General chatter while we wait (and commentary on the "pull out method")

[WinterBub]

OH is very analytical, so he was worried too, but could shelve the whole thing and wait for more data. I'd also add that it isn't the same when you weren't at the appointment. From what they said, it was 80% chance it would be ok, but then they go into detail about all the worst possibilities, so it is hard not to get really worried about the "not compatible with life" etc scenarios. Hoping that last blood test is fine, and it was all down to a bad scan. I have been thinking about it, and I think they should have you do the NIPT a week ahead of the scan, as having those results on the same day would be so much better than the week I just went through. Thank you all for listening to me stress and worry. The one thing this has made clear for us is that this is my last pregnancy. I can't go through any of this again, and it is kind of nice to have that feeling of closure. We will be so grateful to get to September!

I wonder if you really did stress ovulation away?! Do you track anything or just go by if you feel ovulation twinges etc? I definitely understand where you're coming from on gender. I think after 3 of the same, most people would hope to have the opposite. Of all the pros and cons you've mentioned, I guess that the biggest one that it seems you'd need to ponder and work through. Though, with that being said, you're clearly such an attentive and loving mother, and I don't doubt that you'd love another boy. I guess I would go into it assuming boy. If that's a deal breaker, then you have your answer. But if you think that you'd love a girl but truly be grateful either way, then I'd cross that off the list of hesitations. It isn't bad to have preferences, we all do!

 

[gigglebox]

I don't track with temps or opk's or anything. I have used opk's in the past just when I get impatient waiting of ovulation to happen, but it always happens that I get a positive and then within 12-24 hours I get the ovulation pain so I know it happens. I know for a fact that is what I am feeling because when I was younger, I had that pain so bad that I went to the ob for a scan (I was having bleeding issues as well...long story but I'm happy to share if you're curious), and on the scan she could see I was ovulating from the side I was experiencing pain from. Also my period comes about 12 days after the pain. Other signs are my cervix raises up/gets soft, and the EWCM....so the cervix is up but no EWCM so we'll just have to see what happens. It's happened before that I've ovulated as last as cycle day 20 or 22 or something like that so it could be the case this month. Last month I ovulated fairly early for me (I think around cd 13 or 11 or something) which is slightly unusual so I figured this month would be closer to cd14 since I was getting pain early, but as I said it fizzled out. Honestly I wouldn't even care if TTC wasn't on my mind, and now I'm paying attention because if we did go for it, and it worked first try, we'd be looking at an early December baby, but would probably have an elective c/s end of November. I don't know why but I would be more comfortable with a 11/30 baby versus 12/1. I just like the idea of a November baby, always have for whatever reason.

Also hubs brought up babies again last night. He asked me if watching my niece made me want a baby more. He doesn't typically say things like that so I feel like it was on his mind...We did kind of put parameters on things last time we spoke; I said I really don't want to be older than 37 doing the baby thing. This is really the last year, and even at that I'm uncomfortable with it, so time may be the determining factor ultimately.

I will say though, I was thinking today about big families and how we'd be more likely to encourage our own kids to have big families if we were also a big family....3 doesn't feel big lol

Also as an aside Winter, I completely agree with you on the bloodwork!! that makes so much sense to have all the information readily available at the time of the scan. If we do try for another, I might have to request that. The waiting it just absolute torture.

 

[WinterBub]

I wouldn't mind a Christmas time baby! I think that January/Feb is also a really nice time of year to potentially have a baby. I'm due in late September, and it is going to be hot as hell in August/September oh well! I actually don't care and would have taken any month, although I do like that she'll be old for her year in school.

That's handy that you get such clear ovulation pains. I did for years, but had no idea at that point what it was. i kept thinking I was getting my period two weeks after i had just had it at some point, it clicked what was going on. But then after I had my son it wasn't as pronounced. So since my cycle came back, I didn't know what was going on until I started using the clear blue monitor thing.

Maybe that's what y'all should do, then- go NTNP until a certain month when you feel like that window has closed. Though I'm sure it would be hard to stop if you go for it and start to get excited about a baby.

I'm definitely going to give that feedback on the test. I actually didn't know we were doing the NT scan on the day that we did. When they make that appointment, they should offer you the option to do the NIPT ahead of time and explain that would.mean the results would be ready by the time of the scan. I would absolutely do that if they had offered- ie. Do the NIPT at 11w, scan at 12.

