General chatter while we wait (and commentary on the "pull out method")

[shaescott]

Dobs oof I really hope she tells the father. It sounds like he’d be absolutely devastated if she decided not to keep it I hope the drinking didn’t cause any issues. I think I read that weekend binge drinking causes less damage to the baby than like daily drinking, I could be wrong though. Why did she dump the old reliable bf for Mr. Flaky? Did she have a good reason or do you think she’s just making less than ideal choices?

Winter I’m sorry about your brother. People with addiction can be very manipulative and refuse to take responsibility, unfortunately. Coddling him is only going to make things worse, of course. Sometimes the most loving thing a parent can do is stop financially supporting their adult child in their addiction and cut them off with the promise that they are welcome back when sober and ready to take responsibility for their actions. Is he having liver issues? Ascites? Jaundice? Pancreatitis? Excessive bruising? If any of the above, definitely from the drinking. Long COVID doesn’t just pop up 18 months later, it’s generally symptoms that continue for a long time after, like fatigue, headaches, etc.

Gigs oh goodness I remember when SHTF with your brother. Have your parents gotten over themselves and stopped supporting him, or are they still downplaying what he did?

I’m glad your BIL took the job offer to stay with your DH’s company! I’m sorry you’re sick though

I also thought I looked like Belle haha, no offense taken! I told SO I thought my hair made me look like Belle and he agreed.

 

[DobbyForever]

Gigs I can see the Christmas argument. My mom is a Christmas baby, and it really does suck for her. Herpresents get lumped in with Christmas. She never really gets a special birthday celebration that isn’t taken over by Christmas. If you do go out of your way to separate the two, that’s a huge financial burden in a short amount of time to have all those winter holidays plus a birthday. So I get it. I’m not a fan BUT I will say if I have a baby I would probably aim for a Jan due date so then I can just peace out of work the rest of the school year My coworker had her baby the week before Thanksgiving I think and she comes back a week after Spring break. So if you plan it right then we get two weeks off for winter break then just go on mat leave for the rest of the year buahaha.

Kudos to the BIL for the new job even though it’s a bummer to be down a person. Glad to hear there’s movement on consolidating to one shop though!

I agree! I know three people who got whoopsie pregnant in their early 40s because they thought they were past the point of getting pregnant or had complications.

O pains are a pain but handy. I get the. But I also just get random pain there when I'm not Oing. But instinctually and timing wise I can tell when it's O vs pcos acting up.

My hospital bill for A was around 6-7k if I’m not mistaken. Part of why I kept his dad around besides it being easier for custody/child support if he willingly signed the birth certificate vs proving paternity. His company paid for it all, and I wasn’t trying to get stuck paying it or even paying half of it lol.

Winter I’m sorry to hear about your brother. It’s one thing when it’s the sibling and another when the parents completely enable. I’m def millennial family is family but we can choose our family in the sense that it’s okay to separate from toxic people. It’s hard when they are close, but I’ve basically ended my relationship with my brother. I have to coexist in certain spaces, but ultimately I don’t talk to him or about him with my family. I’ve cut out one cousin almost entirely except forced situations I can’t get out of. My life is just so much better limiting those encounters and drama. I do hope he gets the help that he needs in time.

Gigs hugs. I remember you mentioning a lot of that int he earlier day of the thread.
Re St. Patrick’s my students barely did anything. Mostly because they are spring fever behavior and not following expectations, so they lost the privilege to dick around for a day lol. I’m good not doing that again. Once was enough haha. Rather save the $200+ and go to bed on time.

So the school situation is exactly as I predicted three months ago. A was on a diagnostic trial, where he had to improve on four categories of behavior at a ridiculous inflated %. He met all four criteria. But the SpEd director is in a pissing contest with me and is still offering SDC. I have a call with my lawyer on Friday, but idk what is going to happen on Monday when his trial is officially over. And they are refusing to write his report card.

