General chatter while we wait (and commentary on the "pull out method")

[shaescott]

11dpo maybe a vvvvvvfl but not trusting it by any means. If I implanted last night though it might take 2-3 days from that day for a positive. Idk.

Also I got a pack of FRERs from Walmart this morning and the caps are opaque pink??? The test above is the usual clear pink cap though.

 

[DobbyForever]

I’m not seeing it yet but agreed if you just implanted then it’s too early to see anything so FXed!

 

[shaescott]

Spotting again. Wiped after pooping and got red. Swabbed and there wasn’t any more and my cervix feels kinda high, but at this point I’m not getting my hopes up.

 

[PrettyInInk42]

shae - Even when I invert the colours, I'm still not sure if I see anything. Hopefully you're not out of the race just yet though.

Dobby - That sucks about the roomie's drinking. SO's dad is an alcoholic too. In case anyone forgot, he had a seizure during Matthew's 2nd BDay party cuz of alcohol withdrawl; he hadn't had anything to drink that day. As far as we've heard, he's had at least one more seizure since and he is super shaky skin and bones. He had a knee injury a few years ago, but that wouldn't cause his level of deterioration. Wouldn't be surprised if he passes either this year or next.
But anyway. Sorry that your friend blew you off for her BF.
As for testing, I'll probably do it on Saturday. If it's negative, try again mid-week. And then, I dunno.

Flueky - I've had AF back since January though. I don't remember my cycles being moderately sporadic for this long after the boys. Just one of those things, I guess.

AFM, again, not too much else to report. My issue with suddenly owing a bunch on my taxes seems to be getting fixed. Just need to send them a few documents and then I'll hopefully be getting my money soon.

 

[shaescott]

Tweaked is a bit better but yeah it’s a squinter for sure. I could see it in person but can’t say for sure it’s not an indent.

 

[shaescott]

FRER has these new tests out with dark pink caps instead of clear, which I discovered opening them, and a quick Google shows that people are noticing they’re way less sensitive. One person said her test was practically negative and her hcg was 42 per bloodwork. So that’s fantastic, I got a pack of those and they’re useless. The one I used yesterday was the original but this morning I only had the new one. Technically I could still see something but it was even harder to see to the point it might’ve been line eye. If I’m the first woman descended from my maternal grandmother to not get pregnant on the first try, I’m going to be quite upset to be honest, and at this point I think it’s a very strong possibility. I did just see someone on another site get her first positive at 14dpo in the afternoon when she was negative in the morning, but like when so many people with the same O date as me already have BFPs it’s hard to imagine I still have a chance with a negative on 12dpo, even if it’s a less sensitive test.
I’m trying to find peace in knowing that whatever happens with my fertility is God’s plan, he is in control, and he works all things together for the good of those who love him (Romans 8:28). I’ve been listening to the hymn “it is well with my soul” a lot which has helped ease the anxiety a lot, at least when I’m listening to it lol.

 

[DobbyForever]

Pretty that’s so hard about his dad. Agreed things don’t sound great with his health. Is he working with a doctor or anyone? That’s awesome about the taxes though!

Shae can you post one that isn’t edited? That’s crazy that her hcg was that high. I know they say it takes a minute to build in your urine but by that time you’d think she’d be good. You still have wondfo’s though and the digitals? What are you seeing on those? I do see the line on the edit but I don’t know that I see color. You’re in until you get a full flow. I know it’s frustrating with it coming so quickly to your family and you’ve waited so long to have a baby with DH. Have you talked about proper TTC if this isn’t the cycle? Or is he still hesitant? I’m glad you have your faith right help with the anxiety though. FXed

 

[Flueky88]

Pretty whoops I didn't realize your cycles came back in January. Maybe stress has delayed ovulation? Are you tracking or noticed signs when you ovulate?

On a different note so glad that you should be getting your refund in the near future.

Shae I know that one fo SO's big reasons for not wanting to ttc is wanting to have a house. If it's not your cycle then I would say use your big travel nurse paycheck to save for a down payment I see a line on the tweaked but not sure if it's picking up the indent or an early line. I do want to say, please don't put any sort of pressure about it not being successful first try. That's a lot of pressure to live up to and hurt yourself with if it's not the case.

