General chatter while we wait (and commentary on the "pull out method")

[DobbyForever]

Shae I'm all for your body, your call but yeah judgement sucks. End of day, people are judgey and you can't let that rule you. But I would push you to ask yourself why you are so adament to get it out now vs 6 months. I hated my IUD. Took that s* out after a month so I get it but just want you to dig deep about the reasons why it matters to you to have it out. Then ask yourself if it's worth the trouble. Either way, it'll all work out so you gotta do what's best for you. Glad SO is on board though!

Thanks awesome ladies. My sore throat is pretty much back to normal, but I still feel like junk. I have my formal observation tomorrow, and I sound like Donald Duck T-T But I got my covid test back and it's neg so that's a huge relief.

So talked to my mom and she's actually paid and filed for the divorce! Just has to serve him. She's really worried that he's going to drain the bank accounts because technically the courts won't hold it against him if he does it before he gets served. She's not on board telling the boys, and I asked them point blank if I knew things they didn't know would they want me to tell them and they said no. Well, one immediately said no. The other said not right now. So whatever. She's been seeing a therapist weekly, and the therapist has really been validating that what my stepdad has been doing is abuse not just him being an a**.

 

[DobbyForever]

So interesting. Daycare just called. Kids were off Thursday/Friday last week for Thanksgiving. Kid was in school Wednesday. Sun, Dad wakes up with a fever and gets tested as positive. Tues, takes the kids in and they're positive. Luckily, Dad was gracious enough to keep his kids home Monday while he was waiting on his results .so they haven't technically been at school for 8 days. But it's like a bit worrying because who is to say they didn't have it on Wednesday of last week vs catching it on Thanksgiving. You know? And then if they did, what are the chances my negative was a false negative? I'd email my doctor but the email system is broken r_r

 

[shaescott]

Dogs I’m digging deep and I think the main reasons I don’t want to wait 6 months are: I’m impatient (that’s probably number one lol), I already have the diaphragm and the 2 year countdown of its life has already started because I used it to test it out, I’d like to not spend 6 more months with irregular periods if I don’t have to, I totally crave a sense of control which monitoring my body’s cycles and responding accordingly could give me, and to be completely honest I think there’s a part of me that wants the adrenaline rush of the slightly increased risk. That factor might be stronger than I realize (or would like to admit) but at the same time I know when the novelty wears off the adrenaline rush will turn into just plain old anxiety. I don’t want to get pregnant before I graduate, that would be very inconvenient, but I can’t deny the fact that I would still be thrilled if it happened (albeit terrified) and I’m on board with the slightly increased risk. I’m not crazy enough to use them diaphragm and NFP methods improperly though, because 1) I have respect for my SO and consent, and 2) despite my desire to get pregnant, I also have a deeper fear of being pregnant at a bad time and having to tell my mother. It reminds me of years ago when I mentally wanted to be pregnant but it was a terrible time to be, way worse than now, and when I took a test I watched it move across and immediately the test line went pink. I put it down and started freaking tf out internally. It was the scariest minute of my life. Then I picked it back up and the line was gone and I was very confused and that’s how I joined BnB Anyway, all that to say that despite the fact that I have a desire to be pregnant, I also have a fear of being pregnant at a bad time. I know that the diaphragm has an increased risk which makes me apprehensive about getting it out immediately, but at the same time I know I’m going to do everything right and the sooner I can start being in more control of my body and allowing it to be regular etc the better.
Essentially, I have some conflicting reasons and I’m not really sure when I’m going to get it out. Likely before I graduate, maybe in the next few months, possibly this month or next month. Getting it out this month feels a little impulsive to me, although I know it took over a month after I first called to make an appointment to get the diaphragm so I’ve been thinking about it at minimum that long. I also have to balance my impulsiveness with my anxiety. I’m anxious about it because of the increased risk, which makes me worry that getting it out this month is too impulsive and that I should wait, but at the same time I’m like, if I wait will I be waiting for several months out of anxiety and not being ready to take the leap? I also know I am impulsive by nature and I don’t want to do anything dumb because of that. I don’t know. I’ll let you guys know when I figure it out

Sorry that was crazy long again, I need to learn to condense my thoughts.

