General chatter while we wait (and commentary on the "pull out method")

[shaescott]

Pretty no worries lol, I’m such a lazy human it’s honestly ridiculous sometimes. It drives DH crazy because he grew up in such a hard working household. Can’t relate lol. We hired people for everything. Mowing the lawn, plowing the driveway. We even had a weekly housekeeper (they still do, I invited her to my wedding cuz I’ve known her longer than DH lol). DH learned a ton of skills because his family had less money and literally did everything theirselves. They did their own kitchen tile floor replacement. My family would never dream of doing that. Anyway. Florida sounds fun, where will you be going? November is a great time of year to avoid the heat.

Dobs oh boy. Well if there’s anything you can tell us (I know sometimes with legal stuff you can’t talk about it), we’d love to commiserate with you and trash talk the district lol. I’m glad you had a nice little date night. I really do love just sitting on the couch and watching a movie with DH. I’d rather that than go to a movie theater most of the time tbh. Mostly because other people eat popcorn very loudly lol and I have misophonia. I truly don’t understand how people live life unbothered by certain sounds. When I have to cover a 1:1 observation patient for 30 minutes (we cover the lunch break) and the patient is snoring, I literally sit there suppressing my thoughts of violence lmao. It causes the fight or flight response, and since I literally can’t leave because I have to stay with them, the fight response comes on. My first response is always flight, but sometimes that’s not possible. So my brain is like “wake him up” but when they’re crazy when awake, you can’t do that either, so you kinda want to jump out a window. Anyway.

Moving date has been established. The company through the new job quoted us $10.9k to move a 1 bedroom apartment, which is nearly $4k over our allotted budget from the hospital, so we said screw that and hired a different company ourself. It’s reimbursable if we hire our own. This one quoted $3k. Much better. Great reviews too.

Today some idiot rear ended DH in a parking lot, I was there. He started to back up, saw that she started backing up as well, he stopped moving and honked at her, and she gunned it and slammed right into him. She claims she never heard a horn lmao. We caught it all on his dash cam, so we’ll be 0% at fault per our insurance. This car has been rear ended 4 times in the past 2.5 years. Not gonna lie, considering having the dang car blessed by a pastor or something cuz at this point, it’s gotta be cursed.

 

[DobbyForever]

Ok still a mess but WHY IS IT SO EXPENSIVE TO MOVE?!?! That’s crazy! It’s that an east coast thing? A distance thing? Granted I only moved 20 miles but I moved a two story 3b 1.5ba condo for like $900

 

[DobbyForever]

Is DH gonna see a doctor? I finally got my check from that time the car backed into me at Krispy Kreme like two years ago. We had to sue which if I had to pay a lawyer probably wouldn’t have been worth it. But like I hope he’s ok . Even though minor accidents do so much damage

ps only read this page aka one post

 

[DobbyForever]

The short of it is apparently the white kid across the street can have a bus but my kid can’t. Only saying the race because I do think it’s a factor

 

[shaescott]

Dobs we’re moving 3 hours away so maybe that’s a factor? And it’s including loading and unloading etc, we just pack boxes. Last time we did it all ourselves with a uhaul, which was a lot due to heavy furniture. And it was not a hard enough impact to hurt us, we’re both totally fine.

So why exactly can the bus not pick up two kids on the same street if they’re already there for the other kid????

 

[gigglebox]

Dobby does the kid across the street go to the same school? Because if so...........wtf??? If not, I hear there are a lot of shortages with bus drivers but I don't know the details of it since we don't need 'em personally.

Yikes Shae!! No wonder he has a dash cam! Hope that is a pretty straight forward process in getting it take care of. I echo Dobby, is he OK? I know his back isn't the best...I imagine a car accident doesn't exactly help.

Pretty, renos are so exciting! Personally we hired a guy when we first got here to do our kitchen and it was a catastrophe. If we didn't have a young kid we probably would have attempted it ourselves...but we had a little extra from the sale of our first place and thought it'd be nice to get the kitchen renovated before we moved in. BIG mistake! The guy screwed us big time and didn't finish a lot of it. The countertops weren't installed correctly. Our cabinets aren't all level. We ended up installing the hardware oursevles. He left our floors unfinished, as well as our ceiling (and they are still that way now, like 9 years later).

