Have u or do u spank your child? Non judgmental thread

[Sunshine12]

I read that thread too.

The response to the ladys death was this

I would never CI sider a home birth, but its ironic ... sad for the family, but well she should have known better

TBH mom and ttc, whilst you are entitled to your opinions the same as everyone else, I find the way you convey them exceptionally immature. Im not sure whether you are perhaps young or just not very articulate (or both) but the manner in which you post is very childish which I think is why people take exception to your views. If you were to vocalise your opinion without being rude, personal or appear to be attacking people, you would probably be taken more seriously.

 

[aliss]

There are plenty of good mothers who spank.

I don't like spanking, I don't believe in it, but you can't sit there and tell me that a person is not a good mother because she chooses to spank. There are dozens if not more girls here who have been spanked and would still say they had a good mother.

You know what they say about opinions and assholes

 

[baby_mama87]

Pinkie88 you sound like a brilliant mummy so don't let silly comments in this thread make you think otherwise. I am not against spanking a child if they have done wrong I can't say I will or won't do it as I haven't had children yet but to label it child abuse is totally crazy and I would have thought anyone who has actually suffered abuse would have the common sense to realise it isn't abuse! It hasn't surprised me one bit that mom and ttc has caused offence on this topic as you manage to start a debate with most of your opinions and threads.

 

[Babyspots]

I was spanked as a child and I turned out fine!! I love my parents and would rather them do that than me growing up and being a spoilt brat because they didn't discipline me!! Everyone is different and we should not judge others!!

 

[MYPRINCEssB]

i never gave it much thought, but i did say that if i ever acted like my mom i would give my child the permision to knock my block off. but that set aside i dont really bust her butt, she hardly dose anything to get in trouble the most she has ever done was while looking for toilet paper under the sink instead of calling for me she found my husband nair and thought it was conditoner i came in cause she was in there for longer then she should have and caught her in the act of putting it in her hair i did swat her and put her in the shower cloaths and all trying to save her hair luckly it didnt have enough time to set, and the other time she cut her hair (dad left the scissors out) she got her but wipped for that she had never had a hair cut before and her hair was all the way down to her butt, but for her grounding works better she thinks its the worst thing. parents fing them selves doing things they never thought they would but it all depend on the child honestly sometimes a stern voice is worse for them then a wipping so i think its how you feel as a parent

 

[LisaL79]

I don't plan on spanking MUCH. If my children ever end up doing something that really deserves it, yes, I'll give their butts a few smacks. I'll never use it as the only way to discipline though and it will def be one of the last resorts or like I said, if they do something that I feel deserves a smack or 2 to the behind.

 

[youngwife20]

I didnt read the whole post. But read some.

I can understand both sides.
I understand that if people spank there child they do love there children fare enough.
But were is the limit? were do you draw the line before it becomes child abuse? hence why i understand why people say it is.

My dad spanked me. in his mind it was a form of dicipline as thats how he was diciplined. its all upto how the person sees things. he used to whip me with sticks from the garden all sorts! Im sure in his mind he wasnt trying to abuse me . but in my opinion it was child abuse.

I dont think a little tapp on the wrist will do any harm . but that does depend on the child and there mental development and how they interprit it.

What my dad did , did effect me in adult life.

But I understand why parents give there child a little tap to explain what they did wrong. I personaly would rather not start with any kind of violance for punishment. ( not saying you are being violant to your child) but from my past experiance thats the only way i can see it. I am not being harsh to anyone and i understand completly it is normal and acceptable practise you raise your child how you feel acceptable.

But oringinal poster if you feel guilty for what you did and you say you did it out of anger and regret it . fare enough noeone should make you feel worse maybe try a parenting class and if you think your previous experiance are effecting your parenting if you think it isnt how you want it to be then go ahead with counciling. im sure you are a great mum and we all make mistakes, the most important thing is realising when you make the mistake and learning from them xx

 

[youngwife20]

Bottom line is we all want to be great parents. how ever we choose to dicipline our children all we can do is try our best. with there best intrest at heart. xx

 

[youngwife20]

Children will NOT be traumatised from a handful of smacked bottoms, they would be traumatised from being punched in the face, kicked in the stomach, starved etc etc.....ABUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This kind of bothered me alittle.

I wasnt punched in the face or kicked in the stomach or starved. But i was still abused phisicaly and emotionaly by my dad . there are different levels of physical abuse and it isnt always this obvious.

Just wanted to clear that up xx

 

[feeble]

I remember reading mom TTc's comment about that poor woman who had a heart attack and Happened to be at home when it happened.

