General chatter while we wait (and commentary on the "pull out method")

[DobbyForever]

Flueky they are so cute!!!! Happy Thanksgiving!

The lady was nice. She rounded up my height and rounded down my weight. She took my boo three times in each side, and took the three best numbers. My anxiety was glaring up, so I was at 122 and she talked me down to 116-118. Just have to hope the bloodwork comes back ok. Sometimes I can be mildly anemic but usually my cbc is fine.

I had early thanksgiving with my brother and his gf, and I felt bad cuz on his way out my brother was like, “Thanks for what will probably be my only family Thanksgiving this year”. And I’m like knife in the heart. He’ll get to go home for Christmas because he has a full month off, so he has finals next week or the week after then he’ll quarantine for two weeks before heading home.

 

[shaescott]

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!!

Flueks omg V and S are getting so big! I remember when V was an itty bitty baby, it’s so crazy, she looks way older than 3 to me! Maybe because she’s so tall, you’re very tall as well aren’t you? Time really flies.

Dobs that’s so nice of the nurse, I bet she knows just how stressed people are about that kind of health exam and really wants them to qualify etc. Anxiety can really affect your vitals, several years ago, my first time bringing myself to my doctor in the city (vs my mom bringing me) I was so anxious I was a bit hypertensive, not awful but I usually run lower so when I was like 128/85 it was like ???? The nurse was like “uhhh you’re a bit high there” and I was like “I’m from cowtown and just turned 18 and I just drove myself into the city for this appt without my mom for the first time” and she was like “ah”.
Like here’s my vitals graph from my patient portal:


I’m sorry about the situation with your brother. This holiday season is really hard for a lot of people, holiday gathering traditions being taken away is rough and there’s a lot of family conflict over it. My family is just having the household and we’re having a feast for 4. We’ll have leftovers for days, but I love thanksgiving leftovers so I ain’t even mad. We don’t have huge thanksgivings normally, just like 3 more people show up, so it’s less of a big deal to us, but I know a lot of people have 20 person dinners normally so it’s a big change for them. Sending love to you guys in Cali.

 

[DobbyForever]

Right?! Crazy how that works. Like obviously you read about it and it makes sense, but then to see it firsthand is both cool and annoying haha. And seriously, the leftovers are awesome. The best part of a small gathering is having more of them hehehe

Yeah def was not her first rodeo. She also sounded the nicest out of everyone there, so I'm glad I got her. I can go through my job without a health exam, but it's the same price for a quarter of the coverage! But the price is a quote based on me being in great health. So we'll see.

Thanks! We usually keep it intimate, just immediate family. We may invite other relatives if they don't have anywhere else to be. Most of our fam has left the bay because it's just ridiculous to live here. I'll ask my mom about it, but I'm not holding my breath. He'll wear a mask now, but we can't quarantine with my work schedule. Oh well. I have a tree and started stocking up on non-breakable ornaments and it'll be a grand Christmas either way. Or we can go to my grandparents, but I don't want to drive lol or if his therapist keeps being exposed then I don't know if it's worth the risk.

But! I was really worried about it since he's been struggling with anorexia since covid hit, and he actually took two plates and had seconds and was excited to take leftovers home. First time I've seen him eat without looking like he was in pain or immediately jumping into exercise.

 

[pacificlove]

Shae, a lot of us have struggled this year. For me it has been such a shitty year, mentally speaking although when you look at the 4 stages of
Thriving
Surviving
Struggling
In crisis
Most days I am at surviving, although have had my struggling times.

I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel, of my shit year but it brings me a whole lot of anxiety too because there are so many unknowns still!

My light is a new puppy.. Monday I find out if the dog is pregnant with hopefully my future puppy. 99 days (plus or minus a day or two) until I could go pick her up.

 

[shaescott]

Dobs I’m so glad he was eating! That’s concerning about the anorexia but hopefully that was an indication that he’s doing better? Never know cuz holiday meals are sentimental etc but either way I hope he moves toward recovery.

PL I feel you on that scale. My baseline as been Surviving and my breakdowns have been Struggling. The lack of in person social interaction has been really bad for my mental health, and I know a lot of other people have struggled with it too. Prayers that the dog is pregnant with your puppy!

AFM I’m so used to Amazon that the fact that my diaphragm hasn’t shipped yet (I ordered it Tuesday lol) is freaking me out and I know realistically today was a holiday so I only gave them one business day and I need to chill but I’m worried cuz it’s a small website and I don’t wanna be getting scammed lol. They have social media and stuff so lower chance but it seems to be a quite small online store in terms of sales. I might try to transfer the prescription to Walmart just to see if they can get it, because an extra would be awesome in case one gets damaged and isn’t usable because of that. Also because I was dumb and too upset when Walgreens called to even think about trying to transfer it.

