General chatter while we wait (and commentary on the "pull out method")

[shaescott]

Dobs that’s so great that A will still be able to go to the beach! It’s lovely that that program exists.
Ooooo Rocket Scientist sounds promising!

Flueks oh wow kindergarten graduation. It’s crazy how long this thread has been going.

AFM, AF arrived a day early and this morning it’s super heavy with clots. Love that for me.

 

[DobbyForever]

Hugs Shae sorry about AF being annoying with her arrival and style. I still can’t believe we’re just one month away from wedding!

Lol apparently my bro graduates this Friday. Luckily, it’s so early in the day that I can take A to school and be back. I feel bad not taking him, but he won’t sit through a commencement and if I’m taking a day off to go then I actually want to watch the ceremony.

Also sent my availability to RS because my weekends are oddly packed this month. I have one free day (this Saturday) and he immediately texted back to ask me out. So we have tentative plans for Saturday afternoon.

 

[PrettyInInk42]

Dobby - RS sounds pretty great. FX things end up working out with him.
All those activities for A at your mom's place sound super fun. Any kid's dream.
I hope he enjoys surf camp.
And congrats to your bro.
For Zoey's BDay, just gonna do the standard party. Food, drinks, cupcakes. Hopefully the weather will cooperate and we can use the backyard too. And excited to watch her go to town on her smash cake. lol

shae - Sorry that it wasn't meant to be this cycle. But you're one month closer to that eventually blazing positive. Just focus on your wedding, enjoy your honeymoon, then get down to that baby making right after.

Flueky - Can't believe our first borns are already almost done with Kindergarten. When does the school year end? Will her party have a specific theme?

AFM, my AF has also arrived, C'est la vie.
And just got Matthew all registered for JK. :')

 

[DobbyForever]

Ooo Pretty that sounds fun! Are you baking her cake? I feel like I remember you do quite a bit of baking as do some family members. Is there going to be a theme? FXed for the weather! Is it being up and down over there, too? I swear we're at extremes the last few weeks. One day it's sweating bullets and the next it's freezing.

A has been in a bad mood the past two days. I'm wondering if it's residual sick whininess. But I'm really not excited for surf camp tomorrow. I don't even know that he'll get to participate if he keeps being, frankly, an a**hole. He keeps yelling "shut up" (thank you f-ing Disney for that) and he kicked the dog HARD today for drinking water out of his new play toy. So over it. I sat him on the couch with a movie because if I talk to him, I'm going to scream.

Had an impromptu second date with RS lol. We were supposed to go out tomorrow but he switched days with his ex wife due to Mother's Day. Originally, he just offered to let her have MD but then the other day she countered with switching because she wanted a day to herself with her friends tomorrow before MD. Which I get. But then my friends invited me out and I asked my mom if I could switch since my date got cancelled. But then I decided I didn't have the energy for a girls' night debauchery and told RS I was free for lowkey hang out time. So I literally went over in what is essentially PJs lol and not cute pjs like comfy pjs. No shower. Nothing but the makeup left on my face from my bro's graduation. He was headed to the store so I told him it'd be so nice if he grabbed wine and popcorn. So he went a step further and made me a full on charcuterie platter haha. We watched the notebook and baked cookies from scratch. He had this no refrig small batch recipe printed and hung on his refrigerator. Adorable lol. He kissed me. respectable. G rated. He wanted to drive me home because I fell asleep mid movie after 2 glasses of wine, but I said no and just texted him when I got home lol. His son has a bedroom and it's cute. Like the decor is lacking but the furniture is cute. He has one of those beds that's raised and has a slide hahah. I know he'd be good for A and for me, but I can't get over that he's really insecure and not in his masculinity or overly sophisticated. Like my mom pointed out that in all the years she's seen me date, I've never gone out without a proper shower or proper clothes. And it's exactly that. I still have to be the boss with him. He yields to me/ wants to do what I want. He's not decisive and, he has a great job and makes good money, but it's nerdy tech so he's not posh by nature. Like as narcissistic as OA was and as problematic as it probably is, he inspires me to be sexy and confident and more. I love getting dolled up to see him because that's not what he requires of me but it's his world. Like I fit in RS's world and vice versa, but I don't want to be in my world. I want to escape it. And I know I know. Love what's good for me. Lol.

