General chatter while we wait (and commentary on the "pull out method")

[shaescott]

Warning: lots of religion talk coming

Winter was your friend converting to the Catholic Church by any chance? I know the Catholic Church is a big proponent of NFP because they don’t believe in birth control, partially (according to them) because of the chance of it acting as an ab*rtifacient due to the thinning of the uterine lining, and partially because it interfere’s with God’s plan, like with NFP God could make you ovulate early if He wanted to. I think God is powerful enough to overcome birth control if He wanted, personally, but I don’t want to ever get another IUD because I don’t want to risk an egg fertilizing and being prevented from implanting. I’m also firmly Protestant, so I don’t expect to agree with them on a LOT lol.

When it comes to kids, we’re pretty much on the same page. We want to raise them Christian and going to church at least fairly frequently, which is the main thing. We both would ideally prefer to either homeschool or do a private Christian school (which is far more expensive than homeschooling so far less likely). We do disagree on baptism, as I believe in believer’s baptism and he believes in infant baptism, but I’m fine with our kids getting baptized as infants and choosing when they’re older if they’d like to also do a believer’s baptism, I don’t think it’s going to hurt anything. I also believe that water baptism is not required for salvation, and SO does (which is objectively biblically wrong, he just hasn’t done enough Bible reading to know that, but I digress), so I’m fine with making him feel at ease by baptizing our babies considering he currently has that belief. I am far more religious than he is, so he doesn’t particularly care how deep we go into education on our faith with our kids, but doesn’t seem to mind that I want to make it a big thing, because I personally believe that God is *the* most important thing and that as a Christian it will be my job as a mother to disciple my children and teach them about Jesus. I would really love if he wanted to take more of the role of spiritual leader (which is a biblical thing, the husband is supposed to lead the household spiritually), but I also understand that he just isn’t that person, at least right now.

I hope and pray that the blood tests come back normal. The invasive tests really scare me because of the risks. At the same time, if you’re high enough risk for an abnormality, it’s very much a risk benefit situation.

I’m also curious about a separate space for your DH. Do you mean like sleeping in separate rooms or having personal office or lounge type space where you can have alone time? The latter I definitely want in a house, at least SO needs an office for his computer set up. I want it out of the bedroom ASAP, having it in our bedroom annoys me lol. He also is more introverted and needs more alone time. I rarely get that way. With sleeping spaces, I definitely don’t want to sleep separate from him.

Gigs that’s awful about the spontaneous combustion fire. I don’t know a ton about cars, but I do know that that can happen without anyone doing anything wrong.

Re: SO talking to the pastor alone, our church has multiple pastors, we have a lead pastor but neither this pastor nor the original one were the lead pastor, so I don’t think it matters.

 

[gigglebox]

you know shae, I've looked at your ticker before but I never actually registered in my mind that it's a bride walking down an isle toward the groom! That is so cute!!! Ahh that makes sense about the pastors. Just wondering, how often do you go to church? We are religious but haven't found a church here. We do occasionally listen to streams of a local church but haven't checked it out in person. I just haven't found something that fits...I like the pastor from that church but certain topics of discussion spike my anxiety so I'm not sure how to navigate that. Since you don't know what the topic will be before you go, I get too nervous to go. Plus with all the kids I'm just not sure...I am apprehensive about leaving them for Sunday School while we attend the sermon, even though it's in the same building. I have trust issues lol

Winter I know it sucks to just sit and speculate while you wait for the next scan, but try not to worry until you have more information. Right now things are just "out of range of the norm"; that on its own means squat. Could still be totally normal (and likely is), so try to distract your mind as much as you are able And yes, my kiddo was fine all in all. Any issues he had were unrelated to the NT scan, probably. He did have to have surgery for undescended testicles before he was a year old (I think he was about 6 months); they said one didn't have to do with the other but I'm wondering if maybe his systems were slow to develop, including his reproductive system, hence the delayed lymphatic system development which caused the hygroma. I'm just spit-firing though, obviously I am no rocket surgeon He has never been diagnosed officially but I suspect (as does my mom who worked in SPED and his former language pathologist) he is also high-functioning autistic (I'm 90% sure my Dad also was on the spectrum but never was diagnosed) but again, that has nothing to do with the hygroma.

 

[WinterBub]

Thank you, giggle. You're right- The unknown is what's driving me nuts. And it seems like we cant catch a break. My LO was throwing up overnight and clearly has some sort of virus. I'm going to be so upset if I get sick and can't do the Fing rescan. Anyway, enough of my never ending bad news. You're right, and I just need to wait for more information. After the run we had trying naturally, it is hard not to think the worst now.

