General chatter while we wait (and commentary on the "pull out method")

[claireybell]

I am def not 3 wks pg!!!

 

[shaescott]

Gigs like I said before, I have so much respect for SAHMs. I never meant to offend anyone. You’re not an antisocial dish-washer, being a SAHM is so much more than that and those who can do it are amazing, but I don’t need to tell you that for you to know it, of course. I just meant that that’s how I’d feel in that position. It’s hard to take several years off with what I want to do. I’d lose so much skill and knowledge, and I think there’s actually requirements with nursing about continuing education and working at least a little bit. Not sure of the details of how it all works. Raising your kid is definitely important, I just feel like I’d need a balance with working as well as raising a kid. Again, I’m sorry I made you feel like I viewed SAHMs in that way.

 

[shaescott]

CB i thought the weeks was post ovulation, so I’m pretty sure that’s where you should be.

 

[bdb84]

Feeling a bit like a failure this morning here Yesterday was hectic and I totally forgot about DD1's ballet practice. Normally missing one here or there is not a big deal but, with her recital coming next month, yesterday's practice was the day they took their group photo for the recital program. So she will not be in this year's I dropped the ball.

DS came home not feeling well yesterday and spent most of the evening on the couch. He woke up wanting to sleep with me several times throughout the night. You know your kid isn't feeling well when he's 12 years old and wants to snuggle with Mom. So he's home from school today with strict orders of sleeping as much as possible. His only symptom is a low grade fever.

T-minus one week until my scan I'm still so nervous, yet so optimistic.

 

[bdb84]

Cb- I do think that's right. I always heard those tests go by post-O.

 

[claireybell]

Do they really? Hcg is only released at implantation like a week after.. the cb webpage did say something about the LH hormone aswell so maybe thats of a certain level to get that of ov date?? I never had 3+ wks with the other 2 at just over 5wks.. worries me a little lol!!

 

[claireybell]

Bdb dont beat yourself up about it hun.. you have a million things going on at the moment & we all let things slip without realising.. is she ok or upset about it??

Hope your son feels better bless him, seems theres illness everywhere atm, Riley had a temp this morning aswell

 

[bdb84]

Thanks, Cb. She doesn't know she missed the pictures yet. I just realized it this morning when I was looking at my calendar. She's really good about letting things go, so I know she'll shrug it off, but I still feel bad. She's my most laid back child (easiest), so sometimes I worry that she will feel pushed aside or forgotten because of it. DS is beginning to go through puberty and life with him lately is a constant power struggle so it seems he gets the most of my attention (albeit a lot of it is negative attention from our conflicts). He's also always on the go because he's on our town's competitive soccer team. I'm always taking him to practices and games and fundraisers for his team. Then there's DD2 who is just 3 and so she requires a bit more hands on attention from me as well. I need to continuously put forth the effort to make sure my middle kiddo doesn't ever feel forgotten or less important. *sigh* Parenting is hard.

 

[gigglebox]

Shae no worries, I for cut off but wanted to say I felt similarly before I had ds1. But once you have the kid it's a game changer. Like bdb said everyone is different but I find the vast majority of moms I talk to wish they could stay with their kid and have a very hard time leaving them in day care--I know I bawled the first time! But I had to work, we lived in an expensive area. We actually moved away so that I can be a SAHM. And to get those much needed breaks I either have grandparents babysit, leave while hubs a watches them, or do my side job (the painting classes) which are on hubby's off time so he can watch then. When I need adult time but am stuck with kids I make play dates. Mom friends are easy to find (good ones are hard to find though).

My problem with what you said is your SO is opposed to being a SAHD. I get it in the beginning when maybe you're breastfeeding, but why not later? And if you're making more money...

I don't get what he means by if he didn't have to work...? Isn't that the point, that you would be breadwinner so he didn't have to work?

Anyway to be honest before i became a mom I didn't see the value in sahm status. Now i get it, it's an enormous deal to be raising and molding humans to be future functional members of society.

I will stop ranting, I have opinions but to each their own, ultimately we all are doing what we think is best for our kids.

CB, i was all up on the twin forums last pregnancy lol. My understanding is there is NO correlation between early hcg and twins. Loads of women say they had higher levels with singletons. Don't freak out!

Pl ahhh ttc!!! So exciting! Is there a chance this cycle? Are you tracking? Where are you at in your cycle?

 

[shaescott]

Gigs I 100% agree with you on the SAHD thing. I expected he would feel that way, doesn’t mean I think it’s logical, I just know how he is about that stuff. I completely agree that if I’m the breadwinner it would make sense for him to stay home. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being a SAHD, my dad was one. He doesn’t make sense lol, you’re totally right. He’s basically saying “oh whoever makes more will work as long as it’s me” without actually saying that. Ugh.

CB my mom had super high early hcg with my sister, they worried it could be twins, but alas, it was a singleton, just my little sis. Don’t panic.