Nothing could have saved her in hospital or no

Momttc is a troll, probably a sad old man sat on his own just wanting to rouse negativity.

Do not feed the troll. Let the mods deal with her.

 

[raychmumtobe]

I havent read the whole thread, but i dont think spanking is a huge deal, and although i personally wouldnt do it, simply for the fact its ineffective and in some ways very hypocritical, for example spanking one child, for hitting another child just tells both children that hitting is ok. I certainly wouldnt call it abuse. I was abused myself, i actually wish id just had the odd spanking, instead, from the age of 3-4 i was kicked, punched, had my head held under water, my hair ripped out, (i used to have huge bald patches) strangled and had many things thrown at me, to the point that i needed stitches in my head twice by the age of 8.

A light spank on the bottom is not abuse, and no mother should feel bad for losing grip for a moment and spanking their child, i can understand that if your child is doing something naughty or dangerous, you sort of panic and a quick tap usually stops them in their tracks or shocks them. Although, it isnt effective punishment.

 

[scotmum35]

I have to say congrats to those mothers who manage to not spank for whatever reason - golden children or something lol. However it doesnt give anyone a right to judge those who DO smack.

it does, because good parents do not hit their kids!
i have no golden child but i am a loving mom who explains, talks and has other ways to punish... reward system, time out or a firm no...or just ask why the kid is acting that way ... a lot of toddlers just can't explain their emotions...

You just don't get it do you???

You have no right to judge
You have no right to judge
You have no right to judge
You have no right to judge
You have no right to judge
You have no right to judge
You have no right to judge
You have no right to judge
You have no right to judge

Get it yet?

Nobody here is trying to say you're not entitled to an OPINION.
All we are saying is...

You have no right to judge
You have no right to judge
You have no right to judge
You have no right to judge
You have no right to judge
You have no right to judge
You have no right to judge
You have no right to judge

Then again, all the psychiatrists in the world probably couldn't help you, I've never before met a woman as crass and cold hearted as accuses a dead mother of being at fault for her own death the way you did in another thread.

I pity you... you seem to be a genuinely heartless individual.

ffs reading this and the comments afterwards makes me think this thread should be shut down........u accuse her of judging then totally degrade her by going totally off topic about another thread from another time period.
u dont have to agree with her or anyone else for that matter.but this is just as bad and just as judgmental as her comments.have your opinion but this just makes u look spiteful.

 

[MYPRINCEssB]

Children will NOT be traumatised from a handful of smacked bottoms, they would be traumatised from being punched in the face, kicked in the stomach, starved etc etc.....ABUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This kind of bothered me alittle.

I wasnt punched in the face or kicked in the stomach or starved. But i was still abused phisicaly and emotionaly by my dad . there are different levels of physical abuse and it isnt always this obvious.

Just wanted to clear that up xx

thank you it kinda bothers me too, like you i wasnt hit in the face or kicked in the stomach or starved, my mom didnt stand up for me ever and would let the men of her life do as they pleased, I was in first grade and my step dad at the time would make me watch americas most wanted and tease me saying those men would get me knowing that i was afraid, made me sleep on hard tile floor in a sleeping bag beside the front door and bathroom door because i peed the bed, if they would have taken me to the dentist like they should have they would have found out the reason i wet the bed was due to my upper jaw was not wide enough and I needed an expander, I found this out after i moved out and got myself braces at the age of 19, the orthodontist told me it was a medical condition that causes headachs, earachs and wetting the bed in younge kids. He also made me lie about something I didnt do and because of it made me drink a cup of hot sause mixed with everything spicy we had in the spice cabinet along with castor oil, he said he wanted it to hurn me when i went to the bathroom and know what hell was like for lieing. and my mom just stood there and watched him do it and never said a word. and another time with a different step dad me and my sister told her he was molesting us and she made my sister watch me get beat with a wooden paddle till I had black and green bruses all over my butt I couldnt sit for 2 weeksmy mom said it would make her think twice before getting me to say something that wasnt true, I did fight her half way through just to turn around and tell her that what she was doing wasnt right i got beat harder, I still remember the anger in her eyes and i hate it, she said that she could never be happy didnt belive us, and didnt file reports on him until she was ready to divores him two year later, that being said the court didnt do anything they thought she was just trying to get back at him for something and me and my sister had to suffer. the list goes on of things that happend when i was a kid that was abusive whether it sounds like it or not thants why I think its scarry to be a parent and i take it one day at a time, its scarry to know that if you do one wrong thing in parenting that you could mess your childs whole life, but i wish people wouldnt be so quick to judge that only certain things in a specific catagory is child abuse, it comes in all shapes and forms and really can damage.

