Have u or do u spank your child? Non judgmental thread

[lisab1986]

I have to say congrats to those mothers who manage to not spank for whatever reason - golden children or something lol. However it doesnt give anyone a right to judge those who DO smack.

it does, because good parents do not hit their kids!
i have no golden child but i am a loving mom who explains, talks and has other ways to punish... reward system, time out or a firm no...or just ask why the kid is acting that way ... a lot of toddlers just can't explain their emotions...

So your saying everyone who has smacked their kids arse is a bad parent?

it that moment yes, but everybody can change. if they really change and take their hands of their kids

Good god how judgemental are you

Lets hope you dont give birth to a little shit next time

 

[feeble]

I would rather be a parent that smacks, than a sanctimonious, judgemental arsehole

Is basically what I have learnt from this thread!

 

[griffinh]

Agreeeeed

 

[chell5544]

I don't think you can come on here and say all spanking is illegal. we are all from diffrent areas of the world and I can strongly say, spanking isn't illegal where I am.

ok thats fair i should have stated the UK

It is NOT illegal to smack your child in the UK

quote taken from citizens advice bearuro

Punishment

Parents

As a parent, you have a legal right to smack your child. However, if the violence you use is severe enough to leave a mark, for example a scratch or a bruise, you can be prosecuted for assault, or the child can be taken into local authority care

 

[lisab1986]

I would love to know exactly how many of the people who are soooooooo against smacking are already parents.

im a mother of 3 and i dont agree with it, but thats my opionion and again wont judge u if u do

Different strokes for different folks and all that...im a firm believer that parents should brinkg their children up the way they see fit without judgement..obviously unless they are abusing the child then no one should jusge.

 

[lisab1986]

I would rather be a parent that smacks, than a sanctimonious, judgemental arsehole

Is basically what I have learnt from this thread!

I think that wraps up the thread

 

[overcomer79]

I would rather be a parent that smacks, than a sanctimonious, judgemental arsehole

Is basically what I have learnt from this thread!

I think that wraps up the thread

love this too

 

[Sunshine12]

ok so i will say this again, SWATTING A CHILD ON THE BUM DOES NOT MAKE SOMEONE A BAD PARENT!!!!!

there.

yes it is abuse, and abusive parents are not good parents! point

Child abuse is a criminal offence. If I contacted the police saying Id smacked my kid on the butt for example they would do absolutely nothing about it. Child abuse? Nope!

I know parents who have never disciplined their children in any way shape or form and would never dream of smacking their children. Does that make them better parents? No it doesnt.

 

[hakunamatata]

My journal entry if anyone wants to read it

Spoiler

I've been reading and commenting a little on a thread about spanking and whether or not it's okay to do. It's made me think about my own childhood. I know a lot of parents just give swats for extreme behavior, like when a child is about to touch a stove, or keeps trying to run into traffic. Something that's actually a life or death matter. But I remember my own childhood, and I'd get swats for the slightest perceived infractions. My favorite was getting screamed at in the car and backhanded across the face. To this day I have a hard time going anywhere with my mom in a car. I used to get panic attacks. My mom even hit me in my TWENTIES. No joke.

I used to take dance lessons from age 5-10. My mom and I had to wait in line for pictures, and she was tired and frustrated. I must have been squirming too much or something because she smacked me very hard on my exposed back (I was wearing my costume). It left a nasty hand print. When she saw what she had done, she tried to rub it away vigorously. Was it because she felt bad, or that hand prints don't make for lovely pictures? Or maybe both?

I know that what I went through was abuse. And I don't think that these women here on the forum are being abusive if it's a swat because their kid really and truly is in danger. I just watch my own cousin discipline her kids and give them smacks for stuff that just isn't life threatening, mostly just because she's annoyed and frustrated. I don't want to be that parent. I don't want to react in frustration and anger. If there is a better way, I want to learn it.

