linked ttc couples with surros and donors.
I can't doubt why he wants to donate- alot of ppl tell me they could never be a surrogate, but I loved helping ppl out on that too
For all I know the wife is aware of it. Not to sound mean at all, but I don't ask, and he doesn't ask why I am trying to have another child at almost 42, and not with my ex boyfriend of 2 yrs.
We have skirted issues, but respect the middle ground and don't ask too much.
Main focus was showing each other recent health screens, and of course for me- the background check he doesn't know about. lol

 

[VanyasMama]

Thank you guys for not judging.
Gig- I am mostly regular like clockwork, ovulation cramping for a couple hours once a month, plenty of ewcm. My eggs are old but I really do believe in miracles and the power of positive thoughts. I spent the past 10 years married to an autistic husband who didn't really like me very much. He was very methodical in timing and making sure he got me pregnant with our son. I fell pg around our first anniversary. For a short time he was on board to have a second child but after my second loss he decided it was not a good idea. After that we only dtd a couple times a year. Not much chance for ttc. Since I left him every big thing I want has come to me easily. I feel like now that I am on my right path my life is becoming what it should be.
My BFP is right around the corner.

 

[DobbyForever]

Exactly, the baby craze is real. We do what we gotta do. No judging. You just do you.

I want a boy because I am half Asian, and there is very much a first born son mentality. My mom would, never knowingly but she did it with my older brother, unconditionally love a first grandson ever so slightly more than a granddaughter. SO really wants two boys then a girl, but is hardcore set on having a boy. When we started dating, he said he would even go so far as to pay for sperm selection to ensure we have a boy but now that we were trying we just decided to let it happen naturally so we could save for a down payment. His mom is a b* (if you haven't gathered) and wants a grandson. His family really values boys over girls. I would love other a girl or a boy, but to please everyone else a boy would help loads.

 

[pacificlove]

Travel is confirmed, DH and I will be staying with my parents for CD10-15 and then on the road for CD16 which should all be right around O.
Do I count myself out for this month already?

Let's just say the walls at my parents place are thin...

 

[DobbyForever]

Do you know this about the walls from experience? Do it anyway! Or book a night in a hotel for some quality BD time. I've stayed with exes at their parents' houses before, and despite large families and thin walls we always found a way to DTD on the daily haha. We either do it super early in the morning before people wake up or late at night when they are asleep. Or we wait for everyone to be gone. Oh man, the best one was I got up to get some water and my ex at the time heard me so he came out to check on me. I'll spare you the details, but let's just say we DTD in the kitchen right underneath his parents' bedroom hahaha. I miss when current SO's appetite used to be like that. Stupid work stress.

 

[gigglebox]

You go girl!!! I never had the balls to do anything like that. Well, not when other people were in the house....hubs and i boned like rabbits in the beginning. He lived with a few roommates at the time, so when they were out we DTD on a bar top, on those stools....oh and his room connected to a lower roof and once we did it on the roof and just stayed really still when cars passed, lol!

So PL, borrow a car and drive somewhere private

Guilty admission for tonight: i took a dollar tree test my period was just so weird this time...i know it was due to my c/p, but i had to test just to make sure....you know....like ya do.

 

[JLM73]

Pacific You two will have so much more fun trying to be sneeky and naughty hehe. You def can get it done. Aim for quickies
JgoI understand now that you explained wanting a boy first. Maybe you will get one of each - same time Sooo jealous of those of you with live in penis hehe I was close but my ex just wasn't moving on my timeline, and I opted out of being stuck in another wrong relationship.
Gigs No harm No foul...I have done it both last cycle and this cycle if you see my chart.
Sometimes you just need to really be sure you aren't despite bleeding.

I am still really good friends with an ex...he's pretty much my best friend. Could count on him at anytime to bail me out...literally lol.
We both remarried 7 yrs ago, but I'm friends with him and the wife, and our kids play together once in a while. Just came from a playdate as a matter of fact...Jgo you mentioning ex sex, and Gig you mentioning rabbit sex just gave me flashbacks lol. It's a shame he is the most compatible man I ever dated, but I have no tolerance for cheaters...so I ended it loooong ago,....but MAN were we "compatible" lol. He still mentions it now and again because he married someone his complete opposite Truthfully I think he's lucky she puts up with half the $h!% he pulls, and she doesn't mind him keeping all his female friends lol
She is def the right one for him in that way, but some days I am like Dude...wth are you doing??? Enough reminiscing
Anya No worries hun. Nothing to judge. We all walk our own path in our own shoes. Other people just see glimpses of us in passing, so they don't need to know everything nor will they understand.
Sorry you went thru such a trying relationship

 

[DobbyForever]

Love it, Gigs!!! The car is totally doable. Oh man, having high school flashbacks hahaha. And I tested on some dollar trees over the last few days. Was secretly hoping this afternoon's opk would be blaring, but nope. Negative hahah.

