General chatter while we wait (and commentary on the "pull out method")

[DobbyForever]

Will try to catch up today or tomorrow. Hard on my phone and I’ve been so exhausted I’ve been going to bed with A

Unpopular opinion formed from having a toxic family and seeing toxic families at work, I don’t think seeing your child as a mistake is a red flag. There are days I think A is a mistake. I still love him. But some days, I honestly think he was a mistake. It was a mistake to let my ex get me pregnant when I knew deep down he was lying. Now my son is neurodivergent, which is why my ex never wanted buds it runs heavily in their family. Now he has a psychopath for a dad. Now he has to deal with all these therapies and bullying at school. And now I’m an exhausted single mom with no life of her own. I wake up, go to work, and take care of my child. It doesn’t change that I love him and he’s amazing. Where I think the red flag is if only if parents say it to their children or treat them different. OA and I may regret our choices that resulted in our children, but we’re both committed to trying to help them overcome their situation. We read books, we devote as much time to them as we can, we buy them the best toys/food/clothes, we cosleep when they’re scared, we work with specialists to get them the support they need. I won’t ever even tell my friends or family that sometimes I think having A was a mistake because I would never want him to doubt my love for him for a second. But it doesn’t make me a bad mom or a bad person to have regrets about how I chose to have him and that he has to deal with the consequences of my actions for the rest of his life.

i was mad at first about the dinner but I remember one time I told him to stop hanging out and cuddling me after sex and stop walking me to my car. I cried for days the one time he did it. As much as I felt the rug pulled out from under me, it was the right thing to do. I deserved to be cooked for and to be given the chance to be held and listened to while I processed. It hurt in the moment, but I appreciate it a lot.

He says he wasn’t doing that with me but I don’t know anymore. He’s not giving me the full truth. But I do genuinely believe him when he says he’s too damaged to be in a relationship with me and that he’s doing this because he genuinely thinks I deserve better than what he’s capable of giving me. I think it scares him. Also I guess his ex wife had a baby with one of the guys she cheated on him with last July (right when the divorce finalized) and she kept his last name so she named the baby the name they had picked out together if they had kids and he just found out. So I can respect he has unresolved issues and I’m not a woman you date with unresolved issues. I’m the woman you marry and have a happy, healthy life with.

 

[gigglebox]

Still Dobs, even the "right" choice can hurt and I'm sorry for any hurt you have. You do seem to have quite a healthy perspective on it though...you do deserve better. It does sound like he was trying to do right by you and I can respect that.

 

[gigglebox]

Shae I'm confused, are you waiting to ovulate or waiting for AF?

afm I still haven't ovulated yet. I'm guessing any chance of pg is pretty slim to none. INTERESTING DEVELOPMENT THOUGH -- I asked hubby last night about the slip up the night before; I asked if he thought he had gotten anything inside? He confidently said no, but everything just landed on the "entrance", if you willl...THEN, he said, "Oh I doubt that's getting you pregnant. If anything would have done it, it would have been last month."
SAY WHAT??? I was like........................................?? Elaborate?
He then proceeds to tell me that there was one time where he didn't make it out on time but didn't want to tell me because he didn't want to freak me out **face palm**
Yeah that would have been good to know....but I guess it's irrelevant now.
I just told him we should probably wrap it up around O time at the very least to be safe. He just kind of reluctantly said, "Yeah.....probably."
Clearly this man isn't too fussed about another baby!!

 

[shaescott]

Dobs I’m glad that his way of handling it worked for you. I do understand what you mean with the feeling of them being a mistake because of the circumstances surrounding their conception, but you of course loving them. As long as the child never hears that feeling expressed, of course. I just don’t love calling the child a mistake when you could call their conception a mistake instead, I think there’s a big difference in those two statements. You could say it was a mistake to get pregnant with him considering the circumstances you were in at the time, but that doesn’t make him himself the mistake. Just my thoughts though, you can process your situation however you feel is best.

