Have u or do u spank your child? Non judgmental thread

[overcomer79]

It just seems that in general, spanks are given out far more frequently than just in the event of imminent danger.

And that is a judgement you are making. My son gets swatted in extreme dangers only. Other times he gets sent to his room where we both calm down and talk about why he was in trouble. But when I NEED him to stop in his tracks...then yes...danger being the only time!

 

[hakunamatata]

No, I'm not a parent yet. I've been around plenty of kids, though, and I'm pretty sure that their moms wouldn't want me swatting their kids. And again, I was on the receiving end of frequent, unnecessary spanks, and I know it wasn't always necessary, and I'm thinking very carefully about how I want to raise my child.

 

[feeble]

I would love to know exactly how many of the people who are soooooooo against smacking are already parents.

And better still, parents of five or six or seven year olds

 

[chell5544]

It just seems that in general, spanks are given out far more frequently than just in the event of imminent danger.

im sure some parents do give smacks more frequently, some will only do it in the event of imminent danger and some will never smack all to their own i say none of the three are abuseing their child or is it illegal

 

[hakunamatata]

It just seems that in general, spanks are given out far more frequently than just in the event of imminent danger.

And that is a judgement you are making. My son gets swatted in extreme dangers only. Other times he gets sent to his room where we both calm down and talk about why he was in trouble. But when I NEED him to stop in his tracks...then yes...danger being the only time!

And that's good that that is your situation. I have just observed many times when parents swat kids in public because of minor infractions like bickering with siblings, etc. and not because they are about to run out into traffic.

 

[JessPape]

That's why have have socket covers and high shelves for medicine.

Why is swatting a kid who is about to touch a stove better than a firm "NO!" and pulling the child out of harm's way?

The problem with this is, you cant live in a bubble, and you can't save your kid from every potentialy dangrous thing that will happen. Your going to leave medicine on the counter, your going to forget a socket cover. Your going to accidently put the handle on the bowling pot where they can reach it.

This is where if you see it, and realize hey i screwed up, ur going to have to get maybe a LITTLE More serious than a stern no. Not all the time does a stern no work, in fact if my parents said no to me half the time I did something wrong I would have shrugged it off.

When my dad, or my husbands dad stop and gave us a spanking, we knew what we did was wrong. We are not physically damaged in anyway, I'd never hit my husband, or my child when in a made rage. Groundings don't work, threating to take toys away, whatever, you'll buy them more. Kids arent stupid, and sometimes they do need a simple slap on the butt.

Each person to their own point of view, if I see a mom give her child a simple slap on the butt, im one of the few that would no run away to call child services. As a photographer in town, I had seen lots of kids come in covered in bruises, I've have seen parents PHYSICALLY hit there kids, I know the difference. I have called child services on those parents and banned them from my store.

 

[griffinh]

No, I'm not a parent yet. I've been around plenty of kids, though, and I'm pretty sure that their moms wouldn't want me swatting their kids. And again, I was on the receiving end of frequent, unnecessary spanks, and I know it wasn't always necessary, and I'm thinking very carefully about how I want to raise my child.

Well my brother didnt have a problem with me swatting his daughters hands away from a hot oven lol. I dont randomly go round smacking peoples kids as i'm sure the women on here dont lol!!!!

You may have been on the end of frequent unneccessary spanks but the issue the OP is talking about is her guilt at doing it when it WAS necessary to teach her daughter right from wrong. she promptly fixed the situation. Its great your thinking carefully, but i dont think anyone can say its 100% wrong unless your in the situation yourself.

 

[lisab1986]

I havent read the whole thread just a couple of posts ...but i do not think a parent using a smack as punishment is in any way abuse!!!
I think if someone can associate a smack on the rear and abuse then they need a serious reality check.
I have smacked my kids on the backside...and no doubt will again if i feel they deserve it..i certainly do not abuse my children.
I have been abused by a parent so i know the difference.

I also think that years ago when smacking was a common punishment there was less crime from teens and kids had a hell of a lot of respect for their parents...in this day and age most parents are scared to rasise their voice to the kids so they end up getting away with murder and thats when things get out of hand.
I dont think anyone has the right to judge the way someone decides to bring up their child.

Thankyou for pointing this out i feel exactly the same some kids and teens have no respect these days i think the riots in london last year proved this

Well its true...years ago kids knew their place and had respect..now the government have gone all pc with punishment and parents are scared incase they get their kids taken away.
Im not saying kids should be beaten or anything like that but when you take away the parents right to punish their child the way they see fit this is when the kids start to get out of hand.
IMVHO if parents get their act together and started to punish their children for bad behaviour from a young age then the prisons would be as full as they are and the youth of today would have more respect.