Anyway, I’m glad you’re feeling better and your test was negative, but sorry about the Donald Duck voice and the possible daycare exposure. Unfortunately I would say it’s definitely possible they had it on Wednesday, but if you’ve tested negative and your symptoms are improving, I wouldn’t worry too much. If your symptoms stop improving or get worse again, or if A is showing new symptoms, then definitely call your doctor. It could be a false negative, I’ve personally seen someone in the hospital test negative like 4 times before testing positive when it was clear they had it from the get-go. If your concern is that you’re bringing A to daycare or going out of the house, then it would make sense to get retested. I just mean with improving symptoms there’s likely no need to worry about yourself health-wise.
Related to being sick, I woke up with awful postnasal drip causing a sore throat and I have it again right now. No clue what’s causing it but I’m pretty sure COVID isn’t supposed to include postnasal drip so I probably just have like mold hiding in my room and I’m allergic to it or something (idk that’s a total guess, but SO is a mobile mold detector and my house definitely has mold). My cough seems to be gone and my O2 is still 99% so I’m not terribly worried about it, just annoyed and confused.

Re: your mom, good for her! Honestly too bad she didn’t withdraw her share of the money before filing. Hopefully she can serve him promptly, before he can empty the bank accounts. I’m sure this is scary for her but she should be so proud of herself for standing up for herself and refusing to take that abuse any longer. I imagine the boys will find out shortly after she serves him, no need to tell them beforehand because they could report back to their dad. The boys are your half brothers, right? Not step brothers? If so, once they find out, hopefully they’ll understand why their mother did what she did and that their father did some awful things that put her in the position of making this decision.

 

[DobbyForever]

No worries. It's a big decision with a lot to think about. Whenever you get it out, definitely look into when cyclically is a good time. I know they say you can take it out whenever, especially the non hormonal, but I took mine out right before I was due to ovulate and I think it shocked the heck out of my body. I didn't really regulate after that. Not sure if the timing had anything to do with it, but just had a gut feeling that it did.

I so feel that. It's so tough because so many symptoms of covid are common, and then nothing is set in stone. You could have any or all or none whatsoever! Not a good situation for us anxious folk. Glad your O2 is looking great though!

I'm not worried about having it so much as if we had it that I had my brother/his gf over on Wednesday and Friday we saw his SLP. Worse, I brought the wrong mask to speech so Aiden ended up not wearing his mask that day. She wears a mask and face shield, but I just don't want to be the reason someone gets it.

I'm not sure how divorce works with withdrawing money, but it's not a good look in court (should they end up arguing in court) if a person drains the accounts before filing. You have to play fair or the courts will rain down on you in these parts. Or at least give the appearance of playing fair lol.

It's tough for them because they didn't know what my mom was like before she met my stepdad. She was bright, loving, social. Yeah, my family screamed and swore when they talked but not to the degree they have seen. And since she never says her side and he's always quick to use them as pawns to get what he wants, they think she's just bats* crazy. And she says that if that's how they choose to see her and they want to pick sides then she's too old to convince them otherwise. I don't even like my stepdad and it didn't occur to me that he's been systemically abusing and isolating my mom until I put together the graduation and slowly watched my relatives/ my mom's friends and culture disappearing out of the pictures until they just didn't exist anymore.

Oh well. Bright side, had my formal evaluation today and my boss is a peach. Another year of outstanding marks because my boss is a nice guy and doesn't subscribe to the common admin belief that you don't give teachers Os just to not give Os.

ETA: today my mom mentioned that she's entertaining the idea of me moving in with her post divorce hehehe. She has a tendency to talk out of her a* but no arguments here!

ETA again lol: today is such a good day! Besidesthe weird not being able to sleep thing. But got my life insurance app back and they accepted at my quoted rate! Yay! I know my stepdad thinks life insurance is betting against yourself, but I will happily give them $35/month for the peace of mind that if I die before my son is out of school then his guardian can pay off my condo and his trust has money for his college tuition.