 

[hakunamatata]

Children will NOT be traumatised from a handful of smacked bottoms, they would be traumatised from being punched in the face, kicked in the stomach, starved etc etc.....ABUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This kind of bothered me alittle.

I wasnt punched in the face or kicked in the stomach or starved. But i was still abused phisicaly and emotionaly by my dad . there are different levels of physical abuse and it isnt always this obvious.

Just wanted to clear that up xx

thank you it kinda bothers me too, like you i wasnt hit in the face or kicked in the stomach or starved, my mom didnt stand up for me ever and would let the men of her life do as they pleased, I was in first grade and my step dad at the time would make me watch americas most wanted and tease me saying those men would get me knowing that i was afraid, made me sleep on hard tile floor in a sleeping bag beside the front door and bathroom door because i peed the bed, if they would have taken me to the dentist like they should have they would have found out the reason i wet the bed was due to my upper jaw was not wide enough and I needed an expander, I found this out after i moved out and got myself braces at the age of 19, the orthodontist told me it was a medical condition that causes headachs, earachs and wetting the bed in younge kids. He also made me lie about something I didnt do and because of it made me drink a cup of hot sause mixed with everything spicy we had in the spice cabinet along with castor oil, he said he wanted it to hurn me when i went to the bathroom for lieing and my mom just stood there and watched him do it and never said a word. and another time with a different step dad me and my sister told her he was molesting us and she made my sister watch me get beat with a wooden paddle till I had black and green bruses all over my butt I couldnt sit for 2 weeksmy mom said it would make her think twice before getting me to say something that wasnt true, I did fight her half way through just to turn around and tell her that what she was doing wasnt right i got beat harder, I still remember the anger in her eyes and i hate it, she said that she could never be happy didnt belive us, and didnt file reports on him until she was ready to divores him, that being said the court didnt do anything they thought she was just trying to get back at him for something and me and my sister had to suffer. the list goes on of things that happend when i was a kid that was abusive whether it sounds like it or not thants why I think its scarry to be a parent and i take it one day at a time, its scarry to know that if you do one wrong thing in parenting that you could mess your childs whole life, but i wish people wouldnt be so quick to judge that only certain things in a specific catagory is child abuse, it comes in all shapes and forms and really can damage.

 

[Dk1234]

I have to say congrats to those mothers who manage to not spank for whatever reason - golden children or something lol. However it doesnt give anyone a right to judge those who DO smack.

it does, because good parents do not hit their kids!
i have no golden child but i am a loving mom who explains, talks and has other ways to punish... reward system, time out or a firm no...or just ask why the kid is acting that way ... a lot of toddlers just can't explain their emotions...

You just don't get it do you???

You have no right to judge
You have no right to judge
You have no right to judge
You have no right to judge
You have no right to judge
You have no right to judge
You have no right to judge
You have no right to judge
You have no right to judge

Get it yet?

Nobody here is trying to say you're not entitled to an OPINION.
All we are saying is...

You have no right to judge
You have no right to judge
You have no right to judge
You have no right to judge
You have no right to judge
You have no right to judge
You have no right to judge
You have no right to judge

Then again, all the psychiatrists in the world probably couldn't help you, I've never before met a woman as crass and cold hearted as accuses a dead mother of being at fault for her own death the way you did in another thread.

I pity you... you seem to be a genuinely heartless individual.

ffs reading this and the comments afterwards makes me think this thread should be shut down........u accuse her of judging then totally degrade her by going totally off topic about another thread from another time period.
u dont have to agree with her or anyone else for that matter.but this is just as bad and just as judgmental as her comments.have your opinion but this just makes u look spiteful.

I have to agree here. It isn't fair to gang up on someone this way and bring up old threads and talk about someone this way. I am outraged at some of the comments by Mom and TTC, however, I am about as troubled by some of the comments against her. This whole thread is borderline abuse. No one is going to convince anyone of anything here, I think it best if everyone just leaves it alone. OP, you shouldn't feel bad. You have to figure out what you are comfortable with, and in no way am I afraid you will ever abuse your child. Not much else really needs to be said about the issue.

 

[hakunamatata]

Curious how much name calling will take place before the thread gets shut down...