Conversely, we installed our own wood burning stove this past year (actually last December). Hubby did the pipes including the hole in the ceiling and roof and in did the tile work for the hearth (we helped each other through all of it). It turned out great!! I am absolutely in love with our stove. It would have cost us a minimum of $5000 for installation, not including the price of the stove itself. We got a used stove and did everything for about $2000.

Shae time to get your hands dirty doing something! LOL -- I'd say you'd have to be pretty hard working to do your job though. But yeah, there is something very satisfying (I hate using the word "empowering" but it totally is) about doing hard manual labor and seeing the before and after. I highly recommend it. I'm actually in the process of landscaping around my house right now and it feels awesome. I am pulling out 2-3 years worth of overgrown raspberry and blackberry bushes around our foundation and then mulching everything & planting a few new things. I'll show some before & afters if y'all want to see.

 

[gigglebox]

Dobby forgot to ask what's your status with OA? Did I miss something? I thought y'all agreed to not continue, save for a booty call here and there, maybe.

Shae what if you pack everything that hire someone locally to load up a uhaul, then hire another company when you get there to unload?

 

[DobbyForever]

Read and run

kid goes to the same school. Both boys are Gen Ed students with IEPs (same IEP eligibility) and same home school. We both requested our kids to stay at the school they’re currently at but apparently I don’t get transportation but he does

 

[shaescott]

Lol the insurance of the person who hit us tried to dispute that she was at fault and our insurance lady took one look at the video and went “lol I think the f*ck not” (okay she said it in professional speak, so it was actually “there’s no way they can dispute this”) so she’s now sending the video to the lady’s insurance to be like “nice try, pay up”. Of course then I get a notification that our insurance is sending us a payment via check. When we’re moving in 7 days. Great. Normally they ask you how you want the payment but I guess not this time so now we get to pray it arrives on time, though I did reach out to the insurance to be like “hey, is this gonna arrive on time? We told you we’re moving???”

Gigs sorry about the kitchen reno. That’s the worst. Were you able to get some money back or did he just totally screw you? It happened to DH’s family when they built their house in like 2002, the construction company owner said “go ahead, sue my company, I’ll just dissolve the company and start a new company and you won’t get shit, I’ve done it before and I’ll do it again”. Apparently the owner himself can’t be sued in the state of MA. What an absolute POS.
Anyway, I’m glad the wood stove worked out for you!
I definitely am interested in doing some hard work in the form of gardening and homesteading stuff. Unfortunately since we probably won’t get the house, we can’t get chickens, as we don’t want to get attached to them and then have to sell them when we move if we can’t go to a house right away. But we still would like to make a garden at my Papa’s house, we’ll just have to ask him for his permission. We could set up some raised beds and put in the overwinter crops when we get there. I’d also love to get into canning. Also, I’d be happy to see your before and after pics!
As for moving, the hospital I’m going to be working for gave us a relocation package, we don’t just get all the money as a deposit but they will reimburse up to a certain amount of moving expenses. The local company we chose is very much within that budget. So it’s not a concern. My main concern right now is getting everything packed in time.

Dobs that’s crazy that the same bus just won’t pick him up. Did they give a reason, like is his behavior a legit safety hazard on the bus? That’s the only legitimate reason I could see for them refusing to pick him up. Like, if the other kid has an IEP but doesn’t have quite the same amount of behavioral issues. If the other kid is exactly the same, then yeah, that’s just plain discrimination.

WTT update, still WTT lol but DH gets closer every day. He had a dream 2 nights ago that we had a little blonde haired toddler son and it was a long dream so he spent a lot of time with him in the dream. He woke up kinda missing the kid, poor guy, he wants his little toddler back :sob: I’ve heard of that happening to other women but I’ve never had a dream with a toddler or any real emotionally connecting to a baby in a dream, the only dreams with born babies are nightmares that I forgot about them and haven’t fed them all day. So yeah, I’ve never woken up missing my non-existent child. We DTD and until about 10 seconds before the finish line he was thinking about throwing caution to the wind. Darn his logic kicking in. I was not amused. But I know TTC gets closer every day and that he wants it more every day, so that helps. He sent me one baby video on Instagram and now he gets a ton of family videos from the algorithm, so he sends me more and more baby and toddler videos and it’s definitely increasing his baby fever.