 

[shaescott]

Dobs I googled it and it’s best to get it out when you’re on your period because it’s easier to remove from your cervix. Hormonally I would say it’s best to get it out in the week before your period starts or the first couple days of your period, because the drop in progesterone from the hormonal IUD being removed would be at the same time as the drop when you get your period, it’s normal to have a drop in that time period so it’s less likely to mess with your cycle. I just asked my moms and she concurs with that analysis lol. I’m spotting right now and expecting my period anytime. There’s no appointments until January 8th, and that’s just over a month away, so I scheduled it for then hoping I’ll be on my period or PMSing.

That’s too bad about your mom’s relationship with the boys. It’s so awful that your stepdad did that to her and them. That’s definitely abuse.

Yay for the good evaluation and nice boss!
Also yay for the life insurance approval!

 

[DobbyForever]

FXed the timing works out with the appointment! If it doesn't quite sync up, would you still go for it or reschedule?

Yeah. It's sad. She texted me last night with a series of sappy texts about how she really loves and appreciates how supportive I've been through all of this and how she feels like I've been her best friend. She talk to any of her actual friends about it since she can't let on until he's served.

Thanks! I'm super happy to be done with both of those things. Been having a lot of anxiety lately, so it's nice that at least these two big things are done. I am curious to see if I get put on another two year cycle. He had to do it last time because it was my first evaluation cycle as permanent. I doubt I have enough years with them to go on the five year cycle though. I've only been with this district for four

 

[shaescott]

Dobs if the timing is way off then I may reschedule. I decided last night that I’m gonna do a trial cycle of temping this cycle so I can get back in the groove of it. Temp this morning was consistent with my past post-drop temps/pre-O temps (97.23), though this is a new thermometer so never know if it runs different. But I’m thinking that means it’s likely that AF is starting today or tomorrow. I’ll track my temps to see when I O (and maybe also use the OPKs that arriving Tuesday) and if I O way later than normal (ie if I have a long cycle which does happen sometimes) I’ll have to reschedule, if I O at a normal time I’ll keep the appointment. I’m not going to subscribe to the natural cycles app until I get the IUD out just because I don’t know if my temps will be much different on it than off it (like way higher or lower) and I don’t want to mess up the algorithms.

I’m so happy your mom feels supported by you

 

[DobbyForever]

True true. Hopefully you O at a typical time and the appointment works out. And good luck with the temping! Ah, I miss the days. So much less guesswork hahah

Thanks. I just feel sad for her. She should be able to talk to all her kids/ her family. Oh well, on the way to bigger, better things.

I made chorizo... and that was not the best call T-T my stomach hurts hahaha

 

[shaescott]

Dobs she really should be able to talk to all her kids, I agree. But like you said, on to bigger and better things. Sorry about the chorizo lol, is it a spicy intolerance? Something in the ingredients? Or just bad luck?

AFM I discovered that my BBT thermometer does not always turn on when I press the button so I need to hold it near my face when pressing it to make sure it actually turns on before I stick it in (still doing the vaginal method because of open mouth breathing during sleep). I also didn’t get 3 hours of sleep, I was up late with SO and thought I’d be fine, I had an hour of leeway, and then couldn’t sleep for over an hour ugh. So yesterday’s temp was thrown away for both reasons. But today I paid attention, made sure it beeped, and got a normal temp pretty close to the first one. Then I fell back asleep lol, thank god cuz the alarm is at 7 am in case I have to get up early for clinical so I’m within the 1 hour window. I usually fall back asleep easily.
My OPKs should be arriving today any time now. I think the UPS driver got stuck cuz the map showed him in the same spot for like 5 hours. Maybe ice, we had a snowstorm this past weekend.
I just bought a baby shower gift for my old roommate who’s due in April. She invited me to her drive-by baby shower (cuz covid). She had a lot of cheap stuff on it, even in her “must have” list, so I got her the sheet set she wanted and called it a day. I have less than $100 in my bank account rn so that’ll have to do lol

 

[DobbyForever]