 

[mom and ttc]

I would love to know exactly how many of the people who are soooooooo against smacking are already parents.

i am!

 

[feeble]

It just seems that in general, spanks are given out far more frequently than just in the event of imminent danger.

And that is a judgement you are making. My son gets swatted in extreme dangers only. Other times he gets sent to his room where we both calm down and talk about why he was in trouble. But when I NEED him to stop in his tracks...then yes...danger being the only time!

And that's good that that is your situation. I have just observed many times when parents swat kids in public because of minor infractions like bickering with siblings, etc. and not because they are about to run out into traffic.

And some parents scream blue murder at their kids for nothing

Or tell them they are stupid

Or treat them horribly all the time

There are some crap, crap parents in the world, wether they smack or not is definitely no gauge of that.

 

[JessPape]

It just seems that in general, spanks are given out far more frequently than just in the event of imminent danger.

And that is a judgement you are making. My son gets swatted in extreme dangers only. Other times he gets sent to his room where we both calm down and talk about why he was in trouble. But when I NEED him to stop in his tracks...then yes...danger being the only time!

And what your doing, is absoutly normal, not child abuse. It's teaching your child a simple lesson. This is why we have public school systems, private school systems, and home schooling.. Because all parents have a difference opinion on the best way to raise your child.

Your not putting them in harms way, your not telling ur child its okay to hit, Your being a good mom

 

[griffinh]

I agree lisa. but really, it's no one elses goddamn business my kid, my rules, dont like it? shove it

and that's not aimed at anyone personally lol xxx

 

[lisab1986]

I would love to know exactly how many of the people who are soooooooo against smacking are already parents.

And better still, parents of five or six or seven year olds

I dunno ..mine are only 2+3 and they can knock seven barrels out of eachother..and thats just wrestling! God help them if they were to have a proper fight! I dread taking them out after they have been play fighting and jumping off things onto eachother because they do look like they have been battered lmao...my boys are most certainly 'proper boys'

 

[griffinh]

lol my two brothers are in their teens. when they fight, its like watching lions!!!

 

[Sunshine12]

I am amazed this thread has stayed open!

I have seen children who have misbehaved and told that if they do not stop continuing to do x y or z they will get a smack.
I have seen children who are 'gentle parented' who are CONSTANTLY made to justify themselves, are empathised with til the point of (quite literally) they are desperately trying to break out of a car or 'mothers loving grip' so they can actually get on with their day and most importantly, who are so totally unaware of their own boundaries that they simply have no idea what is truly right or wrong.

I get very pissed off, with these 'holier than thou, I'm parenting my child to a specific model some guy taught me in a book' parents.

In my opinion and experience, they are just as likely to not have a clue as anyone else


Fact is we are all on a parenting forum, we obviously all give a toss about our kids.

So how about we respect that there are different ways to parent?

From witnessing 'unconditional parenting' and 'gentle discipline' as well as more holistic parenting, I know exactly what I will be doing. And it will NOT be listening to someone who tells me all other parents are conditional/none gentle/ detached parents, so that I can sit on a pedestal on threads like this and look down on people.

I've had this debate with you already. That's an incredibly narrow view and, if you were to even call your, completely anecdotal, evidence a study, with a sample size of what? 2? 4? you'd , quite frankly, be laughed at. So, it doesn't qualify as evidence any more than "I was formula fed and so was hubby and we're healthy".

Spanking is consitently assosciated with mental health problems. I'm not sure anyone respectable recommends it anymore as a method of parenting. It's just not necessary, no matter your parenting philosophy. Though, if you can bring me peer reviewed studies on these, so called, pitfalls of UP/AP then I'm all ears.

I couldn't give a monkeys if you perceive it as a narrow view.

My child is an individual and will be raised according to who he is and what he reacts well to. He is not a case study, nor is he a social experiment and allowing a well documented QUACK who practically every child psychologist in the world thinks should be preventing from writing books (alfred kohn) or a liar who writes parenting books and says she has a doctorate in child psychology WHICH IT TURNS OUT SHE BOUGHT ON THE INTERNET (Naomi Aldort) to raise my child for me based upon their thinly disguised 'get rich quick' scheme, is NOT something I am going to put myself or my child through.

There is a massive difference between smacking a child on the bum and beating them with a caine.