I'm a bit conflicted when it comes to church. I've been to sermons where I disagree with whatever the topic is. And I also don't feel like I have to accept/agree with all of the church's stances. To me, religion is personal and church is about the community (which we do enjoy). I agree on what I consider the "big things", so I am happy to bite my tongue on certain issues. We agree to disagree as it were.

I won't comment on your choices, Shae. Not because I disagree, but hecause I think they're personal and for you to decide. Sounds like you've been over these things, and you have an understanding

 

[FutureMrs]

Hi everyone!! I occasionally creep here but having nothing to add, Winter I came to this thread when trying for my first whose now almost 6, my middle baby was born with a genetic issue (22q deletion syndrome) and a complex heart. She had two open heart surgeries in her first 6 months. I just wanted offer some perspective from the other side as a parent with a baby who had some issues, no matter what you hear you will thrive. I pray everything is okay with your babe but I can whole heartedly say I wouldn’t change a thing about my girl. She is so so amazing and she has taught my husband and I so much. My life is much fuller with her in it and our experiences with her have taught us so much. I am much happier and have a much better outlook on life than I did before her arrival.

I just wanted to offer you some perspective from the other side. I am sure your next scan will be just fine and I’m sending you lots of good vibes!

We added a third baby after her and he is a healthy boy!

i hope everyone else is well

 

[WinterBub]

Thank you for stopping by and sharing, FutureMrs. DiGeorge Syndrome is one of the tests I should be hearing about soon, as it was offered as part of an expanded NIPT. It's so nice to hear your perspective and hear that your little girl has a happy life I appreciate both your good vibes and your willingness to share your experience.

 

[Flueky88]

Sorry just feeling overwhelmed with life right now. So going to be short.


Shae I can't remind if I said before but glad you have a pastor lined up. The pics of you and SO were great. You both look genuinely happy.

Winter, so sorry LO is sick. I really hope you don't catch it and you can go to your next appt. Hope LO is feeling better.

Gigs, well I'm glad it wasn't suspicious. Also, as awful as it may sound I'm relieved it happened to other owner. Although, I hate it happened at all. Also, glad no one was injured.

Dobby, I hope you and A are doing well. Thinking of you.


AFM, I managed to lose almost a lb from 2 weeks ago. I'm pleased with that. However we are going on vacation soon so I expect to gain some. I want to be mindful but also enjoy myself. When we come back I'm planning on fixing that mint oreo cheesecake so I may skip weighing next weekend.

Been working in purchasing my leased van. Our heating element on dishwasher has rust on it. We've never liked the dishwasher so we are just getting a new one. I know we could easily but the part and replace it but it's a bit of a crappy one and a dishwasher is used a lot. We usually run it 2 to 3x/day and occasionally 4x. We rather put money towards something we like. Will most likely try to see the old one one a local buy, sell, trade group. S had her check up yesterday and all is well. Very tall and normal weight for her height. So just lots to do one top of work, including having to handwash all our dishes.

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

 

[gigglebox]

Future!!! So nice to see you stop in! Aww when did you have your little boy? I'm glad all is going well with you. I have been reading back in this thread as a past time and was just looking at your old posts. We were recently talking about everyone who's been through this thread and hoping everyone was/is well, so glad to see you come say hello! Do you think you're done at 3?

over here, hubby/the company offered his brother some job perks to try and keep him. He will be thinking about it this weekend and we'll see hopefully next week what he decides. btw the position is to be a cop in the city, which makes all of us nervous. He was a cop before he worked for hubby and we were always worried about him. He's been in some hairy situations, and that was out in the country...the city is so much worse. He has 3 kids, I just don't even like thinking about what could happen! I can't imagine SIL is on board with this but maybe she is? I guess the main perk is they offer retirement, which the shop can't do. But he's been given the opportunity to buy in to partial ownership to the company....we'll just have to see.

 

[gigglebox]

Ugh fluek I've been there with the dishwasher issue! I definitely suggest checking local hardware stores (like lowes) for dent & scratch discount appliances. We got a fantastic deal on a floor model dishwasher because it had a small dent in the front. I think it was well over a thousand dollars and we got it new for less that $800 if I remember correctly. Also I believe it was the floor model and I talked to a manager for it I'm a bargain shopper by nature, I rarely buy things full price...but definitely worth finding something new at a discount than gambling with something used, imo...but I also get screwed a lot on second hand purchases so...

