General chatter while we wait (and commentary on the "pull out method")

[shaescott]

Hi everyone, sorry I’ve been AWOL, just busy with moving and kept procrastinating getting back on.

Pretty I am in Vermont so not really near the Maine situation although of course it’s New England. My Papa watches the news all day so we’ve seen a lot of the coverage. Definitely shocking, I wouldn’t expect something like that to happen in Maine, but they said the shooter had been in mental health hospitals recently, so federally I’m pretty sure he should have had all firearms removed from his possession, you can’t have guns if you’ve been hospitalized for mental health, it’s on the federal background check form. So quite possible that this was a government failure to do their job and remove guns from people who are obviously unsafe to have them. It’s just a terrible situation.

Jez I’m sorry you’re struggling with your mental health honestly if you’re physically capable of sex (aka not feeling sick) and just aren’t in the mood, my personal opinion is to just do it. Not necessarily every day, but maybe once a week. I’m not always in the mood, the past several months I’ve noticed a decline in my sex drive when I’m not ovulating, but if I don’t feel unwell I’ll do it if he wants to because it makes DH feel loved and happy, and once we actually get into it it usually makes me feel close to him as well. It’s like when I do other things for him I don’t want to do like make him lunch because I want to see the look on his face when I surprise him with food, he’s always so grateful and happy. Hard is not the same thing as bad. All that said, if you can’t get through sex without crying or feeling consumed by despair etc, or if you’re having severe nausea or other physical symptoms, that’s a whole different situation. I’m talking about just not being in the mood. If it’s on a despair kind of level, then I would talk to your doctor about pregnancy safe options for your mental health and maybe speak to a personal therapist (in addition to the couples one) about what’s going on. And maybe do that anyway, since you seem to be struggling in general.

As for finances, we have a joint account. We do still have our own accounts from before, DH is still using up what’s left in his, I transferred mine to the joint account. We view money as our money, so we just pay from the joint account, and since he still has money left in his old account he pays for stuff that’s just for him using that money. Our only money argument is just managing spending so we save more.

Dobs I’m glad that the new med is helping A do better in school. I know it was a hard decision to make. The fact that it only lasts 4 hours is pretty tough though.

Flueks your girls are getting so big, I can’t believe E is turning 3! I’m glad the therapy has been helping you. We did move, all is well.

Gigs I get that not ovulating can stress you about your health. If it makes you feel better, I, a healthy 24 year old, have had an anovulatory cycle. Sometimes it’s just stress.

AFM moved 3.5 weeks ago. Been at the new job for 2 weeks, apparently they unionized in august so first bargaining session is next week. I would love a pay raise haha, I took quite the pay hit switching back to staff. Gas and groceries have been pretty rough, idk how anyone can pay rent on one salary right now. Got licenses 2 weeks ago, just got cars registered today, friggin $315 for the both of us for 2 year registrations. How the hell do poor people afford to live here? That’s just under 1/3 of my weekly net pay! Still unpacking. Only just hung most of my clothes in the closet. Dealing with the mouse infestation (did I mention that?) but the exterminators are doing a good job. Cats are adjusting well. The skittish one has been getting better about taking his medicine, he likes to sit on the couch here so that helps me get to him without spooking him.

 

[Jezika]

Hey all! So guys, this turned out to be almost as long as my dissertation. Please don’t feel obligated to read. Tl;dr is that my relationship is ducked up. And to answer a question asked before, we will find out sex at the 19/20-week scan and probably do a tiny little sex reveal (technically moreaccurate than gender reveal but defo more pervy-sounding) for Matilda and us.

Shae, I also thought of you when I heard about the Maine shootings, but figured you’re likely not close. So glad that’s the case, though obviously awful news either way.

Gosh, once again I’m trying to remember everything I read.

Dobs that’s awesome to hear the meds are having a positive effect for A. And that’s so funny about not wanting to mention the situationship to your therapist. Not haha funny, I just get it. I wonder what your therapist would say if you told her exactly all of that and were honest about how you’d feel about her potential opinions.

Shae you asked about individual therapy for me. I do also have an individual therapist who’s awesome, it’s just been so hard to find time (on my end) to prioritize seeing her, plus she’s also limited timingwise because she’s juggling working in the evenings with a baby. It’s going to also sound bad when I say this, but I feel like I benefit just as much from talking about all this stuff with my few close friends routinely and also know what I *should* be doing that would absolutely help, I just don’t do it a lot of the time. Luckily I’ve never been one to be depressed… I more get bouts of being really highly strung and tend to get super angry and catastrophize and spiral. And then half an hour later I’m fine. My mum’s similar. Sounds healthy, eh?

