General chatter while we wait (and commentary on the "pull out method")

[DobbyForever]

Oh Shae I’m sorry. Online is hard enough and recording lectures is so not beneficial. I get what they are trying to do, but like you said it takes away motivation to show up. And with everything else going on, I feel you. Hopefully you find motivation soon. Any chance of attending class in be? It’s fifth grade but honestly I let my kids sit in bed as long as they participate and have the camera on their profile.

no nay yet what you end up doing, I’m sure you two will have a great time in Boston! Enjoy!

and fxed for the diaphragm. Good mentality though

and yeah for sure I was team divorce before this and now I’m like yup dude crossed a line you can’t uncross

 

[wookie130]

Poppin' on to say hello!

Flueks, congrats on another lovely daughter!

I hope J's bean is sticking!

Sorry this is a half-assed post. Charlotte just turned 3, Oscar is 6, and Hannah is 7.5. Life is crazy, and Iowa is an utter hotbed of COVID-19. Our state is majorly in trouble, and our district is refusing to close the schools. It's a disaster!

 

[DobbyForever]

Wookie, sorry they won’t close the school. That’s so nerve wracking, especially now that winter is coming. Hoping everyone stays safe

 

[shaescott]

Wookie that’s so stressful about the schools. Here in MA they’re open but with groups going on different days/times, with the option to be online. My little sister is doing online due to her surgery, she’s still on crutches and slowly regaining function in her leg. She’ll likely stay online once healed though, just to be safe.
I can’t believe Charlotte is 3 already, it feels like she was born last year!

AFM had a great anniversary weekend. Probably the best we’ve had in ages plus just lots of happy giddy silliness. We went to museum of science yesterday and SO had a great time with the Pixar exhibit because it has a lot of similarities to the field he’s in, he even learned a few things he wants to implement in the future! We also ate lunch at a little hole in the wall type ramen and sushi place and got the ramen, we’d never had real ramen (aka not the college student kind) so it was really great to try and we enjoyed it a lot.
I’m definitely getting even more nervous about the diaphragm appointment now that it’s less than a week away. I’m gonna be pissed if it doesn’t fit lol. I also have an exam on Thursday that I’m not at all prepared for, so I’m a mess of stress. Fingers crossed everything goes well.

 

[DobbyForever]

Shae, glad you had a wonderful weekend! Best of luck at the fitting

 

[shaescott]

Good news, I got a 90 on my recent exam! I’m now passing (just barely but still)!

I have my diaphragm appointment today, I’m leaving in like 10 minutes for that.

 

[shaescott]

Had my fitting, it went well. The nurse seemed to want to convince me to try the nuva ring instead lol but the NP who did the fitting had used a diaphragm before so she was more supportive. She put it in, said it fit, took it out, had me try it and checked that it was in right, etc. Now the next hard part is finding a pharmacy that will order it. The pharmacist at CVS said he put in the order and it got taken off for some reason, he put it back on order and said if for some reason they can’t get it he can send it to a different pharmacy that can.

 

[DobbyForever]

Congrats! Hey, passing is passing! That's awesome!

And excellent news about the diaphragm fitting. Hopefully the good luck keeps rolling in and they get that order filled and soon.

In before ranting.... again...
AFM got into it big time with A's ABA company. This poor lady made the mistake of saying he has half as many hours as he really does, then buckled down when I asked her about it. And I popped off thinking they cut his hours (illegally). Had to lay down some firm ground rules and remind them they are really mucking up on their end. We've been a client for over a year and a half, and they have never once had all of his hours provided. Unamused.

I'm having awful anxiety from work. I missed a staff meeting because I'm just in a funk. This whole Thanksgiving and Christmas banned thing is such a huge weight on my chest. I dropped off some pies for my family (we order from my school's fundraiser), and I texted every day for a week to please find my stockings and ornaments because I want to decorate my tree on Friday and I don't want to drive out there twice. And I show up and nobody has even bothered to look! So I'm sitting there exhausted from work waiting for 45 minutes while they look, and naturally they find all the ones except the one I actually wanted: the one from A's first Christmas.

I'm just done. I'm so stressed, I really think I had an anovulatory cycle. I went through three periods of "feelings" (lol) that usually mean O. I had 3 days of spotting CD 32 (late for me) and now I'm on day two of a light day with absolutely no feeling or cramping.

And my brother wants to come over Weds. Which is nice and I appreciate it. He's banned from my parents, too. But like this means what little time I had to rest (I have a meeting with ABA on Monday and an all day meeting with my estate lawyer Tuesday) will now be grocery shopping and cooking and cleaning. I'm so tired, I haven't even done my engagement log for work. I just go to bed when A does and nap while he plays on my phone.

Which makes me nervous because logically I know I'm just overworked, but guess whose therapist is out AGAIN for covid exposure? So I had to cancel my brunch on Monday with my friend, and if her test doesn't come back negative then I have to cancel on my brother.

dsgau IGfuky Rayjdhz glsGFYAS GFVUG

 

[DobbyForever]

Oh and A dropped my phone. Not threw. Just dropped. And even though it feel like a damn foot and landed screen up and it's in a shockproof case... somehow the screen cracked big time under the screen protector.... .... which is my own damn fault for letting him have my essentially brand new $600 phone because god forbid I have one day where I don't have to get out of bed at f***ing 5am

And speaking of money, still no child support. Luckily kept a bit of the last lump sum anticipating this. But the courts are taking forever (2 months) to file things so here we are. And Dec is a a five week month, so just another $455 I don't have and have to magically find

 

[Flueky88]

Wookie sorry schools are still open. Also so hard to believe your youngest is 3 now.

Shae so glad you did awesome on your exam and hope the fitting went well.