 

[shaescott]

Winter I would agree, they should do the blood test first to have for reference when they do the scan.

Gigs I echo Winter, if another boy is a dealbreaker I wouldn’t do it, if you’re willing to take that risk knowing it very well could be another boy, go for it. It’s okay if you think you’ll have gender disappointment, that’s natural, but if it would be so bad you’d regret having another, then maybe it’s a no go.

AFM today I had my dress alterations appointment! She’s taking in the bust a little as it’s a little loose, waist is perfect already, we’re hemming the skirt just a little (the hoop skirt almost made it perfect but it was still tucking under as I walked just a little bit), we’re adding the liner to the bodice (which is a little itchy on its own so I’m glad I chose to add it), and we’re doing a ballroom bustle so the train gets tucked under the skirt, which makes it look like there’s no bustle essentially.
Here’s a pic of the dress with the hoop skirt underneath pre-alterations (I was standing on my parents’ bed just trying it on with the hoop skirt to make sure I liked it before the alterations appointment). Please excuse my always present hair tie

 

[gigglebox]

Shae!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! stop!!!! you are so beautiful, even with an MS paint face That dress is fantastic. Have you gotten emotional in it yet? I love that the bride in your ticker looks just like you

Winter isn't it funny how much pregnancy can alter our bodies? Sorry you lost your ovulation feeling super power lol. Honestly I am thankful for it as it's mighty convenient to know when it happened. That said, it can get terribly painful some months. Sometimes it's so strong that I can't walk without being hunched over in pain.

I've never been heavily pregnant in summer but I think it'd be nice to unapologetically flaunt your bump in tank tops, etc! I bet the maternity pants/ shorts get hot though. I did have a friend who sported a crop top with a high waisted skirt when fully preggers and she rocked that look so well that it make me wish I could pull it off with my chunky belly lol
Anyway my third was a mid-January baby. I didn't mind the timing as such, it's just tough being so close to Christmas. I want to get him special things for Christmas, then I have to turn around and figure it out again a couple of weeks later. It's just a little tricky, plus the financial aspect of it, especially as he gets older and expects actual birthday parties (so far we've been getting away with just celebrating as a family, but I think that was the last time I'm getting away with that).

Also I checked our out of pocket cost for having a baby.......$6,000!!! I just don't know y'all, we could do a lot with 6 grand....

 

[WinterBub]

Just stopping by for a minute before bed to say that your dress is stunning, Shae! And you look beautiful in it. Your OH is for sure going to cry!

 

[gigglebox]

quiet in here! so i'm going to rant!

Good morning all ov finally happened last night. It was so weird, usually I have at least a day if not several days of dull pain before it comes to a crescendo of pain, then it goes away within a few hours. Last night it hit about 8, and it surprised me because it was the opposite side that I was having minor discomfort in earlier this month. Anyway it was full force by about 10, and gone by about 12:30. Feels totally fine now. And yes, we stayed up late dtd and watching Bear Grylls "The Island" it's one of those "reality" survival shows and it's truly awful but entertaining. It does have some nuggets of knowledge in it though about wilderness survival so it's interesting. Definitely overly dramatized though.

Anyway, Hubs and I have been dtd the past couple nights but no luck on the goods, try as I might to persuade him he still wants to wait to see how things go at work before committing to ttc. If things go the way I'm thinking, we may ttc starting in May. I want to skip next month as that would potentially give us a Christmas baby and I want to be completely available to my family for the holidays, plus do NOT want a baby with a birthday that close to Christmas. It's too much financially for that time of the year. I'm not super thrilled about the idea of another baby early in the year, but I don't want to wait too close to my birthday either (october). If we can't conceive by the end of this year or so, I'm going to give up on that dream. I just don't want to be 38 having a kid. I know people do it all the time and even later, but I don't feel like it's right for me personally. But that's just how I feel right now, always subject to change with this waffle!

It's not going to keep me from hoping one secretly snuck by these past few bd sessions though only somewhat chance was last night, unbeknownst to me; hubby broke a rule, he, ahem, "took care of himself" earlier in the night before our session so he could last longer, didn't use the bathroom in between. That's a no-no in the pull out method, as they say swimmers can sit in the tubes, a'waitin' for their chance to come out with pre-c..... But the chances are still so low. Honesty I think he let some slip a few nights ago but that was before my fertile window so doubtful there, too.