Re: finances it’s nice to hear a mix of arrangements. DH and I do have a joint savings account but it functions more as a convenient account through which we give money to each other when necessary (like if we split expensive flights or something). We don’t split everything evenly because that wouldn’t be fair since I’m (still) not making a full salary. He pays the mortgage and some bills and I pay the property tax, car insurance, gas for the car, groceries and some bills. I also buy all of Matilda’s stuff but I get some child benefit payments from the government. I do feel it’s still not egalitarian because I still pay a LOT and I basically have no money leftover for savings whereas he saves every single month. But he paid for our car outright ($30k ish) and also our new windows last year (can’t remember but they were like $15k). So he’s definitely contributed more. Not sharing accounts properly hadn’t bothered me till now for the same reasons Flueks mentioned. It’s nice to never have to worry about justifying a purchase or for me to query his spending. Also we just kept the status quo arrangements as our relationship progressed and never felt the need to have the talk.

But it’s always sat a little uneasily with me that he’s given the impression for a long time that he would really not want to share finances. It’s kind of hurtful for the reasons Pink hinted at. I *think* he’d have issues with me buying things he doesn’t think are necessary if he feels it’s partly his money. He’s a minimalist and thinks I have way too much stuff and always buying more (honestly im not THAT bad but he does have a point). But obviously the bigger issue is that he’d see it as “his” money and not “ours”. Again im assuming but im pretty sure. He’s also said he doesn’t want to be responsible for my student loan from undergrad when he only paid his off not that long ago. I have mixed feeling about this because I’ve never said I’d expect that and nor would I, but on the other hand, as my bff says, why would he not think about the “us” and happily accept my debts as “our” debts. I’m not sure I agree with this, but certainly a lot of couples would see it that way, which makes me feel like he’s just not committed to this relationship. Which im pretty sure is accurate because he did mention feeling stuck or trapped (with this recent pregnancy and also with the idea of combining finances), which is confusing and hurtful. Recently after a therapy session he talked about how sometimes the best call for people in a relationship and even the children is to separate, and was sort of wondering if I’d ever consider that as an option because all I talk about is making things work. Obviously that made me think that that’s exactly what he wants, but he denied it. And I kind of get what he’s saying for reasons that would be too long to explain here, but a part of me also wonders whether he would never admit to the truth through concern over hurting me (which I told him he doesn’t have to do because I’d rather know and would respect his feelings). Anyway… I can never quite tell whether there’s a devastating truth that I’m choosing to ignore through self-protective emotional avoidance and fear of abandonment, or whether his feelings are understandable given our history and not a massive catastrophe to fall apart over but simply something to continue working on. I’m faaaairly sure half the issue is that he doesn’t see it at the latter. He’s very negative and doom-and-gloom about our relationship. And how he feels about it highly correlates with the amount of sex we have.

Honestly I have no idea if I’m under- or overreacting about the state of my marriage (and 15-year relationship) but my bff (who is also good friends with DH) would say it’s the former and I suspect she might be right. Again, I am yet to bring up these broader issues with our therapist because there are so many other things to talk about.

Anyway, re: the money thing it’s kind of insult to injury that I’m on the cusp of making way more money than him, which will not only turn the tables financially, but also give him the opportunity to explore more options careerwise that would otherwise have been too risky. I do think it’s weighed on him to be the sole full time earner for the past 13(!) years that I’ve been in school, and my god has it been a rough ride to devote so much time and energy to my studies alongside sustaining a marriage and a family, and I’m truly grateful, but a part of me also feels like it’s a bit of copout given that I’ve also made a basic level of income (other than in undergrad) through scholarships and working, and that my income on average has been the same as if I had a fairly low paying job that plenty of people do for their whole lives, so I still contributed to a lot of things that he’d never be able to afford on his own. But I know it’s been a strain on him existentially too… like seeing me get three degrees in a field I’m passionate about and with a solid career trajectory while he feels trapped in a career that he only got into because of a degree program he chose at age 17. I truly hope (and I’ve said this to him) that when im finally earning properly he can have the breathing room to pursue and experiment with whatever he wants while I hold the financial fort. He’s a smart and capable guy but he lacks a lot of confidence and assertiveness (re: asking for pay rises, putting himself out there and such) and is so scared to take risks, so even that proposal feels too risky to him. But I hope that changes. Aaaand of course having a baby now will be another pause on my own career plans, which weighs on us both.

