General chatter while we wait (and commentary on the "pull out method")

[DobbyForever]

And most banks and credit cards will report your fico score to you monthly so helps to know that

 

[gigglebox]

LOL yes, see, that is exactly it! Ugh reminds me of the second dog I had for like 2-3 days. Did you all get that story? I'm not sure I even told you all about that. I got a puppy for a couple of days. It was absolute chaos. Hubby was not 100% on board but was OK with it if it's what I really wanted. Our current dog HATED him at first, was just trying to attack him, and then after a day she warmed up and was just trying to get him to hump her *face palm* the kids were going bonkers and it was just insanity. I was freaking out, had a panic attack and ultimately returned him to the breeder for only half of what I paid. It was a hard lesson learned but I'm like, what if a baby is like that except I can't return it??

I feel horrid about returning the puppy, for the record. Hubby was so disappointed in me. But he wasn't home all day with it trying to referee between it and the current dog and answering the kids' questions as to why he was trying to "jump on her" I just had insanely unrealistic expectations about how everything was going to go. I thought the dogs would get along and it would be a good playmate for our current dog. Oh also to top everything off, my MIL (who was going through chemo at the time) ended up in the ER which just compounded all of my anxiety and I couldn't handle sh*t.

Maybe I don't want a baby

 

[DobbyForever]

You know though you CAN return a dog and I think that’s more reason to not stress a baby. Since you can’t return a baby, you make it work. You don’t question it. I don’t think I remember that! That sounds memorable. Sorry. Don’t feel bad. I returned a dog to the shelter once. I adopted her right before I found out I was preggo, she got in a fight on the street, had house arrest for two weeks even though it wasn’t her fault…. I lost my mind and couldn’t handle it. It happens. And another dog was toy aggressive and bit my dog/howled all day while I was gone to work so I couldn’t leave him inside or outside. Sometimes it’s just not a good fit with dogs. I think a Lot with kids is nurture over nature so I wouldn’t stress how inner 4 fits in

 

[WinterBub]

Oh well, Shae! Good to know what kind of money you'd be approved for

No shame in returning a puppy! In both of those examples, it clearly was adding so much stress... So yes, not ideal to take them back- But human family needs have to come first! And I don't think a baby is the same, or you'd feel the same

Thanks for the name feedback! That's literally like every girl name I've ever liked. I kind of agree with Wren needing a longer form. Im worried that one is one that I like on paper more than real life! I have a bit of a crush on Romana at the moment with the nickname Romy. But will see if that love sticks. And In any case, it's probably like 3 months before OH will even properly discuss it. we told LO about the baby and he seems really excited. Not sure he gets it 100%, but feeling positive overall is a good start!!

 

[DobbyForever]

Oh yes and Shae that's awesome to know and that there are some potentials for you in that range! Did you tell SO hehe

 

[gigglebox]

awwwww Winter I bet that was such a sweet moment telling your DS about DD!! I'm going to be honest, I don't remember telling my kids a baby was on the way. I remember telling my parents (their reaction for #2 was extremely lackluster; in fact I recorded it but ended up deleting the recording because it was so disappointing, I felt like they weren't enthusiastic at all; for #3 I made hubby facetime them with me because I was afraid my mom was going to be upset). I remember telling my inlaws which was awesome! My MIL always is so happy, and my other FIL is also. I always liked telling them more than my own parents. But the kids? I honestly don't remember.

Thanks ladies, I still feel bad about the puppy. I guess a baby would be different but I fear PP anxiety.

So my morning was exciting. First of all I tested with a FRER against my better judgment; definitely negative. No 2023 babies over here.
Also hubby gets me out of bed this morning and goes, "So there is something you're going to have to deal with because I have to go to work....there's a critter in the chimney." :O
Yeah, there was scratching coming from inside the pipe!! I was convinced it was a rat or squirrel by the sounds of it. We were debating what to do (hubby said, "just let it die then we'll take it out"!! What!? no!!!), but after we stood there debating hubby goes, "wait, it sounds like it's in the stove now doesn't it?"; so we grab a flash light and sure enough, a little bluebird was in the firebox! Prettiest little guy. He was totally unscathed. I have no idea how he made it all the way down the pipe, but I got some gloves on, opened the door slightly and he tried to fly out; as a gut reaction I closed the door but ended up pinning him in the door; I didn't crush him, but he was pinned so I grabbed him then opened the door up. He was pretty pissed off lol; but I just let him outside and he flew up into a tree. He was joined very soon after by his birdie girlfriend lol. No worse for ware at all, and I was extremely grateful it wasn't a rodent.

The end.