 

[fidgets mammy]

bloody hell just read through most of this then had to skip to end.
im shocked at the way some of you are treating each other over this, and i have to say this is not the first poat ive come across in the 2nd tri that has turned nasty.

no parent is the same, i personally dont agree with smacking, i never have and hope to god will never have to. both personally and professionally i think there are better methods to disipline yr child, children especially young do not understand why they are being hit and it usually just leaves everyone involved very upset so therefore served no purpose. as parents we have to show we are the ones in control and if that means leaving the room til u calm down then so be it. i have witnessed many children being smacked across the bum or legs and it has reduced me to tears. i do however think that in a frightening situation such as the medicine or running on to a road i think yr instincts and shock kick in and you dont think fast enough to realise that youve smacked and at the time it has seemed the only thing to stop them as fear takes over. that i cant disagree with as their safety is paramount at that moment in time and no one knows how they would react until in this situation.
i do think smacking is a growing concern when parents freely use it as their method of discipline without trying other things first.

i hope i havent offended anyone here.

 

[youngwife20]

Children will NOT be traumatised from a handful of smacked bottoms, they would be traumatised from being punched in the face, kicked in the stomach, starved etc etc.....ABUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This kind of bothered me alittle.

I wasnt punched in the face or kicked in the stomach or starved. But i was still abused phisicaly and emotionaly by my dad . there are different levels of physical abuse and it isnt always this obvious.

Just wanted to clear that up xx

thank you it kinda bothers me too, like you i wasnt hit in the face or kicked in the stomach or starved, my mom didnt stand up for me ever and would let the men of her life do as they pleased, I was in first grade and my step dad at the time would make me watch americas most wanted and tease me saying those men would get me knowing that i was afraid, made me sleep on hard tile floor in a sleeping bag beside the front door and bathroom door because i peed the bed, if they would have taken me to the dentist like they should have they would have found out the reason i wet the bed was due to my upper jaw was not wide enough and I needed an expander, I found this out after i moved out and got myself braces at the age of 19, the orthodontist told me it was a medical condition that causes headachs, earachs and wetting the bed in younge kids. He also made me lie about something I didnt do and because of it made me drink a cup of hot sause mixed with everything spicy we had in the spice cabinet along with castor oil, he said he wanted it to hurn me when i went to the bathroom and know what hell was like for lieing. and my mom just stood there and watched him do it and never said a word. and another time with a different step dad me and my sister told her he was molesting us and she made my sister watch me get beat with a wooden paddle till I had black and green bruses all over my butt I couldnt sit for 2 weeksmy mom said it would make her think twice before getting me to say something that wasnt true, I did fight her half way through just to turn around and tell her that what she was doing wasnt right i got beat harder, I still remember the anger in her eyes and i hate it, she said that she could never be happy didnt belive us, and didnt file reports on him until she was ready to divores him two year later, that being said the court didnt do anything they thought she was just trying to get back at him for something and me and my sister had to suffer. the list goes on of things that happend when i was a kid that was abusive whether it sounds like it or not thants why I think its scarry to be a parent and i take it one day at a time, its scarry to know that if you do one wrong thing in parenting that you could mess your childs whole life, but i wish people wouldnt be so quick to judge that only certain things in a specific catagory is child abuse, it comes in all shapes and forms and really can damage.

aww hunni I am so sorry for what you experianced everything you experianced was abuse!! and are as bad if not as worse as the obvouis things people class as abuse people do need to be aware that you dont have to have bruises from it to be classed as abuse.

i bet you are a wonderful parent and you havent let your experiance effect how you parent ( apart from in a positive way you are doing great) xx

 

[youngwife20]

I don't think you can come on here and say all spanking is illegal. we are all from diffrent areas of the world and I can strongly say, spanking isn't illegal where I am.

ok thats fair i should have stated the UK

It is NOT illegal to smack your child in the UK

quote taken from citizens advice bearuro

Punishment

Parents

As a parent, you have a legal right to smack your child. However, if the violence you use is severe enough to leave a mark, for example a scratch or a bruise, you can be prosecuted for assault, or the child can be taken into local authority care

Hi do you not think some people take advantage of this? Just because no bruises are left means its not abuse? again I never had any visible bruises because i dont bruise easy but boy oh boy did the abuse i recieve hurt. but never did it leave a perminenet mark or bruise which ment knowone knew about it. so i dont really think that just coz a bruise isnt left then it should be legal.

( By the way i am not talking about this little tapping being abuse. im just disecting that spesific quote of whats legal and what isnt by not having bruises etc xx

 

[feeble]

I just wish I could give a number of women on this thread a bloody big hug and a cuppa x