Many nhs professionals believe co-sleeping should be illegal, because if done wrong it can be deadly. Exactly the same can be said for smacking.

Being so black and white is ridiculous. Your allowing your books and 'case studies' to raise your child and my kid will be raised by me. Smacking maybe once a year when he does something dangerous and stupid and needs a short sharp return to reality, and loved and respected AS A CHILD rather than forced to feel guilt and shame and hatred that is usually only experienced by adults


No parent is perfect, no child is perfect, but I will be raising my none perfect children in my own non perfect way. Which I am quite happy with

Very well said. Completely agree.

 

[feeble]

Makes a change sunshine

Shall we wait for them to say we are bosom buddies and in cahoots with each other

 

[jessicatunnel]

In the US, when I was in school anyway, the principle could actually spank the students (with parents consent) if they did something really terrible. I don't actually agree with that exactly, but if spanking was child abuse or harmful to children why would the government let school systems do it? Hah.. just saying.

 

[momto3kiddies]

I would love to know exactly how many of the people who are soooooooo against smacking are already parents.

I have a 16 yr old a 11 yr old and a 9 yr old. Now I ask you...what was the point?

 

[lisab1986]

I agree lisa. but really, it's no one elses goddamn business my kid, my rules, dont like it? shove it

and that's not aimed at anyone personally lol xxx

Totally 100% agree! If someone told me how to parent my kids i would tell then where to shove their opinions.

lol my two brothers are in their teens. when they fight, its like watching lions!!!

Its crazy to watch my 2 fight they are as hard as nails..ever since they could walk they have been climbing onto things just to jump off it and if theres nothing to jump off making something to jump off. Ita a wonder im not grey

 

[chell5544]

I am amazed this thread has stayed open!

I have seen children who have misbehaved and told that if they do not stop continuing to do x y or z they will get a smack.
I have seen children who are 'gentle parented' who are CONSTANTLY made to justify themselves, are empathised with til the point of (quite literally) they are desperately trying to break out of a car or 'mothers loving grip' so they can actually get on with their day and most importantly, who are so totally unaware of their own boundaries that they simply have no idea what is truly right or wrong.

I get very pissed off, with these 'holier than thou, I'm parenting my child to a specific model some guy taught me in a book' parents.

In my opinion and experience, they are just as likely to not have a clue as anyone else


Fact is we are all on a parenting forum, we obviously all give a toss about our kids.

So how about we respect that there are different ways to parent?

From witnessing 'unconditional parenting' and 'gentle discipline' as well as more holistic parenting, I know exactly what I will be doing. And it will NOT be listening to someone who tells me all other parents are conditional/none gentle/ detached parents, so that I can sit on a pedestal on threads like this and look down on people.

I've had this debate with you already. That's an incredibly narrow view and, if you were to even call your, completely anecdotal, evidence a study, with a sample size of what? 2? 4? you'd , quite frankly, be laughed at. So, it doesn't qualify as evidence any more than "I was formula fed and so was hubby and we're healthy".

Spanking is consitently assosciated with mental health problems. I'm not sure anyone respectable recommends it anymore as a method of parenting. It's just not necessary, no matter your parenting philosophy. Though, if you can bring me peer reviewed studies on these, so called, pitfalls of UP/AP then I'm all ears.

I couldn't give a monkeys if you perceive it as a narrow view.

My child is an individual and will be raised according to who he is and what he reacts well to. He is not a case study, nor is he a social experiment and allowing a well documented QUACK who practically every child psychologist in the world thinks should be preventing from writing books (alfred kohn) or a liar who writes parenting books and says she has a doctorate in child psychology WHICH IT TURNS OUT SHE BOUGHT ON THE INTERNET (Naomi Aldort) to raise my child for me based upon their thinly disguised 'get rich quick' scheme, is NOT something I am going to put myself or my child through.

There is a massive difference between smacking a child on the bum and beating them with a caine.

Many nhs professionals believe co-sleeping should be illegal, because if done wrong it can be deadly. Exactly the same can be said for smacking.

Being so black and white is ridiculous. Your allowing your books and 'case studies' to raise your child and my kid will be raised by me. Smacking maybe once a year when he does something dangerous and stupid and needs a short sharp return to reality, and loved and respected AS A CHILD rather than forced to feel guilt and shame and hatred that is usually only experienced by adults


No parent is perfect, no child is perfect, but I will be raising my none perfect children in my own non perfect way. Which I am quite happy with

Very well said. Completely agree.

Second that!!!! Lol