 

[Jezika]

Will write more tonight but just wanted to say, Shae, it’s curious that SO thinks a SAHD is lazy but a SAHM works hard. Isn’t it the same job? Makes me think he either expects women to be doing housework and other domestic chores or that men have more potential that is wasted on domestic labour. Or both. Anyway I agree you could change your mind. I was dead set again being a SAHM but now I feel so lucky to have been able to do it for so long (because of school). It’s definitely harder than any job I’ve had, and while it’s not as intellectually demanding as doing my studies, I still think it’s harder, but also more rewarding. Ditto on easily finding ways to expose your kids to others. Having said that, though, I do appreciate being able to go to classes and have some time to myself. When she’s eventually in daycare, which I dread, I’m hoping it’ll be kind of nice to be in school half the week. Kinda like part time work. Best of both worlds IMO.

Also, I’m a novice here, but can’t parents go back to work once the kids start school? But then... what happens during the summer break? And actually what DO parents who work do during the summer breaks? I hear about summer camps but I’ve never heard of them in the UK. CB, what do peeps in the UK do?

 

[gigglebox]

Summer camps are an option. Around here most of the churches offer day programs the kids can attend. Daycares are another option, at least for younger ones. Nannies too who will cone to your house. Personally my mom was a teacher so we always had her on "off" time so I don't know personally how any of that goes...Des goes to the same place year round and when they have breaks obviously I just take care of him.

Afm been worried about Lev (he is doing better btw) so my nerves have been up; consequently I'm feeling nervous again about being pregnant if I happen to be! I'm such a waffle! I know it's what I want but I just worry so much about my kids, so i know another kid is another human to worry for! Pretty silly I know but it's on my mind. I just hope I'm not a constant ball of nerves when they grow up and are teens and independent and OMG DRIVING...

Wow my brain really goes full speed sometimes lol

 

[claireybell]

Haha Gigs u crack me up, waffle on lol! I worry aswell there will be 3... THREEE!!! But when i think of it, eldest is at school & most the time it’ll be me, Nuala & newby at home in the week oooh my bestie came off her Pill 2 weeks ago, she fell pg cycle 2 last time so im hoping she’ll be preggers real quick so there be a matter of wks between us, omg excited hahaa!

Relieved about the mega high hcg thing & the test, my friend said her mate had that aswell but alas just 1 baby fx for 1 lol

In the UK day nurseries & childminders still work in the holidays & they have summer camp day things at local school community halls but their expensive! & you have to provide all food & everything, SO said when there’s 3 of them in the hols just dont work haha i may even give up work after my Mat leave but idk yet.. hmmm! It’ll def be more stressful trying to work with 3

 

[gigglebox]

Cb what do you do for work? How do I not already know?

I do worry how #2 & 3 will get along, especially since they'll likely be sharing a room...

 

[pacificlove]

Gigs, I am somewhere around cd 11?? I am on a "sex this week doesn't matter, next week it could" schedule.

Jez, I have seen some elementary schools and after school programs run summer programs for those working parents.

As for staying at home or working (since I am sort of doing both) I hate going to work, hate leaving L with a stranger even more! So right now I love being able to stay with him (although I do need my mental breaks), but once kids are off school or kindergarten age I do plan to work again. I might change my mind about that once we get to that stage.
At least my "employer" will know exactly what the homeschedule is like and what days I'll need off for family vacations, recitals, competitions, etc

 

[shaescott]

Jez you’re absolutely right. He’s a bit stuck in the 1950s with some things. It concerns me sometimes. I’m gonna have a talk with him soon about it, cuz while he says he respects me, I feel like he subconsciously thinks his opinion matters more cuz I’m a girl. He’s stuck in the mindset that men provide food for their families and women nurture the children. He grew up with a traditional family model, and I grew up with my mom working and my dad at home. I never knew a world where women didn’t have the option to go to work or stay at home. As a little kid I asked my mom if boys could be doctors too, because I’d never seen a world where women couldn’t do anything and everything men could do, and it never even crossed my mind as a possibility that a woman could only work in certain fields while men could work in any one he wanted. My mom wore the pants in the marriage (still does), SO’s Dad wore the pants in theirs. Not saying his mom was weak though, she’s anything but weak, she’s insanely strong and hardworking. But his dad had the stereotypical superiority, in my opinion. I want a marriage without a superiority, with equality between partners. I don’t want to feel less important because I’m a woman.

Legal system wise in the USA, women are equal to men, or pretty close to it at least (it’s a political debate that I don’t want to engage). But culturally, we’re not. Some men believe in equality and actually live that in their behavior, while others say they’re egalitarian but have old fashioned views about women, and a minority still openly believes that men are superior to women. On the internet the misogynists crawl out of the woodwork and spew their disrespect toward women, regarding them as nothing but an object to have sex with. It’s honestly disgusting how many men behave this way on the internet. I wonder how they’d feel if someone told them they were going to show their mother the comments they’ve made about women.

I bet it’s like that in every country though, just with varying percentages of how many men are crappy sexist assholes. It might be lower in northwestern Europe, but higher in Eastern and Southern Europe, Latin America, the Middle East, etc.