And that brings me back to the topic of finances, because since he started a new job a year ago I no longer get a tuition waiver (he used to work for my university) and while his slight salary increase technically makes up for the loss of that waiver, I’ve never asked him to pay for my tuition since he moved jobs, and nor would I… but I’ve also made some money through a paid residency for the past year, whereas now I’m done with that and supposed to be going full speed ahead with finishing my dissertation (and therefore PhD) as fast as humanly possible, esp with baby coming, and that means not making income. Well I AM seeing clients two days a week as a compromise because I need to make some money, but since my client schedule is unpredictable, it’s possible that I simply might not have enough money to pay all of the stuff I need to pay for. We talked about this and while he didn’t seem happy with having to part with money, he obviously said he’d help out. His reluctance/hesitation is upsetting though, and my biggest worry is what will happen when I literally can’t work with a newborn and definitely ask him to pay for everything. I sometimes he feel like he thinks I’ve been some lazy freeloader, which is far from the truth. I’d never have been able to do what I’ve done without his support, but I’ve also consistently did everything to sustain some sort of income throughout my extended studies, and I’ve also worked crazily hard both in my studies and spending time at home raising our child at home until she was almost 2 and then when schools were closed for so long through COVID.

For context, he is very conservative with his money to begin with… talking to him, you’d think he’s on the cusp of bankruptcy and worrying about his next paycheque when he actually has a bunch of tax free savings, a solid pension plan, some other investments and an education fund for Matilda that he’s single-handedly contributed about $20k to so far… all of which are good things obviously, but he truly still worries about money. Very similar to his dad, who’s a retired highly successful lawyer and has a tonne of money but lives by the most modest means imaginable. Wow omg such an essay, holyyyyy.

K I had more to respond to but will end this so as not to kill you good people with my record-breaking-length selfish post, but also wanted to respond to Shae’s suggestion of just having sex when I’m not in the mood. I know some women would be morally vehemently against this, and I wouldn’t say I’m one of those women. That actually IS what I do almost every time I have sex, though I also enjoy it once we get started almost all the time. But i have issues around sex from having beencoerced into it at a very young age and it serving a very unhealthy purpose for several years that followed, all stuff I wasn’t prepared for emotionally and never had help with processing, pretty much even till this day. So im happy to maybe push myself when I’m simply not in the mood, but when there is a lot of resentment between us and I feel like he’s not interested in connecting with me on an emotional level or even really spending any time with me, but then expects sex, that *really* lands with me me in a certain way thanks to my past, and having sex in that kind of emotional space would trigger all sorts of awful things. Or at least I fear it would, but I just can’t go there because it feels so abhorrent and unbearable. Even though it’s not really rational. Ironically, he experiences the exact same but in reverse: he feels rejected sexually, which triggers a painful history of rejection, and it makes emotional closeness feel too risky and vulnerable so instead he withdraws and pushes me away. And of course that triggers my sh*t, so there ya go with the cycle again. If I need individual therapy for anything, it’s this sex stuff for sure.

Bless all of you who got this far. I am so sorry.

 

[shaescott]

Jez wow, a lot to unpack there. Tbh the not wanting to be responsible for your loans worries me. I get keeping some separate finances for personal spending, but with big life stuff like degrees, you’re supposed to be a team. Regarding sex, that’s definitely tough when you’ve got past trauma. “Abhorrent and unbearable” is not an emotional space you want to be in during sex for sure. At the same time of course, the sexual rejection is extremely painful as well, I’ve been through this with DH when his sex drive was very low due to his meds. I would definitely pursue further therapy surrounding the sex issue.

 

[DobbyForever]

Quick post. Life is crazy. I have meetings all the time after school. And with Halloween it's like Thursday we went to a Halloween thing at the special needs ranch an hour (one way) away (I took a half day), Friday they had a Trunk or Treat at his school, Sat was swimming and then we went to a pumpkin decorating party at my friend's apartment, and now we're here leaving for swimming in ten minutes. Idk how people with more than one kid do it. Hats off to y'all mommas.