 

[FutureMrs]

Hi Gigs!! I would love to know where and how everyone is doing from those posts way back in 2017-2018!! Baby boy was born in June, I am very much like you on the fence, I would love a fourth but it would be a stretch financially and we are about to start a business which will occupy a ton of my husbands time. I am 36 so I feel like time is ticking. My husband is from a family of 8 so he would really like atleast one more!
Lol

 

[WinterBub]

Handwashing dishes is so tedious once you've gotten used to a dishwasher! We've had similar issues with the dryer, washer, and washing machine. It is so ridiculous that it is basically impossible to repair these things, and now you have to just buy a whole new unit. We've had to buy two washing machines in the past few years. If it helps at all- we've had the best luck with Maytag appliances. Both GE and Whirlpool not so much.

Hope that BIL takes the job, giggle! Sounds like the best outcome for everyone...

 

[DobbyForever]

Shae just to be obnoxious and in all honesty I read it when you first posted but didn’t respond and now my brain is mushy… I know we’re in clutch zone and your wedding is right in prime wedding season, but is this pastor really the one? It sounds like there isn’t a great connection between him and SO plus he doesn’t have the same vision as you for your ceremony. I understand compromising here and there because it’s important to you to have a pastor and it feels like a bit of a scramble to replace the other one… but idk. Call me bridezilla, but what is said and done in the ceremony (to me) is a huge part of having a wedding and shelling out all of this money for it. If it isn’t meaningful, what was the point? Religion not being hugely important to me, I’d rather have someone I connect with officiating and/or officiating in the way I want it done. Also, if you could pick up on a stuffy/tense energy just in the meeting then who is to say that he won’t give that off during your ceremony? Were any other pastors available that day? BUT I do know in the moment and on that day, and for the rest of your lives, what’s going to matter is it’s your wedding to the man you love and who loves you. So I guess ultimately all else is technically irrelevant.

Winter color me the black sheep of the thread but I totally get that. My mom was talking about building a unit for A and me to live on her property but detached. She was like you could get more breaks because I’d be just across the yard, but it’s not the same. Sometimes, you just want to completely separate. And being in a room in the same house just won’t cut it unless you have a big a** mansion hoping all goes well at the next scan :hugs

Gigs 6 months for a job! Must be important. The one shop working part time but getting paid full sounds like a good deal to me!

Future good to see you!

sorry crab was on sale for $7 for a whole a** crab and it just finished boiling bbl

 

[WinterBub]

Ah yes, I never replied about the townhouse/duplex idea/joke! He's just a bit of a loner at times, the kind of person who enjoys alone time, and I think he just finds it hard to share every single space with us. And as you all know, kids tend to take over every room somehow... He also had such a plush and pampered early adulthood and sometimes that comes across. He had a very good job right out of college. So when we met, he'd been living alone for a long time, had a cleaner etc for probably a decade. Whereas I chose the liberal arts path, so I was poor and living paycheck to paycheck, living in share houses etc. I can put up with a lot of annoying things because of those experiences that he never had. And, in all honesty I can kind of dig the duplex idea- say you had a duplex that met in the middle with a big shared kitchen/diner/living room. So you'd have a whole half that was yours to organize however you wanted. I'd love to have my own garage and entryway I wouldn't want to have a different bedroom to him, though.

 

[gigglebox]

Actually Winter the idea of two connected houses that you make your own space sounds kind of awesome. Expensive and maybe a little frivolous, but so cool!! It would be neat to have our own spaces and our own taste in decor everywhere. No compromising. I dig it. That said, I guess compromise makes an successful marriage and blah blah blah I will say you may get that similar feel out of each of you just having a room of your own. I kind of feel that now.

Future wow that is relatable! 36 here too, and hearing that clock tick tick ticking away. It occurs to me that I hugely regretted not having a smaller age gap between ds1 and ds2 and I'm headed for that again if I decide to try for "one more" later...or will just have to deal with the regret of not trying. But I was at peace with things (ie no more kids) and because of circumstances with the job, things changed. I was EXTREMELY broody about a year ago but we decided it wasn't a good decision because of finances.
Hubs also started a business the same month ds3 was born. It was super scary but everything worked out. I do think I felt the stress of him working longer hours but we made it through. What kind of business does he want to start? Also what is it about a big family that he liked? There were 3 kids in my family, I liked it enough but wonder what a bigger family has to offer that a family of 5 doesn't. For the record I want to want to have a bigger family

Yummmmy crab! What kind of crab Dobs? That's, like, my fave food. Yeah 6 months -- read: government job. They take their sweet time.