I have the potential to be a horrible person. I was watching my little cousin, and she was having a tantrum, and she threw herself on the ground. I pulled her arm to try to get her back up and walking. I was rougher with her than I needed to be. She wasn't hurt or anything like that, but I had certainly lost my patience, and I was exerting my force to get her to move. I still feel badly about it to this day, even though I didn't actually hurt her. I just remember how *angry* I was, and it baffled me.

The fact that I don't want to be like my mom and recognize the anger that bubbles inside of me at times is in fact reassuring, because isn't awareness of one's weakness half the battle?

I've told DH that I do not want to hit our kids or scream at them. I have a lot of research to do so I can learn effective instead of fear-inspiring punishment. I remember myself as a little kid and I feel so sad for that girl. I wish I could rescue her. I will never do the same.

 

[EMC0528]

I am amazed this thread has stayed open!

I have seen children who have misbehaved and told that if they do not stop continuing to do x y or z they will get a smack.
I have seen children who are 'gentle parented' who are CONSTANTLY made to justify themselves, are empathised with til the point of (quite literally) they are desperately trying to break out of a car or 'mothers loving grip' so they can actually get on with their day and most importantly, who are so totally unaware of their own boundaries that they simply have no idea what is truly right or wrong.

I get very pissed off, with these 'holier than thou, I'm parenting my child to a specific model some guy taught me in a book' parents.

In my opinion and experience, they are just as likely to not have a clue as anyone else


Fact is we are all on a parenting forum, we obviously all give a toss about our kids.

So how about we respect that there are different ways to parent?

From witnessing 'unconditional parenting' and 'gentle discipline' as well as more holistic parenting, I know exactly what I will be doing. And it will NOT be listening to someone who tells me all other parents are conditional/none gentle/ detached parents, so that I can sit on a pedestal on threads like this and look down on people.

I've had this debate with you already. That's an incredibly narrow view and, if you were to even call your, completely anecdotal, evidence a study, with a sample size of what? 2? 4? you'd , quite frankly, be laughed at. So, it doesn't qualify as evidence any more than "I was formula fed and so was hubby and we're healthy".

Spanking is consitently assosciated with mental health problems. I'm not sure anyone respectable recommends it anymore as a method of parenting. It's just not necessary, no matter your parenting philosophy. Though, if you can bring me peer reviewed studies on these, so called, pitfalls of UP/AP then I'm all ears.

I couldn't give a monkeys if you perceive it as a narrow view.

My child is an individual and will be raised according to who he is and what he reacts well to. He is not a case study, nor is he a social experiment and allowing a well documented QUACK who practically every child psychologist in the world thinks should be preventing from writing books (alfred kohn) or a liar who writes parenting books and says she has a doctorate in child psychology WHICH IT TURNS OUT SHE BOUGHT ON THE INTERNET (Naomi Aldort) to raise my child for me based upon their thinly disguised 'get rich quick' scheme, is NOT something I am going to put myself or my child through.

There is a massive difference between smacking a child on the bum and beating them with a caine.

Many nhs professionals believe co-sleeping should be illegal, because if done wrong it can be deadly. Exactly the same can be said for smacking.

Being so black and white is ridiculous. Your allowing your books and 'case studies' to raise your child and my kid will be raised by me. Smacking maybe once a year when he does something dangerous and stupid and needs a short sharp return to reality, and loved and respected AS A CHILD rather than forced to feel guilt and shame and hatred that is usually only experienced by adults


No parent is perfect, no child is perfect, but I will be raising my none perfect children in my own non perfect way. Which I am quite happy with

Very well said. Completely agree.

Second that!!!! Lol

I third that!!!

I RARELY spank my child, his behavior very rarely warrants it. There have been times where we have spanked him and that was our choice to make. I read through this thread and there are a lot of stones being thrown. You can find a case study for just about anything these days. We all love our children and do what we feel is best for them.

To answer OP, yes, I have spanked my child. It's not something I do often, its not something I take pleasure in, and it doesn't mean I am a bad mother. It doesn't mean you are either.