Gigs I’m waiting to ovulate. I’m tracking my hormone pattern in the first half of my cycle since I didn’t get to last month, I only did the luteal phase because of when the monitor arrived.

My goodness, I can’t believe he didn’t tell you when he didn’t quite make it out on time! Lucky thing you didn’t fall pregnant from that, imagine your surprise if you did! SO doesn’t play with that with pullout, he pulls out with at least 10 seconds to spare and finishes with the hand to prevent that risk.

 

[gigglebox]

oh yeah shae that's good if he's trying to prevent. My hubby's Mr. risk-it biscuit, apparently. Anyway we were talking last night about how the best chance of conception is moreso when the deposit (er, payload?) is basically forced into the cervix, and even then it's less likely than likely. That puts me at basically a .001% chance of actually conceiving this way but I'll still be obsessing about it and possibly testing early for fun. Yes, there's something a little fun about a pregnancy scare. And yes, I'll likely be rooting for the second line even if it's definitely not what I want, logically.

I just feel like hubby "wants" one more kid but doesn't want to actively make it happen. Like if it happens by mistake, he'd happily embrace it and doesn't have to have the responsibility of claiming it was on purpose despite it being a bad idea on paper, if that makes sense...???

Anyway.
Oh Shae I meant to ask, are y'all leaving for your honeymoon immediately after the wedding or having some space between the wedding and vacation?

 

[shaescott]

Gigs yeah it does sound to me like your hubby is fully aware of the risk and totally okay with it if it happens. I feel like if he wasn’t, he wouldn’t be taking such risks.

So the wedding is June 10th and our flight out is June 12th at 4 PM. That way we have the 11th to sleep in (until the hotel check out time lol), process, and pack, and we can sleep in a bit on the 12th.

 

[gigglebox]

Sounds like a good plan shae. What about the flight? Will you be able to sleep on it due to time of the flight? I just imagine jet lag is going to be rough!

Definitely about hubs. He sweet talks during the deed about wishing he didn't have to pull out *eye roll* like I"m going to say, "you know what? f- it! you do you, boo!" I just say "you can in a couple of days" lol

officially o+1....
I get to watch my nephews and niece today ^_^ It's going to be absolute chaos (5 boys and the baby girl) but will give me some insight into more kids, I feel like....well maybe. Anyway MIL is coming over for a bit to help then she has to go to radiation. So it'll just be me with 6 kids for an hour or so....!!! help! XD

 

[DobbyForever]

This calm, coolness is just in text. I can’t eat or sleep. My stomach is a mess, my chest is suffocating me, and I have a constant migraine. Took three Covid tests all neg.

Still haven’t caught up. Apparently missed some excitement. Gigs how did watching all the kids go? Risk it biscuit is funny

I can’t really say more because I want to respect forum rules but yeah. There’s a difference between circumstance and child but not mutually exclusive. But yeah I’m not going to delve into it more.

i will catch up eventually hit retail therapy so off to Disneyland

 

[shaescott]

Dobs I’m so sorry.

Gigs we will sleep on the flight, it arrives at 7 am. The details said complimentary alcohol so you bet your booty we’ll be using it to knock out

 

[gigglebox]

Dobby I'm sorry to hear that. Is this an emotional response to all the stress? Can your Mom help out with A so you can get some "me" time? Oh Disney shopping, that sounds like a plan; love me some retail therapy although haven't been able to do that in years! You know, money.......single family income life ain't easy. I haven't been able to make as much online as I was last year. We are majorly financially strapped right now which is partly why another kid is a huge no-no. Also I was thinking about it last night and my freedom would be gone. I don't think even the grandmas would want all 4 kids so I could have alone time.

anyway something's gotta give this year so we can not be constantly living paycheck to paycheck whilst slowly climbing into more and more debt. I just don't know the answer. Hubby's getting a new CPA at his business so hopefully the new guy can figure out some ways to save us money or get a larger return. We ate it big time last year --owed $7000. Never in our lives have we owed more than a couple hundred. That was crazy and makes us both wonder if the other CPA messed up or missed something. Or I just made too much in my side hustle. Hard to say.

anyway...