On another note I’ve been coughing a little the past few days and I’m like I really hope I don’t have COVID cuz that would suck. It’s most likely nothing but I get paranoid quickly. I checked my O2 yesterday though and it was 99% so I’m not worried about that, more about if I have it I’ve exposed my asthmatic mother and my dad who’s had pneumonia and almost died years ago and my newly diagnosed asthmatic little sister. Plus I saw SO on Sunday, and his parents are diabetic.

 

[shaescott]

So I called Walmart this morning and they said based on what their system says, they should be able to order the diaphragm, so they’re gonna call Walgreens and get the prescription from them and then place the order. I should’ve done that before ordering it online but I still worry they won’t actually be able to get it so I might just end up with an extra diaphragm which is no biggie, I’ll have an extra if one gets damaged.

 

[DobbyForever]

Shae agreed better to have two plans going just in case, and if they both pan out then no harm in having a second one. Hopefully they both come through and soon. Also keeping my fxed your cough is just a cough. I think everyone has that paranoia and what if because the symptoms overlap with so many other ailments. Hard to not wonder/ worry.

PL sending big e-hugs your way. It's so draining when you're putting all your energy into surviving for sure. Hoping momma dog has some good news for you soon!

Re the bro, I know he sees a nutritionist and psychiatrist. He physically looks better, too, and his gf says she's seeing a lot of improvement. So fxed he stays on the up and up.

I had an interesting realization though. My brothers have no idea the parents are getting divorced and no idea that our auntie's chemo has stopped working and she's arranged for assisted euthanasia in January. But my older brother and I know. Not sure what to make of the fact that people have no qualms about dumping stuff on my older brother and me but shield the junk out of my twin brothers. Meh.

AFM I think I may email my primary care doctor. The stress is really messing with my body. Therapy doesn't help because they tell me to fix things I have no control over. But I can feel my blood pressure is elevated constantly, I have a tension headache I can't get rid of (some nights it's so bad I'm scared I'll die in my sleep), and I'm trying to sleep and rest my body but even now if I go to bed at 8 (and get 9 hours before kiddo wakes up) and nap when he naps (1-2 hours) I'm just physically exhausted. It's affecting my driving, too. I make so many small errors, but that's scary because a small error can lead to a big accident. I'll have my official life insurance offer by the end of next week lol, so if I need to be medicated then at least they'll be done digging into my health history hahahahaha

 

[shaescott]

Wait Dobs are your mom and step-dad actually getting divorced? I thought that was just something you were hoping would happen?
I’m glad it looks like your brother is improving, that’s so awesome!
I would say definitely contact your doctor. We always say pain is never normal. It may be expected due to an underlying disease process, but it’s because of the disease process, so it’s not normal, per say, there’s something causing it. Pain can be caused simply by stress but that doesn’t make it normal or something you should have to just put up with.

 

[DobbyForever]

In theory. I'll believe it when the paperwork is actually filed. She had a consultation with my family law attorney, and my mom really liked her. She's already told her job to stop sending her paycheck to their joint account and send it to her personal account. I know my attorney quoted her for a retainer and laid out a game plan of how filing works, but I don't know if she actually went through with it. I've thought they should get a divorce since before they even got married lol, but this whole quitclaim thing then lying to my brothers about why he did it is like a whole new level of just absolutely fts.

Yeah that's my only hesitation besides the life insurance underwriting happening next week. I just go in all the time and as soon as I say "yes, I'm under extreme stress" then they dismiss it as stress and tell me to get therapy. I'm pretty sure this is all stress related, but my memory is getting really bad as well. Like scary bad. I know dementia runs along my mother's side and according to 23 and me I have 1 of the 2 variants for late onset Alzheimer's so that only stresses me out more. But once I get this life insurance application done, I'll reach out to my doctor about it.

And like idk. I have these cysts in my under arm for about 12 years now. They come and go, but one is like permanent. They tell me not to worry about that either. I've always had issues with the right side of my body healing. Seems odd. Like the right eye is my amblyopic eye and it's my right trap, thumb, and ankle with scar tissue and chronic pain. Although that cyst that won't go away is my left armpit.