 

[griffinh]

hun - what you went through was abuse and its fair enough your worried you would end up doing the same, but myself and other women just use swatting as a means to stop dangerous things happening im so sorry for what you went through. you losing patience at the little one and using a little more force than was necessary doesnt make you a bad person x

 

[xSin]

I have to say congrats to those mothers who manage to not spank for whatever reason - golden children or something lol. However it doesnt give anyone a right to judge those who DO smack.

it does, because good parents do not hit their kids!
i have no golden child but i am a loving mom who explains, talks and has other ways to punish... reward system, time out or a firm no...or just ask why the kid is acting that way ... a lot of toddlers just can't explain their emotions...

You just don't get it do you???

You have no right to judge
You have no right to judge
You have no right to judge
You have no right to judge
You have no right to judge
You have no right to judge
You have no right to judge
You have no right to judge
You have no right to judge

Get it yet?

Nobody here is trying to say you're not entitled to an OPINION.
All we are saying is...

You have no right to judge
You have no right to judge
You have no right to judge
You have no right to judge
You have no right to judge
You have no right to judge
You have no right to judge
You have no right to judge

Then again, all the psychiatrists in the world probably couldn't help you, I've never before met a woman as crass and cold hearted as accuses a dead mother of being at fault for her own death the way you did in another thread.

I pity you... you seem to be a genuinely heartless individual.

 

[momto3kiddies]

I would love to know exactly how many of the people who are soooooooo against smacking are already parents.

I have a 16 yr old a 11 yr old and a 9 yr old. Now I ask you...what was the point?

So you have not once ever smacked your child on the bum? any of them?

No I have never smacked them on any part of their body.

 

[griffinh]

accuses a dead mother of being at fault for her own death

woooaaah xxxx

 

[lisab1986]

I have to say congrats to those mothers who manage to not spank for whatever reason - golden children or something lol. However it doesnt give anyone a right to judge those who DO smack.

it does, because good parents do not hit their kids!
i have no golden child but i am a loving mom who explains, talks and has other ways to punish... reward system, time out or a firm no...or just ask why the kid is acting that way ... a lot of toddlers just can't explain their emotions...

You just don't get it do you???

You have no right to judge
You have no right to judge
You have no right to judge
You have no right to judge
You have no right to judge
You have no right to judge
You have no right to judge
You have no right to judge
You have no right to judge

Get it yet?

Nobody here is trying to say you're not entitled to an OPINION.
All we are saying is...

You have no right to judge
You have no right to judge
You have no right to judge
You have no right to judge
You have no right to judge
You have no right to judge
You have no right to judge
You have no right to judge

Then again, all the psychiatrists in the world probably couldn't help you, I've never before met a woman as crass and cold hearted as accuses a dead mother of being at fault for her own death the way you did in another thread.

I pity you... you seem to be a genuinely heartless individual.

OMG im sat in shock at that last paragraph ..your kidding right?

 

[xSin]

accuses a dead mother of being at fault for her own death

woooaaah xxxx

Yeah it was in this thread here

https://www.babyandbump.com/pregnan...ampaigner-dies-during-her-own-home-birth.html

 

[jessicatunnel]

accuses a dead mother of being at fault for her own death

WTF?!

 

[overcomer79]

accuses a dead mother of being at fault for her own death

woooaaah xxxx

smh...

 

[lisab1986]

I would love to know exactly how many of the people who are soooooooo against smacking are already parents.

I have a 16 yr old a 11 yr old and a 9 yr old. Now I ask you...what was the point?

So you have not once ever smacked your child on the bum? any of them?

No I have never smacked them on any part of their body.

Good for you..like i said i would never judge.

accuses a dead mother of being at fault for her own death

woooaaah xxxx

Yeah it was in this thread here

https://www.babyandbump.com/pregnan...ampaigner-dies-during-her-own-home-birth.html

Oh dear....I think this woman is a narrow minded, under educated IDIOT! Things happen during birth be it at home or hospital.

 

[jessicatunnel]

I cannot believe somebody can be so heartless! How awful.