General chatter while we wait (and commentary on the "pull out method")

[shaescott]

Dobs I took one this morning anyway but of course it was negative. I checked in with my mom and she said she’s certain I’m still currently pregnant. She had a negative blood test with me because it was too early. I also wonder if the fact that both my failed implantations had faint lines at 12dpo means I shouldn’t expect anything until then. I’m just so scared of the risk of disappointment, of never getting a bfp after all this. I know it’s a real possibility. Idk.

I’m going to test again tomorrow morning with a cheapie and a FRER (since the sensitivity is 6 miu on FRER and 10 on the cheapie). I really would ideally like to get a positive tomorrow so I can tell SO before he leaves for his bachelor party weekend, he leaves tomorrow night, and he doesn’t want me to tell him over the phone, so he asked that I wait until he gets back to tell him if I find out while he’s gone. He comes back Sunday night. As such, I have his permission to tell my family before him.

 

[DobbyForever]

I wouldn’t be disappointed or concerned with future bfps. You haven’t been trying trying. The odds of getting pregnant from pull out (mishaps or not), while not 0%, are terribly low. It’ll be a totally different ballgame once you’re full on trying. Idk how to type of without it reading with the wrong tone, but this is what worries me. Your mom can have great intuition. I have a friend who dreams of people telling her they’re pregnant right before they do. It’s fun. But at the end of the day, she’s not a human pregnancy test and her words over a hpt or a beta don’t mean you’ve had multiple failed implantations. And, even if it did, I’m sure women can’t possibly know how many failed implants happen while waiting (or not waiting) for a bfp. So please don’t stress about your fertility. Hugs hugs

 

[shaescott]

Dobs oh I don’t mean disappointed like if I’d been trying. That would be different. I mean I’d be disappointed because I got my hopes up because my mom said I was pregnant. I think I’d be way more disappointed if I’d actually been trying PLUS by mom said I was pregnant and then I never got a BFP. Right now I’d be disappointed for sure, but it could totally be worse lol.

 

[shaescott]

Still negative this morning. Sigh. I think I’ll delay my next beta until tomorrow afternoon (11dpo) to give it the best shot at picking something up, I can’t wait until 12dpo because I have work and the lab is only open 7-4, and I’m working the next day as well. I’ll take a FRER at 12dpo though before leaving for work. I’m really hoping that I’m just a late implanter considering all my symptoms, but we’ll see. I’m feeling more and more discouraged seeing so many BFPs at 8-10dpo in the May testing thread. I have seen some people not get a positive until later though.

 

[DobbyForever]

Oooo ok yeah I def misread that lol
Hugs. I mean yeah 10dpo is early. It is hard though when everyone in the testing thread are getting early bfps. I know it’s no consolation but omg 1m and 1w! You’re so close to ttc if it’s not this cycle.

 

[shaescott]

Dobs lol maybe not, SO seems to be getting more and more cold feet about TTC. He’s all stressed about the possibility of me being pregnant right now (because of money, as usual). But a new job opportunity did just pop up yesterday from his aunt to work under her in insurance for the same pay plus benefits and indoors with on the job training, and he’s definitely thinking about it. Hopefully there’s opportunity for raises.

 

[DobbyForever]

I feel like money will always be an issue. There’s never enough money lol. I wonder if he’ll always be like that? My friend grew up poor, and so she saved part of her paycheck and refuses to spend it. Her fam has like 300,000 saved but she won’t go on vk or buy things she wants only needs, she’s constantly stressed. She knows there’s nothing to stress about but she can’t help the anxiety. Hopefully things pan out with a new job/rause

 

[shaescott]

Dobs I think if he had some nice high paying job that could easily pay rent, he’d be much more relaxed about it, and he’d probably be all in for TTC. As it is, he makes $25 an hour, which isn’t enough to cover his student loan payments plus gas money for the 1 hr one way drive to work plus car repairs from driving 2 hours 5 times a week plus our $1800 rent. I could cover it making $29 an hour, but I was driving 5 min to work, wasn’t doing car repairs, wasn’t paying student loans, etc, plus we had our roommate paying me back $600 a month so I really was paying $1200 a month for rent. If I’m having a baby, we have to assume that the roommate leaves and we’re responsible for the full $1800 rent. My current job can cover that, but I don’t have job security, and I’ll be out of a job for over a month after giving birth, at minimum. If I switch to working per diem at a local hospital after having a baby, we should be able to cover the bills that way, but it would be tight, to be honest. I also really don’t want to put my kid in daycare, I just don’t feel like I can trust them. I do think however that a lot of people can’t afford kids on paper and still manage to afford kids.

 

[DobbyForever]

Yeah I mean all of my cousins have kids and lifestyles I don’t get. Even with credit cards, there comes a point it shouldn’t be possible. I will say though they all get help in some way. One cousin lives at home. I know she doesn’t pay rent, and in lieu of contributing financially she takes care of her mom/cooks/cleans. But she works part time and gets (not much) child support. The other used her mom as a free babysitter, leeched money from her parents, and tricked my mom into reduced rent for years. The other idk how she does it though. I don’t think anybody is helping her financially. My color guard coach was a single mom at 18, no family help or child support.