 

[DobbyForever]

Sorry still caught up in my own drama

the reasoning is they feel it’s a parental choice to keep him at his current school when his program can now be run at his homeschool (they moved one of the SDC classes there). They think everything he went through there was normal conflict not bullying and don’t believe he has ptsd despite it being documented by their own psychologist. And it’s not healthy or productive to compare programs so I need to stop asking why the kid across the literal street gets a bus and we don’t

technically the bus would pick him up at his morning care but since it’s at a school site the bus actually stops there anyway to drop kids off then goes to his school next anyway/it’s not a big town lol it’s literally 5m to our homeschool and like 8m to his new school. Wasn’t an issue last year

 

[shaescott]

Dobs so they already stop there and can pick him up while they’re stopping there? If so, yeah that’s bullshit. Why do they insist on making everything a battle? And at a new school too? Wild.
Another reason I want to homeschool my kids if finances allow. Schools can be terrible. Though I can tell you right now, high school classes will be done with online courses. I’m not putting myself through high school coursework again and certainly not the math. I may have passed the AP calculus exam, but if you asked me to do algebra 2 level math today, I probably couldn’t do it. I haven’t taken a math class in over 6 years. And to be fair, if I had a kid who was special needs and needed teachers trained in special education, I’d probably send them to school. I probably wouldn’t be able to effectively teach them, and I don’t want them to be deprived of an effective education. Though we would have to see. Hopefully that won’t be an issue I have to face, but you never know.

 

[DobbyForever]

Pretty Haha I love that. Always fun to get people together. TBH I’m not huge into Star Wars. It’s hit or miss or me. I thought Episode 6 was super slow, so I’m scared to even watch 1-5 since my friends say 1-4 were slow and then 5-6 it picked up. So lol. I reminded him that I’m open to watching the pen and finale with him even if DTD/sleeping over is off the table. I know he’s traveling next week for work, but we’ll see if I get lucky.

Was the reno because of the leak or was she planning to reno anyway? I hear you on the bittersweet. Hard when things change but hopefully she’s at least getting to update the place in a way she’s always wanted. What’s it been like having her stay with you?

Yay vacation to Florida! Sounds fun! I’m sure the kids will love it. Love the photos!

Shae omg I love that but hey! I feel you! My stepdad has a weekly cleaner, and now they clean my place biweekly. I’ve known them for like over a decade. We were pregnant at the same time basically hahah. But I love that DH grew up doing those things. I feel so lame nowadays like googling how to do basic stuff at home lol. I will say the snob way it was explained to me as a kid was that the day to day job was long and exhausting so you want to come home and relax. I had one coworker ask me why I was sharpening pencils for the first day of school. He was like, “Girl, I had two masters degrees. I don’t waste my time on things like sharpening pencils.” I haven’t sharpened a pencil since I just buy the pre-sharpened ones though hahahaha

My mom has misophonia, too. Definitely interesting. For me, the theaters are just lacking etiquette now! People texting without dimming their screens or just talking through the whole movie. I get annoyed because I never get to relax and like… you’re harassing my vibe people.

Oo distance makes sense. That’s great you got some relocation assistance from the job! Woot!

Glad your insurance is on it. Hopefully the pay out!

I’ve woken up missing a horse I’ve had in a dream But I’m glad he’s starting to move in the right direction! He just needed that foundation first. Hopefully it’s just on the horizon.

Re schools, every school and frankly every teacher is a toss up. I like to think I’m a good teacher, but with 31 kids in my class yeah even I have my limits on how effective I can be. I couldn’t homeschool because I need my space. And money. But mostly space. Having A all summer was rough. I love him, but I need space to recharge. I think the public school system has to support with homeschool resources as well, but don’t quote me on that. I know some districts I worked with did.

Gigs so we established in Jan/Feb ish that he doesn’t have the time, desire, or capacity to date anyone seriously. So we entered into a infrequent dom/sub agreement. But he usually does something nice (like cook me dinner or watch a movie) before we jump straight into bed. Well, technically we always seem to start in the kitchen… Anyway so I see him like once every 4-6 weeks usually. But he’s on a supplement to lower his cortisol so I’m noticing he’s wanting to DTD less and less. And I’m not sure how that’s going to affect our dynamic. Like last time he really wanted to just not do it at all, and I felt bad for insisting in the morning but seriously I hate that the last guy I had slept with was my coworker so that needed to be remedied.