Re the friend, I love her but her maturity is lacking. There have been multiple periods where we didn’t talk for months to years over things like being hungover when she was supposed to help with A or doing dangerous things. She has commitment issues. I’ve tried to gently encourage therapy for her to get to the root of it. I met her, she was engaged. She cheated on him then dated a guy I adored and who adored her for years. He started pushing engagement and babies, so she cheated on him. Then she went through a serious of progressively more abusive guys. Then she started dating nice guys again a couple years ago. But she always ends her relationships with cheating first and I point out if she’s cheating then she needs to break up. She’ll have all these lame reasons for not liking her partner anymore. They’re too boring, there’s no spark, they can’t read her mind… the last guy she said she hated how he paid for everything: he paid for groceries and her rent and all their dates and hung up all her stuff. She said it made her feel codependent. But then her new bf is doing the same thing… This guy is just shiny and she’s obsessed with the fact this is the first time he said he wants her to be his gf (he still acts the same douche way as before but now he’s willing to give her a label so that’s emotional growth….) I know. pot calling kettle black lol. Idk. She had an ultrasound yesterday. She joked that she could just give it to the ex when she drops off his stuff. But it's crazy. She's not stereotypically attractive, she's not particularly articulate or educated, she did just land a job as a sub this last fall for a private charter district but she was unemployed since pre covid before that, she lived with her mom in a broken down trailer until about a year ago yet. She has the biggest, BIGGEST heart though. Not a mean bone in her body. She's everyone's ride or die. I throw a party for A, even though she is late to EVERYTHING else in life... she will show up at like 8am to help set up and plan and get s* done or babysit A. She shows up hard for her people. But yeah she is constantly pulling these guys who love to spoil her and treat her like a goddess. And I'm like can I get some lessons please? BUT she has a lot of unresolved PTSD from the most abusive bf. I thought he was just emotionally abusive but she let slip the other day there was also physical abuse.

I don't think she's really handling it. She's hasn't said much about her emotional state. Just that she's upset because this isn't how she envisioned being pregnant. She doesn't have a partner or a husband. She's struggling financially and just took out a hefty personal loan. To help with her bills, she let a friend move in, but he's an alcoholic who totaled his car and subsequently lost his job. She has a job but it's a job. It's not a career and it doesn't pay well. Outside of that, she hasn't really told me much about her state of mind. So I know it's not good and she's just shoving it down.

I am going to spoil this because trigger warning.

Spoiler

It does make me angry though. Like if she is planning on keeping it, which she hasn't said otherwise, then how is that fair? She's not taking care of herself or her pregnancy. I'm angry for her baby, and I can't really say anything to her because she's in a really vulnerable position. I'm the only person she's even trusted to tell she was pregnant. I don't want to jump down her throat for being irresponsible when she needs me most. But like it does trigger me.

 

[WinterBub]

School all year round makes perfect sense! Learning loss over the summer is a real thing that happens. So, it totally makes sense in your shoes to take things a little slower and just do it year round. Sounds like good news is coming in for the shop (and potential baby!)

I'm sorry for your experiences with your brother, Giggle. It sounds like that was even worse and had an even worse outcome. The way you talk about your parents behavior is exactly how mine are with my brother and it is totally baffling. I guess it's just a trap that parents fall into. My Mom always coddled and favored him, now they both do. I don't even think they know that they're lying for him/coddling/enabling him. I haven't spoken to him since March 2020. They told me a year ago he was "doing really well". And then I later found out that last August he'd been at their house and called the police because my Dad wouldn't let him have alcohol delivered there. Why lie for him? So . I just find it all really frustrating, and I don't like that he has 50% custody of his kids, but seemingly is incapable of looking after them alone. They help with the kids (which is good), lying about how fit he is to have them (very bad). He has been to rehab, and some weird hippie therapy getaways. He's just very self centered (always has been) and the whole thing is a mess. He's also very entitled to their help, and totally unappreciative of all they do for him, and yet they have totally centred their lives around him. The "long COVID" just sent me over the edge. You can have long term issues after any virus (chronic fatigue etc), but he doesn't suddenly have long COVID a year a half later. That whole debacle is just more of the same enabling that is unhelpful. I know he has had stomach issues and some other things already that were the result of past binges. I suspect he was drinking again recently which is what caused him to have a seizure. Addicts lie, but they 100% believe he's been sober for months. Maybe... But yeah, the "long COVID" just makes me more convinced they're lying to themselves. Anyway... Thank you for the sympathy and for letting me vent! I don't want to argue with them, but I'm also 100% not going to give them the impression that I think their behavior re: him is ok.