And that's it with ttc updates! Going to go meet new mom friend for disc golf which is SUPER exciting!! I've never met a friend who had any interest in learning!!

 

[DobbyForever]

Weird I replied but maybe on the wrong thread lol

winter yay!!!! Such fantastic news! I do agree there’s such and up and down with early scans causing just as much unnecessary worry as relieving it

Shae hope you make friends in the group and agreed maybe an irl bump buddy fish the line. As long as yours happy and comfortable with him, that’s all that matters

gigs it’s good to say that aloud. I know the gender disappointment is real and a girl after three boys would be lovely. My coworker has three girls and my grandma had five boys so sometimes the universe is just weird about it. But you never know! Maybe that tug is the universe pulling you to your little girl and, if not, a cute little bot

 

[DobbyForever]

Oh my update A’s school is being b*es again

my mom let me go out two weekends in a row though so that was fun. Went to an Irish pub on Santana Row (ritzy downtown-esque area of San Jose). Actually going to SR tomorrow as well for stepdad’s 80th birthday. But had a true St. Patty’s dinner with live Irish music, themed drinks, and good old bangers and mash and corned beef hash

 

[shaescott]

Gigs thanks re: the dress! I haven’t really gotten emotional in it, more excited. I’ll probably get emotional putting it on day of. I guarantee I’m gonna cry at some point. And yes, the ticker really does look like me!

I hear you regarding the timing. I personally worry about being heavily pregnant in summer, that sounds like a very unpleasant experience and how to pass out as soon as it hits 80 degrees (I already don’t handle the humid heat well). I also worry about going through morning sickness in summer, I worry I’ll walk outside and vomit from the heat. Luckily we have good AC but obviously we can’t control the outdoors. If I get pregnant during the honeymoon we’ll be due in March, which seems like a decent month, but of course I’ll spend summer puking and unable to drink alcohol lol. Worth it for the baby, but still a bummer.

I’m hoping your DH’s rule breaking leads to a BFP!

Winter thank you for the dress compliment

Dobs ugh I’m sorry there’s more school drama. This is just ridiculous, I’m so sorry this is happening to you. I’m glad you’ve got to have some fun the past two weekends, I’m sure it was much needed.

AFM really hoping I have a normal cycle now (and from now on), because if I got my period on the 7th of March like I think I did, and I have normal cycles from here on out, I can still ovulate and therefore get pregnant during my honeymoon. I found a cute video announcement on Etsy that says “our sweet honeymoon” with a globe and a passport and then the letters for the word “souvenir” come into the frame below it and baby shoes and a baby bottle come into the frame as well as an ultrasound photo. Highly considering that for our social media announcement.
I don’t think I can post a video so here’s the beginning and the end screenshotted:

Might do two so more people see it, the second just being a photo announcement that says honeymoon souvenir.

If we don’t end up having a honeymoon baby, there’s a photo announcement I really like that says “our next great adventure”

Or we could do one with the Bible verse that says “for this child we prayed”.

Recently been realizing I haven’t taken my prenatal vitamins in like a month. I need to get back on that.

My future MIL and I finished making my veil today (she did most of it, I sewed the decorative piece on at the end because I have smaller fingers and she was having trouble). I have my hair and makeup trial tomorrow afternoon, I’m definitely nervous for that. I want a really natural look. I hate when my eyebrows are filled in because I look super intense so I’ll ask if she can use clear gel or something to make them neat but not intense, or what suggestions she has. I think I look bad with winged eyeliner and I definitely look bad with black eyeliner, it’s just too harsh against my coloring so instead of complimenting my features it stands out garishly. I’m definitely a summer (I’m talking about seasonal color analysis, if you’re not familiar) and super dark colors are a big no no. I buy mascara in brown black instead of black for this reason. Maybe some soft brown pencil eyeliner would be okay, the liquid makes harsh lines that also don’t generally work well with my features. I’ll see what she says though. I’ll post examples in a second post, it won’t let me attach more photos lol.

