Have u or do u spank your child? Non judgmental thread

[daydreaming22]

i am not accusing, that is my opinion which i am entitled too, and no if there is a mom on here who is proud of spanking her child then i can say my opinion.
yes in case of the OP it might have been an accident because of being scared.

i was hit, my head was beat on the floor and body dragged... and it starte with a spank. ... you are so much stronger. i call it abuse. because in my eyes it is. where do you cut the line, in my opinion before you raise your hand!

Do you think everyone's situation and outcome will be the same as yours? "head was beat on the floor and body dragged" IS ABUSE! A light tap on the rear is NOT ABUSE. Just because your dad was angry and abusive does not mean that all parents who "spank" are. Yes you are entitled to your opinion, but fact is fact...abuse is illegal, spanking is not.

She never called anyone dense for having a different opinion.

I am noticing a pattern here. Do people who think it's ok spank also seem to think it's ok to call people names, bully, and single people out?

She just shared a traumatic and heart-breaking event in her life, and you are attacking her and calling her dense.

No you're right, she called them abusive! I replied with utter shock at her previous statements and quickly realized that dense was not appropriate. It was removed before you could even reply to my post. If anyone is singling anyone out, it would have been mom ttc by responding to individuals who say they spank by telling them that it is abuse. My post was not an attack, Im simply saying that there is a difference and you cannot always apply your experiences to others' parenting techniques.

 

[mom and ttc]

i was not attacking one person, i think everyone who spanks abuses their children. and that is what i think! and i stand by it... what do you guys want... pitty for you hurting your children???

 

[overcomer79]

I'm sorry ..I just don't consider spanking my child on the bottom (no one can hear it...yes I have that control) so I highly doubt he is hurt...he is probably more hurt by the disappointment in my voice and being sent to his room. He gets lots of warnings and sometimes "time out" doesn't even stop him so what do you do??? You let him do something to hurt himself or hurt someone else? Or you give him a shock factor?? I choose the later because then if he gets hurt...I'm investigated for being a neglectful parent while sitting in the ER sounded by detectives...or I give him a quick swap and send him up to his room so he is out of the way of danger and once WE BOTH have calmed down...we talk...That seems more effective in the dangerous situations...

But I guess those that view that as child abuse have all the rights.

Pinkie I know you feel bad but honestly I can't say that I would reacted different.

I would have given him his swat, stern voice and up to his room then talk after calm. No one has all the right answers when it comes to OTHER people's children....

 

[overcomer79]

i was not attacking one person, i think everyone who spanks abuses their children. and that is what i think! and i stand by it... what do you guys want... pitty for you hurting your children???

OK!!! Miss perfect what are the RIGHT answers and where is this fool proof parenting book that you wrote? Just wondering...I am no freaking child abuser for swatting my son on the bottom!!!!

 

[AllyTiel]

My husband and I will for sure spank our children when they talk back/disobey blatantly etc. We both grew up in Christian homes and were spanked as punishment. It was done out of love, not out of anger, and none of us are worse for the wear. Our parents would explain what we had done wrong and why were were getting a spanking. Then after we would get a hug and love. And oh my gosh, I would never think of hitting my parents back! Or thinking it was okay to go hit anyone!! That is so far from child abuse. Spankings hurt a tad, but good grief, its not like they beat us or anything! Good incentive to obey and respect! Worked great when we grew up, and we believe thats the Biblical way to do it. I love my parents for doing the right thing and not letting me be a total brat. There are consequences for wrong actions you chose. Not everything can be taught with positive reinforcement in my opinion. In the real world when your children are grown, they are going to see bad consequences for bad choices, might as well prepare them for the idea now!
There is definately a wrong way to spank, and that is when you are angry and out of control. You can't do it with that attitude. Got to cool down first and if you can't, wait til the other parent gets home and have them discipline the child.
That's how we were raised, worked great, and that's how we will discipline our children.

 

[hakunamatata]

Been reading this thread, it's really on fire.

Growing up, my mom was more of a screamer than a hitter (though she did hit quite a bit too, and even smacked me across the face for a supposed slight when I was 25 years old!!!) I still deal with anger and resentment to this day.

This is a heated topic because even when we swat a kid on the bottom, most likely we aren't doing it as a logical, calm, disciplinary action. Whenever I was on the receiving end of a swat, it was due to unrestrained irritation and lack of control.

I think it's something we all have to think about very, very seriously, as it has a huge impact on our kids.

To be perfectly honest, I'm not at all sure if I wouldn't give a swat on the bottom if I found my toddler doing something dangerous to herself or to a sibling. In my own experience, being screamed at can be far more damaging. It's something I really need to research so that I discipline my daughter properly.