Jez big hugs. I gotta second Shae that I'd focus some time on the sex issues. As someone who talks sex rejection so personally and deeply, I think that may be causing a lot of the rift. I'd also be cautious about running away with what you think he's thinking. Maybe he brought up separation because he's scared YOU want that versus HE wants it. I will toss out that I'm bitter, jaded, and single but I see pregnancy hormones like alcohol. Being drunk/pregnant doesn't CREATE problems, it inhibits your prefrontal cortex and sends you back to relying on your gut/survival instincts and gives you to sudden no s* given to DISPLAY the s* you're repressing. Has anything changed drastically since you had Tilly with him? I don't recall this being an issue with Tilly. Now could it really just be an every pregnancy is different and this is actually hormonal/physical, yes. But if I were him, and I was being told "it's because I'm pregnant" but things were a ok the first time through then yeah I'm gonna take that personally. I will say you can work through it. So yeah ask the therapist to help you talk through the sex stuff. Cuz E holding me and checking me when I needed to be checked vs comforting me when it was appropriate really helped me deal with my sex rejection issues when he didn't want to sleep with me those handful of times.

As for money, my family is toxic with money clearly so I'm DEFINITELY not qualified to comment on that. I will say I have never seen my salary as an our thing. Will I use it to support and help my partner? 100. But it's my money. I worked for it. It's signed to me. And there's a big difference to me between me gifting you that car or playstation versus you just seeing it as your money and you can go buy a playstation or car lol. But I was never married and I didn't have kids with those bfs. But idk I worked too hard to make the salary I make that if someone ever said "our money" I'd think they were crazy. Even if they made more than me but especially if they made less, regardless of the reasoning or temporary state of it. But I think of what my trust attorney said: it's called a trust for a reason. And that's why I'm going to end up dying single because I trust no one enough to actually be married and SHARE in everything.

Shae ooo do you like the new job so far? Yay union! That's awesome! Hopefully the bargaining goes well. Yay for the cats adjusting! How about you and SO and Papa? Also I still vote barn cat! My cat was a beast. I loved her. Lol. Roach and rat killer extraordinaire.

 

[shaescott]

Dobs yeah there’s a huge difference between bf and husband when it comes to money sharing. We got our joint account when we were wedding planning, until then we never shared an account. There’s a reason married people have to split their put together money in half if they get divorced unless they have a prenup, it’s legally considered shared money, regardless of if the other person’s name is on the account. That said, I definitely think any big purchases should be discussed, especially when the person buying it is not the person making the money.

New job is good so far, small adjustments with Papa like how he does things and what he needs from us to adapt to the change, but overall smooth. Now that we’re using the rodenticide, we don’t want to get a cat that eats mice, because it could harm the cat if they eat 10+ mice/week (according to the exterminator). Luckily our cats are well fed and terrible at catching mice, they’ve only managed to catch one lol.

 

[DobbyForever]

Aww that's good to hear! Glad everyone is adjusting. Yeah that wouldn't be good if that's the route y'all are going. Hopefully it's taken care of soon. Reminds me of videos you'd see on Animal Planet back in the day about farms overrun with mice in Australia.

This is a whole lot of rambling about nothing. I just don't want to keep grading.

There's definitely a difference, but the sociologist in me is very labels are labels. Like if I live with a boyfriend for years and we're sharing in rent/vacations/bills or if we are living together and have a child together, then the distinction between gf/bf vs husband is irrelevant. The legal distinction is obviously important. That being said, I never really intended to spend my lie with any of my exes (even the ones I had a child with and/or was engaged to). Like deep in my core, my disorganized attachment style has me dating and investing in guys that I ultimately know I would never commit to long term.

And I'm realizing I grew up in a very financial/credit conscious family. And I do have significant assets and a significant salary. I wanted to reject a renter whose 22 year old had a 640 credit score (she's a paraeducator with a score of 740 herself), and my the property manager was like you need to chill out he's 22 most 22 year olds don't have credit over 700-750. I did approve her though just because she's a para in my old district.

But idk. For me and the way I grew up, even if I was married I doubt I'd have a joint account. I'd likely just do what Jez is doing. We split up the bills based on who can pay what and trust the other person pays it. BUT I'd never let someone have their name on my mortgage unless they were paying half of the mortgage, we were married, and you had put down half to begin with. Like you can love me all you want, when I die A gets the condo lmfao. So I think therein lies the red flag. I'm walking unhealthy views on how married people/couples should do finances, and that's how you're doing it. Or maybe we'd have the account set up to autopay certain things with the expectation we contributed x amount to it each month. But I'm too control freak about my bills being paid on time that idk if I could even handle that.

