Have u or do u spank your child? Non judgmental thread

[AngelGabriel]

Boy I thought this post wasnt suppose to start a riot!! jeez!! Its just to know your feelings and what you do. Please don't quote and reply "thats child abuse." That is rude giving the actual harshness of "Child abuse". The person was just giving there opinion on the matter.
And my opinion is if a person gives a kid a smack in the bottom that is not child abuse unless they are litteraly being beat. ONE smack on the bottom is not child abuse. A chid should NEVER be hit anywhere else than on the bottom and like I said before, only one firm time while explaining what they did wrong. I agree, only in dangerous situatations. I was grown up getting my butt smacked when I did something dangerously wrong and I grew up very polite and disciplined and I think my parents were very good parents.

 

[Clarehc]

Not read all the replies so simply stating my opinion.

No, I would not and have not ever smacked. I've been tempted a couple of times but just walked away. I disagree with smacking, how can you teach a child not to hit when you hit? Also, I think it shows you've lost control of the situation if you resort to hitting.

Saying all that, there is a big difference between parents who smack very occasionally in dire circumstances and people who regularly hit. I wouldn't particularly condone either and I do judge if I see it but I can also understand how a parent on the edge, driven insane by a willful child, might crack for a second. I don't agree with it but I can see how it happens.

 

[AngelGabriel]

Boy I thought this post wasnt suppose to start a riot!! jeez!! Its just to know your feelings and what you do. Please don't quote and reply "thats child abuse." That is rude giving the actual harshness of "Child abuse". The person was just giving there opinion on the matter.
And my opinion is if a person gives a kid a smack in the bottom that is not child abuse unless they are litteraly being beat. ONE smack on the bottom is not child abuse. A chid should NEVER be hit anywhere else than on the bottom and like I said before, only one firm time while explaining what they did wrong. I agree, only in dangerous situatations. I was grown up getting my butt smacked when I did something dangerously wrong and I grew up very polite and disciplined and I think my parents were very good parents.

Oh I forgot to add, I am a firm believer in "time out", as well. Most the time that is what I do, but in really bad situations I give one smack on butt and send her to corner. But after time in the corner, we talk about it to make sure she knows what she did wrong. I always make sure she knows I love her and I spoil her tremendesly...she is my little girl! I would NEVER abuse her!!

 

[miracle35]

I think this thread has turned out awful.

In no way is the OP anything near an abuser, nor is anybody else that gives their child a tap/light smack if the child is being dangerous/being exceptionally naughty. It makes me angry that people think they can throw around accusations of abuse?!

My Mum smacked me for sticking cocktail sticks in their brand new leather sofas when I was four, and various other times as well. Do I think this was abuse? NO.

Obviously some responding on here were put through abuse, like being dragged along by their hair but that is totally different and has nothing to do with what the OP has talked about. Don't confuse the two.

 

[chell5544]

im not going to go into the ins and outs i have smaked my child a few times and will do it again if i feel the situation deserves it.

i feel the way some women have called other women abuses and what there doing is illegal are being very rude if you dont want to smack your child that is up to but dont judge th OP or any other women for chooseing to use a smack as a punishment

Anyway i would like to add that it is certainly not illegal to smack your child in the UK this is a quote from the citizen advice bearuro

Punishment

Parents

As a parent, you have a legal right to smack your child. However, if the violence you use is severe enough to leave a mark, for example a scratch or a bruise, you can be prosecuted for assault, or the child can be taken into local authority care.

 

[jenmcn1]

Child abuse is wrong...disciplining your child in a controlled matter is not.
Sometimes people can be very judgemental when they themselves are NOT parents yet.
In Canada it is not illegal (yet)...but even if they DO pass a law that says any type of spanking is wrong...I will still choose to discipline my children the way I see fit. I will not have the government tell me what is best for my kids.
Both my husband and I are firm believers in timeouts, and taking away toys etc if my son is being naughty...but we also spank on the bum...no marks left.
We love our son, and will love this next baby just as much...part of loving your children is being the parent not a friend to your child...disciplining is part of it. Spanking is not for everyone and I respect that. At the end of the day discipline is usually tougher on the parents. I hate to see my son cry...but I know what is best for him, and that he needs to learn respect for authority, and for his peers. It's not to say that he won't still act out and be the 2.5yr old that he is...it's the age...but he is learning that in life there are consquences for his actions...but that we still love him regardless.