I will say his concerns are definitely valid, and if waiting until you had a few months tucked away and/or a more stable financial situation was an option then (transparency) that’s what my two cents would be. But I know you have wanted this for years and I know you will be a fantastic mother. Money won’t change that. The money makes it harder not impossible.

I wish I had some tangible advice or something you could say to him to ease his mind, but my financial experience when I had A was different. Not having to worry about my housing, my bills, my job allowed and allows me to fully enjoy motherhood. That being said, money isn’t everything and you’ll find a way to navigate.

what does SO do? Any possibility of wfh? Could you do some online stuff in the interim? Like my first aid training last year was online via zoom lmfao

 

[PrettyInInk42]

shae - I can't really offer much in the way of financial advice, but parents always find a way to care for their babies. Even with little money. Hopefully SO does end up working for his aunt and that eases some of his money concerns.
I dunno how you talk to your mom about DTD and the possibility of being pg. Even with a long-term, committed partner, I can't even imagine talking to my mom about that. The only thing she says to me is "you better get on the pill, so you don't end up with another baby." lol
I think you might have missed my last post. Was curious if you were gonna be learning any Italian before your honeymoon?

Dobby - How are you healing and feeling right now?

Winter - Thinking of you

Hope everyone else is doing well.

AFM, still no AF and all ICs have been negative. Probably just some random hormonal thing. Any day that I don't have to wear a pad is a good day though. lol
Started doing keto and IF on the 1st and I'm already down 7lbs. So far, it's been a fairly easy transition back into it.
And starting to prep for Zoey's BDay party. Where have the last 12 months gone? :')

 

[DobbyForever]

Oh and my favorite broke people! My parents, duh. My mom didn’t have a degree, she was working a job. A neighbor watched my brother for cheap. When I was born, they moved. It cost more to have two in daycare, so my mom became a SAHM. We had a 2b 2 bath half of a duplex. I shared a room with my brother. My dad was amazing with his hands/electronics. So he’d often find stuff people were tossing and restore them for me ie I had a Barbie car he painted and fixed the dead battery/wiring he got for free. I never felt without not eating out or going on fancy international vks. We went on road trips and made Sandwiches and went camping. Family chipped in here and there. So material s* is just s*.

But yeah if he can’t afford to contribute to the household bills now then he can’t contribute to a child. That’s so emasculating and stressful. I do think he’ll go full dad mode and love any pregnancy that comes before he feels secure, but I get why he’s not like throw caution to the wind about it. So my advice is yes you can keep hoping for an oops or a new job, but start a baby fund. Like instead of spending $70 on betas, put that in savings. My sense of time is off, but I’m sure if we totaled up the hpts, the opks, the fertility monitor, the betas…. We’re in the $500-1000. I know I’m a bad influence but A- I don’t think I’m an influence lol I think your mind is made up and some lady on the internet won’t change it and B- my financial scale is off. If you can put away 1-2 months of rent or your pay then maybe he’d be less scared. How much do 1 bed cost? Maybe you two could find a cheaper place because you could easily room share for like Years. I basically room share with A lol. I think I got like 6 months of my room to myself

leg is good! I can’t go in the ocean so may need to reschedule A’s special needs surf camp. We were supposed to go with my friend and her son for Mother’s Day. Now that it’s closed, I’m using mederma overnight. Seems to be helping.

oh congrats on the weight loss! And seriously it feels like you just had her! How is she one?! What’s the plan so far?

winter agreed think of you every day

And of course Fluek and gigs and our lurkers

 

[shaescott]

I can see a vvvvfl irl on a FRER this morning, but I’m having a hard time capturing it on camera. Posting both original and tweaked. Really praying it’s real and not just an indent. I haven’t seen one on my previous FRERs as I’ve been testing the past few days.


I’m going to get that beta drawn today considering the vvvvfl.

Pretty I started Italian on Duolingo a few months ago but I fell off it. I should really start up again. My mom also got me a book with Italian phrases in it including like emergency situations and stuff.

I can’t believe Zoey is turning 1! That’s so crazy.

Yeah I think my mom and I have a different relationship than most people lol, her being a doctor and also being obsessed with fertility at my age makes a big difference I think. We’ve always had very open communication like this. In fact when I got this vvvvfl I called her since I can’t tell SO because he’s off on his bachelor party trip. They’re going to Georgia and they’re in Tennessee right now.

Dobs SO can contribute, he just can’t fully cover them on his own. But yes, I totally understand his stress and I don’t disagree with him, I just really am tired of waiting.

