Have u or do u spank your child? Non judgmental thread

[Pinkie88]

Also, my children are happy, well fed, smart and taken care of. As I'm sure everyone here can say the same. This thread needs to take "child abuse" out of mind. I have seen kids abused and I have seen a light swat on the bum. I still don't think spanking is effective or the best way to discipline but I know he difference between child abuse and gentle spanking.

 

[chirizma]

Just curious. I never thought I would but I gave my daughter a swat on the bum for trying to give her sister teething medicine. I feel like the worst mom in the world.

you shouldnt feel bad hunny.
what she did was dangerous. Sometimes as parents we have to do things that we might not like, for the better of our child. Let me tell you this..if you feel bad..that IS how you should feel. it is the right emtional response, but you know you did no harm, and she still loves you. I would worry if you did not feel bad, if you felt vindicated and at ease with it, THAT is when there is a problem. *hugz*

 

[Randianne]

I'm the best mother I can be and every day try to be even better. I don't need anyones approval or disapproval to tell me anything different. Just wanted to know if anyone has felt as badly as I did today. I hated myself today and just needed gentle advice.

Honey, anyone who thinks you are abusive needs a wake up call and a dictionary. You do the best the can with your babies and you obviously care a lot about them.

 

[chirizma]

I'm the best mother I can be and every day try to be even better. I don't need anyones approval or disapproval to tell me anything different. Just wanted to know if anyone has felt as badly as I did today. I hated myself today and just needed gentle advice.

Honey, anyone who thinks you are abusive needs a wake up call and a dictionary. You do the best the can with your babies and you obviously care a lot about them.

what she said!!!!!

 

[AllyTiel]

Also, my children are happy, well fed, smart and taken care of. As I'm sure everyone here can say the same. This thread needs to take "child abuse" out of mind. I have seen kids abused and I have seen a light swat on the bum. I still don't think spanking is effective or the best way to discipline but I know he difference between child abuse and gentle spanking.

You sound like a great mom to me!
And the fact that the word child abuse being thrown around is ridiculous. Talk about being judgmental! I say have your opinion but quit lumping the few people who actually abuse their children in with people who believe that spanking can be done in a loving way.
There is a great deal of difference between out of control beating your child or calmly, lovingly and with lots of hugs give them a few spankings. The people who are so firmly against spanking were never spanked the right way.

 

[Pinkie88]

Thank you I know I have a problem raising my voice though and I hate it. Children are so innocent and waiting to see how we will respond and what kind of attention they will get from us. I have decided to read as much as I can and meditate since I can't afford counseling.

 

[AllyTiel]

Just curious. I never thought I would but I gave my daughter a swat on the bum for trying to give her sister teething medicine. I feel like the worst mom in the world.

you shouldnt feel bad hunny.
what she did was dangerous. Sometimes as parents we have to do things that we might not like, for the better of our child. Let me tell you this..if you feel bad..that IS how you should feel. it is the right emtional response, but you know you did no harm, and she still loves you. I would worry if you did not feel bad, if you felt vindicated and at ease with it, THAT is when there is a problem. *hugz*

VERY well put!

 

[Dk1234]

People may be aloud their own opinion, she can say that spanking is wrong but to say that anyone who has ever spanked is a child abuser, that's wrong and shouldn't be tolerated on a public forum.

 

[Pinkie88]

After I calmed down and cried and ate (I was so hungry when it happened and my lunch wasn't working because the meat had gone bad) I had a very gentle and calm talk with my 3 year old and husband. We explained that giving her sister medicine was dangerous but also that I shouldn't have gotten so mad. I told her mommies and daddies lose their tempers sometimes and that next time I will calm down and take a breath first . I basically told her I was wrong and that I love her and don't want her to be afraid of me but that she was also naughty. I know this is a stupid question but, did I do the wrong thing ? Should I have said something different?

 

[Pinkie88]

I'm not justifying my anger by explaining that mommies and daddies get mad by the way. I just did my best by talking to her. I try to compliment her and tell her positive things about her after I discipline. Is that bad ? My mom never complimented me enough and I always felt stupid so I don't want to be that way.

 

[AllyTiel]

After I calmed down and cried and ate (I was so hungry when it happened and my lunch wasn't working because the meat had gone bad) I had a very gentle and calm talk with my 3 year old and husband. We explained that giving her sister medicine was dangerous but also that I shouldn't have gotten so mad. I told her mommies and daddies lose their tempers sometimes and that next time I will calm down and take a breath first . I basically told her I was wrong and that I love her and don't want her to be afraid of me but that she was also naughty. I know this is a stupid question but, did I do the wrong thing ? Should I have said something different?

Its great to admit you are wrong when you lose your temper! Children need to be able to see their parents admit their wrongs. You could also explain how when she disobeys you will have to discipline her because you love her. You will just do so calmly next time

 

[AllyTiel]

I'm not justifying my anger by explaining that mommies and daddies get mad by the way. I just did my best by talking to her. I try to compliment her and tell her positive things about her after I discipline. Is that bad ? My mom never complimented me enough and I always felt stupid so I don't want to be that way.