Having babies is an inherently unfair thing, Dobby. It is so hard when it seems like someone who doesn't want a baby/is doing all the wrong things gets one, and someone who would be so happy to be pregnant does not. It's just one of those things. I totally understand your frustration when you're a bystander in a situation like this. I hope that she takes this as a sign to change what she's doing. The baby's Dad sounds like a good guy. I hope that she starts to value herself, and can accept his love/have a happy little family.

I hope that everything turns out well for A. If he hit the goals... Like why the drama? I don't know- it's truly sickening that you have a lawyer to have your child be allowed to go to school. I hope you get good news on Monday.

I'd also be happy to be compared to Belle, Shae! I feel like she's the best Disney Princess! What do you have left to organize for the wedding? Or is everything more or less in hand? Do you have a good photographer?

And hi Flueky! I know you'd said things were stressful right now- if you're reading along, hope all is well.

 

[WinterBub]

They just called and my more in depth genetic blood test was all good! I will still get some extra scans to check the heart, but it seems like all is well!

 

[shaescott]

Winter yikes, the entitlement is crazy. Unfortunately I’ve found it’s very common with addicts, they turn into very unpleasant people while in the throws of addiction. When they get sober they sometimes recover from that attitude, thank God. If he had a seizure recently, I can tell you with 99% confidence that he was drinking and stopped for a few days and went into withdrawal. Withdrawal from alcohol can cause seizures (and can be life threatening) in people with heavy alcohol use. Most alcoholics who have been through withdrawal present themselves to the ER when they start getting bad withdrawal symptoms because they know they could have a seizure and die, and at the hospital we can give them benzodiazepines (Ativan, Valium, etc) to reduce their symptoms and prevent seizures. If the benzos don’t do it, they end up on a sedative drip called precedex, they’re often restrained due to agitation, and often they get intubated to protect their airway. All that to say, I agree with you, he hasn’t been sober if he had a seizure and doesn’t have epilepsy, and he’s gotten to the point of putting his life at risk every time he drinks and stops, far faster than liver failure could. Additionally, his “stomach issues” if he didn’t see a doctor could very well be pancreatitis from acute drinking episodes, or alternatively he could have esophageal varices from long term damage. I see alcoholics so darn often at work, and I’ve sent more than one to the ICU because of how hard they were withdrawing. It’s incredibly sad. Most of them are nice to me though, they know I’m there to keep them alive through withdrawal, so they usually don’t give me issues.

I’m so glad to hear the rest of the blood tests came back normal!

Re: Wedding planning, there’s lots of little details being figured out, like processional order and stuff like that. We decided not to hire a ceremony coordinator because of money, which means we have to coordinate it ourselves in conjunction with the pastor. But that’s what the rehearsal is for, I say. Still not sure if I’m going to order a silk flower arrangement to attach to the gazebo arch, I know it would look nice. At some point we need to make our wedding cross (one of those big standing ones). Waiting for all the RSVPs to come in to make the seating chart. We’ve gotten a few small gifts off our registry already, which is nice.

Dobs I’m sure it’s hard to watch someone be pregnant and not take care of themself. I wouldn’t say it’s unfair of her the keep the baby, if I were the baby I’d personally rather be alive in suboptimal conditions than dead, but it’s definitely unfair of her to not take care of herself and put the baby at risk. That’s very frustrating. I really hope she lets her ex be a dad to this baby and that she starts taking care of herself. As her friend, I think it’s totally okay for you to ask her if she’s taking prenatals and if she’s quit drinking, and highly recommend doing both if she hasn’t already. Looking out for her well being and the well being of her baby is a good thing, and she really shouldn’t be offended by you bringing that up in a caring way. If she is, that’s on her, not on you.

AFM I just requested a pre-conception appt with my midwife ideally for the end of May/beginning of June since we may end up NTNP during the honeymoon (I hope!). I am ovulating a little early this cycle (by like 2 days), I actually didn’t think I was ovulating because my cervix was lower yesterday morning but I took a test with the fertility monitor cuz it had been high the day before and low and behold, LH surge and maxed out estrogen (the test can detect up to 600, mine registered as 600)! Took an OPK and it was positive.

 

[DobbyForever]

Lazy post so tired.

Winter that’s so awesome!!! What wonderful news!