 

[lisab1986]

I havent read the whole thread just a couple of posts ...but i do not think a parent using a smack as punishment is in any way abuse!!!
I think if someone can associate a smack on the rear and abuse then they need a serious reality check.
I have smacked my kids on the backside...and no doubt will again if i feel they deserve it..i certainly do not abuse my children.
I have been abused by a parent so i know the difference.

I also think that years ago when smacking was a common punishment there was less crime from teens and kids had a hell of a lot of respect for their parents...in this day and age most parents are scared to rasise their voice to the kids so they end up getting away with murder and thats when things get out of hand.

I dont think anyone has the right to judge the way someone decides to bring up their child.

 

[ShexiShell]

A good spanking did me no harm as a child,
I dont spank my kids unless its for a very good reason my oldest is 10 and never been spanked in his life, my daughter whos 9 has been spanked she is a very trying girl lol .. I dont think theres anything wrong with a spank, just have to no the limits to where it can be took as abuse

 

[hakunamatata]

Well, my daughter understood not to touch the oven when she was just 8 months old and crawling. She knew we meant it as were firm about it and kept removing her from the general vacinity. One day, before she was one, she touched a radiator and it was hot and it was uncomfortable for her and she made a face so we told her, like we did with the oven, that is was "hot" and the connection was made. They understand more than they can say and I think, like the removing her from the oven area, there are other ways to handle it so that smacking doesn't need to happen.

Pavlovs dogs is a very behaviourist approach that reduces humans to simple behaviours and actions, like a lot of modern thinking and parenting techniques that centre on correcting behaviour. It overlooks our experiences and emotions. It overlooks that children can learn from watching our behaviour and so, in that way, we might want to consider improving our own behaviours and actions. Obviously, we will never be perfect but if you have issues with patience then it could be something to work on so that your children don't go on to have those issues too? I know that I had issues with patience for years and, even now, my head could just implode at times but I did work on it and I actually feel better for not just reacting impulsively.

Anyway, I agree that people are on this forum because they care a lot about parenting but I think one of the best things about places like this is how much we can learn from each other. I have learned so, so much from people with passionate opinions that pushed me to do my own research and sometimes I found it difficult and uncomfortable to look at myself so closely and scrutinise myself and my behaviours but I always believe that if something makes you uncomfortable like that or makes you feel bad, you should keep digging as, chances are, you could stand to do better and there's a good reason that you don't feel quite right.

You've hit the nail on the head. Many, many times, kids are swatted because the parents have lost control of their emotions, not because they are calmly delivering a message.

And like you said earlier, usually 4 out of 5 smacks could have been replaced with something much more productive, but aren't because again, the parent is frustrated. Even the OP said that she was tired, hungry, and frustrated. She feels badly about it and doesn't want to do it again, and she was mistreated as a child and doesn't want to do the same, which is wonderful! I too do not want to act out in exhaustion and frustration like my mother often did.

We don't hit other adults as a means of resolution. Or at least civilized people don't.

We are going to teach kids to not swat the dog by swatting the kid?? "Hey! Don't do exactly what I'm doing right now!"

I am speaking from the experience of being a pretty good kid and getting smacked for very slight, minor "infractions." I'm 100% sure that my mom had better options. She was a single parent and stressed out. She was hit as a kid too. She and her siblings used to hide behind chairs in the morning after getting dressed for school so they wouldn't be in my grandmother's way. My mom and aunts often proudly proclaimed that they had "broken the cycle" but they never did. The smack was the method of punishment delivered because that's what they had learned.