 

[DobbyForever]

Like OA is good for me as a short term longish distraction.

RS is good for A and me long term.

 

[shaescott]

Dobs I’m going to give an opinion that could totally be wrong because I don’t know these two guys and don’t have the full picture, so it’s up to you whether you take it to heart or not lol.

I feel like you showing up to RS’s house in pajamas shows that he’s not making you nervous or making you feel like you need to put on a show. OA comes from a posh lifestyle, and RS doesn’t, so it’s normal to adjust your appearance to the change in culture. I also think that a posh culture is usually pretty toxic, like being fancy sometimes is one thing but feeling the need to be fancy and dolled up all the time doesn’t seem healthy, it seems very superficial and materialistic. As for you “having to be the boss”, he likes you, and he wants to do what makes you happy, because seeing you happy makes him happy. That’s a good thing. You shouldn’t have to be the boss, but I wonder if you’re feeling that way because you’re so used to your partner calling all the shots and essentially bossing you around that actually getting to make choices about what you do makes you feel like you’re bossing the other person around. When a guy actually cares about you, he cares about your opinions and preferences, and as a result he’ll ask what you want to do instead of just choosing an activity for both of you. Once he knows you better and knows what you like, he might start suggesting things he knows you like, which would take the burden of decision making off of you. I don’t think that this behavior is necessarily a lack of masculinity, because good leadership considers the opinions and feelings of those affected by decisions. I do think that you’ve had so many toxic relationships that you come to expect those toxic behaviors and view them as normal, so when you encounter healthy behaviors, you’re turned off by it. Toxic relationships are often very intense and passionate, so you might expect passion and intensity, which you’ve been conditioned to view as sexy and a picture of love. When someone comes off as more reserved, they might seem boring and like they’re not invested in the relationship, when really they’re just more calm and approaching you in a healthy manner. Again, I could be way off base, but these are just the thoughts that popped up for me.

 

[DobbyForever]

It's more like I have to be the boss at work all day and at home. When I go out, I want all of my decisions made for me and to be taken care of. Like OA literally orders for us, plates my food, and pours my drinks when we go out. I love it. I don't have to think. I just show up. It's like my choice of tv. I watch trashy reality or things I've already seen. I don't want to think or do. Just exist. And yes it's (it being the posh dinner party vibes) def toxic LOL but it's where I grew up. I like it in small doses, which is why OA works. I don't have to live that way every day, but it is nice to for a night once a month haha.

I do think a lot of it is from previous abuse/ fear of doing the wrong thing. Like I kept asking things like which cup he wanted me to drink from down to which towel I should use to wipe my hands. But in a really obnoxious way .

I felt bad though he didn't eat dinner and was clearly hungry but stayed in because I was tired. And I don't love that he skipped dinner to see me.

You're not off base lol. I literally described him to my friend as "OA if the traits I admired about him manifested in a healthy way".

But like last night's date reminds me of the song "Perfect" by Sara something. It's a country song.

 

[PrettyInInk42]

Dobby - The theme will be butterflies. And ya, I'll be making her smash cake, as well as cupcakes for everyone else. Just from a box, but still made with love. SO's aunt also does cakes, but she's much better at them. Like, she's done tiered wedding cakes for family and friends. It's not too crazy weather wise. We're going through a wee bit of a heat wave right now, but it's gonna come down starting tomorrow. See as I'm from Canada, can you define "freezing" by California standards? lol

As for RS, I agree with shae. He sounds like a good guy. Stable, thoughtful. I get having walls up or acting a certain way cuz of past experiences. But he's not like your exes, as far as we know. Try to just enjoy him and get to know him better. And, hey, maybe he'll be better in bed than OA and then it'll be easier to fully commit to him. lol

 

[DobbyForever]

Oh and his dog is so cute and cuddly and overall well-behaved but clearly does not respect him hahaha

 

[DobbyForever]

Pretty I love me a box cake/cupcake! Butterflies is so cute!!!! Lol freezing is like 50's burning is 80s

I think he'll be more satisfying because I know I don't have to be a s*x kitten that's competing for attention. I do think that even if the technique isn't there that he's shown he listens and responds to what makes me happy. So I would assume that applies to the bedroom haha.