But I still don't think it's the money issue. I think he's butthurt over the sex issue.

 

[gigglebox]

Wow this was a lot to catch up on!!
If y'all feel comfortable sharing costume pics of the kiddos, please do! Mine are all going as Minecraft characters. I give them 5 minutes before they start complaining about the masks.

Dang Dobby your fight with the school must be exhausting. Yeah I deal with all the children's activities of 3 boys by not doing them Ok, just kidding...but when we do sign up for things, I just try to find things that can include all three of them. So far we've just done some play date stuff and art classes. None of the kids have any real interest in exploring other stuff right now. DS2 did try t-ball and it was a disaster. He was not into it whatsoever.
Anything with OA since the last meet and greet? It's funny to me that you see a therapist despite knowing exactly how she will analyze you and where you might be going wrong. I mean nothing offensive by this question but what do you get out of therapy sessions?

Pink I hope hubby can push back his jury duty. Here they're pretty understanding about it. Where are y'all going? Sorry if you said. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ok, Daisy, now I remember. I only played the original Super Mario Bros growing up, never played the racing game (I can't remember what it was called even thought I think Dobs mentioned it) or any of the games that would include her. But she looks familiar anyway...

Ah Jez, you poor thing, you are in a tough spot wish I knew what to advise. For the record I don't think statistically that splitting is the best option for kids...I think if you can make it work that would be best, but obviously that will be a decision for y'all to make. When did all these issues arise? And I hope I'm stepping over the line or being insulting or putting new thoughts in your head that are totally unfounded...but is it possible he's interested in somebody else? Just the mental and sexual unavailability, blaming you for things, and wanting to separate are kind of red flags to me...but maybe I'm reading that completely wrong, or maybe this is just "normal" for a couple going through a rough patch. To answer you question about finances, it's been so long since I've worked a "real" job that I can't remember what we did...I feel like we've always had a joint account. Back when we both worked I believe we had a shared account and deposited all of our money into it. It was our main operating account, so we paid all our bills from it. We both have credit cards so when we made personal purchases, we just used our cards then paid them off from the main account. Nether of us did too many things with person funds though. I went out to lunch with coworkers every now and again, and once in awhile I'd go clothes shopping for work. That was the extent of it I think. He did more or less the same. Now it's the same, except I have my own account for any money I make from jewelry. From the start it was understood I was selling my own stuff off to make money for the other things wanted to get but felt to guilty using the family money on. That's just my paypal account pretty much, so that's what I use to buy things like jewelry, or sometimes gifts for other people (including hubby).

Shae glad things are going well! How are things on the baby front? Are we any closer yet?

Fluek I hope you're not struggling too bad with whatever you're dealing with over there I'm glad to hear therapy is helping! So funny reading y'alls experiences with it. I haven't gone in years, not since the whole thing with my brother happened but that's because 1. we couldn't afford it (it was $100 and hour) and 2. the woman was terrible. She gave me some insights into things for sure, and for that I'm grateful...but the sessions were rough. She was the type of therapist that would sometimes sit in silence waiting for me to break it. Literally just looking at me. It was awkward. Anyway...yikes, 5am is an early day!! I do not envy your schedule. Glad the kiddos are doing well with everything though. How is V reading, specifically? I have nothing to compare ds2 to. He can read most 3 letter words now, and he spells them pretty well. He does well with 4 letter words but could definitely improve. But he's read huge words that I'm, like, blown away he figures out (like "supermarket", most recently). He kicked but with his annual homeschool assessment (82nd percentile!) but I am constantly flooded with worry that I'm not doing enough. That relief I felt after testing has subsided. Anyway...

To rant more about me...hubby told me yesterday he wanted to try for another *insert face palm*. I gave him a bunch of reasons why that was a bad idea and he admitted defeat, haha. If he had said this a few months ago it might be another story...but I just feel so certainly done now. I am still making moves toward goat ownership actually I had to poke fun at him because he's telling me how much work goats are going to be....I'm like, "and YOU want a baby...??" ha! Anyway I did also mention that if we felt we were in a place to have another kid down the line, maybe we could consider adoption. But honestly I just don't want to take on any more kids. Homeschooling two of them is hard enough, and I still have one to go! I think eventually ds3 will catch up to ds2 and I can school them together, but that's still another year or two off. It's daunting to think about lessons for three kids. Honestly I should be starting with some pre-k work now...we've been loosely looking at letters and he counts well for his age, but yeah...kinder is going to start before I know it! But to that end he doesn't seem too interested yet.