No thats FANTASTIC! Discipline is to guide your children and restore the relationship. You should tell her you love her and lots of hugs after discipline. Explain everything to them, what they did wrong, why you have to spank them, and how much you love them and even something positive about them!

 

[alaskagrown]

I'm not justifying my anger by explaining that mommies and daddies get mad by the way. I just did my best by talking to her. I try to compliment her and tell her positive things about her after I discipline. Is that bad ? My mom never complimented me enough and I always felt stupid so I don't want to be that way.

I don't think that's bad, especially if you felt stupid because your mom never complimented you!
My mom never complimented me, however because of my nature, that worked in my favor because I ended up being a crazy over-achiever always trying to gain my parents' (very subtle) stamp of approval. I'll probably be using this method on my children.

We learn from our parents - how we want to parent and how we don't want to parent! Sounds like you're doing fine

 

[Pinkie88]

I definitely tell her when I'm wrong. I have apologized for raising my voice and I usually do it when I'm hungry and tired and overwhelmed. I was in counseling at one point for the abuse I went through in the past and for some parenting advice but it's just so expensive

 

[Arisa]

Question: what would you do if you found your child or toddler hitting your pet? like physically abusing it? I would definitely feel justified in giving them a slap on the hand or bum. Not harshly or repetitively and I would hope it would not ever happen that my child would attack an animal but if she did....???
can spanking be that bad in a situation like that? or IF you saw your child hitting, pushing or kicking another child who had done nothing to provoke them at all?
my friend only ever spanks her little boy when he pushes over or smacks his little brother because that behaviour is not acceptable

 

[JessPape]

i am not accusing, that is my opinion which i am entitled too, and no if there is a mom on here who is proud of spanking her child then i can say my opinion.
yes in case of the OP it might have been an accident because of being scared.

i was hit, my head was beat on the floor and body dragged... and it starte with a spank. ... you are so much stronger. i call it abuse. because in my eyes it is. where do you cut the line, in my opinion before you raise your hand!

What you described happened to you, IS ABUSE, but that is not what the topic is about, a simple slap on the butt, in a calm and explaining manner as to why it happened, is not abuse. There is a HUGE difference, and a lot of people don't know the difference.

My dad spanked us as kids, he was always calm, and would ask us a few minutes later if we understood why. Raising your vocie doesn't always work. I would never say my dad abused me, my ex physically abused me, i know the difference. with that. I have no issues spanking my child when they do something that they shouldn't (on a dangerous level not everything they do wrong).

 

[MommaAlexis]

Instead of throwing the A word around, why don't you give her ideas on what she could do in such a serious situation? A different take on it would be nice. elaborate a little more then "talk to them about what they did wrong." Because as a parent we're FREAKING out and the point needs to be made RIGHT NOW or else someone could get hurt or worse. I'm not going to be putting out my opinion on either side, but give her some different options if you don't agree with her choice. In a situation like that no parent is thinking rationally, but to have something in the back of your mind for future reference may help too.

 

[daydreaming22]

Im done responding! Ladies, I hope you see she is trying to rile us up. Personally, I feel sorry for such closed minded and rude individuals.

 

[LizziesMama]

Haven't we all heard the expression "this is going to hurt me more than it hurts you?" That is how I feel when I have to resort to spanking. And I think when parents feel this way, it's a pretty good indication they're doing it in the best interest of the child, not to abuse them...quite the opposite.

Also, my 2.5 year old understands the difference between hitting and being spanked. She knows I would never hit her, yet also understands the punishment for hitting is a spanking. She has a very clear and obvious understanding of the difference between the two actions and she isn't even 3 yet. To me, her ability to understand this is a pre-requisite for this disciplinary tactic. If she couldn't differenciate disciple from hitting, this wouldn't be appropriate. I would be in favpr of an anti-spanking rule until the child is developmentally of ageto make this distinction.

 

[arj]

Heck yes I spank them! Not a severe beating or anything like that but a sharp slap on the bum if they are defiant or disobedient. I dont have to do it often, I count to three and if I get to three then they know theres a smack involved. I barely ever get to three tho. If theyre naughty then yea the hand or the wooden spoon works a real treat! I just cant believe society now days banning spanking! I guilt about it, even tho I dont like doing it. Mother animals growl and nip their babies gently as a guidance too.

I was spanked as a kid as were my 6 siblings, it was the only thing that worked for us!

I also give my kids a lot of time and love and good food and care, and they feel secure in their home and boundaries and are well behaved.

Think about the people that BEAT their kids, and torture and abuse and even kill them. They are the real criminals that I just cant bear to hear about.
Hitting out of ANGER is something that shouldnt be done. A spank as a controlled calm punishment that the child understands, I just dont see that in the same light.

If my child goes to run on the road and I say "Stop"! I expect them to stop, and not just blatantly defy me and run on the road because there is no consequences!