The kids were all great until towards the end with my DS2 started acting up. Also they all absolutely DESTROYED the boys' room. It was trashed. I have no idea when they did it but they pulled out 3 games and just dumped the pieces all over the place. It must have been while MIL and I were talking. The baby was an absolute doll, I love my niece! I basically just threw on my old baby carrier and wore her the whole time. It was lovely I'll take her on any time SIL wants lol

 

[WinterBub]

I'm sorry, Dobby. It sounds like heartbreak- I've had two major break ups, and that's exactly how I felt. Give it a week or two, and you will feel much better. These things take time to process, but the initial shock and pain will wear off because life pushes you on. Promise i know that it feels endless when you're in it, but the intense feelings will pass and you'll be able to start moving on.

Good work on all the kids, Giggle! Sounds intense!!!! My hat is off to you for looking after them all. And I hear you on the financial stress. Inflation has really bitten us hard, and a few other factors have chipped in as well. We have done stuff like change cell phone provider, change internet provider, cut cable (well, that one happened a long time ago!) etc. And those savings are just instantly eaten up. It is exhausting. OH is also saying he hates his job and is going to quit (hopefully that's just bluster ).

Good job on the bike, Shae! I need to get a handle on eating and working out more. I feel sick unless I'm actively eating... So that is not going well. The bike is great because you can half relax and watch TV while being active. Your honeymoon sounds amazing! And good on you for going right away. We were going to go "later" and never did! You will have a great time starting off married life with a fun adventure

 

[gigglebox]

Thanks Winter, yes I think we're all feeling the penny-pinching. Prayers it's stops or everything finally evens out so we can move on with life! Yikes, hubby is thinking of quitting? Is that a semi-serious threat? What would he do if he quit?
How are you feeling other than being perpetually hungry? Any aversions/cravings yet? I think my weirdest craving in all three pregnancies was the last one with my "smell" craving of vinegar. I really didn't "get" smell cravings until I had that. It was super weird. I just *had* to smell it from time to time. I would grab the bottle of white vinegar in the lower cabinet, pull it out, and just take a whiff now and then. I didn't want to drink it, just wanted a little sniffy what even...??

Yeah the kids was a little crazy....the baby, my 10yo, 2 5yo's & 2 4yo's. No wonder the had a child-nado of toys in the bedroom. I was literally right outside the door (our dining room is off the bedrooms) and they sounded like they were playing so nicely lol

 

[gigglebox]

adding in that my waffling continues, with this new situation I'm secretly hopeful again....I hate that! I don't think that feeling of "maybe one more?" will ever leave as long as I'm fertile. I just had such a nice little break with ds3 today while the other two were doing an art class, and I just enjoyed it so much. I love my 1 on 1 time with all my kids. It's the lot of them that drives me bit bonkers, haha.

 

[WinterBub]

I don't think he'd really quit his job, but who knows. He can be quite dramatic, so I never know if he's just venting or really means it. I haven't been sniffing any vinegar! Mostly want to eat potatoes, candy, and fruit. I've already put on a few pounds, and am hoping to keep things reasonable... But also have no energy to exercise, so we will see how it all turns out.

I had some light pink spotting just before lunch, and am now moping and trying not to freak out (but freaking out). I suspect it's just something like an irritated cervix, but pregnancy after miscarriages is very stressful. Have some light cramping too, but not sure if that's only noticeable because I'm now a bit on edge. Booked in for next scan on Friday, and it can't come around soon enough.

I think you're in a good spot for a surprise baby, giggle- seems like you'd both welcome it, even if it isn't "the plan". I think I'd try and broach the subject with OH if I were you, as it seems like he kind of wants to!

 

[Flueky88]

Winter thank you! I used to hate handling raw chicken. I finally seem to be over that. I do like to wear gloves for very messy jobs.