 

[griffinh]

""We don't hit other adults as a means of resolution. Or at least civilized people don't.

We are going to teach kids to not swat the dog by swatting the kid?? "Hey! Don't do exactly what I'm doing right now!"""

We dont hit adults, because they probably wont stick their fingers in sockets, hands on hot ovens, or feed medicines to their siblings.

Kids smack the dog, then kids are swatted. It's used as a 'you don't like it either so don't do it'.

Swatting a child doesn't make you a bad parent. Beating a child black and blue does

 

[chell5544]

I havent read the whole thread just a couple of posts ...but i do not think a parent using a smack as punishment is in any way abuse!!!
I think if someone can associate a smack on the rear and abuse then they need a serious reality check.
I have smacked my kids on the backside...and no doubt will again if i feel they deserve it..i certainly do not abuse my children.
I have been abused by a parent so i know the difference.

I also think that years ago when smacking was a common punishment there was less crime from teens and kids had a hell of a lot of respect for their parents...in this day and age most parents are scared to rasise their voice to the kids so they end up getting away with murder and thats when things get out of hand.
I dont think anyone has the right to judge the way someone decides to bring up their child.

Thankyou for pointing this out i feel exactly the same some kids and teens have no respect these days i think the riots in london last year proved this

 

[hakunamatata]

That's why have have socket covers and high shelves for medicine.

Why is swatting a kid who is about to touch a stove better than a firm "NO!" and pulling the child out of harm's way?

 

[griffinh]

Mind you, if my OH was trying to stick his fingers in a plug socket i'd swat his hands away...

 

[griffinh]

That's why have have socket covers and high shelves for medicine.

Why is swatting a kid who is about to touch a stove better than a firm "NO!" and pulling the child out of harm's way?

When my niece was four, she reached up to tough a hot hob (electric oven so it didnt look different to her) and i caught her just in time. I swatted her hand away and she looked at me confused, so I knelt down and explained she mustnt touch the oven. so she said ooooo ok and ran off to play

The swat came where i immediately reacted to her hand about to touch something on full heat. A quick swat from me was a hell of a lot less painful than burning her little hand. Its not necessarily 'better' but had i looked over half a second later she'd have had a burnt hand

 

[AllyTiel]

That's why have have socket covers and high shelves for medicine.

Why is swatting a kid who is about to touch a stove better than a firm "NO!" and pulling the child out of harm's way?

Because the shock of getting their bum popped leaves a little bit longer impression than the word no, which they will hear countless times. I know it was pretty great incentive for me when I was a kid. My mom has slacked off a lot on the spankings as her kids have gotten older, and boy does she use the word no a lot! Doesn't mean a thing my brothers. They just say no right back. Why should they obey? They probably aren't going to be spanked. And noone likes being spanked, because its hurts for a few seconds. When she does enforce spanking, they are a lot more obedient. She's older, and a lot less energy than she used too lol. Sure she spanked me, and I love her SOOO much! She was loving about it and didn't do it out of anger. Sure she had the occasional outburst, (she's only human like all of us) but she never EVER beat us.

 

[overcomer79]

I can't believe this is still going on. Honestly, you won't know until you are put in a situation! Sometimes a firm "NO!" isn't enough!!! Point blank!!

 

[griffinh]

^^^ WSS

I dont understand this being precious about swatting at a child. People tap their dogs on the noses, in the animal kingdom mamas nip their young to make a point.

Just because I choose to swat at my niece or something doesnt mean she's going to be damaged for life or associate me with pain.

 

[hakunamatata]

It just seems that in general, spanks are given out far more frequently than just in the event of imminent danger.

 

[lisab1986]

I would love to know exactly how many of the people who are soooooooo against smacking are already parents.

 

[griffinh]

right but we're talking in dangerous situations. fair enough if you dont want to pop them on the bum, but i know i will be, and thats my choice - as is not breast feeding, not cosleeping and not baby wearing.

it doesnt make someone a bad mother or child abuser, but sometimes a firm no just doesnt work.