Honestly, stress is f*ing with me. When I eat, I get mucus or indigestion or nauseated. But the spicy factor problem didn’t help lol

I’m sure she is thankful for any gift esp with you being in school. Even if you weren’t, the fact you got her something at all let alone on her registry... she’ll love it.

sorry about the bbt woes! and crazy about the delivery. Crazy to imagine cuz California lol forget other people gave actual weather

afm Pap smear today and craaaamps. My body did not enjoy the sudden invasion after years of being left to its own devices lol

 

[shaescott]

The tracking map literally showed the truck ON MY ROAD and then next time I checked it said tracking was unavailable. It’s frickin partly cloudy out, like bitch what weather? Maybe from the driver getting stuck in the town over and not having time? But you’d think he’d finish THE ROAD HE IS ON.

I am salty.

However, I need to remind myself that I’m on cycle day 3 and I therefore do not need the OPKs yet, I can wait a day (or even a week). I’m just annoyed because I was tracking the truck on the map (they sent me the link) all day and it was at the top of my road and then *poof* no more tracking and no package. Also I’m drunk and on my period and clearly have zero coping skills even for minor inconveniences. Unless you count venting to literally anyone who will listen because I’m pretty sure that’s what I do to cope with everything lol, I’m such an attention wh*re but could be worse, at least I seek validation from people whose opinions I care about and not, like, my Instagram followers. I rarely ever post cuz I don’t take many pictures and I don’t really care that much about impressing the people I went to high school with; they didn’t like me then, I don’t expect them to like me now.

Dobs your post just popped up as I’m writing this. I’m sorry about the stress messing with your digestive system, as well as the Pap smear giving you cramps. I didn’t know it could cause cramps, I only had a little spotting after mine, but it makes sense that it could since they’re irritating the cervix, maybe the stimulation does it.
I do hope she likes the gift, I mean she picked it out of course. I’m pretty sure she only invited me so I’d send a gift lol cuz we haven’t talked since covid hit (minus me commenting with my congrats on her pregnancy announcement) but I’ll pretend it’s cuz she likes me
Also I can’t imagine not having extreme weather lol, although we don’t get devastating forest fires so we’re lucky in that regard. It snowed about 7 inches I think on Saturday, and it was wet snow, it rained before and after so there was ice galore. But I sometimes forget other people have summer temps above 95 degrees (and that’s our extreme, usually summer days are in the high 70s to mid 80s). I can’t handle the heat once it hits 80 degrees. It’s crazy humid here in summer so it feels like you’re swimming and suffocating on hot water. In winter... well, right now it’s 23 degrees out, and the high for tomorrow is 37.

Just realized that since I had 4 drinks my bbt is gonna be high, oops

 

[DobbyForever]

I’ve had drivers change course on the way to my house as if they forgot to do something. One time I went from next and a block away to six stops away and halfway across town. Weird times. Sorry though that’s annoying esp if you’re waiting on it

girl you sound like me so put the wine/beer/booze down lol. Jk drink away but hugs. Sounds like you’re carrying a lot of stress though

even if she picked it out, it’s still sweet that it comes from you. Trust

and pft you’re so early in your cycle drink away

yeah I think it’s from the part where they push on your ovaries but yeah overall just achy. Oh well. Curious how it comes back with the off cycle.

I emailed my primary though because my bp was 125/90 which is high for me

 

[shaescott]

Dobs the drivers definitely do weird things sometimes.

I started drinking during zoom family martini night lol and wasn’t stressed until I was on my last drink and discovered the delivery delay. I was watching a top gear special with my family at the time. I’ve stopped drinking, no reason to drink after the show is over, I don’t like drinking alone.

Re: the gift, I more mean that she really should like it considering she picked it out the pattern wasn’t what I would’ve picked but it’s what she wanted so that’s what she gets.

I think I’ll instate a rule of no drinking more than one drink between CD9 and confirmed ovulation until my cycle regulates, and then say I’m ovulating on CD16 (30 day cycles were my usual pre-IUD) I’ll say only one drink from CD12 to confirmed ovulation. Wacky temps on CD4 are no big deal.