Shae do you maybe have a Type A friend who isn’t in the wedding party that might help for a smaller fee? Or maybe there’s a newbie who needs exposure? Like I have a friend who gets a high from coordinating and would be great handling s* day of when she isn’t sitting for the ceremony. You’ll manage without one. Plenty of people do! Just want you to be able to pass the buck to someone else if needed hehe. That’s sweet that people are getting gifts already! Hehe.

gigs, Fluek, any lurkers… .

i literally have to file a complaint with the state to get his report card. It’s ridiculous. She’s just petty.

 

[WinterBub]

Dobby: sigh. I wish you didn't have to deal with all this drama. Awesome that he seems to have done well overall, though. I hope that you get the outcome you're hoping for and he can stay where he is.

I bet your bridesmaids will help organize things like the procession, Shae if they know the deal, they will for sure be happy to sort of organize and take that bit off your hands. Like you say, I'm sure the rehearsal will help iron out any kinks. I've never heard of a wedding cross. What will you do with it? Just have it stand behind the altar? And what do you do with it afterwards? It sounds like you have everything in hand if you're up to thinking about things like the seating chart

And... Pre-conception appointment

Yeah, I'm mostly convinced the seizure was withdrawal, exactly like you said, Shae. And if not that, it was a consequence of damage done prior. It does seem like you can start having seizures if you're not drinking, but have drunk to excess in the past. His daughter (8) was the one who found him while it was happening, so I think the whole "long COVID" excuse is part of them convincing themselves the whole situation isn't as bad as it is. He has always been self-centred... And that always seemed to work for him: thus the high paying job. But, I guess it worked until it didn't. Anyway. Just trying to stay mostly uninvolved but not let my parents delude themselves.

 

[gigglebox]

Winter I am sorry, that's such a sticky situation since no one involved wants to deal with reality (i.e. neither your parents nor your brother). I've found changes in perspective are extremely difficult to induce on another person, despite how desperately they need to have one....I think trying to stay out of it is probably best, but it's hard when it's your family. Are you close to either of your parents? i.e. close enough to take them aside and have a heart to heart about just how serious everything is? I just don't even know what else to suggest since it sounds like your brother has "tried" different therapeutic avenues with no success. Honestly, and I hate to say it, this may be one of those you'll have to wait for him to truly hit rock bottom before anything changes situations. Like have some sort of medical emergency and medical professionals call him out on his addiction, one of those "if you don't change this, you'll die" professional opinions....I just don't know. But regardless, feel free to vent here any time!! Sometimes it just feels good to vent, and especially on here where you have some anonymity.

Dobs that is too bad about your friend. I wish I had something to suggest, but being in a tight place financially really complicates things....hopefully the Dad will be ready and willing to step up with support should she ask for it. See if it were me, I'd be like, just have the baby and then I'll take it half jokes....
Sorry about the ongoing struggle with the school. It just drives me absolutely crazy that someone would be such a petty c-u-next-tuesday with the well being of the child. Being mad at you is one thing, but why screw with the kid's life? What a piece of trash.

Shae sounds like you still have enough to keep you busy! I remember feeling like everything was totally stagnant at this point in the wedding game...it was like a couple months away where all the planning was done and I was just waiting. It's nice you have things to do for the wedding, and prepping for baby making days ahead, yay!! That is exciting!! What exactly is covered during a pre-conception appointment? Also with ovulating sooner than you expected, does that put you back on track (potentially) for being fertile during the honeymoon?

AFM...turns out I have covid, I guess? My sister in law shipped me some tests awhile ago and I remembered I had them under the sink, so I took one yesterday and it was blazing positive. It reminded me of a super positive pregnancy test, like when the pee hits the test line and it immediately turns pink (which is exactly what happened). in fact it was so reminiscent of it, I was having positive pregnancy test dreams last night (I dreamed I had what basically looked like a coloring book full of pictures of pregnancy test strips, and if you got it wet (with saliva) it would show you a positive or negative result; mine were all coming back positive lol). Anywho I was telling this to hubby about the covid, but he was telling me how some of those tests will pick up many different viruses, so I don't know...? I was actually wanting an opinion on that, this was the "Binax Now" test. Definitely seems like covid though, I have all the classic symptoms, to include loss of smell. I also got something super weird (for me) but evidently has been reported in something like 16% of covid patients, which is eye pain. Like my actual eyeballs are sore. Feels almost like a headache, but in my eyes when I move them around sometimes. Fortunately it's not a constant pain, but it is annoying and I hope for that to go away more than I hope for my smell to return...! Anyway I dodged it for 3 years but am in a weird way happy to have gotten it and it's pretty much behind me. I just sound nasal-y and have some lingering symptoms but feel SOOOOO much better than Wednesday. That was a rough day. That was when my sore throat was at its peek. Every time I swallowed it felt like I was swallowing course grains of sand or something. Now I just feel like I'm at the tail end of any other run of the mill cold.