 

[gigglebox]

The bird

 

[WinterBub]

Oh, that is a beautiful bird! Glad that you could help him out The house my parents had when i was little was cut into a big hill (lots of stairs... Not practical for babies and toddlers! My mother still complains about that ) Anyway... It had big windows at the front. We had so many incidents where a bird would fly straight into the window and get stunned. If he was there, my Dad would put it in a shoe box in the garage for a few hours and then set it free. If he wasn't, the bird had to hope one of our cats wasn't around!

And so, so glad it wasnt a mouse or rat in your fireplace

It's funny that if that first recent pregnancy in particular hadn't been a loss, my LO would've been too little to have any real understanding of what "new baby" meant. He now understands he'll have a baby in his house and seemed quite happy with it. Though I wonder if he'll forget if we don't keep talking about it sorry that your folks weren't excited, that's so sad about the video. We told my in laws and they seem very excited. This is potentially their last grandchild (BIL may stay childless, but we will see). I don't feel like telling my parents, but will at some point

 

[WinterBub]

And yes- what did your SO say about the mortgage pre-approval, Shae?! Would a house in that price range work for you for say 5-10 years? We were first time buyers when we bought this house, so had no fees etc to pay. The floorplan isn't ideal, but we will stay put for a few more years because of the costs we'd now have to pay to move/sell.

 

[DobbyForever]

Gigs I feel that. I recorded A’s gender reveal to my family, and it was so boring. my mom wasn’t playing along and then once they figured it out they were like “ok cool what’s for dinner?”

Hugs. Nothing wrong with anticipating something and preparing for it. Hope for the best, gather your village and resources for the worst.

My gutter mind thought he woke you up for a lollipop job but omg so cute! Love that his little girlie joined him after. If birds could talk. I wonder how that conversation went down

Winter I totally missed that you told DS! My brain is all scrambled. That’s so cute! I’m sure the more you talk about it, the more he’ll get it and be excited. It’s so sweet he’s excited now! Do you have a little bump yet?! I feel like that tangible bump makes it more tangible for kids.

omg about the window! Super nice to give them a safe space to recover esp having cats haha. I’d have to move. I watch too many horror movies to have birds fly into my windows

aww nw about your parents. It’s your pregnancy. You tell them when or if you want. They made their choices. So glad the in-laws are excited! If you don’t mind my nosing, is BIL on the fence about kids?

A is still firmly I don’t want a sibling lol. We were talking about his cousins and clarifying that some of his cousins are siblings not cousins. He said he wants more cousins but no siblings

 

[WinterBub]

No bump yet- but I've put on 10-15ish pounds, so just thicker all over. I think I have reverse body dysmorphia because I'm surprised when I see myself in the mirror and am fatter than I think I am.

We will tell my parents in a few weeks, I just don't feel like dealing with it. Looks like my Dad will come visit in August, which will be nice. He's much more reasonable without my Mom.

A is a genius! More cousins is such a clever answer- yes to a bigger family to love/do things with but no to sharing Mom/toys/time and experiences day to day. I also like it when kids know things like that about themselves. I'm sure he'd love a sibling if it happens, but it's quite a good level of self awareness to think "this isn't for me".

Dobby, I've been meaning to ask- have you been watching Vanderpump Rules?! I know you watch some of the trash I watch, but wasn't sure if you'd stooped to VPR I gave up on the last couple of seasons, but am hanging out for every new episode as there's a cheating scandal brewing!

Also- if anyone is into a light hearted fun new show. Farmer Wants a Wife is fun! I hate the Bachelor etc, but somehow like this. Even OH is into it I asked him if I can watch it alone during the day and he was like "oh, I'll watch if you wait for me".

 

[gigglebox]

Winter you need a ticker so the rest of us can keep track What do you mean you don't want to "deal with" your parents' reaction? Do you think it'll be unfavorable? Aww that is sad about your birds and the windows! Was it the way the light was hitting them? I worked in an office building like that, the entire side was glass and the way the light hit it during the day, it just reflected back sky. We always had stunned/dead birds outside. You'd think a building planner would have thought that through! Or they just didn't care...anyway your hillside home sounds awesome! We talked about having a berm home built in the future but I would say it's unlikely that'll ever happen. I love the concept though. Yay that your inlaws are excited!! I know really it's our own families and other peoples' opinions shouldn't matter but they really do. They can be the difference between being more excited or just putting such a damper on things. I guess that's true for a lot off stuff, not just expanding the family...

Dobs yikes that's a bummer about the gender reveal! What a shame, but I feel you. Honestly if we did another baby I kind of want to be as private about it as possible...like maybe not even tell anyone the sex until after the baby is born. But you're darn straight I'd know asap lol!!! Haha I agree with Winter, good call A! Bigger family but no sharing Mommy!

