Have u or do u spank your child? Non judgmental thread

[Wildfire81]

OP, you did NOTHING wrong. I have years of psychological training, so I can attest to this not being child abuse. I am a state mandated reporter, and this is not abuse. If somebody does not agree, that is their right, but that does not make what you did abuse. You are a great parent for not being afraid to discipline your child, what they did could have easily been dangerous. Spanking, or tapping, is not in the same ballpark as beating the shit out of your kids. It does not provoke violence, and I would have never thought about hitting my parents or anybody else because they spanked me!

 

[arj]

OP, you did NOTHING wrong. I have years of psychological training, so I can attest to this not being child abuse. I am a state mandated reporter, and this is not abuse. If somebody does not agree, that is their right, but that does not make what you did abuse. You are a great parent for not being afraid to discipline your child, what they did could have easily been dangerous. Spanking, or tapping, is not in the same ballpark as beating the shit out of your kids. It does not provoke violence, and I would have never thought about hitting my parents or anybody else because they spanked me!

Couldnt have said it better myself.

 

[Wishing89]

I absolutely agree with a smack in certain cases. There is NOTHING wrong with it. There is a huge difference between a simple smack on the bum and child abuse. For goodness sake! I used to get the wooden spoon and let me tell you I'm just fine!

 

[MommaAlexis]

I have to cringe with the using a spoon though. the light smack on the bum is one thing FOR ME, but the wooden spoon would be out of the question for me.

 

[arj]

Some peoples theory is that hands should only be used in love so they prefer a spoon as punishment.

Each to their own tho

 

[MommaAlexis]

Ah, I guess from that point of view it's not as weird. I just picture all the worst pictures of someone like killing their kids with a spoon. Silly, I know. Probably too many old movies.

 

[tu123]

i am not accusing, that is my opinion which i am entitled too, and no if there is a mom on here who is proud of spanking her child then i can say my opinion.
yes in case of the OP it might have been an accident because of being scared.

i was hit, my head was beat on the floor and body dragged... and it starte with a spank. ... you are so much stronger. i call it abuse. because in my eyes it is. where do you cut the line, in my opinion before you raise your hand!

In your defense i can see why you made your original posts. I understand that and i think other posters should also see why you feel that way. And if they dont like it just ignore it.

I dO think your responses are extreme because if what you went through-which is terrible.

My own mother was abusive and neglectful therefore i too would never touch my daughter.

But i am aware there might be a day where i am caught in horror and shock at something she may have done and may just give her a spank on the bot. I hope not, but many of us havent "been there" yet.

 

[xSin]

i do not call names, i believe strongly in what i say... not name calling at all. just telling the truth and what i believe in

You HAVE called names though; you've single handedly labelled everyone in this thread who has an opinion that differs from your own, an ABUSER which is a pretty hefty label to be throwing about willy nilly.

As far as "Just telling the truth" goes... you REALLY need to realize that YOUR truth isn't "everybody's" truth. Its a shame that you had such a bad childhood experience, but you've got to understand that your experience limits your own understanding of this topic. You don't understand how spanking can be done in a calm rational and even loving manner... and that's because YOU WERE NEVER SPANKED. You were ABUSED. There is a BIG difference... THAT is truth.

Standing up for what you believe in is fine but even that has its limits. You've crossed the line a couple of times here on BnB now and I find I respect you less and less every time. The first incident was when you accused a woman who DIED of a heart attack after childbirth of being "naive" and said she "should've known better"... and now you're attacking your peers on this board. You really need to take a breath, take a step back and think before you speak/post.

 

[staralfur]

Jeez...

To the OP: Please don't beat yourself up about it! I actually just asked my mom about this recently, and she said that she spanked me a few times when I was younger. I don't remember it happening in the slightest! My mom and I are as close as can be and she's the kindest, most level-headed person I know. Knowing that she spanked me a few times when I was younger doesn't change that at all.

I seriously have to just shake my head at anyone who tries to imply that my mom was abusive towards me at any point in my life. When it comes down to it, no one knows how anyone else raises their kids day in and day out. I'm sure you're a fantastic mom and I hope no one has made you think otherwise.

 

[dustbunny]

I was smacked when I was younger... for doing something wrong. I have grown up to be quite a nice person [not in an egotistical manner] and believe a lot of today's troubles stem from lack of discipline. And that is what we are talking about, discipline, not beating your child black and blue and causing abuse.
Throughout life there are consequences for bad actions, you commit a crime as an adult and [in theory] you are punished for it. There is no excuse for a child doing something wrong because of their age, it is part of learning at any stage that bad behaviour has consequences. I believe in smacking a child, I would smack my own and I will not be judged nor made to feel bad about my actions or opinion. It's not done out of hate or lack of love.