Ok enough ranting.
Hope y'all are doing well, relatively speaking!

 

[Flueky88]

Pretty, aww it is so bittersweet the 1st time you drop your baby off to daycare or sitter. I really hope that SO's jury duty can be pushed back.

Shae sorry for the paycut. I'm sure it's an adjustment. Also yes, monthly groceries almost cost as much as our mortgage. Hope you all get a pay raise. Do you like it other than the paycut?

Hope the mice extermination goes well.

Jez I read your post a little while ago. I'll try to respond to you better soon. I'm sorry things are rocky with DH though.

Dobby, lol I echo gigs we don't do all the activities lol. I do try to do some things but it really can be exhausting. I don't know how parents have kids into sports. Like I dunno how you can make time for it all.

Giggle omg on DH talking about wanting to have another. I've heard others say that 4 isn't that bad but for me 3 is chaos.

Therapy has went well. It's been a lot of me talking buy there was a lot to unpack and things I hadn't told anyone. Hearing from my aunt, what my brother's gf presented as what happened with my brother's suicide just really beat me up and brought up some trauma from my childhood. Things I'd forgotten or thought I'd forgiven. Like my body was shaking uncontrollably during my 1st session. I'm feeling much better and feel I can heal on my own now. It doesn't sound like a good fit at all with the lady you described. I was pretty lucky to find one I resonated with.

V's reading close to 200 words. There are kids that are more advanced in her grade level but I'm not trying to compare her to them and just be proud of her own progress. She has trouble with phonics but I believe that's related to her speech impairment. She's working with speech therapy at school though.


I'll try to share some pics later this week!

 

[DobbyForever]

Aww yay for the kiddos doing well in reading! Wow!!!!

Fluek do you see progress with the speech therapy?

Omg of course hubs wants another now lol. What kind of prep are you doing for goats?

Lmfao we get out of doing it by not doing it. Love it.

Not offensive at all. I’ve been in and out of therapy since middle school. I tend to repress/compartmentalize in order to function day to day. The problem is, I repress so much that every so often I snap hard in some way (ideation, drinking, picking toxic fights with people…). So usually I’ll do talk therapy as a way to remind myself to talk time to talk about things that stress me out and/or get access to resources like books or the Calm app. This particular instance, I wasn’t sleeping through the night for like two weeks and my anxiety was so bad I could barely breathe all day. OA isn’t a massive source of stress. This past visit was a big change to norm.

I did tell her in the context of “I’m concerned even he couldn’t pull me out of it (it being the situational depression)”. There were a few other I should have been happy and felt nothing things going on that week. She said that she appreciated I could be honest with him and how he validated and secured my response. And that we communicate really well for any partnership but especially a casual situationship. Basically that his support that day was more of a partner than most women get from their actual partners. But we moved on to other toxic dynamics aka A has been telling me to “get out of his house right now” when he’s angry. Thanks Mom. Ffs.

and he’s traveling this week and going somewhere with his parents for thanksgiving so I’ll be shocked if I see him this month

 

[PrettyInInk42]

Hey ladies. Apparently I didn't get any emails about the recent posts, so I'll have to reply later.

Just wanted to wish everyone a safe and fun Halloween. Hopefully it'll be warmer for you guys than us. It's supposed to be pretty much 0C (32F) while we're out. Gotta love Canada.

 

[DobbyForever]

That’s crazy. It’s literally 70 F here lol. Should be 60-65 when we’re out.

 

[DobbyForever]

Thought of you gigs

also hope everyone is good

also I’m suing A’s school district

 

[PrettyInInk42]

Wow, that's a lot of reading. I've read all the new posts twice and I'm still having trouble retaining, but I'll do my best to reply.

Dobby - Sorry that it's come to taking this kind of legal action. Good luck. Will that lawyer you mentioned be representing you?

Jez - That's a lot to comment on. So, I guess I'll just say that I also thinking this sounds like a really bad rough patch. Hopefully once you're making a full wage, things will be less stressful. Definitely continue with therapy and make sure to bring up the sex issue. But if it does eventually look like you 2 should part, kids would much rather come from a broken home than to be currently living in one.

shae - Sorry, I thought I recalled you mentioning something about Maine a while ago. Maybe I was misremembering, or got confused with New England in general. That sucks about the pay cut, but hopefully the union can get you a nice increase soon.

