help with parental rightsO

[purpledahlia]

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[Hannah's Mom]

Hiya Hun, my situation was slightly different as my ex wasnt really too fussed about my dd, he would rear his ugly head from time to time but nothing regular - he hasnt been in contact for about 2 and a half years i think (dd is coming up to 4) because of this i had a letter of wishes written into my will stating that if anything were to happen to me that my parents take over parental responsibility - this has recently been changed to my new partner who is the best daddy hannah could wish 4, as we are expecting another baby, and to all intents and purposes he is her daddy.
hope that helps
x x x x

 

[purpledahlia]

So it hasnt affected anything that he is on the cert? because now he wont get her anyway? that what you mean? i guess i have to just take it each day as it comes, i have no idea how genuine he is, i have till dec to work that one out.

 

[precious-gift]

hey hope you are keeping well
i had this same worry, i have to put ex husband on birth certificate and was worried that if anything happened to me he would get custody and take my child away from my family. Spoke to solicitor who said that when baby is born i need to make a will, stating that i want my parents to be legal guardians should anything happen to me, she said that if it went to court they would look at where the child was most comfortable and who has the most access, which in my case would be my parents, so staying with them would be in the best interest of my child.
was really relieved to hear that because i thought that he would be able to do as he wanted if i wasn't around.
xx

 

[purpledahlia]

hey hope you are keeping well
i had this same worry, i have to put ex husband on birth certificate and was worried that if anything happened to me he would get custody and take my child away from my family. Spoke to solicitor who said that when baby is born i need to make a will, stating that i want my parents to be legal guardians should anything happen to me, she said that if it went to court they would look at where the child was most comfortable and who has the most access, which in my case would be my parents, so staying with them would be in the best interest of my child.
was really relieved to hear that because i thought that he would be able to do as he wanted if i wasn't around.
xx

okay, i need to do that too. because my family havnt even met his family, he doesnt have a place, etc. now just gotta tell him.. :S and broach the subject of money!

 

[DizzyMoo]

Hun, Even writing a will doesn't always guarantee custody to the grandparents hun .
If he is on the birth certificate then he has 50/50 parental rights with you , But if he is not on the scene or involved then this would be taken into consideration, For eg ..he wouldn't just be able to turn up out of the blue & get custody.
Your child would most likely go to your parents first then the court would decide what is in the childs best interests but the fathers involvement prior would be included, If he's not been nowhere near they wouldn't just give child to him, He would start off with access etc then he would have to apply to courts again down the line. Your parents would then have to apply to the court to have parental rights/ guardian rights over your child.

If i'm being perfectly honest whether or not he is being good with you from now until around the time of birth is not enough in my eyes, My sons dad is not on the birth cert for many reasons & now i'm glad it was the best decision ever made! I have 100% rights & say over my son, he was originally involved but in & out of his life, Then he would cause hassle with me & threaten to get custody, & now his dad is nowhere around, hasn't been arsed about him. Bumps dad has already denied baby is his & has completely stopped contact so he wont be on birth cert either, He'll be crawling back to get into bumps life when he's born things will be so diff he wont know whats hit him lol

Do not let your parents force you or push you into anything hun , This has to be entirely your decision. Whether or not they have bought anything

With regards to him seeing baby over xmas then he would have to stay in a b&b if he really wanted to see baby, If he can't afford it then there is nothing else you can do. I personally would not want him staying with me, & i do think your parents are right to refuse him there . So tell him to either find a b&b or is it possible you can go to his for 2 days or something?

Think about the birth certificate thing carefully hun, & remember it your decision nobody elses.

 

[purpledahlia]

well no, cos im due around xmas and he lives in london and i will be living in central scotland. plus its over a hundred quid for me just to get to london nevermind hotels or food or other transport etc. so me coming here not an option.

i would imagine he wud want to be around mine for the birth, just so happens its around xmas. bit annoying,

i duno what to do about birth cert, i need to ask him what he is thinking but i dont wanna start an argument by bringing it up know what i mean?

 

[precious-gift]

dizzy is right, grandparents don't automatically get custody, it would go to court if he wanted custody, but it is best to have your wishes known and make sure you get a will drawn up when LO is here.
i have found it hard broaching any subject about baby with my ex, never get a straight answer regarding money or access, goes from wanting to be a doting dad to wanting no involvement, so im going to leave the ball in his court, i believe he is the one who should make the effort, guess just have to see when LO is here.
the birth cert is entirely your decision, unfortunately i don't have that option, as we are married, don't let anyone force you into anything, this is your child, and you can only do what you believe is in their best interest.
my parents will not let ex into their house at all (this is where i am living atm), and im not going to go out of my way to make it easy for him, he has treated us appalingly the last couple of months, again im just taking it a day at a time and wait and see what happens, but then im due in two weeks so don't have long to wait!
hope your ex really does want to be there for his LO and you can have an amicable agreement
xx

 

[edinsam]

Hun

gosh it's a hard one

my lawyer is fighting hard for his name not on certificate. Basically he this lawyer of mines (who has won family lawyer of te year in the uk for the last 5 years) says it's irrelevant your will. If he's on the certificate he has total rights. Be very very very careful. I'm not putting mines on but now going through the fight of him not responding as to whether or not he wants to see his daughter when born or not.

Everyone deserves a second chance in
life yes but please be careful Hun and remember although it's all nice at the moment never forget what happened a few months ago. I've learned a major thing thus year and that's we need to keep our wits about us after what they put us through.

Keep us posted.

Xxx

 

[purpledahlia]

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[edinsam]

Good luck tonight Hun. One thing though. You won't have time to get a DNA before u have to register the birth so bear that in mind gorge

let us know how you get on tonight

thinking of you

xxxx

 

[purpledahlia]

well ive not heard from him. im not calling him, take it he is not coming,

 

[dali]

hmm my sister was told by a solicitor that being on the birth certificate gave him equal parental responsibility but not equal rights... and that she had nothing to worry about ( she lived with my parents while sh was pg and upto baby was 1. this was 2 and a half years ago , so maybe the laws have changed or something. i would definatly make a will stating your wishes atleast. and maybe in the near future talk to a solicitor briefly just to check where you stand good luck with baby

 

[edinsam]

I can't believe you didn't hear from him. Aaasrggh makes me rage

 

[purpledahlia]

hes a coward, 3rd time he's do0ne this

 

[edinsam]

purple - write him off hun. I can only imagine what this is doing to you - seriously! I know how you felt about him and I know how you feel about wanting his involvement but this is beyond a bloody joke... Rise above it and dont let him see that you are bothered

Massive hugs

When you up in Scotland now?

 

[purpledahlia]

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[edinsam]

aw hun you are taking the right stand - enough is enough

be sure to give me a shout if you want a catch up when you up in Scotland

take care

xxxx

 

[precious-gift]

was really hoping for you that he had changed x

 

[purpledahlia]

Well i am not gonna text him, im gonna wait and see how long it takes for him to get in touch. And ill say to hm then u know what, i waited in on monday and u didnt text or show up. its pretty rude, u let US down me and ur baby. i had some important issues to discuss but now were gonna have to talk about them on msn. ARGH,