 

[Dk1234]

i was not attacking one person, i think everyone who spanks abuses their children. and that is what i think! and i stand by it... what do you guys want... pitty for you hurting your children???

Wow

 

[AllyTiel]

i was not attacking one person, i think everyone who spanks abuses their children. and that is what i think! and i stand by it... what do you guys want... pitty for you hurting your children???

You may have a different opinion, but that is really harsh to say that anyone who spanks is abusing their child...
You can read my post above to see my experience with it, and it was no where near abuse in my life or in my hubbys.
Yes some parents hit their children out of anger, and that is SO wrong,
BUT: there is a loving way to spank your children if you chose to discipline that way, like I do. You just probably experienced it the wrong way in your life, and I'm sorry if that's the case.

 

[overcomer79]

The problem with screaming is you say things you can't take back. I was called a "worthless piece of shit" during discipline while growing up...I would have taking the swats on my bottom and sent up to my room then have my dad explain to me rather then be name called and showed no love after..

 

[mom and ttc]

i was not attacking one person, i think everyone who spanks abuses their children. and that is what i think! and i stand by it... what do you guys want... pitty for you hurting your children???

OK!!! Miss perfect what are the RIGHT answers and where is this fool proof parenting book that you wrote? Just wondering...I am no freaking child abuser for swatting my son on the bottom!!!!

no i am far from perfect. but make a smart decision not to hit my kid!

 

[overcomer79]

I think how we choose to discipline our child is molded by how we were treated growing up. Discipline should be left to the person in charge of the child at the time. My child will learn to respect their authority figures but he also knows we love him and he loves us very much.

I don't think I'm doing such a bad job seeing as he is fed and well loved and has manners that are absolutely wonderful!

I will never dream of telling him how worthless he is...that is for sure.

 

[Randianne]

i was not attacking one person, i think everyone who spanks abuses their children. and that is what i think! and i stand by it... what do you guys want... pitty for you hurting your children???

I believe all we want is the calm and rational discussion the OP called for instead of resorting to calling other mothers names like 'child abusers'. I can throw out angry buzzwords too, but I'm more interested in reading a logical synopsis of why you feel spanking is wrong instead of a soapbox rant.

 

[Pinkie88]

i was not attacking one person, i think everyone who spanks abuses their children. and that is what i think! and i stand by it... what do you guys want... pitty for you hurting your children???

OK!!! Miss perfect what are the RIGHT answers and where is this fool proof parenting book that you wrote? Just wondering...I am no freaking child abuser for swatting my son on the bottom!!!!

no i am far from perfect. but make a smart decision not to hit my kid!

So you do realize youre coming off as self righteous? Curious, do you think anyone who has admitted to occasionally spanking shouldn't have children? You sound very extreme.

 

[Dk1234]

The title of this thread is nonjudgemental thread. Calling people abusers is not only judgemental, it is t helpful.

 

[Pinkie88]

And if someone is abusing their children, they need to have them taken away and probably need help and counseling because they were probably abused. But we aren't all child abusers here just because we have spanked. How harsh can you get?? Geez. People are going to put their walls up and get defensive if you call them such horrible things! I really feel that these mothers are good parents. How can people be so rude??

 

[overcomer79]

yes and mind you we were as the "hitters" were called the bullies and name callers...as I recall that was the first name call I saw ...

 

[mom and ttc]

And if someone is abusing their children, they need to have them taken away and probably need help and counseling because they were probably abused. But we aren't all child abusers here just because we have spanked. How harsh can you get?? Geez. People are going to put their walls up and get defensive if you call them such horrible things! I really feel that these mothers are good parents. How can people be so rude??

yes i do think people who "spank" such a nice name isnt it ... should go to counseling and be supervised

 

[Pinkie88]

I am pregnant, hormonal, emotional and very sensitive when it comes to my children. That being said, I am still trying my best to stay calm and try to understand where each person is coming from without name calling. This is a heated debate and I really hope people can really take a breath and a "time out" before they lash out and call people child abusers and other awful names.

 

[overcomer79]

And if someone is abusing their children, they need to have them taken away and probably need help and counseling because they were probably abused. But we aren't all child abusers here just because we have spanked. How harsh can you get?? Geez. People are going to put their walls up and get defensive if you call them such horrible things! I really feel that these mothers are good parents. How can people be so rude??

yes i do think people who "spank" such a nice name isnt it ... should go to counseling and be supervised

I am just wondering who the bully is here??

 

[jenmcn1]

wow -when the accusations of being a "child abuser" is thrown at people - that's when the thread needs to be shut down. It's uncalled for. Completely.
It is a topic that everyone feels intitled to defend with what they believe...but child abuse is not ok to throw around at people. So not called for.