I honestly don’t remember my GYN pushing on my ovaries during a pap smear... maybe she was checking for other things or maybe I just have a bad memory. Anyway, fx’d it comes back normal.

Yeah that BP is a little high and if it’s higher than your baseline definitely contact your PCP. I mean, I’ve seen much higher BPs in the hospital that we weren’t worried about, but that’s because baseline matters the most. If my diastolic was 90, I’d be concerned.

 

[DobbyForever]

Lazy post

I’m pretty sure they’ve done it every time. Could be due to my history of ovarian cysts but I think this precedes that

ETA maybe the confusion is that’s not part of the pap. Kaiser does a quick exam when you do a pap. Weight, bp, breast exam, and internal exam whenever you go in for your pap. Like a full gynecological physical. If you’re sexually actively they’ll ask you to do a urine test for stis and pregnancy just in case. If anything is off, they’ll do an ultrasound or request bloodwork.

 

[shaescott]

Dobs ah gotcha, that makes sense.

My temp this morning was actually normal despite the alcohol, so that’s interesting.

I am very impatient lol, I want to skip to like day 10 of my cycle so I can start doing the OPKs. I’ve actually never used them before, I know about using them cuz of you guys but I’ve never personally used them, just bbt.

 

[DobbyForever]

They're fun haha. Like a milder version of poas. Glad you're temp didn't change much!

AFM decided to YOLO it. We have gotten 4 general notices of covid in the district email since Thanksgiving break. I decided to take A to mall santa and wondered the whole way how can we be on lockdown yet mall santa is open? Anyway, I'm glad things worked out because the mall was essentially empty because I took him mid day. If it had been crowded or looked sketch, I was just going to leave and forfeit my deposit. But tbh if the public health department here is saying they only are concerned about exposure of 15+ minutes at closer than 6 feet during the infectious period of 2 days before symptoms start then I can confidently say that we were never within six feet of Santa or the photographer and it wasn't close to 15m and we all wore masks. So I feel bad about it but I have no regrets. And I'd post the photos but my anxiety has gotten bad and now I don't want to post his photo cuz I've lost it. But here's a selfie of me in my shirt. It's not intended to make light of the situation. It's about remembering this year for what it was. It truly is a huge moment in our history, and (for better or worse) I believe in photos capturing memories and histories.

 

[shaescott]

Dobs no judgement, sounds like a quick interaction. I hope the photos came out nice!

AFM although my drinking night had a normal temp, the next two nights did not I was freezing one day and warm the next. Not sure what happened on the freezing day, but on the warm day I woke up before my alarm and was in a half asleep daze for a while before coming to and realizing I had to take my temp. So I just threw out that temp.
My OPKs came in and I am very impatient and want to use them.
I have been super broody today, I think because of my former roommate’s pregnancy. Looking at her registry has made me a lil obsessive with wanting a baby. But like it also reminded me that babies are expensive and I am poor.

 

[shaescott]

Okay so I allowed myself to to use an OPK to “establish a baseline” because the Premom app said to do that lol. Definitely supposed to take them in the afternoon and not at 2 am but ya know, I was impatient and I’m nowhere near ovulation so whatever. It was so weird to see a line come up in the test area, I’m so used to seeing blank nothingness. Pic below even though it’s just an OPK just cuz it’s my first one ever lol, I used the auto capture on the app so I don’t actually have a normal pic of it in the timeframe, oops.

 

[DobbyForever]

Yeah hard when your friends are pregnant and you’re shopping for them. That’s interesting that they are to be done in the afternoon. I always used fmu. I feel you. So weird that there’s always a second line haha but oddly satisfying at the same time. Have fun on your opk journey! Re temps yea weirdness happens but like you said at least you know timeline it’s not close to o so no harm

And thanks. My mom lectured me but oh well. We had 4 general exposure notices at work in the last two weeks (Someone in district has it but not at your site). 8 total since August. We are a huge district though. My school alone has over 35 teachers plus office and custodial staff. The pictures turned out amazing. A was super cooperative. We didn’t need to retake any.

 

[DobbyForever]

These were my two favorite.