Dobby absolutely nothing wrong with your plan. I think birthdays during the summer are tough with families going on vacation.

Did your cycle start?

 

[DobbyForever]

I started but it’s weird. I literally haven’t even filled a liner. Been doing this bright red spotting/super light bleed since Wednesday. In fact, looks like I’m already drying up =\. Booze isn’t hitting right, I’m bloated, I’m nauseated (almost throwing up my vitamin even though I’m taking it with the same food at the same time as always), outrageously exhausted like napping and sleeping 9-10h, overly emotional. Just weird because I gained weight so my periods have been heavy and really painful the last few cycles. I’m thinking maybe all the weirdness is because I went back to intermittent fasting and cutting out junk and counting Cals and A is finally letting me spin a little each night. I start my pack tomorrow. I tested and all bfns. I should be fine because the bd was late in my pack and I had six pills left after it. I know it’s weird to want to bleed and cramp more but I’m in the camp that AF is a great indicator of my health so light weird periods annoy me haha

 

[shaescott]

Dobs the tweak is the same test as the earlier photo.

Will respond properly later, at lunch rn and going to see my sister in the hospital after.

 

[shaescott]

Pretty I’m sorry to hear your SO’s dad had another seizure. Definitely scary.

Dobs I’m still at my parents’ house so no wondfos here. I’ll be going back tonight and will be able to use those. In comparison of the new FRER with the original FRERS, someone on a thread I’m on was testing positive on the original FRER with an hcg of 6.
DH definitely is not agreeable to TTC unfortunately.

Flueks yes we’re saving up for a down payment with the job

 

[Flueky88]

Pretty sorry forgot to say. I'm sorry to hear about the shape SO's dad is in.

 

[shaescott]

Whelp it’s over. I checked my hormone levels and my progesterone is 5. That’s not high enough to sustain a pregnancy. My progesterone has been oddly low this luteal phase, 8-9s, and I wonder if that’s why I didn’t get pregnant. It’s normally much higher. It was enough to confirm ovulation, but this is the first time I’ve ever been below 10 post-ovulation.

 

[DobbyForever]

Random: when did your kids lose their first tooth?

A has a loose tooth on the bottom. I’m not emotionally prepared for this.

 

[shaescott]

Tried to talk to DH about TTC and it ended in a blow up fight and now he’s giving me the silent treatment. I mean, if I said something he’d respond (with an attitude) but he’s just being cold and quiet. I told him I wasn’t in the emotional state to be logical right now because I’m grieving a dream and a concept I was taught my entire life to be truth, and he said I’m not grieving and I don’t care about his feelings and don’t let him vent. I said I care about your feelings, I just can’t handle you yelling at me about how I’m wrong and dumb for thinking we can handle having a baby. I just wanted to go home and cuddle and process but we had to go see his uncle’s band perform instead, and we argued about this both on the way there and on the way back. Maybe the fight wouldn’t have happened if I’d gotten to go home and process. I even tried to apply what he was saying on the ride there and on the way back I gave him some info on potential steps to affording a baby and he said it was only because he yelled that I actually listened, and then the fight continued. I’m exhausted from sleeping 4 hours after a night shift, PMSing, and processing the situation. I just don’t get how he thought it was a good time to expect me to think logically. Not saying this to knock him, just venting. I love him dearly and he loves me fiercely, he’s just not good at expressing his feelings and has some anger issues. He also seems to think that me disagreeing equals me not listening, which is frustrating. I really want to discuss this with him later when I’m more emotionally stable but he couldn’t understand that I needed to wait and that that didn’t mean I don’t care about his feelings. Argh. He’ll get over the anger, he always does. Unfortunately when he gets mad he physically separates himself in another room so he can calm down and we were in a car so he couldn’t. I’m just a mess. Lots of crying. Going to try to get some sleep and hopefully I’ll feel better in the morning.