I have to go back and find your post about the reno. Sorry I missed it

AFM so my car's transmission is completely shot. They are quoting 6-7k to fix it. I'm barely out of warranty. Warranty is 5 years or 60k. I'm at 6 years with 63k. I'm going to ask to talk to a manager because I've always had my car serviced at Ford dealers. Plus I know they did a safety recall thing to my transmission just 6 months ago. My stepdad and grandma said the dealership probably won't do anything, but I could go after the manufacturer themselves to get some of that money back. The dealership wants me car lol. They said even with the wrecked tranny they'll trade it in for $5k, but I'm not getting another Ford after this. Going back to Toyota. And I hate that I just put brand new high quality tires (Michelin) on my car. So that alone is incentive to fix it versus trade it. Also I JUST paid it off a year ago. I don't want a monthly payment when I'm already struggling paycheck to paycheck.

 

[PrettyInInk42]

shae - I've always lived in a townhouse complex, so lawn care and clearing snow are part of our condo fees. We had to shovel our own driveways though. And my mom is kinda OCD/ADHD, so it takes her like 5 times longer to do anything like a normal person. She just "didn't have the time" to clean things daily or routinely. My tolerance for dirt much lower than SO's though. lol. And I could probably handle grouting a backsplash, but I don't trust myself to do anything else.
I dunno how some people can charge so much for the same service that another company can do just as well and for cheaper.
Sorry to hear about DH's accident. How long will it take to fix? We've had back luck with SO's car too. Can't remember if I mentioned anything, but someone changed lanes into him shortly after the cops returned it. Dropped it off at a shop for 2 weeks and, when he got it back, his driver door wouldn't lock. Not with the FOB or manually. Luckily, it was a quick fix, but it was like that for 5 days before it was fixed. *rolls eyes*
That definitely sounds like baby fever. Hopefully he'll be less careful next time you DTD.
FX the cheque gets delivered soon.

Gigs - Uh, that sucks. I've heard so many horror stories on the news and whatnot. Do you have plans to get someone else to come finish the job? Maybe ask around for reviews and recommendations. So far, my mom's guy seems pretty good. He's the brother of a woman that she got to do some landscaping for her, who also did a pretty good job. Seems like a good work ethic runs in the family.
Good for you for tackling the stove yourselves though. SO and I installed a toilet back when we got our house. And mounted a couple TVs and a shelf. That's about it. I've done a ton of painting though. lol

Dobby - So sorry that this is one more thing you have to fight over for A. Have you started the legal process for that?
I'm not a big Star Wars fan either. I just enjoy the company. I don't get a lot of the references, so I just play games on my phone. lol
I feel like the leak may have kicked things off, but said leak happened in late 2019. The floors needed to be fixed ASAP, but everything else could wait. They bought the house in 1986 and literally the only rooms that ever got any attention were mine and my sister's and that was just a coat of paint a couple times. I guess it was just gonna be easier to gut everything and start fresh. It's been ok having her here. Only slightly more cramped. And the boys are sharing the top bunk while she takes the bottom, so no major shake ups in the area. lol

Re: Florida. We're looking at Nov 18 - Dec 3 (including 2 days each way for travel). Gonna be staying at SO's mom's snowbird house in Davenport. And hopefully hitting up a couple Disney parks. Ideally Magic Kingdom and Hollywood Studios.

AFM, not too much else to report. Need to start looking for a new job (and let my current job know I'm not coming back). And confirm that Zoey has a spot at daycare and figure out when her start date will be.

 

[DobbyForever]

$9,000. To fix my car that I bought brand new 6 years ago for like $22k. I'm going back to Toyota after this. Smfh.

 

[PrettyInInk42]

Dobby - Ouch. :/
I just took my car in yesterday. It apparently needs 2 parts replaced that affect the power steering. Gonna end up being $2500.
Are you gonna give them back the car for $5000 and just go to Toyota ASAP?