I'm just rambling now lol

 

[DobbyForever]

My mom was also freaking out about where she'd live, and I'm like kick his a** out lol. Or go to 2 bed 1 bath house in the same town. Like she has options, she's just scared. And then she was like i can't live in that house because the master is close to the street. A- There's almost no crime ever in that town. B- Told her to get a dog lol. C- Told her I'd move there if she wanted but she has to stay in the big house cuz we'd kill each other in that tiny house lol

 

[shaescott]

Dobs I’m hoping your mom will be brave despite her fears in this situation.
It’s understandable to want to wait for the quote. It’s hard because when it’s stress induced, the only cure is relieving the stress, but that doesn’t mean we can’t treat the symptoms. Some people have success taking supplements like magnesium, others respond well to prescribed medications. I think it’s worth addressing while saying you’re in therapy, you’re doing all you can to reduce your stress, there’s nothing more you can do in that respect.
I have zero clue about the cysts. I know some people do just get recurrent cysts and it’s no big deal. One that doesn’t go away while all the others do is slightly eyebrow raising to me but it’s likely just an outlier cyst that was stubborn. If the cyst is not continuing to grow and not causing discomfort, it’s probably fine. But if it is doing either, you should definitely talk to your doctor, and if you just are worried, no harm in asking them again.
That’s odd about the right side of your body not healing as well. I assume there’s something(s) that could cause that but I’m not familiar with any off the top of my head.

AFM I have zero motivation to do schoolwork and I really need to get some done, but instead I’ll be going to bed after posting this because it’s 3 am. On the other hand, I’m great at procrastinating by getting other things done, though usually the things I do aren’t the necessary things.
So tomorrow (technically today) my sister and I are going to Walmart to buy stuff to put up garlands around my house. We normally only have the tree and a string of lights over the garage doors, and I decided that this year we need some extra happiness. So our plan is to get plain (fire resistant) garland, wrap lights around it, maybe wrap cranberries on thread around it (I’m not doing popcorn, that sounds like “how to make yourself cry from frustration 101”), put some bows on it, and hang it up over the doorways and across the walls (we can’t line the doorways because our cats will try to eat it, like 100% they will chew on it). Also hoping to get a table centerpiece and maybe some cute Christmas signs to hang up or a small wreath for the wall. If we can’t find some of the cuter stuff at Walmart, we’ll go to target (they tend to have the really cute decor, but Walmart has really cheap basic stuff).

Okay that was way too detailed, I am definitely ranting

Walmart prescription tracker is saying it’s not in stock so they’ll contact me in 1-2 days when it’s ready. Hopefully it’ll actually be ready in 1-2 days and they won’t tell me “actually no we can’t even get this on order”.

The one I ordered still hasn’t shipped (bought Tuesday). Not sure how long I wait before contacting the shop and asking about it. It’s not like a homemade/custom product, it’s a branded product she’s reselling, so it doesn’t exactly need a long processing time. Just annoyed cuz it was expensive and I’m worried I won’t get it at all.

Today is the end of thanksgiving break, I have something due Sunday that I haven’t actually touched (technically today cuz it’s 3 am). I have clinical paperwork I should’ve turned in nearly a week ago and didn’t. Oops. The instructor hasn’t emailed me about it so I’m just kinda continuing to procrastinate.

Oh and my left butt cheek has been sore for days now and it kinda hurts to lie on it and I’m not sure what I did to make it sore? So that’s just an annoyance I’m dealing with. Still have the occasional cough but it’s only a few times a day, and still no fever so I’m assuming it’s nothing.

 

[DobbyForever]

Good luck on the decor hunt! If it's any encouragement, we used to thread popcorn for the tree as a kid. We stopped when I was 8 because that's when we moved in with no fun kill your old traditions a**hat. But I loved it as a kid and I'm not particularly good with a needle and thread. Definitely share pics if you can! I got a hodgepodge of cheap and cheesy from Target, the Dollar Tree, and Party City. My friend has a freaking ride on train for her kid that is A's age and a 9 foot tree and holiday stuff everywhere.

That's blasphemous that you would have an assignment due on a Sunday. Any regular Sunday is one thing, but the Sunday after a holiday! That should not be allowed. Hopefully once you pick up the holiday stuff and get in the spirits, it'll help motivate you to catch up on the school work. And hopefully you're feeling back to 100% soon

Yeah, we'll see. She also worries about the boys. She thinks if she divorces their dad then A- they'll take his side because he's an ass and she's not petty enough to tell them the truth and B- that it'll send my brother back into anorexia and mess up the other one right as he starts med school. But their relationship is so toxic as is so whatever. Time will tell.

Yeah. I'm going to try to be more firm this go round because this isn't physically sustainable. I'm also starting to have reactions to food. Feels like allergies (itchy throat, tons of phlegm, tight/closed feeling) but it's all foods that don't have common ingredients/I've had before. Idk. As for the cyst, they're blood filled so the doctor's haven't ever been really concerned. They said they only other thing is to surgically remove it and biopsy it, but with the way I develop scar tissue it's not really something on the table unless there's a big change. It has created this enlarged/ infected pore. As long as I keep the pore clean and drained, the cyst doesn't change or hurt or bother me.