I don't think it was crazy to want to confirm that your embryo was implanted. Don't feel bad about not exercising, I find the 1st tri exhausting. I'm so tired and had morning sickness with my 1st and 3rd. So hard to do much but survive LOL. I had some pink spotting around 7 weeks with my 1st. Hope it goes away soon and the light cramps are just uterus stretching.

Also, well I hope DH is just venting frustrations about his job.

Gigs okay I'll add a link for the recipes. Instant Pot Chocolate Cheesecake For the strawberry topping: Strawberry Topping for Cheesecake. It was very good and was hard to stop with one piece. I love the combo of chocolate and strawberry though. The pb2 mouse sounds yummy. I looove the chocolate PB2 powder. I use it for an overnight oat recipe and add it when making smoothies.

You are super woman watching so many kids and all pretty young. It sounds like you did an amazing job!

Sorry hubby hasn't been as careful lately. I hope for whichever outcome you are hoping for.

Shae, nice score on the bike! Also sorry the microwave crapped out. Hope the new one works well.

Dobby I'm sorry it went down like that. There are no words I can say to make things better but I am thinking and praying for you.


Not much going on over here. Just the usual. Went to V's Valentine's party at school and took her to a birthday party Friday night. Got her party booked too while I was there. Been planning S's 4th birthday party. Going to do pulled bbq pork, baked beans, potato salad, chips, cookie cake and cupcakes. Going to do an LOL doll theme. PreK registration will start in a few weeks.

I'm going to try to get S into preK but will only be able to if a spot is open as we are above the income threshold.

 

[gigglebox]

Honestly I don't even know what outcome I'm hoping for. Just trying to be chill and I realize my chances are super slim. I did discover this type of conception does happen and even has a name -- "splash pregnancy". That's a new one for me. I've been obsessing over pregnancy forums for, like, 10 years and somehow only just found this term yesterday! Evidently people do this to get pregnant when they can't have actual intercourse -- there is a condition where anything entering the vagina is extremely painful, so some women have gotten pregnant with the "splash" method whilst still technically being a virgin. I found that fascinating!

Anyway the ease of it is possible but still obviously not as much as the full on deed....but still, I may or may not have grabbed a pack of frer while I was at walmart....no comment.

Fluek thanks for the links to the recipes! I need to get my hands on a instapot. That and an air fryer. have you used one of those? have I asked that? new mom friend loves hers, says she uses it almost daily. Also pb2 w/ chocolate was great mixed with the truwhip and then I dipped strawberries in it...yummmmm. But it's also just yummy dipping strawberries in the whip without being mixed. You kind of can't lose with whip cream. Aww I bet that theme will be cute. Will anyone dress up? What flavor are you doing for the cupcakes? I'm starting to plan ds1's bday which is in April; this is the first year in awhile he'll be inviting friends and we'll have an actual birthday party out of the house, rather than just inviting family over for dinner....then rinse and repeat the following month for ds2 who will likely have the same guest list, haha.

Winter :Hugs: I don't know if you'll ever not be worried during pregnancy. How are things going? I know I spotted with ds1 and it was all totally fine. I'm glad you're getting your scan on friday; did you already have it booked or did they get you in early? Maybe you can call and see if they can get you in sooner due to the new development, might put your mind at ease. Haha, thanks for the encouragement about the surprise pg. Honestly hubby and I have talked about it a lot and both have the "if it happens, it happens" attitude, although I think he leans more on the having one more side of the fence than me. I actually put my foot down not too long ago. He constantly "jokes" about it; in fact we were at a birthday party recently and he hugged me and said, "let's have one more." I was like, NOOOO! Absolutely not! Then I got all squishy with my niece and tried to get him to hold her as a deterrent. He refused lol. But he half-jokes about one more all the time, and as I mentioned he says to me during dtd about not pulling out, so obviously there's a part of him that still wants that last one. I just feel like it's too late at this point, plus our finances are so tight and awful It would just be a whole new layer of stress......that said, the older my youngest gets, the more I feel like I could handle one more. But time will tell if it's actually in the cards or not.