ETA: I lost my first tooth at 4 or 5 years old.

 

[Flueky88]

Dobby V lost her first tooth shortly after her 6th birthday. She lost her 2nd one the day after. She hasn't lost any more.

Shae sorry to hear about DH's reaction. I hope he will stop giving you the silent treatment and you both talk about it better.

 

[DobbyForever]

Shae hugs I’m sorry the TTC talk didn’t go well. I think it’s totally natural to have needed space. Your shifts sound really physically taxing this week with the hours, and you are grieving a lost dream/reality. I think you mentioned DH has some mental health stuff? He might find the use of the word grief insensitive. I know for a long time I would get annoyed with my friends for saying they were grieving because they were, frankly, privileged and I felt my grief and pain shouldn’t be in the same category as their first world problems. It didn’t click for me until pretty late that how people use the word shouldn’t bother me because grief can be so many things and you can grieve something you never had. I’m hoping after you both get some sleep and emotions settle, you can revisit. I will say though even if DH said it angrily, he finally felt heard. He’s not saying no to TTC he’s saying that he wants x, y, z to happen first. So the fact that you both are getting on the same page about preparing for a baby is a great place to start and, hopefully, leads to an agreeable DH sooner rather than later.

AFM a little irritated with my body. I’ve cut out junk food, trimmed down my drinking and upping my water, back to intermittent fasting with watching calories and 5 small meals a day, doing my quick set exercises and on the bike 20m a day…. I gained 1.5 lbs this week! I’m hoping it’s just lingering period bloat that will drop once I’m back on my pull but it’s so frustrating. I was hoping to be down at least 3-4lbs by my birthday next week and this is not a good start.

 

[shaescott]

DH is better this morning, I woke up to him asking for BD lmao so he just needed to sleep to reset.

Dobs I’m sorry your body isn’t cooperating. I’ve given up on restricting my calories because it didn’t work. I couldn’t maintain any weight loss. I’m trying to just focus on exercise and healthy food choices at this point. I won’t make myself miserable if it’s not even working. All that said, I would agree that it’s likely period bloat.

 

[Flueky88]

Dobby I'm sure it's period bloat. . I am usually a few lbs heavier leading up to and during AF.

Shae glad he's feeling better today.

 

[PrettyInInk42]

Dobby - I know how annoying it is when you put in the effort and don't see results. I'm doing IF and half-assed keto myself right now. I'm finding that I'll plateau for a few days and then drop another couple lbs outta nowhere. It's probably water weight or maybe just infrequent BMs? Either way, keep at it.

shae - You obviously know DH better than any of us, and know how handle his moods, but do you think talking to a couples counselor might help with communication going forward? I know people fight and make up all the time, but maybe you can each learn some skills to keep fights to a minimum otherwise it's gonna be a long next 50 years. lol
And sorry that it wasn't meant to be this time. But you only get one shot at the honeymoon phase. Just soak up each other as much as you can til the back pain and swelling and sleepless nights start.

Winter - Still keeping you in my thoughts. How are things going?

Re: SO's dad. Dunno if he working with a specialized Dr or anything. He lives an hour and a half away, so his brother and SIL are more up-to-date on his condition. We only hear news if it's bad. As far as I can tell, SO isn't too torn up about the whole situation. He's kind of emotionally closed off in general. But, on top of that, his dad is far from Father Of The Year. Been divorced from his mom since SO was like 5, showed up at the house, drunk (on more than 1 occasion) to pick up SO for the weekend. His mom obviously didn't let him go. Bad with money, not a great husband, etc. Was never abusive in any way, but just kind of an F up on various levels. So, he's pretty much made his bed and now he has to lie in it.

Re: tooth loss. Alex just lost his first one on July 2nd. Lower front. But his new teeth were already coming in before he lost any teeth. The one beside it is now getting wiggly too. So, we'll if he looses it before his BDay or what.

AFM, used an IC today and yesterday and they were pretty negative. I know that they're not as sensitive as they used to be though. With Zoey, I didn't even see a line til I was like 15dpo. Will try again in a couple days.