 

[DobbyForever]

I could be sick. I'm running half a degree warmer than usual. =/

 

[shaescott]

Dobs I’ve set up the centerpiece and winter scene on my table, haven’t put up the garland stuff yet. I strung a bunch of cranberries on thread and discovered when it gets long it gets TANGLED so I need to do shorter spurts. I’m gonna need a lot more cranberry strings though. We got a fake snow covered wreath with pine cones and put it on our front door. Usually we get a real one as a gift from someone but we haven’t gotten one this year. No pics yet because the table’s a mess rn and the garland isn’t up.

The Sunday assignment was annoying but at least it wasn’t due on the Friday or something.

That’s rough re: your mom and stepbrothers. I hope they would still love her and like her. Honestly if I were you I’d tell them what their dad did if she didn’t, because they need to know the truth before picking sides. Though some people may view that as not your place to tell, it’s whatever you think is best, I personally think telling them is warranted but that’s just me.

I’d definitely mention the allergy symptoms to your doctor. It could be a family of foods? Did the meals all have fresh fruit or vegetables in them? If so that can be a pollen allergy. If not, you may have just developed multiple allergies. Either way I think you should see an allergist. That’s interesting about the cyst. Glad to hear that it doesn’t change or bother you as long as you tend to it.
Half a degree could be from many things. Hot drinks or foods, exercise, super hot conditions, ovulation, general hormone changes, or even just your body having a little fluke. Of course it could be that you’re sick as well, but I wouldn’t freak over half a degree is all I’m saying. I hope you’re not sick, and if you are I hope you get better quickly!

AFM
I GOT MY DIAPHRAGM!
God bless Walmart pharmacy and their supplier, seriously. I tried it out on my own (somewhat explicit details in spoiler, not too bad but warning anyway) and it didn’t budge (and the spermicide didn’t burn), so that’s good news. Now I just gotta try it with SO lol. He’s definitely wary of it so I’m hoping things will go well when we test it out together. Then I’ll have to decide when to get the IUD out. I really wanna get it out ASAP but I worry if my methods fail I’ll be puking through nursing school and visibly pregnant at job interviews. But at the same time the symptothermal method is pretty reliable if you do it correctly and I’ll be using the diaphragm plus extra protective measures on fertile days (condoms or pulling out). SO is really worried about the increased risk and it’s understandable but at the same time it’s my body, I get to choose my prevention method, and he can do what he wants with his body to prevent (condoms, pulling out, abstaining).

Spoiler

So basically I inserted it with the spermicide on it (since that’s how it’s normally used), changed positions a bunch and checked it, and then grabbed a dildo and used it in a bunch of different positions, and checked it again. It hadn’t budged. I feel like SO will be able to feel it BUT I don’t expect it to hurt him, the IUD string is kinda sharp at the end and this is thin silicone material.

Unrelated, I’m still coughing occasionally (not often) and my throat is still a little sore. My sister has a little sore throat as well. Mine never got bad, just mildly sore. Idk if it’s anything or not. If it is, my family seems to be doing well, but most people I know who had it were down for the count with it, they didn’t die or get hospitalized but they felt absolutely dreadful. At the same time I’ve heard of people having symptoms of a tiny cold and it was COVID so idk. Hopefully it’s just a little cold but if this is COVID then at least we’ll have had it and not gotten super sick from it cuz I worry about my parents’ health.

 

[DobbyForever]

Sorry didn’t process most of that. I feel like s***. Hoping it’s just a cold/sore throat. Had to cancel A’s speech.

Shae glad it worked out with the diaphragm! Hopefully you get to test it out soon

 

[shaescott]

Diaphragm update: used it in action, it still didn’t budge. Though he could definitely feel it and it’s quite odd to him (he said it feels like I stuck a condom up there lol), it’s less unpleasant than being stabbed by my IUD string.

Somewhat related but not totally... I have like no sex drive these past few days. We didn’t actually finish, we literally just tried it, made sure it didn’t come out, and then stopped, cuz neither of us were in the mood. Sometimes he’s not, but I’m always in the mood and the past 2 times SO has come over (Sunday and today) I’ve had like no interest in sex. It’s so unlike me and I’m just incredibly confused.

ETA: Dobs I’m sorry you’re feeling so crappy I hope you feel better soon!

 

[DobbyForever]

. Any chance it’s just stress compounded by winter weather? Glad it didn’t fall out and is much better than the iud.