 

[Flueky88]

Gigs, I do have an air fryer. I like it and use it a few times a month. I actually have the ninja foodi so it's and air fryer and "instant pot". I'm more of an instant pot user. I use at least 1 x week for meals. If you are interested I'm both I'd get one that does both like the foodi or another brand. The cupcakes I'm actually just going to buy a variety pack from Publix lol. I do want to fix the cookie cake though. As for dressing up, probably won't but special clothes. S is just obsessed with wearing dresses or as she calls them ballerina dresses.

I didn't know that term, splash pregnancy. That's interesting. I'm sure like you said chances are much slimmer that method than the traditional deposit but still things can happen. I'm sure it must be such a mix of feelings.

On a different note, I meant to ask. I can't recall at the moment, but do you or did you have chickens?? I was contemplating trying to have some buy wanted to hear thoughts about having them before even talking to DH about it.

 

[gigglebox]

Yup, we still have chickens…and ducks, geese, turkey, and quail. Honestly the chickens are my favorite. My biggest issue with them is they are so prone to predator attacks! We lost one today, probably a fox. We have lost many to foxes, hawks, and an owl. I definitely suggest getting some but also invest in a secure coop. We free range, hence the predation.

i’ll leave the ttc convo alone for now as it looks like this sort of scenario has happened the past three Februaries! Same sloppy bd and waffling about a 4th. Wtf?? Too weird.

also this thread will be EIGHT years old this year!! How do we celebrate?

 

[shaescott]

Winter I’m sure the spotting is nothing, maybe baby getting more settled.

Gigs lol I hadn’t heard splash pregnancy either. I hope to have chickens once we have a house. Have your chickens had issues with egg production lately? I’ve heard a lot of people are suddenly having zero eggs and if they switch the feed to goat feed or something like that all of a sudden they’re laying again. Considering the rising egg prices it honestly sounds like they’re trying to sabotage homesteaders, but maybe I’m just a conspiracy theorist lol.

Flueks the school won’t let them into pre-K unless they’re poor enough??? That’s wild.

AFM currently scrambling trying to find a new Pastor to officiate our wedding because the one we booked 9 months in advance had to cancel because his best friend just announced he’s getting married on the same day as us, and the pastor was asked to be in the wedding party. So frustrating. SO’s little brother offered to officiate but I’d rather have a pastor, so first we’re going to try to find one. If worse comes to worst, we can always have his brother do it lol.

 

[WinterBub]

There's just something about this time of year for you, giggle! I'm a bad influence because I always say "go for it!" Your animals sound so lovely, but also like a lot of work! I'm sure things like fresh eggs are awesome, of course. We have an air fryer, and loved it... But have used it less and less over time. Basically, the clean up ended up becoming a bit of a deterrent! We have a foodi with a grill insert. The grill part works really well, but scrubbing it after can be hard going (especially if you cook something fatty like burgers).

I hope that your daughter gets into Pre-K, flueky! would you consider paying for something part time if she doesn't make the cut at the school? Your party menu sounds great!

What a bummer about the Pastor, Shae. Can he suggest anyone else he knows who would be available? I get where he is coming from, and at least you have some notice, but that is super annoying. Hope that you find a great alternative!

Hope you're doing ok, Dobby.

AFM- had a little more spotting today. my gut feeling is that it is irritation, and separate from the baby. I'm kind of surprised that I didn't call, but I figure there is nothing they can do, anyway- so may as well wait and see. I was already booked in for a follow up scan for Friday, so ideally things stop and all is well then. We went to the park with a friend this morning. She has a little girl who will go to school with my LO, and a new baby. Was nice to get a long newborn hold! Kind of a bummer about this whole spotting thing, though. I had been planning to tell her today, but in the end didn't say anything just in case it doesn't turn out. Didn't feel like making a big happy announcement or getting into that whole drama.