I’m glad your leg is doing better, sorry it’s not ready for the ocean though

 

[DobbyForever]

Yeah it’s hard because you two are in this unique situation where you started dating so young and you’ve known for so long that you wanted a baby and you wanted him to be hubby and dad. Hugs. I do hope you get your surprise bfp. I know SO will come around. Just wish there was a way to get him on board to save you the heartache and stress.

i see what you mean. I think indents and vvvfl are indistinguishable so I’ll keep my FXed crossed. You were planning a Vera today right? She says after suggesting a savings

but I mean if the money doesn’t cover the mandatory basics of car, rent, and loan…. Like as much as I say I’m broke because I have like 40k in attorney’s fees. I make enough that I can pay both loans, my mortgage, my bills, my car is paid off, and not worry about how much I spend on gas or groceries. Can I go to the Bahamas? No lol. Can I doordash $50 of Chinese because I’m lazy, yes.

I do think you both can find a middle ground though where there’s enough planning and foresight and financial foundation but also not waiting years to ttc. And don’t be mad but priorities. If you wanted a baby now, how much is the wedding and nearly 3 weeks in Italy? Those are the financial sacrifices parents make to have kids they can’t afford

 

[shaescott]

Dobs yeah I hear you. Rent is so damn expensive around here compared to the wages, that’s the main issue I think. Second would be gas, we lose a lot of income due to the cost of gas.

I hate that I don’t have SO with me right now to help me emotionally through everything. I feel like I already know the answer, that it’s not gonna be good. My mom suggested I drive down to their house this afternoon so I’m not alone and wallowing. I can at least wallow with my family lol.

 

[DobbyForever]

Yeah 1800 for two bedrooms sounds a bit much. But if commuting saves on rent and that compensated for gas, downsizing and having a longer commute (even if just temporary to save some money) could be the reality. I know teachers who have to commute 1-2h one way because they live in Sacramento or Stockton and then commute to work. It’s brutal, but they can’t afford to live where they teach.

I’m pro not being alone . Girls’ night if you can’t go to your fam’s?

 

[shaescott]

Beta was <5 so I’m drinking tonight lmao (with family, not alone)

 

[DobbyForever]

Hugs I'm glad that you're with your family. Maybe catch a movie? Take your mind to somewhere else for a few hours?

 

[Flueky88]

Shae sorry about bfn. Hope you are having a good time with family right now

Dobby I hope you won't have to reschedule A's surf camp. Definitely understand if you have to but hoping it's fully healed by then

Winter thinking of you and praying for you and your sweet baby girl.

Pretty yay for Z turning 1 this month! It is crazy how fast time goes. Also congrats on the weight loss!


Sorry just been lurking. I'm just feeling exhausted lately. Things are pretty good though. V will have her Kindergarten graduation in a few weeks. Having her birthday party early in hope that her classmates can attend before their families go on summer vacation.

 

[DobbyForever]

I can't believe it's K graduation already! That's awesome you're throwing a party. Are you inviting the whole class or just her close friends?

Thanks! I emailed them, and they said the volunteers are fully trained lifeguards and to support all special needs, and parents are meant to just (try to) relax on the beach and enjoy watching the kids have fun. So we're on. I do feel a little bad because it is on Mother's Day and it's a rare occasion both brothers will be home, but that's the day my friend is going. It'll be interesting because all of the kids going are visually impaired. Then there's A. But they insisted they read all my feedback and will pair A with one or two beach buddies and all will be fine. My friend in SpEd says I need to relax because they've had way more moderate/severe kids than A. I'm really excited for him. There were a lot of surfers out in SD the last two times we went, and he kept saying he wanted to do it. It's also totally free hehe.

Oh and my brother FINALLY finished A's playground. He's got two swings, a hanging bar, a mini rock wall, a slide, and monkey bars. My mom ordered "rubber playground mulch" to put under it as an after thought lol. She got him an above ground pool, and I'm thinking maybe a lidded sandbox and a water table and his little play area at my mom's will be complete. Oh and we need better chairs lol. Also hoping to get a move on with my backyard because it's gonna be a long summer without a usable backyard lol

 

[DobbyForever]

Btw there’s a new player on the field.

38, aerospace engineer, 9 year old (50/50) separated 2017, officially divorced 2021, not my usual frat boy douche look but cleans up nice. Brightest blue eyes (his son got them). Family is east coast. Rural town in Maryland. His high school had less people than my graduating class. Lol. His son has curly hair like A. He’s about 5’10ish. I wore ankle boots and he was taller but not tippy toe to hug around the neck. His son is very well rounded in his interests. And he’s in a 4/5 combo as a 4th grader. So that means he’s incredibly well behaved, independent, and at present above grade level. Ex wife lives a few blocks away. They each get a week and switch every Sunday morning.

He waited 3 weeks to go out with me. Texts me every evening to check in. I had a panic attack on the date (long story), and he was sweet about it. He got sushi then a drink at the bar before the movie then watched Guardians. Offered his hand when I started crying. Did not try to kiss me but not in a lack of interest way the I’m being a gentleman way. Texted me as soon as he got home.

He’s everything I like about OA in a better, healthier way. I know in time I can stop loving OA and fall for this guy. Let’s call him Rocket Scientist lol.