 

[shaescott]

So here are some of my inspiration pics on my wedding Pinterest board in the makeup section:


And here are hair examples:

 

[DobbyForever]

Wait I missed pages lol

Shae the dress is stunning! I always liked the braid half your with wavy crimpy hair for weddings so I’m pro bottom two. Love both announcements very cute hoping you get to send one soon after the honeymoon

Gigs I think that’s a great plan to start in may and try a specific timeframe if the age is a factor, no need to justify it. You can always revisit too since p/o has been reliable. I agree though that’s risky business so excited to see if there’s a bfp

 

[gigglebox]

thanks ladies for your slip up well wishes Not to pull the religious card but all in His timing; it really has been that way for so many things in my life that I "think" I want at certain times, but the timing of the way things unfold always turns out better than I could have planned. That said, it would be so nice to have a November baby, but moreso a baby by the end of this year....but I also feel like that opportunity has passed. I wish all this with the job adjustments came up a couple of months ago, or better yet last year at this time when I was crazy broody and a year younger, but oh well. Anyway if we do the baby thing this will definitely be the last and I'll be getting my tubes tied, probably...which will be fun for the bd department and ease my mind about an "oopsie" when I'm too old. That's a legit fear of mine; that we'll decide against more and then it'll happen when I'm like early 40's or older. Or alternatively that I'll change my mind when I'm that old but feel like the ship has sailed for a 4th....there are a lot of women on here in that boat and it's not the kind of solidarity I'm looking for, ha.

Shae I LOVE the "next adventure" announcement!! That is so adorable!! I am going to have to keep that in mind Also it occurs to me that as of now there is a possibility we may be "bump buddies", which is kind of wild! I love the hair styles you picked. I wish I had done something similar, or at least hired a pro. A coworker did my hair and it had mostly fallen before I even made it to the isle. Honestly there is SO MUCH I would have changed about my wedding. The people in it for one haha, the bridesmaid dresses, my own dress, my hair....but it's just a reflection of my style at the time I suppose. I love your natural make up looks. Hubs hated my trial run on make up. He said it was too much and he prefers the way I typically wear my make up, so I actually did my own on my wedding day. No regrets.

Dobs I thought everything was sorted with the school?? How insanely frustrating!! Your Saint Paddy's sounds really enjoyable! I wish I had done more than I did. We just watched some educational videos about the origins of Saint Patrick's Day and had shamrock pancakes. I'm always like "maybe when the kids are older we'll do xyz" but I am always so unmotivated...I feel like St. Patrick's is a young person's game haha (the the bar go-ers). Or single people. Or older people without young kids. I don't know. I just don't feel like I'm in the right stage of life to embrace it fully.

 

[shaescott]

Dobs thank you!

Gigs there was a lot of God’s timing being in the early 40s in my family so definitely be careful if you don’t want that. My maternal grandmother had my mom and my aunt at 40 and 41 I believe, my paternal grandmother had my dad at 43.
I really hope we do end up bump buddies! I’ll be praying for that, it would be so fun!
Based on my trial today, I’m super glad I hired a professional. I thought about doing it myself, and yeah no, there’s no way I could’ve done anything nearly as nice as the stylist did for me.

AFM trial went great, I looked like a Disney princess, my hair looked like Belle’s and my makeup was a soft natural look with blush elevating it to princess level. I’m obsessed. I was so sad to take it off.

 

[DobbyForever]

My best friend is 8.5w pregnant. It’s her ex’s, and she doesn’t want to tell him or her new bf. Sigh. Like I don’t want a baby but I don’t not want a baby.

 

[shaescott]

Dobs oof. That’s rough. Unfortunately it sounds like something she should tell them sooner rather than later.

AFM pics from after trial

 

[DobbyForever]

I love it!! Very subtle but gorgeous!

Yeah the issue is she broke up with ex and broke his heart. He would want her to keep the baby and be together. Current bf is a flaky guy that’s been fwb unreliably for years. He’s really emotionally unstable and unhealthy and frankly a crap bf in so many ways. He would not want a baby and he def doesn’t want to be around another guy’s baby. So she knows once she says something her already flight risk of a bf is taking off so she’s just delaying the inevitable vs ripping the band aid off.

im also super worried because she didn’t test until just yesterday. She’s been drinking heavily every weekend. She had 7 shots by the time I got to dinner for st Patrick’s

 

[WinterBub]

I love your after trial pics, Shae! The half up/braid is gorgeous. And I think it will all go really well with your dress. This is all so exciting and lovely!! Im so excited for you, for your wedding day, and for all the new adventures that are unfolding for you both.

That absolutely sucks about school, Dobby. I just don't get it. It just seems like nobody is interested in making school positive for A, and helping him to just be his best self there. I dont know... Wish that I had advice or something for you. Just know that he is so lucky to have a Mom who understands him, and advocates for him

...I hope the pregnancy situation works out for your friend. She's ended up in quite a pickle there.