 

[wantingagirl]

And if someone is abusing their children, they need to have them taken away and probably need help and counseling because they were probably abused. But we aren't all child abusers here just because we have spanked. How harsh can you get?? Geez. People are going to put their walls up and get defensive if you call them such horrible things! I really feel that these mothers are good parents. How can people be so rude??

yes i do think people who "spank" such a nice name isnt it ... should go to counseling and be supervised

who do you think you are, I have read enough. How many times do people need to say everyone has their own opinion and everyone may not agree but thats their opinion without being judged. YOU have no right to say someone should have 'counselling or be supervised' jeesh who may you god and make someone feel that crap about themselves as a person. Im sorry but if this carrys on I will get this thread shut down. Ive heard enough

 

[wantingagirl]

ttc mom to answer your original quote the issue isnt your opinion its the statements you make with regards to them. You cant say that people that do this need counsellin and supervision and are abusers, there are other ways to say these things and to give your opinion, help and understanding in a nice way and it not be personalised.

 

[wantingagirl]

Pinkie you did good with the discussion afterwards, kids need boundaries and understanding of what they have done wrong and their actions.

I have had a very difficult time with my stepson due to what his real mother put him through and he has been with me and his dad since he was 3 and he is nearly 10 now so if you ever need someone to talk to feel free to PM me. We are getting there slowly but its a long hard process.

I was abused all througout childhood, have I tapped him on the bum in the past yes, this hasnt been for a long long time and only happened on a few rare occasions. I even spoke with my social working as she was helping me with him and this is not classed as child abuse. I tried everything with him, praising, punishment, removng the things he likes, grounding him, talking to him, time out non of it worked. Every child IS different and its a learning process. Some of the stuff on nanny 911 helped some didnt. When I took my eye off him once for one second and he had the elastic strap from the liner of the pram around my sons neck do people want me to just have a stern word no not acceptable. Say sorry, its ok and think they get away with it. Diffferent situations for different circumstances

xx

 

[Wishing89]

Oh and just to clarify my earlier post. I did get the wooden spoon but WON'T be using a wooden spoon on any of my kids!

 

[wantingagirl]

Oh and just to clarify my earlier post. I did get the wooden spoon but WON'T be using a wooden spoon on any of my kids!

luv your avatar pic hun.... cant wait for my 28 week private 4d scan

 

[arj]

Who needs the councelling I wonder...

 

[susan_1981]

This will be my first child and I will probably smack him if I feel it is warranted. I think when they are at toddler stage, a little tap to let them know not to do something - like touch something hot for example, is a good way to prevent them from doing it again. I was smacked as a child and I certainly have no problems with it as long as it is just a light smack to the bum, hands or back of legs. I don't agree with parents hitting their children across the head though which I have seen numerous times when out and about.

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

No I don't smack Aidan BUT I have done it once, he pulled his hand from mine and ran into a road. I smacked his bum through fear I think and felt awful afterwards. With Aidan I use positive reinforcement, if he is naughty he will be put in time out and if he is good he gets lots of praise. He also has a sticker chart which works wonders x

 

[vintagecat]

I was spanked probably a total of ten times throughout my entire childhood and I can tell you I was being a little monster, so my parents had every right to do what they thought was best. It was never in anger, I always knew the reason I was being punished, and I was hugged and kissed afterwards. The spankings were never on skin, just a few quick swats, and I had to wait a few minutes before the spanking. My parents didn't need counseling or therapy. They were like any other parents, at the end of their ropes, and wanted me to understand that it wasn't okay to run out into busy traffic, steal candy from a store, or throw a baseball through a window on purpose. I'm not sure whether or not I'll use spanking. I think it completely depends on the type of child you're raising. I'll use all other options and just like my parents, only resort to a small swat on the butt if there is no other way to make them understand.

My only issue with spanking is when it is done FAR too young. A two-year-old doesn't know any better in my opinion...there's no reason to confuse them any further with a swat.

 

[feeble]

I am amazed this thread has stayed open!

I have seen children who have misbehaved and told that if they do not stop continuing to do x y or z they will get a smack.
I have seen children who are 'gentle parented' who are CONSTANTLY made to justify themselves, are empathised with til the point of (quite literally) they are desperately trying to break out of a car or 'mothers loving grip' so they can actually get on with their day and most importantly, who are so totally unaware of their own boundaries that they simply have no idea what is truly right or wrong.

I get very pissed off, with these 'holier than thou, I'm parenting my child to a specific model some guy taught me in a book' parents.

In my opinion and experience, they are just as likely to not have a clue as anyone else


Fact is we are all on a parenting forum, we obviously all give a toss about our kids.

So how about we respect that there are different ways to parent?

From witnessing 'unconditional parenting' and 'gentle discipline' as well as more holistic parenting, I know exactly what I will be doing. And it will NOT be listening to someone who tells me all other parents are conditional/none gentle/ detached parents, so that I can sit on a pedestal on threads like this and look down on people.