But yeah. I've been baked for and bake for someone, but I think this may be the first time I've baked with someone. I thought it was cute that he made a point to include me in the baking process. So it was really *we* made the cookies vs him making them for me. And as much as I wanted to drop my pants the second OA bit my lip on the first date, I was LIVID for a whole day that he thought that was appropriate. This guy is like PG timid kiss at the end of date two.

 

[DobbyForever]

Happy Belated Mother’s Day!

we had the best day. A had so much fun surf and boogie boarding. And I had fun flirting with all the above age volunteers because who doesn’t love an attractive man who volunteers his spare time helping kids with special needs. Not this one lol he’s 16. His mom and I were both crying together having proud mom moments. She said her son has always been selfish until his surf coach had him volunteer for this program. He and A became quick buds. The volunteers were all taking turns because they all wanted to ride with him

View attachment 1115512

 

[WinterBub]

Hi guys, I've been reading along here and there, but will admit I haven't kept up. Just wanted to update you, as we saw the cardiology team last week. Baby definitely has a single ventricle heart- the aorta and pulmonary vein should cross over, but are sitting side by side, and from there, everything else didn't form in the usual way to compensate for that. The cardiologist was positive about her overall enjoyment and quality of life, though she will need at least two major surgeries, and will never have a full heart- they can mitigate the problems to an extent, but cannot "fix" it. All of this comes with risks etc, and a lot of things we will just have to wait and see about. So, we've had some time to be upset, and now are just preparing to do the best that we can for her.

I'm sorry that your pregnancy scare wasn't to be, Shae. Everything in good time wishing you lots of happiness as your approach your wedding day!

Flueky- hope all i well, and youre enjoying all the end of year school events and what not

Happy birthday to Zoe! Hard to believe she's turning one already. Butterflies sounds like the perfect theme for a one year old's party.

Dobby, I love the sound of this new guy. And don't write him off just yet- my OH was very nervous and shy when we met, but the more I got to know him, the more bold and confident he was. He's also really funny, but didn't show that initially. And he can be quite domineering. I'd trust in the fact that this new guy is different in healthy ways from your exes. You can also tell him what you'd like, and he might just surprise you... It really sounds like this could be a wonderful partner and y'all would compliment each other

Happy belated mothers' day to you all.

 

[DobbyForever]

Winter hugs good to hear from you. I’m sorry. That’s a lot to process. I’m so happy that the cardiologist feels there’s a good prognosis and surgery is an option. It’s scary, but we’ve come so far medically so hoping all goes well. Hugs hugs. Talk as much or as little as you need.

As for RS, I’m not physically attracted to him. I was joking with my bestie, he’s her type lol. But he’s so kind and a good dad. There’s sweet little things he says to me, and words of affirmation apparently has always been top two for my love language. As he pours more energy into me, I find myself wanting him more in a physical capacity. I’m definitely becoming a smitten kitten. He has his son this weekend, but I told him I’m taking Monday morning off to see A’s music thing in class. I have about 1.5 to nearly 2h from Y drop off til the concert, and he said he can wfh with his first meeting at the same time the concert is. So we’ll be getting coffee and light breakfast. I feel like things are moving at a good pace. Matched 4/11, first date 5/7, second date 5/13, third date 5/22. We text/send audios every day. Always with a gm and gn and usually some quick ones in between when we have a moment.

 

[gigglebox]

I’m all alive; just tried to catch up but forgive me for skimming a bit…

Winter—my heart is heavy for you. I am so sorry to read your update. I know that news comes with a lot of feelings, compounded by the fact that you are a bit blindsided, considering ivf was supposed to tilt odds in your favor. I will pray for your little girl to have the best outcome! That’s good the doctors are optimistic there’s a solution, but I know how scary that all is (with DS1 they suspected major heart issues). Huge hugs to you. I hope also things aren’t as bleak as they seem. Sometimes things just aren’t as bad predicted…I do know doctors love to tell you the worst case scenario over the most likely scenario. At least that’s been my experience…

Shae I find your relationship with your mother fascinating. I’d also be irked if my mom was giving me unsolicited predictions on whether or not I was pregnant…but I also don’t discuss my sex life with her. Do you have less faith in her premonitions now? Also are you still shaping up to be fertile for the honeymoon?