I'll add my fingers crossed for a surprise BFP, Giggle! Here's to hoping that those pull out rules are really strict, and OH slipped up just enough! I was wondering- do you do school all through the year, or do you take summer off like "regular" school does? I'm going to have to look at some activities for LO for this summer. Spring break was fun, but I think we need some set activities for the long summer break. He's clearly ready for more school than 3 mornings/week.

AFM- still waiting on those last blood test results. Hopefully they will be in tomorrow. And have been offline due to family drama. Not sure how much I've gotten into this before: but, my brother is/was a pretty serious alcoholic. He had a lovely life, and destroyed it all: marriage broke down, he was making awful decisions for his kids (dangerous), destroyed a very high paying job... And now needs near constant help from my parents. I cut him off as when he called me to "make amends" he basically just spoke about how unfair life has been to him (not true), and that his wife was abusive (not true) and my parents were also borderine abusive (not true). Like zero accountability for the fact that his decisions were the problem. Anyway, he's been having health issues which are clearly either that hes drinking again or has caused permanent issues with past abuse. My parents are coddling him and agree with him that he actually has long COVID. Y'all- he had COVID 18m ago and it was very mild. Like no fever, better in a couple of days. No mention of long COVID until this week. Now my parents just know that's exactly what happened. I feel like throwing in the towel. I can barely speak to them because they're so obsessed with him, and enable him/excuse all bad behavior. It is so frustrating. Just a vent as this has been going on for 5-10 years, and I'm just done with it.

 

[gigglebox]

I'm so sorry Winter I can relate, my incarcerated brother got all this sympathy when he was going through his crap, and despite personally being affected by his actions (in a horrid way I can't say on here), my parents just couldn't absorb anything else and thus my issues were set aside and it was all about him for a bit. Even growing up, he was coddled and I don't know why. I never wanted to be in anyone's pocket so I worked for my first car, phone, etc. He had it handed to him, and was on my parent's phone plan until he was incarcerated. He was kind of making moves toward adulting better then s* hit the fan. I also was on the receiving end of a "faux apology" when he sent me a letter that started out an apology, then turned into him Anyway that really sucks that your parents are sinking so much effort into what might feel like a lost cause. Is he getting any counseling or has he done any rehab? What caused him to drink in the first place? And what theheck is "long" covid? I've never heard that expression before right now.

Dobby yikes....does she want to keep it? It's definitely Dad's right to know so I hope she at least tells him soon. I wouldn't worry too much about the drinking...my understanding is that's pretty common early on. If she continues, well, that IS a problem. But hey, if she's your best friend, I'm wondering if maybe you are meant to help her through this as the savvy vet? I'm sure she is really scared right now. That is not an easy position to be in for anyone.

Shae you do look like a princess! I hope I don't offend by saying you're giving me Belle vibes, but that's what I'm getting. And that ain't bad!! I agree with Winter, you are going to look killer in your dress with this styling!!

AFM...sick as crap!! Hit me this weekend and has just got progressively worse. We've had a virus run through the whole family but of course for me it's just gotten worse. Everyone else was better in two days. I feel bad because hubby has had to take off work to caretake for the kids. My Mom is out of town so I can't call in her reinforcements. Maybe MIL would want to help, I can suggest that to hubby...he have to take them over there though...

In good news, BIL took the job offer for hubby's shop! yay! They're still finishing up closing the second location to bring everyone back to the first location, then the new 4 day schedules will start for everyone. So we'll see how things progress

 

[gigglebox]

Winter sorry totally forgot to answer your question about school. We school year-round, that way we can take a more laid back approach and skip days as needed. For example this week....we haven't done squat since I've been sick. They've been watching hubby play minecraft *eye roll* how do we turn that educational? I'm open to suggestions haha
anywho we typically focus on two subjects a day which helps my oldest since he isn't the greatest and flip flopping subjects all willy-nilly. Also he takes a while to complete a lesson so it gives us more freedom with our schedule, which I like. My K kid doesn't have a whole lot to tackle yet so we knock out his language arts and math lessons as he feels up for it. Sometimes that's just one lesson in a day, sometimes it's multiple lessons in a day. I let him guide it. He is motivated by getting treats for finishing lessons (he likes lollipops!)