 

[shaescott]

Oh boy, whole bunch of posts, read them but can’t remember crap

Dobs I think the pastor will be fine, he definitely wasn’t trying to be judgey or anything, he didn’t make any judgey comments, and I do prefer at least a somewhat religious ceremony, that’s the point of getting a pastor versus justice of the peace lol. I know that any concern he has is coming from a good place, I’m quite confident that his utmost priority is following God, and as a pastor that’s definitely what his priority should be lol. He suggested we attend a new group that is starting at our church for engaged and married young couples, and we definitely need community so I signed us up for that. I looked at what he wanted for the ceremony and how I could compromise with that to also get what I want lol, and I’m going to send it to him to see what he says.

Gigs we used to go to church almost every Sunday but since getting my new job we honestly haven’t been in months, now I work every other weekend and so we just end up busy on the other Sunday. We go to a non-denominational church and it really doesn’t touch on controversial topics at all, which on one hand is nice but on the other hand I feel like there are certain things the church should speak up on, personally. Of course, all non-denominational churches are different since they’re not regulated by a denomination lol, so I’d say just try a few in your area and see which ones you like best and pick one. Or even just start by looking at their website, that’s what I did.

 

[WinterBub]

I just logged on to the NIPT provider's website and cleared hurdle number one ! Baby is XX, and tested negative for T13, T18, T21, sex chromosome disorders, as well as 5 microdeletion syndromes. Still not the all clear, but a great start

 

[WinterBub]

The church group could be really fun! That sounds like a great way to meet other young couples in the same phase of life as you. Would be fun if y'all end up having babies together.

And Giggle- OH did have a man cave! He plays video games, so we set up a bedroom as his games room. But then he wanted to play games during the day on weekends when LO was around, so he let him bring toys etc in there. And we try to keep Lego only in that room. It's now basically LO's Lego room. But that was totally self inflicted!

 

[shaescott]

Winter that’s so awesome! I’m so glad to hear that baby girl tested negative for everything so far.

Yeah I’m excited about the church group, they said kids welcome so maybe I’ll get to see a baby haha, I got to bring a patient to see her baby in the NICU the other day and oh my goodness I about died from how precious that baby was. I absolutely melted. I hadn’t seen a newborn in person in so incredibly long and it was just crazy. I want one so bad

 

[gigglebox]

haha, dang kids, they just kind of start trickling into all the rooms over time, don't they? My room is "off limits", but I always find my stuff messed with or random toys in here.
Also yay Winter!!! That is really encouraging!!

Shae if the group continues beyond your honeymoon, maybe you could meet some potential mom friends with similar age kids & beliefs? That would be pretty sweet!

 

[WinterBub]

So, had my rescan and everything was within the normal range no sign of the "suspected cystic hygroma". The doctor said either it resolved in the past week or it was just a bad angle last week. And in his words "I'm not worried either way- with ultrasounds we worry when we see persistence". So, things are back to looking good. What an awful week of worrying. Still waiting on one blood test (Vistara), but all in all in a much better spot. I'd be mad about all the unnecessary worry from most likely a bad scan, but I'm too relieved and happy to care.

 

[gigglebox]

Awww Winter see if you had a scan at a "normal" time, you would have never even known it was there! I'm so sorry you went through all that unnecessary worry, but glad the relief has outweighed that. How has hubby been dealing with everything?

afm....I think my ovaries have completely decided against popping any eggs any time soon. The left was starting to get painful, but to be honest, I started getting a ton of anxiety (partially over the decision about another kid) and the discomfort just faded an hasn't hurt at all for a couple of days. I'm not sure if this will just be an anovulatory cycle or it'll be late ovulation....I guess time will tell. I'm just trying not to think about it. I got so overwhelmed about the pros and cons of a 4th kid the past week or so...I finally just let it all go and feel better but still thinking about it here and there.

One of the things really getting me is if we decide to go for it, about gender disappointment. Hubby is having the same feeling. He really wants a daughter, too....we're a bit afraid of what we'll feel if it's another boy. To be completely honest, I don't think I'd be as thrilled about a 4th if you told me it was for sure going to be another boy. I feel like if it goes down that way we'll obviously love him and ultimately be happy but I know I will be upset and I hate that. I felt it a little last time but it wasn't that bad because I was truly happy either way; this time would truly be a hope for a girl and that's a lot of pressure!