 

[gigglebox]

Gigs oh goodness I remember when SHTF with your brother. Have your parents gotten over themselves and stopped supporting him, or are they still downplaying what he did?
.

Well my Dad has since passed, so there's that... *awkward inappropriate laughter* My Mom visits him whenever she can. I guess she went for over a year without seeing him during the lockdowns, but visits have resumed I guess so she still sees him. And fully supports him financially for his needs whilst in there. Also her estate is split three ways between me and both brothers. She'll also likely be who he stays with when released...that's all we've talked about, because I haven't talked to him in years and she wants to move closer (maybe....we'll see if that ever actually happens), so if she is in driving distance, he will be, too. She talked to me about that because she was gauging my comfort level with that.

I want her to live closer because I could use her help now, and the kids would love to have more time with her....but when he's out, that's a game changer and I just don't know. I'm trying not to think about it too much because he's still got about 10 years left or so. He had 17 total but I don't know if they'll shave any off for good behavior; I know he was going to go for that at one point but I don't know the likelihood of that or how much that will work. Anyway he's been in there 6 years now. Holy crap, typing that out is a bit mind blowing!! I can't believe that all went down 6 years ago!!

anyway...also my kids are absolutely not going to her house if he's living there, which I told her. It actually really complicates things because after he's released I'm not sure I will trust my kids at her place at all "just in case", even if he's not there....I'm not sure I would trust her to watch them at my house either without me being there just in case he tried to come over or something. The problem is I have no idea what his status is when he gets out and if he's a threat to my family or not. Typically people don't exit prison as model citizens...

I don't know I have a lot of thoughts lol sorry

 

[WinterBub]

I live flight distance away from my family, so thankfully that helps buffer my involvement. And I think you're right- they're all in denial and it will take some obvious awful new incident for my parents to break the spell of whatever BS they've bought into. I just hear it all from them and it sounds so obviously nutty, but seems normal to them

Geez, I'm sorry giggle. I find my current family drama exhausting... But what you've been through sounds awful. I understand completely and probably wouldn't want my brother nearby, either. I suppose a lot can change in 10 years, and yours kids will be older, but still. I wouldn't even leave my LO with my parents because this whole issue shows such a bizarre lack of judgement. Do you talk about him with your Mom? Or it is just this uncomfortable topic that everyone avoids? Sorry if I've dredged up unpleasant memories

Sorry for the covid. I almost asked if you'd taken a test! Glad that you're on the mend. I wonder if you got an older strain as it sounds like you have a lot of the delta symptoms (eye stuff, loss of sense of smell). I've had it twice and never gotten those! I've taken a test any time I've had a decent cold since whenever the tests were available and it never came up positive other than when I'm sure I really did have COVID. I also had my first go with covid confirmed by a hospital PCR as I was mid missed miscarriage and they tried to cancel me because i popped up positive. I was fully recovered, and it was more than 2 weeks since symptoms started, but my OB had to go to bat for me. It was a whole thing. So, I think the home tests are pretty accurate. That's with the Binax or some other when that came in an orange box from Amazon

 

[gigglebox]

I remember when you had that issue with the covid test with the m/c. I still give major kudos to your OB for sticking up for you! Honestly I haven't cared to have a confirmed case of covid because the course of action is the same really, but since I was getting worse I was starting to think maybe I had a bacterial infection going on, so when I remembered the test I figured I'd take it and if it was positive I knew it was a virus and I just had to suck it up/stick it out! And lo and behold, there was no denying that line lol. Really if I just waited a few hours I would have seen an improvement anyway *face palm* but now I know! So yay! I guess!