Summer camps - there are many around here, but like daycare, they’re expensive. Especially overnight camps, those are crazy expensive. I used to go to an overnight camp that was $450 a week. I only went one week per summer, and went to a local YMCA day camp the rest of the time. Lots of memories, but I’m a bit of a pessimist (and my father’s daughter), so I mostly remember the crappy things that happened.

Gigs I’m pretty sure that worry is extremely normal for any parent. Doesn’t make it fun or less stressful, but I’m pretty sure it’s something all parents deal with. Though I’m not a parent yet, so I can’t say for certain I guess.

AFM- I managed to drag myself to my classes today, though I spent most of them on Pinterest. At this point I’m showing up because attendance is mandatory and a certain number of absences results in loss of credit or failing the class. Crap, maybe I’m getting depressed again. Or maybe it’s just sleep deprivation. And I just realized that despite the lunch menu looking awesome, I missed it cuz I was napping. F*ck. That happens way too often.

 

[claireybell]

Oooh Pacific get you hehee get that bd in

Gigs i work 2 days a wk (12hrs) as credit control assistant for a car garage but I’m leaving next week on Thursday as its crappy pay! My new job starting beginning of June is 2 days a week (16hrs) doing Sales Admin for a local Insulation company that SO uses all the time, ive met the manager there & hes great but he doesn’t know im pg yet.. :-/ SO said he’ll let him know & he can make decision to still employ me, il understand if not though, hes an open minded guy & he said il fit perfectly in their team & the pay is sooo much better! So I basically do bits of office admin for a job i guess, although ive worked in Iinsurance & Brokerage for quite a few yrs aswell

I also worry about 2&3 getting on as their both much younger & Nuala has a habit atm of getting her toys & hitting other kids with them oooops!

 

[gigglebox]

Shae (all of the below is about here in the states) legally men get screwed a ton, especially when it comes to families/custody battles. Priority is almost always given to the mother. Also men get abused a ton by women with no legal ramifications. Additionally, there is no consequence for women who do things like falsely accuse men of rape. Actually this happened to a friend of my mom's son -- was kicked out of college then the girl came clean. No consequence for her. They tried to sue but the family is broke.

And honestly a lot of horrid shit is said about men but it's disregarded because for some reason it's not ok to be sexist against women but it is ok against men. For example, Reba Macintire (sp?) recently hosted some awards show I believe it was. She jokingly talked about the two guys who hosted the previous two years, then said, "I guess they finally realized it takes one woman to do the job of two men." Can you imagine the if the role was reversed and the backlash of a man saying that on tv?! The audience all laughed. Year before last at ms. America Rob Dyrdek asked a contestant, "People always ask 'What can men learn from women, but I want to know, what can a woman learn from a man?" The entire audience made disgruntled noises of disapproval. If he had just asked "what can men learn from women?" No one would bat an eyelid.

This is a hot issue for me, sorry! I am not a mens right activist but I have been hearing a lot of offensive things recently and it's very bothersome.

I am not saying what you said isn't true, obviously there are people on all sides who fall all along the belief spectrum.

If you're up for a different view point i highly recommend "The red pill", which I believe you can rent on amazon.

Getting off my soap box now

Cb that sounds nice! I hope they aren't bothered by the pregnancy. That sill gives you months and it's part time so I bet they are ok with it

 

[Flueky88]

Gigs at the moment it's looking like I'll see patient's one day a week. I even have the okay to get things started in a.m. on Thursdays then wrk from home the rest of the day. No employees under me. Basically, I train new team members in home health. I do basic training with hospice, dme employees. I do a monthly education board and yearly competencies. Regular hours with holidays off

I hope Lev feels better soon. Wait I'm not imagining he was ill am I? Forgive me, I've had poor sleep.


Bdb I will leaving in a week. We aren't going far but it'll be nice to go out and have some fun as a family. Sorry about feeling like a failure.

CB the weeks estimator goes by right after O not by implantation
I think I got 3+at 22dpo with V.

Shae as it's been said your feelings may change. I thought of myself as a career woman. Before I wanted children I did look down on SAHM because I thought "what a waste of their potential". Please no one hate me for that. I have come to understand what a blessing it is to have such a strong role in upbringing your children. I am ashamed of my early thoughts of SAHM.

Not saying you will change your mind but it's possible.


Pacific oh here's hoping you catch this cycle!


Thanks everyone for well wishes. Training is going well. I did training andon call shift yesterday. I should have known it'd be busy. Got up tuesday at at 550. Went to bed wednesday a.m. at 2. Up at 550 a.m. to get my new day started.

I'm really exhausted. I'm off tomorrow but we are taking V to dr at 845. She has a bad cough and is having trouble sleeping even with humidifier nd nebulizer.

Not much else to say. Will uofaye when i can. For now, austa la vista okay I'm getting the silliness from delirium de to exhaustion.

 

[pacificlove]

Gigs, i am totally with you there. Spousal abuse is far more common than we know. Men being men, they probably are less likely to seek help then a woman would be!

Flueky, thanks! And good luck to you! You sound really excited about the job change