Dobs how’s the leg? Burns are the worst! That one looked pretty gnarly. Ok I read about “RS” but didn’t catch what the letters stood for…? Also how old is his kid? Also he does sound like a good match. I’ll tell you, my own husband admits he was not sexually attracted to me when we were getting to know each other…but the more we talked and connected, the more his attraction to me grew. And we just celebrated our 12th anniversary so you never know. And honestly it sounds like that is exactly what you need, i.e. a relationship where things didn’t start of being purely a sexual thing. I’m interested to see where this goes….!

 

[DobbyForever]

I’ve been all week for this. It’s still 5/19 here but east coast it’s 5/20…. It’s the 3 week countdown! Do da dooo do. Do da do da do!

Gigs! Good to see you! Leg is great. No pain, using mederma and so far looks like I might avoid any spots turning to keloids. Just discolored. Warriors badge. Looks like I fought a dragon lol.

RS is rocket scientist because he’s an aerospace engineer and used to work for NASA lol. 9 years. They just built a portable coffee table so he could go clamping with his mom lol. I totally agree with that! I know I have the capacity to love anyone honestly, and I know as I know him more then I will love him. I mean look at my exes. I walked away hated them the first few dates but as they (liars) we’re vulnerable and opened up to me I grew an attraction and desire. RS just hasn’t had that vulnerability with me yet, but I can tell it’s coming. And I do like that as hot and heavy and things were in the past, I walked away from RS’ kiss feeling respected.

 

[DobbyForever]

The only problem is every woman has the exact love life she wants… and deep down I’m scared of commitment lol

 

[shaescott]

Winter I’m sorry to hear they confirmed that her heart is indeed single ventricle, but I’m so glad to hear that they are hopeful and think she will have a good quality of life.

Dobs I think the attraction sometimes comes with time with people who aren’t all over you sexually. It’s a good sign that you’re beginning to want him physically based on his treatment of you. My mom always says that people become more or less attractive to your brain depending on their behavior. It can’t make a 1 into a 10, but it sure can turn a 4 into a 6 and a 6 into a 4.

That’s so sweet about the teenager volunteering with the program. It looks like A had a blast.

Gigs lol yeah our relationship is different. I’m cool with it though. Honestly I don’t have less faith in her premonitions to predict conception, but I do have less faith that her premonitions will mean a successful one, though to be fair she made it clear she wasn’t able to know whether or not it was successful, so that was more my flawed interpretation of her premonition. The symptoms I had were absolutely nuts and then just stopped, so when she tells me she’s 100% sure I conceived and the zygote failed to implant (likely due to poor genetics), I believe her. I’m fairly certain I conceived and she just didn’t implant. I’m sure some people will think I’m crazy for that, but that’s okay lol.
Anyway. Being on track for a honeymoon baby depends entirely on when I ovulate this cycle, my estrogen just started rising today on CD14 so it’ll likely be 5-6 days until I ovulate based on last cycle’s data. If that happens, I’m on track to ovulate towards the end of the honeymoon. If it gets delayed, I may not end up fertile on my honeymoon at all. There’s also the chance of the craziness of travel delaying my ovulation during the honeymoon which would be upsetting. SO continues to be confusing, the past few days he’s made comments saying I’ll probably get pregnant on the honeymoon, so hopefully he sticks to that.

 

[PrettyInInk42]

Dobby - Glad to hear things went well for A's surf lesson. And that things continue to go well with RS. Enjoy your date with him on Monday.
And there definitely wasn't an immediate attraction between SO and I either. That being said, we were just teens in high school. lol

Winter - So sorry for your little girl's official diagnosis. But it's good to hear she'll be able to lead a fairly normal life. And I admire your focus on a game plan once she's born. FX her surgeries go smoothly. Still keeping you in my thoughts. What's your EDD again?

shae - Less than 3 weeks til your wedding. Exciting! seems like yesterday you were wondering when he was gonna pop the question.