OK first of all, please do NOT compare our situations!! It doesn't matter! We can have solidarity in the fact that our families have some bat s* crazies in them. Your feelings are still 100% valid, regardless of what's going on over here. Anyway I'm sorry that you aren't comfortable letting your parents babysit even, that is so disappointing but I completely understand. I have talked to my Mom a little bit about him, but mostly we avoid the topic. It's a really, really sticky/complicated situation. And don't apologize for asking questions, that's totally fine! I just can't talk as openly on here as I would like because there is someone I know IRL who knows my family pretty well that has an account on b&b. I don't even know if she comes on these forums anymore but she used to and I don't want to risk that. You can always privately message me though I'm generally an open book.

 

[gigglebox]

also as a total aside I"m so tempted to test even though I'm 7dpo at best with a slim to none chance of a baby, especially after all this sickness....but man the POAS struggle is so real.

 

[WinterBub]

I say pee on the sticks!

I was taking tests the day after my transfer even though I knew the dates were obviously totally set and it was impossible until day 4/5!

 

[gigglebox]

lol!!! There's no way, especially not now that hubby could arrive home at any minute....and then will be here all weekend. The current plan is Monday, unless I can get away on Sunday. I'm only 7dop today anyway. Even if by a miracle I'm knocked up (which I'm definitely not but it's fun to pretend), it wouldn't show anyway. I've typically got reliable results by 9/10dpo, so Monday feels good...even though I know I'm just wasting a test lol

 

[shaescott]

Dobs I unfortunately do not have a type A friend to ask to coordinate. I’m just going to figure out the order we want to do and share it with everyone then do the math on the timing for how often people need to start walking out with the music. Since I go on last, I can always be in the back with a timer lmao.

I’m sorry, court for a report card? This is insane!

Winter that’s so scary that his 8 year old found him. I saw my dad pass out next to our car when I was 10 or so and it was definitely traumatizing, I still remember a lot of details from that day. I wasn’t feeling well, he was setting up the passenger seat for me to lie down in (we were parked at an ice cream shop) and next thing I knew he fell backwards onto the pavement and blood was coming from his mouth. He bit his lip to try not to pass out, but I didn’t know that and was thinking of the show bonanza when blood from the mouth meant they were 100% going to die, so I was terrified. I ran screaming to the first people I saw, two teenage girls sitting on the hood of their car. One called 911 while the other brought me inside for ice cream. I got cookies and cream. One of the girls got pistachio and the other jokingly made fun of her for it. When the ambulance got there they brought me outside, and my dad was awake but in a daze. The paramedic asked my dad if I was his daughter, and he said no. I was horrified and screamed “yes I am”. They told me it was okay, he’s just still coming to. I rode in the passenger seat of the ambulance with my ice cream, trying not to make a mess (I was not entirely successful). My mom met us at the hospital. He was okay, he hadn’t eaten all day and was dehydrated. He only stayed one night. All that said, I guarantee that little girl will remember that day forever.

Anyway. The wedding cross will either be right in the gazebo entrance or right in front of it, as part of the altar. No clue what we’ll do with it until we get a house, at that point we can probably take it off the stand and attach it to the outside of the house.

Out of curiosity, how far along are you now? When are you due?

Gigs oh geez, I’m sorry you have COVID. I’m glad the symptoms are pretty mild. I totally forgot about your dad passing, sorry about that. It sucks that your mom is still supporting him. I wouldn’t want my kids within a mile of him if I were in your place.

I guess the pre-conception appt is supposed to go over everything you should be doing to prepare for pregnancy? Google says it’s important to have one. I feel like I’m probably all set since I already did the genetic testing for cystic fibrosis, I’m taking prenatals, and I’m tracking my cycles, but I haven’t been in over a year so I’m due for my annual visit anyway. As for the early ovulation, I am indeed back on track for ovulating during the honeymoon!

 

[DobbyForever]

Winter, I agree sounds like keeping distanced but also keeping it real is good. I am sorry though that it’s impacting your relationship with your parents, especially during your pregnancy. having a LO at home. Definitely vent here all you need. Sorry about his son. That’s awful. I’ve had a few students with situations like that, and I agree with Shae that it sticks with you no matter how young you are.