J, I hear you. It's hard to when you meet someone who is physically compatible with you. The ex I mentioned was like that, and then SO is like number one. But the same things that make him compatible in that way also make him an a** in day to day. Like his idea of cute is "I was dreaming about you last night" followed by something explicit. It's never romantic. Ever. I almost snapped yesterday because he texted me when he woke up and I was at work, and I was not in the mood to hear it. Idk. Honestly, having a live in penis that is stressed and won't have sex with you is hell. I feel like I force him into sex which bugs me because A- who wants to feel like they are guilting their partner into it? B- the whole basis of our sexual relationship is very dom/sub, and if I have to be the aggressor it is a complete turnoff.

 

[JLM73]

Oh Dob that does suck.
I like a give and take in the bedroom- switch style, but ex hubby was passive ALL the time omg huge turn off, Seriously who wants to feel like you have to bitch or chase them all the time for sex???
The ex I was compatible with I have to admit was the only one I almost wore out lol. He begged a few times to skip a day, but not for long hehe.
Otherwise I am a few times a week with most guys. I'm a scorp...I'm moody lol.

 

[gigglebox]

Dobby i totally forgot to comment on the boy thing. Makes total sense. Did you look into gender selection? How much does that cost?

There were times where i had to be the asserter for sex, but i was having chronic pain issues in my back and hubs was afraid of aggravating it (so he says). I've also had him ask me to give him a break....it was second tri with my son. I got home from work first and would literally wait on the couch, often watching porn on my lap top, until he walked in the door, then i'd attack lol!

 

[DobbyForever]

Aww yeah, I mean I don't mind initiating. If I want it then I want it, but I know what I'm good at and what works. When you are constantly turned down, even when offering up a sexy outfit or special man kisses, it's such a blow to the ego and mood. We were talking about it last night, and he sounded really hurt like I emasculated him for commenting about how we haven't had sex in a month and the last time we did I basically emotionally blackmailed him into it.

Sigh. No, we didn't look into costs. Just decided it wasn't worth dipping into the savings over.

 

[JLM73]

Gender selection is not horribly expensive, but has to be done in an IVF way, which is what makes the cost crazy.
The full deal the woman stims, they take eggs, wash and separate his sperm keeping only the desired gender, then mix in a petri dish, bake at 325 for 30 mins...
Just kidding, fert the eggs in a dish with sperm of only one gender. Pick the best embryo(s) and put em back in mama...
I think they can do less expensively as IUI, but still have to monitor O for timing, then wash and separate sperm putting only desired gender in for IUI.
Cool, but even tho I am more partial to boys ( I like being the only Queen lol and boys LOVE their mamas), I am not bias enough at this point to pay that much.

 

[gigglebox]

Guess i'm the odd man out....but a boy would be nice so Des has the brother bond, but i've wanted a sister since forever and since i was never able to have that, i'd love a daughter.

However, I'm weird about messing with odds...like i'm afraid if i try to sway, i'll end up with a daughter with disabilities instead of a healthy son. This is about the only way I'm superstitious haha....and yeah that sounds totally crazy, i know.

 

[JLM73]

Actually Gig you are in the win win situation. If you have a girl, you are happy and have 1 of each. On the other hand if you have a boy I'm sure your lil one's things can be passed on, which saves a bundle.
I kept EVERYthing from DS so if I have a boy I am set from birth to 5 yrs in clothes, car seats, stroller, hi chair, tubs etc. Just need diapers.
If I have a girl, accessories can still be used (jungle theme) and my best friend has 4 girls - youngest 1 and 3, and has already offered enough stuff for first few years.
I actually just found a case of diapers and pullups the other day in my storage closet lol.
I just need a

 

[gigglebox]

Unfortunately, i got rid of everything hubs and i swore off a second child. He changed his mind about a year ago, and i've only been on board about 5-6 months. So...i have a small box of 2t clothes and that's it. We sold everything else and that money is long gone. That said, i still have a crib and dresser and the rocker chair....so no really big ticket items except a bouncer/swing and maybe the car thing, and i'd wager i can get those cheap from craigslist or a friend.

 

[JLM73]

Understandable. Most ppl don't hang on to much, even if they plan another.
I just got lucky to have enough storage space. Larger items in the garage need the dust hosed off, but no biggie.
Dobby where ya at?