Flueky - Glad to hear therapy has been helping you. And yay V for being able to read all those words. Are there any books she particularly likes to read?

Re: Taking multiple kids to sports. Lately, Zoey's been staying home with SO and my mom while I take the boys to their back to back soccer classes on Sunday mornings. And then we all go to Alex and Matthew's swimming classes on Wednesday evening. And I take Zoey to her swim class on Tuesday mornings by myself. Gonna need to change that to an evening class soon though.

AFM, SO's jury duty got deferred, our new passports have arrived, and I've already bought travel insurance. So, things are going swimmingly in that department. Gonna start packing what I can this weekend (shorts and tank tops and whatnot) and then more throughout the week. Would like to be able to get to bed before midnight the night before we leave. lol
I emailed my work to let them know I wouldn't be coming back. That was on Monday and I never heard anything from them. Dunno if that's good or bad. And Zoey's first day of daycare will be December 4th. Can't remember if I said that already.
That's pretty much all for now.

 

[DobbyForever]

Pretty sounds like a lot of positive updates! So glad the vacation plans are gonna work out!

It's a new lawyer. She's only asking $500 and the rest she'll ask the district to pay. The other lawyer was a discrimination lawyer. This one is a special education lawyer.

 

[WinterBub]

Hi!

Just wanted to drop in with an update. I really appreciated all the support y'all gave me through various chapters of my life and wanted to come back and let you know how things have gone here.

I had monthly scans and echoes for the rest of my pregnancy, and they were really upsetting. Every time they'd give me something to worry about- some of which turned out to be true and some things that I spent weeks crying and worrying about became nothing. I also saw a new cardiologist at every scan and they all seemed to have different aspects of the scans that they'd focus on. We went into the birth with lots of potential outcomes on the table, including "saying hello and goodbye". I can tell you that going into a birth with that on your mind is just horrible. The pregnancy was really, really hard mentally and emotionally.

In any case... Baby Florence was born in September and at least initially outdid every possible outcome they'd given her. We spent two weeks with her in the ICU, and she was doing great. That all changed literally over the course of an hour, and we then went from "going home pending a final echo" to waiting for surgery. So, she had a shunt placed at 3 weeks old, bounced right back (again beating expectations), and went home 3ish weeks after that. We go back weekly for monitoring, and she will have her next surgery at some point in early 2024. It's been a rollercoaster, but you would.never know anything is up with her- she looks and acts totally normal for a 2ish month old... she just has a big scar that reminds you, and occasional blue hands and feet to remind you what all is going on. We also have to be really careful with her, as a cold/the flu/norovirus etc would be a big deal for her. Her heart is already working double right now, so anything else could be life threatening. So, there's still a lot of ups and downs ahead (some we see, and some we haven't spotted yet), but so far, she's really done great overall and we all just adore her. She is so gutsy and brave, and he doesn't even know that yet. It's just how she was made (along with missing half her heart).

Just wanted to come back and let you all know, as I always wonder what happens to people I know who just disappear! I haven't kept up with the thread or the site at all, as I basically couldn't go on the Internet or I'd Google things for hours and just cry. But I have thought of you all, and hoped you were doing well.

And huge congrats on your wedding, Shae!!!!

 

[JuniBjones]

@WinterBub sending you all my love and prayers for you and your family . You are doing great momma keep staying strong for your baby

 

[PrettyInInk42]

Winter - So happy to hear from you. Congrats on little baby Florence. Do you call her Flo? And glad to know she's thriving, all things considered.

Dobby - Well, here's hoping she kicks some major ass for you. And congrats to your bro. Saw the good news on IG.

 

[shaescott]

Gigs omg I can’t believe your hubby suddenly said he wanted a 4th! Too bad he didn’t get that idea a few months ago lol, I’m always team “have one more”

Winter I’m so happy to hear baby Florence is beating the odds! She sounds like a fighter, it gives me so much hope that babies are so resilient.

Flueks I’m sorry you had to re-process a lot regarding your brother’s death. But I’m glad the therapy has helped you a lot. Talking it out makes such a difference.

Dobs uh oh on suing the school district. I hope this new lawyer does a good job and that what’s best for A is what happens.