Shae Gigs beat me to all of the questions haha. I think your plan is great, and like it’s been said if you have a plan worked out prior to the rehearsal then you’ll see if there’s any adjustments to be made. Idk if it’s been said or already a plan, but a point person in friends and family day of for emergencies? I don’t handle stress well, so if a vendor had an issue day before or day of it would kill my anxiety. I’d wait someone to field those calls like MoH or something. It’ll be great though. I’m so excited for you! Wedding cross sounds pretty. Not gonna lie, when you said put it outside I def was like oh man maybe not in the front yard though my grandparents have a makeshift cross in their front yard. It’d give off major KKK vibes if it wasn’t next to a BLM sign and a Black Jesus

The appointment sounds fun! I’d be curious to see if there’s anything said that is new to you. It always amazes me that the information we all know is not common knowledge. Like I don’t know if I mentioned it, but I had to give my friend a crash course on how long sperm lives, how long the egg is viable, how pregnancy dates in relationship to ovulation… back to the point, yay for being back on track for a honeymoon ovulation.

Gigs I’m sorry you have covid! I don’t know the official stats, but I’ve used a variety of tests OTC or from work. Binax was one of them. I’ve never had a false positive or false negative on any of my home tests. My brother did have a false positive on a test a fe weeks ago, but I don’t know what brand. He said he had a same day PCR that was negative. Then he had another PCR two days later and did another at home test and both were negative. He kept testing every few days on home tests for a week and didn’t get another positive. He didn’t have symptoms. He hadn’t been exposed. So it does happen. Glad it hasn’t been too bad for you! Sucks to be run down and sick.

6 years, right?! I think about that when I think about how much A has grown and I have a little, “Wow! My online ttc group has been going strong that long and then some!” I’m really sorry you’re dealing with that. I went through similar things when my brother moved in with my mom, and it has impacted my ability to just pop over or leave Aiden there. Or awkward moments where one time I had to basically tell my brother to his face that he’s the only family member not authorized to pick A up from school. Not for the same concerns, but he is bipolar and he yells at A/ says inappropriate things. After being at my mom’s so long, he doesn’t even like to be around him anymore. It’s totally fair to be cautious and, frankly, assume he is still a continued threat. Especially with the way things are, a lot of our legal system is hindsight. Your kids have to get hurt before anything is done. It’s a sticky wicket, and I wish there was a clear answer. I think it’s fabulous that you and your mom are able to talk about it though and it sounds like she is trying to take your boundaries into consideration. Don’t be sorry. Feel free to talk it out. Maybe it’ll help process.

Ah my poas sister. I feel you. The struggle is real. Keeping my Feed

Re report card: Well, it’s just a complaint. But I shouldn’t have to file a formal state compliance complaint to get his report card. I gave them a deadline, so she sent a petty no grades except deflated behavior grades and no comments. I sent the admin a 4 page letter of how to fix it and asked for a parent-teacher conference. If they don’t fix it, I’m filing the complaint and going to the board meeting to put them on blast. She had the nerve to tell me I'm not longer allowed to email his team just admins and that I'm threatening them... like no, it literally says on the complaint I have to make a good faith effort to resolve it first AND notify them that I intend to file a complaint.

Outside of that just so busy. M + F, A has speech and swim. T I now have this 2 hour training after school. It's like 16 hours of Zoom class then an extra 8 hours of coursework for a 2k stipend and brownie points with my boss. But then I also have IEPs and GLAD trainings on Thursday's. I was lead teacher on a field trip I didn't plan and had never been to before. On top of dealing with all this school bs.

All of a sudden, my attorney is saying we should agree to extend the trial. And I'm like... I said that! You said not to. So whatever. I have to go through his latest IEP today very carefully. She's put some traps in there, but it's so long. I was meant to do it last night but the bs report card pissed me off, so I did that instead.

A wrote an L and an F the other day! It wasn't exactly "pretty", but to go from scribble tumbleweed to something that looks actually recognizable is huge. They're doing handwriting without tears at school, and I'm trying to do it at home as well. I'm tired, but I'm trying to be better about working on his academics at home. He's still triggered from last week's power outage.

OA and I text a lot, mostly innuendo but the occasionally g-rated. Haven't seen him since V-day though. He's been traveling a lot, which I feel bad because one perk of this job was supposed to be less travel.. but he's been at three out of state conferences already. Nobody interesting on the dating apps. I'm getting to a point where I see cute little girls, and I don't get broody 95% of the time. I'm just getting excited as A progresses and we can do more things together.