 

[gigglebox]

Pretty that's nice that outside maintenance was at least included in your rent. Ugh how frustrating about the car! Quite the inconvenience but at least it was an easy fix. Ohhh that's going to be SO much fun! I really want to take the kids to Disney. I think we'll be doing more traveling going forward now that we've seen the kids can somewhat handle it (they did well enough at the beach). Only problem will be road trips, but if we can schedule in stops every couple of hours we should be OK. We really want to travel north, maybe check out Vermont just for funsies. Coming for ya Shae!

Pretty I missed the new job update. What were you doing and what are you trying to move into? Why are you quitting?

Yikes Dobs! Did you talk to management yet? I guess legally there's not much you can do. Ugh so sorry Hmm ok I see about OA. Hope the friskiness picks up again soon. Seems like you must fulfill some sort of something for him outside of sex if he sometimes just wants the company...but what do I know.

Shae awwwwwwwwwwwwww that is so stinking sweet about SO!! Wait where are you moving?? I thought moving in with your PaPa was put on the back burner...ugh I hate when I miss things!

AFM...so confused. I'm 22 days into my cycle and still haven't ov'ed yet. This is highly unusual...I don't have any ovary pain whatsoever either. The norm is faint pain starting around 10-14 days in and then ov within a few days. I've got nothing. No cm changes, pain, nothing. Debating on taking a test "just in case" but also feel like that would be stupid and a waste of a test. I don't ever remember having an annovulatory cycle but I suppose that could be what's happening...or just really, really delayed for some reason. My ute loves playing mind games.

 

[DobbyForever]

Ugh Pretty that's so insane! Like I understand to some degree like it's just what we have to do, but idk maybe I got spoiled with my Prius? In the ten years that I had it, I think the only major repair I had was $300 to replace the battery when it was like like 80k. I second Gigs, I feel like I don't recall the details on the changing jobs.

Ford is trying to say since my warranty is expired that they don't care. I've been bugging them for days. I'm gonna send my stepdad after them. They only offered the 5k as a trade in, and I'm not getting another Ford after this. So we'll see. If they say they'll give it as cash then that's different. But towing it over there will cost a fortune. It's a dealership a few towns over not the one it's sitting at.

Gigs I vote take a test just in case. I don't think it's wasteful or stupid if you're cycle is being weird to just have an answer. But I'm also a huge fan of the whole regular til you're not and weird things happen lol.

Re OA yeah I mean we had another deep talk which I'm starting to not love. I don't remember how much detail I went into and I'm too tired to check lol. But while we were cuddling and laying in bed and talking, he did out of the blue say that he really appreciates me because he knows exactly where he stands with me and he can't say that about a lot of people in his life. He was saying he knows exactly who I am and what I believe and stand for. That I'm a good mom, teacher, person. And he knows exactly how I feel about him. He feels safe and secure around me because he doesn't have to walk on eggshells or worry about what he says or does because I accept him exactly as he is. But then flip side he said that's also why he hates doing what we're doing to which I summarized as: you respect me too much to use me but not enough to date me. And at first he tried to argue with me but then he was like I guess you could put it that way. ETA his argument was he didn’t like that the way I say it implies he doesn’t respect me or see my value as a partner. He knows I deserve more than what he would offer me if we were dating. He doesn’t have time for himself. All of his energy is poured into work and his daughter. He still travels a lot. He thinks I deserve a guy who will pour into me as much as I pour into them, and that’s not him.

But my life is a shit show. I'm not in a place to date anyone. I'm in therapy again. Idk how I'm even managing day to day. My therapist really wants me to take a month sabbatical and do this intensive therapy program, but I can't afford that. No lawyer has time to take on my case. One said she's in back to back trials, but if it's not resolved by Dec/Jan then she'll litigate it.

 

[Ellybean]

Anyone ever leave a creamy white substance on their husbands “appendage” after sex? That happened for the first time today and idk why. It was odd.

 

[shaescott]

Been super busy and haven’t had the energy to reply yet but I simply have to reply briefly because getting this email notification made me laugh:

@Ellybean that is your vaginal discharge or cervical mucus and is totally normal. If you have other symptoms like itching, the increased discharge could be related to an infection, but otherwise it’s fine.

 

[Ellybean]

I’m only like 1-2 dpo and I’m having to pee all the time now. I know I’m just symptom spotting and it’s from normal hormone changes in the body. But still… trying not to get my hopes up