TV...we started watching "The Island" (the Bear Grylls "survival" show). We skipped ahead to a season where they had women and one island and men on the other. It's pretty over-dramatized but it was fun. We couldn't get into the other seasons though. Mostly we just watch disc golf (especially since the disc golf season recently kicked off). Other than that I gave True Blood a try but that show is just........................not for me lol!!! I mean I love a good vampire/human love fest show/movie but True Blood is pretty bad.

 

[shaescott]

Had a sore throat that was really annoying me today so I took a COVID test just to be sure.



Fuck.

(I took another after the blazing positive to confirm, and the second isn’t blazing but it’s still obviously there)

 

[WinterBub]

Ruh roh, Shae... Though it is very odd to me that the two tests are so different. I'd try to get a Binax and use that like the FRER of COVID tests to confirm one way or another. Hope that if you do have it, you have an easy recovery

 

[shaescott]

Winter I think it’s because I got way more snot on the swab for the first test. More infected snot equals stronger line.

I’m now lying down with a headache. I wanted to make soup tonight but idk if that’s going to happen now. We’ll see what my head does.

Sorry I haven’t responded to the previous posts, I read them and have totally blanked on them. Will respond when feeling better.

 

[WinterBub]

Oh yeah, that will do it re: snot on test. Sorry you're feeling bad- headache does sound very covid-y. That and a sore back were my biggest symptoms both times. At least this is happening now, and hopefully offering a bit of immunity for the wedding and Italy! is your OH sick at all?

Re: the house and birds. Those windows were really big/long and because of the way the house was made, kind of high up compared to say the level of the street below. So the poor birdies just didn't see that it was glass, I guess.

I just don't feel like talking about it with my parents. Can't really put into words why, I just don't. I kind of just don't feel like talking to them at all. Not cutting them off or anything, just dont have the bandwidth for the BS re: my brother.

My BIL (OH's brother) is turning 30 this year (I think), and has a girlfriend, but not sure if they will end up together. And not sure if they want kids. Not sure what the deal is there- MIL loved the gf initially, but now seems unsure that they're a good fit. They're quite different as she's very outgoing and he's a homebody, but that seems to work for them. I think in reality, he complains about little things to his parents and that has soured them. Worst thing you can do, as then they end up hating your partner, and you were just venting! Vent to someone else

The Island sounds fun. I'd give watching that a try! Where do you watch the Disc Golf? And is it really fun to watch even if you don't play? My Dad used to watch regular golf and as a child that was like torture!!

 

[shaescott]

Winter wow what a list! Ones that stick out to me (in a good way) that aren’t already on *my* list: Elodie, Juniper, Olive, Willow, Hazel, Juliet, Summer. Wren is cute but all I can think of is the baby from Baby Blues, a comic strip I love. The joke was that they named her that cuz a bird flew into her window at the hospital after giving birth and it popped into her head

Gigs wow that’s crazy about the bird! I agree with the others that I wouldn’t stress about the dog thing in relation to a baby.

Dobs that’s so interesting that A says he wants more cousins but not a sibling. I agree with the others, smart kid! He knows the difference in how each would affect his life. I begged for a baby sister when I was 4 nearly 5, in comparison.

Regarding the pre approval, I was like “I accidentally got us preapproved” and he was like “WHOA, slow down, don’t be doing that stuff on a whim, you’re getting ahead of yourself”. Which is true. We could totally be fine with a house of that amount. It wasn’t the max we could be approved for, with my current salary we could actually get approved for $900k, it asked what amount we were looking for and I’d just seem a bunch of houses around that price. In this area a $450k would be better but we could totally make due with a $300k. But at least now I know for sure we can get pre-approval. Our credit union has an option of 3% down 30 year, interest rate is about 6%. SO thinks the PMI will be ridiculous, which is quite possible, and that money doesn’t get reinvested into the mortgage, it’s just gone. Now I keep getting calls from the place I got the pre approval from and eventually I’m gonna have to answer and say I literally didn’t know it was that serious cuz I’m young and dumb and please stop calling me
The cheaper houses I liked 2 days ago are literally already contingent or sold. Holy crap.
Here are some examples in our price range:

 

[WinterBub]

Thank you for the name feedback! I am quite intrigued by the fact that everyone seems to like Wren. I thought that was an out there choice! I also really like it, but worry it seems too... i dont know... Too plain?

Ones that I think OH would go for...
Naomi
Isobel
Romana
Romy
Nina
Alice
Margot
Molly
Cecily
Sage
Iris
Wren
Lyra
Alma
Olive
Eve
Vera

So that might be closer to a list that he'd entertain/is actually possible!