AFM things have been hectic. I posted about it in October/November 2020 due date thread and I'm too lazy to copy and paste. Long story short, had 4 ties lasered on E. Feedings have improved but her latch still isn't perfect. However she is gaining normal amount of weight now. Also, S broke her left clavicle last Saturday. She's doing much better, but I get nervous she'll injure it more cause she wants to play like normal. My bleeding picked up yesterday but I think it was from increased activity so last night and today I've tried taking it easy. Bleeding is slowing again now.

Anyways, hope everyone is doing well.

 

[Flueky88]

Dobby ugh that doesn't surprise me about the ornaments but i hate that for you. I hope that you get some time to relax, destress. I think not getting self care and then road blocks to getting our child's needs met are super frustrating. Hope it gets sorted and he gets the hours he needs. Sorry about the phone screen

 

[DobbyForever]

Flueky, I'm so sorry! I'm glad the girls are recovering. So much on the heart when our babies are hurting. Hoping you get to rest and the bleeding slows down.

Thanks Flueky.

Sorry ladies, I hate that I'm just a constant dump of stress. If I don't let it out somewhere, I'd explode. And this is safest place to do it haha. I also know that like grand scheme of things, my problems aren't really problems. I should be okay as long as I keep going to bed at 8 lol. I'll really get to rest during winter break. And as much as I hate to lose a full day of rest, I'll feel so much better once I get this paperwork sorted. Had a major panic attack the other day when it dawned on me that we're approaching 3.5, and I was 4 when my dad died. So just really want my will taken care of asap.

 

[shaescott]

Dobs I’m sorry about all the crap and your phone. That’s crazy that it broke under the screen protector with a case, I wonder if you can get a warranty replacement on that? I’m sorry you’re stressing about your dad’s death and A’s age as well, that must be really hard for you

 

[shaescott]

So CVS can’t get the diaphragm apparently so I requested that Walgreens fill it. We’ll see if it actually gets filled there. It’s so frustrating to me that it’s so hard to access this stuff. The spermicide without nonoxyl-9 that they have available in every other country but the US is suddenly completely wiped off of Amazon. Luckily I ordered a 2 pack like a day before that happened, and I did receive it. Why do they make it so hard to access nonhormonal options other than condoms? Like I know the diaphragm isn’t super common anymore but lots of women can’t use hormonal birth control (or choose not to) so they really should give us easy access to all our options.

End rant

On another personal note, I’ve realized my depression has come back and the meds aren’t doing shit, so I’m staying home after thanksgiving break to get social interaction from my family members in the house. It’s very lonely at school due to COVID. I’m totally safe, I scored moderate depression, I’m not suicidal or anything like that, just have no motivation or appetite and want to sleep all day and I’ve been missing class cuz I just have no energy. I’m an extrovert, so hopefully the social interaction at home will be beneficial. This also got worse when it got dark, so I think it may be seasonal depression. My mom bought me one of those happy lights when I broke down yesterday. SO is honestly kinda shit at dealing with me over the phone when I’m depressed. I just need love and comfort, and SO is trying to guess what the deep down stuff is (and getting it wrong and also being insulting as a result) and getting mad at me for not listening to every single one of his suggestions. Luckily my mom is much better at that and she was home. No matter how old you get, sometimes you just need a hug from your mom.

 

[Flueky88]

Shae another non-hormonal option that midwife told me about when discharging me from hospital is phexxi. It's like a lube that aters your pH to stay acidic so it's not hospitable for sperm. Think we will use that until DHs sperm count is 0. We aren't doing anything yet obviously and his procedure is Monday.

So sorry about your depression. Maybe a different med is needed. Hope it gets under control. Depression is really a terrible thing to go through.

Dobby thanks. That must be difficult to be nearing that milestone.


AFM bleeding slowed and no longer bright red. Girls are doing well. Latch seems to be spot on. Things just overall better. E had a growth spurt the other day. Ugh they are tough but thankful her latch is/was improved so my nipples weren't destroyed.

I'll try to post a pic of E again soon

 

[shaescott]

Walgreens doesn’t have it either

 

[DobbyForever]

Shae sorry that it’s so tough to get the order filled. Is there a plan c?

and I’m sorry. There are so many things compounded right now with the season change and Covid and the holidays. I’m glad you get to see your family and can stay a while with them. Sorry SO wants to fix it and is going about it in that more harmful than helpful way. It’s hard because you can’t even get mad at him because he’s trying to help. Big hugs. But yes mom hugs do make everything better

Afm it sucks. But I feel better knowing I’ve taken care of this life planning paperwork. Have a health exam tomorrow for my life insurance. So fxed. I haven’t been eating well because of stress so we’ll see =\

 

[shaescott]

Flukes I’m glad things are better with E and breastfeeding! That’s an interesting option, I’ll have to look into it.

Dobs I just ordered one online from the UK. Hopefully it doesn’t get confiscated by customs. I totally do get mad at SO even though he’s trying to help lol, because it doesn’t feel like he’s trying to help, it feels like he’s just being mean in the moment. So I just flip out at him and cry I totally have healthy coping mechanisms, yup (nope).
Fingers crossed your health exam goes well!

 

[DobbyForever]

Lol Shae no judgement. We all do it haha.

fxed it comes through

i just worry about my bloodwork esp after what I think was an anovulatory cycle =\ or if they try to probe into my mom’s family history

 

[Flueky88]

Dobby hope your exam went well.

Shae sorry Walgreens didn't have it either. Stinks that it's being so difficult to find.

AFM things are going better on all fronts. Looking forward to seeing immediate family today and good eats. Happy thanksgiving to all!

Here's pics of my little misses.