I have to figure out childcare for next year. I don't know if I'll be able to or even want to keep him at the place he is now. But wherever he is, it has to be within the city because otherwise the bus isn't allowed to pick him up. My mom is saying I can drop him off, but if the bus is late then she'd be late for work. And there's no guarantee of what pick up time he'd get. The boy across from her gets picked up at 7:30, but A isn't picked up at his daycare til 7:45. My mom has to leave at 7:30 (that's why she knows when he's picked up, she seems it every day when she leaves for work). Sigh.

 

[shaescott]

This morning I told SO I was getting back on the prenatals cuz I’ve been super inconsistent and I want to be on them for 3 months before conceiving so I gotta start now for if we have a honeymoon baby and he goes “yeah that’s not gonna happen”. Sir. Tf you mean it’s not gonna happen. He goes “I want a house” like so do it but in this market it’s not going to happen for a while since we don’t have a house to sell. I’m very frustrated. I’m really hoping he has a more chill attitude on the honeymoon and just goes for it, I’m nervous he will hold to that and refuse he sounded a little more wishy washy previously. Ugh.

 

[WinterBub]

Yeah, having COVID isn't any different to me at this point than having the flu. I'm not worried about how I'll do or anything like that. I do still feel compelled to stay home for extra time, though. Though I likely would do the same if I knew I'd had the flu. Glad to hear that you're at the tail end of things. Has your sense of smell returned?

Sorry again for all you've been through with your family, Giggle

That's awful about your Dad, Shae. I can well imagine that it is traumatic to see that kind of thing and be old enough to understand that something bad is happening, but not old enough to really grasp it. I think part of my parents' delusion is about wanting to pretend the kids are fine. I mean, I hope so- but hard to imagine they're not carrying around some trauma. Won't go into it, but I think a lot of bad stuff was happening in that house as the marriage unraveled on top of the drinking issue. I do know that the daughter (who is older) was in therapy at one point.

I think if you do a rehearsal and full run through for the ceremony, all will be fine, Shae! Everyone will get where they are meant to be, what the timing is etc. And frankly, nobody attending would know if people walked out a little too fast or whatever. Everyone is there just to celebrate you also, worst comes to worst, you just stand up at the altar together while the music finishes. The pastor will handle all the timing from then on as he goes through all the steps of the ceremony. Your plan for the wedding cross sounds nice. You could always have it inside the house too, depending on whatever the house layout is and how huge the cross is

I had very little clue about fertility, cycles etc well into adulthood, Dobby! I believed the school sex ed 'you can get pregnant any time' line completely. I was talking with a friend recently about that and we were saying how we should be taught cycles etc. Though then we did admit they don't want to accidentally encourage teens into Natural Family Planning at that age plus cycles are often wonky at the start, so maybe teens are more likely to ovulate at off times.

Good luck dealing with the report card. These people sound totally drunk on power. They have their little domain, and they love to lord over it. I mean this is ridiculous when you think about the fact that we're talking about a little boy's report card. Sorry y'all both have to put up with such nonsense.

I'll be 14w on Monday. Due at the end of September Seems like it is going both fast and slow. I'm still getting an early anatomy scan at 15w as a result of the whole scan debacle. Ideally that's all perfect and we can finally completely assume that all is just normal. OH won't discuss names yet, as he says it's too early. He was the same last time. I like so many, but not sure how many I would really use on a real person. Give me your names that you like but wouldn't be upset if I used!!

At your appointment Shae- ask about any testing you can do now about things like rubella. They take first trimester blood tests that check if you have immunity still from the MMR (and there are others, that's just the one that comes to mind). I dont understand why they don't do this ahead of time for women. You can't get an MMR booster when already pregnant! But if your immunity has waned it is simple to get a booster now. I'd ask if you can check those things now

 

[WinterBub]

Don't push him, Shae! I'd just let the topic go, and hope that he's feeling extra frisky post-wedding.

 

[DobbyForever]

Oh and re friend she basically had a breakdown and said I need to be more supportive and stop being so judgmental so I'm just going to let her do whatever she wants. Her body, her baby.