Pretty I missed where you’re going on vacation, where will you be? Long or short vacay?

AFM sorry, been AWOL again. DH and I are actually leaving for a brief vacation in Cancun tomorrow. We are celebrating our 10 year (dating) anniversary. No more yearly dating anniversaries since we’re married, but we thought 10 years was pretty special. We’ll be at an all inclusive resort for 3 nights, and then we have a wedding we have to fly out for as well back in the US. Not much ground has been made in the baby area I’m afraid, but I’m doing okay. DH is still working on the job thing, and in the mean time I’m working. Unfortunately I’m getting used to the new pay rate and realizing how much I need to overhaul my previous lifestyle/spending habits. With prices of everything up so much, we’re bleeding money. I need to just stop buying anything that’s not 100% necessary. After Cancun, of course

 

[PrettyInInk42]

We're going to Florida. Davenport, specifically. We're leaving on Saturday and will be back Dec 3rd. So, 12 days there and 4 days of driving. lol

Enjoy your mini vacation.

 

[gigglebox]

Winter! I'm not sure if you'll come back to read these replies but I've thought of you and am so glad you came back to update us. I am so, so sorry that you have already been so much with little Florence but I do believe that we are given these challenges for a reason, and I know you'll see that in time. What a strong little one you have!! I can empathize on the rocky pregnancy, since they told me ds1 was unlikely to make it after 15 weeks in utero...and he beat all the odds. I hope and pray your little girly continues to do the same! I know this is a situation that will be ongoing but try to enjoy where you are and take things as they come. Prayers for you and your little girl and your family.

Shae sorry about the pay decrease! What a bummer...and especially with inflation, as you mentioned. Any chance or overtime or opportunities to make more? How does that affect the baby making possibilities?

Dobs, wait, are you suing for treatment of A or discrimination? And by the way he is SO HANDSOME! What a good lookin' kiddo! You're not to shabby yourself awww I'm so glad disc golf make you think of me, haha. That was an impressive shot though! Imagine how out of breath that guy must have been recording that like a million times.

Fluek ahh I see. Glad you're at a place that you feel better about handling things emotionally. Yikes, the shake during therapy...I suppose I guess that's how you know it's working...? *nervous laugh* but seriously I think everyone could probably use some therapy. I wonder how people have always dealt with things, like long before therapy. Were we "harder" humans a couple hundred years ago? Just dealt with it and moved on? More accepting of tragedy? Anyway yeah my therapist was terrible but she have me some insight on my assault that was pretty helpful. She typically was a therapist for sex offenders, so she gave me some idea of the thoughts of those types of people and I found that helpful and was able to blame myself less, so that was good I suppose.

Pink I think your message was meant for Jez rather than me but good to see you and glad to see everything with vacation is turning out! I figured they'd not be too strict about serving jury duty, but you never know and it's stressful until it's taken care of I'm sure.

About me, haha, yes #4...that ain't happening. Of course I'm about to Ov and so now it sounds like a plausible idea but we all know it ain't! If he felt this way a year or ever a few months ago, then maybe...but I feel like we missed the boat (did I say this already? sorry if so). Mostly because even if we got pregnant immediately, that's a 5+ age gap between ds3 and this kid. It's too much I think. And I really don't want an infant. I do not fancy the baby stage too much. Not to mention all the expense of diapers and the formula I'll inevitably have to buy due to my lack luster milk production...and no sleep...yeah, no thanks. Goodness it took me over 3 years with ds3 to get him to sleep through the night.

Goats: we don't have a place for goats. I mean I could make something really quick in our existing barn but it wouldn't really be suitable, so we need to construct a new barn. On the plus side I did talk to a man a few weeks ago who recently took down an old horse barn off his property and was selling the wood presumably cheap, although we never got to talking price because I wasn't able to take any materials at the time I was looking at them. I just went and got an idea of what he had. I did get to talking to him about cars though and mentioned my husband is a mechanic and owns a shop....yadda yadda yadda, today he went in to get some work done on his car and met hubby. Hopefully they had good rapport and maybe we can get a great deal on the wood and finally start this dang barn. As it stands (no pun intended), it doesn't look like we'll have it done by spring, which was the original goal...guess we'll see.

OK SO WHOOOOOO is making a new baby for this thread? Obviously we keep and eye on Jez but I'm jonesing for a good TWW to follow. Shae, come on now. Don't make me go to the other forums again to get my fix