"go to your room, mummy doesn't want you"

[AngelofTroy]

I am SO angry with OH!

This morning Micah was pottering about in our bedroom as we were getting up. I lifted a picture off of our wall to get to the cupboard behind, and before I could stop him Micah pushed it over and the glass in the frame cracked. Panicking about him touching it I moved him away and asked OH to watch him while I cleared up the glass. Now admittedly I knew OH was running late for work but I couldn't think what else to do quickly as Micah was trying to climb past me to get to the mess. I asked OH again and he picked Micah up, put him in his own room (on his own) and shut the door and said "go to your room, mummy doesn't want you". Well of course he screamed at that and when I went to get him a minute later he was crying.

OH did apologise, but maintains that Micah only cried because he wanted to come back in whereas I think it might have been being told "mummy doesn't want you". I'm horrified that Micah might ever think I didn't want him around. OH thinks he won't have understood it but he understands a lot. I feel so angry at OH. I'm supposed to be ringing potential wedding venues for us today but to be honest I don't feel like it anymore. Am I overreacting?

 

[bookreader]

I would be pretty angry if OH said something like that as well.

But OH was maybe just flustered at running late and said this without thinking and he has since apologised so knew what he said was wrong.
I don't think I would call off a wedding over this one incident, however I would if I thought this was OH parenting style.

 

[AngelofTroy]

I would be pretty angry if OH said something like that as well.

But OH was maybe just flustered at running late and said this without thinking and he has since apologised so knew what he said was wrong.
I don't think I would call off a wedding over this one incident, however I would if I thought this was OH parenting style.

Thank you, I guess I'm not considering actually calling it off, but I certainly don't feel like organising anything romantic today!

 

[MrsLMC]

I'm sure it was a heat of the moment thing where he didn't think what he was saying and I sure your little boy was crying because he really wanted to climb right where the glass was and your OH thwarted his attempts.

Give your boy and extra couple of hugs and remember men are stooooopid at times, but they more often than not don't mean to be mean. Go plan your wedding. That's fun. xxx

 

[cait]

I think he was just flustered and in a rush, combined with concern to keep LO away from the glass. He said a silly thing but as he's apologised you should cuddle your LO, have a cup of tea and a chill til you're less angry and then get on with the fun of planning your wedding! Mentally list three nice things OH has done for you lately and you'll soon feel romantic again

 

[AngelofTroy]

Can I just say how nice and supportive and fair you all are! I'm sure if I'd have posted this on baby club there'd have been calls for me to pack his bags!

 

[izzlesnizzle]

We all say things we don't mean and regret when we're flustered, stressed, late or whatever. If it was a one off just accept the apology, move on, forget about it and get excited about your wedding again! Visiting venues is massively exciting, I loved it!

 

[Kellyx]

Totally agree. I have said things to my kids that I don't mean. It's not easy being a parent!

 

[jd83]

I'm sure he feels awful after the fact for saying something like that! I know I've said things in the heat of anger/annoyance that I later felt really guilty about, so I'd cut him some slack. I'm sure its nothing to do with his parenting style, just that he was feeling rushed, and flustered with having to deal with that too.

 

[MrsPear]

Honestly that is just the sort of ridiculous comment my oh would come out with! No sense whatsoever! No you're right it's not a reason to call the whole engagement off but I'd at least wait till you've been made to feel special and like your oh appreciates you for being such a wonderful loving Mum before you look at venues!

 

[RachA]

You obviously know him better than we do but I'd say it was something said in the heat of the moment. He knows he said something wrong and has said sorry so I'd forget about it and move on.
We all say things we regret later on. Of you lo was maybe 18/24 months is feel like more explanation is needed but I honestly can't see that your lo would of thought you didn't want him.
Just make sure you talk to oh about it.

 

[staralfur]

Realistically at that age he's not going to understand what your OH said. I'd say he was most certainly crying because he was shut in the room alone.

 

[FAB mama]

My DH has said the same thing before. He did it a few times (and I think FIL did too), when LO was being really really clingy to me. They have said "she doesn't want you". Really they were joking of course and LO was too young to understand, but after reading this today I made it a point to tell DH not to say anything like that again. He didn't even remember doing it at first….

 

[susannah14]

I see that your LO is about the same age as mine, I know if someone had said that to my son, he wouldn't have even understood what was said. Obviously all toddlers are different though.

If my husband had said that I don't think I would have been angry, because he and I both know that my son isn't going to understand. We jokingly say stuff like that a lot, like, "Wow you're annoying today" or "You and I are going downstairs now, because mommy's sick of you." Stuff we'd never say to a child who could actually understand us.

Dunno if that helps or not.

 

[overcomer79]

He needs to watch what he says. I'm in a situation where my four year old tells me every night that he wants a new mommy

 

[overcomer79]

I see that your LO is about the same age as mine, I know if someone had said that to my son, he wouldn't have even understood what was said. Obviously all toddlers are different though.

If my husband had said that I don't think I would have been angry, because he and I both know that my son isn't going to understand. We jokingly say stuff like that a lot, like, "Wow you're annoying today" or "You and I are going downstairs now, because mommy's sick of you." Stuff we'd never say to a child who could actually understand us.

Dunno if that helps or not.

but the issue is if it becomes a habit then it becomes a problem...neither of my kids act like the want me around...and dd is 16 months old! I'm at a loss!

 

[Abigailly]

Honestly, I think it's a horrendous thing to say. But we all say things that we regret as a parent. We can't think about the consequences of everything we say, especially when we're feeling flustered anyway.
If my husband had said something like that to DD I would of flipped my dinger. But I've probably said something similar. It's different when he scalds her etc!

 

[ktod]

My son would have just cried at the fact he was put in his room, he wouldn't have even listened to what was being said to him, he'd just flip out as soon as he realised he was being carried in to his room.

I also think its not worth getting hung up on stuff like this. A throwaway line is really not going to have a damaging effect on a toddler when they are loved and cared for in every other way. I know a time will come (probably starting with terribles twos) when I am at my wits end and I say something I regret to my child, it's just part of the stress of parenthood, So I try not to get uptight about it.

 

[lollipop92]

Get out while you still can. That is unacceptable he would be out right away if that was me. No child should ever and I mean ever hear that.

 

[_Vicky_]

Can I just say how nice and supportive and fair you all are! I'm sure if I'd have posted this on baby club there'd have been calls for me to pack his bags!

This tickled me lol - you will find we are a Lot calmer over here - more time has passed for the hormones to settle maybe hehe