I also desperately wanted a little sister my whole childhood. Never happened!

Those houses look nice, Shae! So much snow ! The best advice we got while house shopping was not to be "house poor". Ie. Be truly honest with yourselves about what you can afford mortgage-wise month to month without ruining your lifestyle. It is so easy to get carried away when house shopping, but you'll be miserable if you overspend on a house and can never go on vacation, or have dinner out, or afford to do anything fun. The hard part is doing that, while also going big enough/choosing the right location etc long term. We could've done better layout-wise! And gone for a bigger lot if we'd gone a bit further away from the city. Oh well, you live, you learn!

 

[DobbyForever]

Winter awww hoping it’s a nice visit with your dad. I do watch reality trash BUT I got rid of my cable. The bill was early $200 and then I have Netflix and Disney + and no time, so bye bye cable! I use free apps to catch up on the few shows I did watch live just a day later or binge tv at my mom’s. Farmer wants a wife sounds like my mom lol she always jokes she wants a quiet farmer for a husband

I agree I’d love to see you get a ticker hehe

Gigs so interesting! Everyone tells me to watch true blood but idk i don’t wanna. I should at least try it but nah.

Shae no I’m sorry you have Covid! Not gonna lie, I thought it was an hpt at first. Lol! Omg SO is so funny. I want a house first! No wait slow down! Is he typically a planner? Or does he just go with the flow? Just be careful with online calculators. I remember a few saying I could qualifying for double/triple what I actually qualify for. But maybe because CA’s COLA is so high. Hopes dashed lol. One bank did say they’d give me twice as much but I’d have to do a traditional 20% down. And I didn’t have 150k sitting around that’s interesting that they’re calling you. I’ve had real estate agents blow up my phone but not lenders. My experience with pre approval both times was you got a letter saying you are pre approved for x amount valid for like 90 days. If you don’t use it, you don’t use it. They checked in but weren’t aggressive about it.

haha I agree snow in the listing what is this. Yeah the other hard thing is if things are selling that quickly they are likely selling over asking so definitely keep options open for lower price ranges. And while I have one bathroom, if you want to ttc right away then looking into a second bathroom would be good. It’s so mentally draining sharing my shower/tub with toys. I wouldn’t care so much if the shower was separate though. But I’m tired and don’t always want to take them out, so I end up showering surrounded by his toys. But yeah be happy but not broke haha. Solid advice

a is like me. I didn’t want a sister. Being the only girl made up for being a step kid/middle child don’t take away my spotlight

 

[shaescott]

Winter I forgot to say, SO is not sick (yet). He’s not even trying to avoid me because you’re contagious before symptoms show up, and obviously we sleep together lol, so knowing I have COVID he is continuing to kiss and cuddle me like usual. I hope he doesn’t get it bad. My bridal shower is Sunday (can’t remember if I mentioned that) and it’ll be exactly the 5 days the CDC recommends to isolate so if my symptoms are getting better I’m still going to go, but if he gets symptomatic in a few days, he really shouldn’t.

Oo I missed Iris, I like that as well. Eve and Vera are also growing on me.

Where are you from? Are you from an area that doesn’t get much snow? We’ve had a good number of storms giving us 6-12 inches this winter. The snow is pretty melted now (but I guarantee it’s not the end of snow, it likes to snow in April to be mean) but if those pics were taken just 2 weeks ago it makes sense.

Re: house poor, I definitely agree. We want to keep our monthly payments as low as possible while still having a solid safe house that will serve us well. Once I have a baby I do worry about how we’ll pay for the rent or mortgage without my income, so it would be incredibly dumb for us to get a house with a mortgage that’s higher than our current rent, especially since our roommate pays 1/3 of it.

Dobs SO is not a planner, he likes to do everything on the fly, but with major things like this he does recognize that it shouldn’t be done on the fly. Lol that you thought it was an HPT. Honestly timing wise I kinda would rather it be COVID than an HPT, I don’t want to be puking at my wedding or on my honeymoon.

Lol I figure the Bay Area doesn’t get much in terms of snow this is New England, snow is just a normal part of life. We won’t cancel school for an inch or two, only when the prediction is like 6 inches or more. Sometimes they’ll just do a delay if it’ll snow overnight but stop early morning so they can plow and then send the kids to school 2 hours late. They’ve also done early release for afternoon storms.

I’d love two bathrooms. When I searched the options were very slim, really nothing in our price range with two I figure we can always do an addition or upgrade to a more expensive house in the future, but I do want whatever we pick to be something we wouldn’t be devastated to stay in forever.

It’s so funny that A is reacting the same way you did. Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, huh?