AFM, I've had a shitty few days. We found out on Thursday morning that SO's SUV had been stolen. Right out of our driveway and with 3 car seats in the back, no less. So, he was just making a bunch of calls to the cops and insurance company and all that. We need to submit a list of all the items that were in the car, as well as provide proof that said items were in the car. There've been a bunch of car and garage break-ins in our townhouse complex recently. Dunno if this is connected or just a coincidence. Either way, it f'n sucks. I believe our claim will be done in a few days and then comes the task of getting a new car. Pretty sure he's gonna go with a minivan. He's mentioned a handful of times that he slightly regretted going with an SUV. But anyway... -.-

 

[DobbyForever]

So.. Houston, we have a problem.

Date was lovely. He got all dressed up for me again. We went to a rooftop bar for a cocktail then to an upscale Italian restaurant for dinner. Then we went ti his house and watched a movie of my choosing. I decide to see if my negativity was right…. It was. The deed was awful. He met his ex wife young. He lost his v card to her and has only slept with a couple girls post divorce. It’s like high sex BD. Which I could overlook because he is eager to learn and please me but…. He doesn’t get fully excited and his baby maker is at “wait, is it in yet?” =\ neither of us finished. It last like 45s. I don’t know. Like ……. …… I don’t even know what to do with this development.

ETA I consulted Google, and it unanimously said I need to get over it. That I need to look at what my end goal is: to find a great guy or find a great baby stick. And that guys will compensate in other ways, which explains the two hour how can I please you in bed convo post “DTD”. And the equipment shouldn’t matter to me anyway because I never get off from penetrative BD or DIY anyway,

 

[WinterBub]

Thanks for the support. :Hug: we've had 6 weeks to comes to terms with things, so at this point, it just is what it is. I am switching care to give birth at a children's hospital, and the cardiologist we are assigned to there specializes in her type of CHD. So, we have a game plan, and I finally feel like someone was able to give us an idea of what to expect both short and long term. She's quite feisty and has kicked at the ultrasound probe during the last two scans, which feels like a sign that she has the right sort of spirit for what's to come. Still very sad, but there's not much point in wallowing. I'm due at the end of September, and will have a C/S middle of the month around 38-39w.

That sucks about the car, Pretty. That kind of thing is so upsetting and feels so violating Not sure what is going on in Canada, but here, it feels like they won't prosecute a lot of crimes, so of course people just keep doing it over and over again. My SO and I were talking yesterday about the steering wheel locks people used to have in the 90s. Wonder if those are primed for a comeback. At least you might be able to pick a new car and get all new car seats. Very small silver lining. But sorry you have to deal with insurance and the massive inconvenience of it all. It isn't fair.

FX for a honeymoon baby, Shae! I'd just not press the issue and hope that he's up for it when you're there and enjoying yourselves. I think your Mom is so right about people's personality really shaping how you feel about them. I've met people and found them stunning, only to find out theyre not very nice... Then they really dont seem attractive at all. And vice versa.

Dobby- ugh, sorry about the dud bedroom action. I would say that one time isn't a definitive and final reflection of how things would be every time. He might just be nervous, so I would continue to spend time with him, boost him up a little and see if it improves. If he was a nerdy teen/young adult, he may just carry that nervousness around with girls, but will come into his own if his confidence grows. I don't think you need to settle for great sex or a nice person. You can have both. Give him a little more time, and maybe you can gently take the lead to begin with... He might end up surprising you. I can see him being very receptive to "you know I really like..." and playful suggestions. And if it ends up being a deal breaker, so be it. But give him a proper shot before making that call.

You didn't give us a you update, giggle. How are things? What's DH's work situation? Any new feelings about a possible baby? Summer plans?

Hope you're well too, Flueky! When I picked my LO up from school the other day, there was a Mom getting her three girls who were maybe 10/8/6ish. Made me think of you in a few years