Thanks. My throat is better today than yesterday, but I’ve also only eaten soup today vs anything of substance. I just can’t get enough sleep and I feel like all the wind has been knocked out of my sails. Had the brilliant idea to do my covid test after work vs during lunch. What usually takes 5-10m took an hour. I don’t feel like it’s covid. I don’t even understand how I got sick. Like yeah germs everywhere but nobody I know had a cold last week or one this week

 

[Flueky88]

Dobby hoping it's not covid. Such a bad time of year for illness though. Oh and I hope your mom does go through with a divorce and tells the boys the truth about things. It's hard sometimes though when someone is abusive as the abuser can put on quite a show around others so others won't believe what they've been told.

Shae glad you finally got the diaphragm. I hope that it gets less awkward for SO. As for loss of sex drive, could definitely be related to depression or increased stress.

 

[shaescott]

Dobs ugh I feel for you right now... being sick, plus lack of sleep, plus low nutritional intake, plus working, plus taking care of a small child alone is just so much to deal with all at once. Sorry about the wait for the test. I haven’t gotten tested cuz my local testing place is temporarily closed and no further place has appointments. I hope your COVID test is negative! I also wonder where I got my little cough from considering masks. I’m surprised anyone is getting colds although I know masks aren’t perfect. My cough is nearly gone today so that’s good.

Re: sex drive I’ve never had stress or weather affect that, at least not noticeably. It’s still possible it’s that but I’ve practically always had a high sex drive, since I started having sex essentially. Idk it’s odd. My new med for depression is the one that isn’t supposed to reduce sex drive (wellbutrin) but I started it last week and now I’m having this symptom so I’m confused.

 

[shaescott]

Selfish post (which is pretty common for me sorry)

So I’ve done all the tests I can do on the diaphragm to ensure it doesn’t move during sex etc so my cervix will still be covered. Next step is to get the IUD out. I’m not sure when I want to do that. I talked to my mom and she was very much against me getting it out before I graduate (which is this May if all goes well) which is kinda annoying cuz now I know she’s going to judge me if/when I don’t listen to her (but to be fair she judges me anyway so does it even matter?). Also like she used a cervical cap for years before having me with no other forms of protection and never got pregnant.

Anyway, I called SO to vent about my mom and then asked him what his thoughts were on when I should get it out. And he said it’s up to me, he trusts me to do everything correctly, but I know more about this stuff and it’s my body so whenever I decide to do it, he’ll support me. That honestly seems like a bit of a change for him because previously he was against the diaphragm, it made him nervous etc. It still makes him nervous but now that he’s seen it not move at all in action, I think he’s a bit less scared. I’m honestly so grateful that he’s supporting me in whenever I do it. It makes me feel so much better.

I’m not sure if I want to get it out this month or not. I’m honestly a little nervous too, though mostly because if it fails and I get pregnant I know my mom will judge me to high heaven and my family will probably gossip about it a bunch etc. Most of them are nice but one of my aunts was super judgey when her unmarried granddaughter got pregnant on purpose at 21 or so, which is hilarious to me because my aunt got pregnant at 13 with her granddaughter’s mother (not on purpose). I know my dad would be pissed and he never lets anything go. Although he said at one point that he’s just happy I made it out of high school without getting pregnant, getting pregnant in college isn’t as bad to him. But I know he’d still be super passive aggressive about it.

At the same time, I don’t want to base my decisions about my body on other people’s opinions or fear of judgement because that’s no way to live, that’s almost like giving up your bodily autonomy and I’m not down with that. I’m an adult, I don’t have to listen to everything my mother says. Would her way be extra safe? Of course! It’s a smart extra careful way of doing things. But I’m very impatient and I don’t want to wait like 6 months, I want to remove the artificial hormones from my body and start restoring my body to its natural balance ASAP. And while that may be a bit impulsive, it’s not like I’m getting it out with the plan to use no contraception, I have a well thought out plan and I already have the diaphragm and spermicide, I just need to order the OPKs and the BBT thermometer (I lost my old one) and start a natural cycles subscription (all of which I’d have by the day I got the IUD removed). I was even planning on buying a plan B pill (well, a knockoff brand cuz I’m poor) just in case the diaphragm manages to move out of place when SO has already finished (which I don’t expect since it didn’t move during the tests).

Sorry, that was crazy long. Kinda just turned into a stream of consciousness.

TLDR: my mom is against me getting my IUD out until graduation, SO supports whatever I want. I’m worried about judgement but I also know it’s my body not theirs. I may get it out soon, not sure, but I’ll have all the necessary supplies by then so I can be super careful.