Home Birthers & Hopefuls!

[Celesse]

Apparently if it's very busy when I'm in labour I "will have to go in". Crap crap crap. How many women are fed this line?? On the day they'll just be told, "we're staying home and we expect someone to be here" but it still worries me.

Yup I got this too. In fact when I was discussing next time at my discharge my midwife told me that I can make an informed decision to stay at home against medical advise and have a VBAC and will get a midwife, but that it there are no community midwives available its tough and I will have NO CHOICE but to go in. There just would not be anyone to physically attend!!

 

[Celesse]

I just want to say the BnB HB blinkies can be used by our girls who maybe didnt get their HBs but have have their LOs - like Manda who I'd still class as a HB Hopeful iykwim....I hope you dont mind me using you as an example Manda It was your siggie about it being a state of mind (which I love!) that prompted me x

I think most of us managed a home labour, if not quite managing to get baby out at home.

 

[nikki-lou25]

Apparently if it's very busy when I'm in labour I "will have to go in". Crap crap crap. How many women are fed this line?? On the day they'll just be told, "we're staying home and we expect someone to be here" but it still worries me.

Yup I got this too. In fact when I was discussing next time at my discharge my midwife told me that I can make an informed decision to stay at home against medical advise and have a VBAC and will get a midwife, but that it there are no community midwives available its tough and I will have NO CHOICE but to go in. There just would not be anyone to physically attend!!

That makes me so sad/angry. It seems so very unfair!

 

[nikki-lou25]

My appt with the senior MW yesterday was not great. She did give lots of good advice and information and some of it was reassuring/useful.... but some of it was just plain BS!

Apparently you can't have candles AT ALL because of the gas and air being in the HOUSE (not just being used). What crap! How hard is it to leave the cannisters in the car until/unless they are NEEDED?!

Apparently I need a "liner" for the pool, which I thought was just a waste of money if I'm sterilising it anyway.... and then it has to be used on the day brand new, so if it doesn't fit properly, you're screwed. Still debating whether to get one just to keep them happy.

Apparently if it's very busy when I'm in labour I "will have to go in". Crap crap crap. How many women are fed this line?? On the day they'll just be told, "we're staying home and we expect someone to be here" but it still worries me.

Another good one: "We'll LET you (ha) dilate at half a cm per hour, if you go slower than that you have to go to hospital..." F*** that! No internals for me!

My favourite? "You have to understand that the midwife's decision is paramount." What happened to bodily autonomy??? WHO is going through labour and birth here? Whose body is it anyway? Surely they can ADVISE me and MY decision is paramount?!

The worst part is I *SIGNED* something. I was reading it as she was going through it, but straight after I thought, I should have taken that out of her hands and read it *properly* before I put my name on it. How stupid can I be?! Just what have I agreed to or signed away? F*** times ten thousand. Starting to think Sod it I'll just go to effing hospital like they obviously WANT me to. Bloody gits. Bullies. I hate them. I am not of a mind to let any of them TOUCH me while I'm in labour, wherever I am! How am I supposed to trust any of them after being fed a pack of lies? If they tell me I need to transfer, how am I supposed to trust that I really do need to go, and it's not them being over-cautious, or just plain LYING again??

Couldn't sleep last night at all, I even bawled my eyes out at one point which is NOT like me. OH tried to tell me it would be OK, where we were didn't matter that much, the important thing is to get Peanut out isn't it? Do I even have to say how much worse that made me feel, and worse still because he thought he was being nice and supportive and saying the right things.

I swear, I am never having kids again unless I save up beforehand and hire an independant midwife. This system SUCKS!!!!!

Sorry to put a dampener on the thread. I am so so so so pissy and mad right now and when I run out of energy being mad I just bawl and feel miserable and then I go back to being mad again. Just over a week ago I was SO bl**dy excited about having this baby and now I'm dreading it..... dreading being lied to, bullied, coerced, talked over and probably butchered.... all over again. I just want the farce to be over with, wherever it happens.

Oh my gosh honey!! I just read the whole post (I tend to read backwards, end of topic to where I last read)
I am so sorry you're having to deal with all these arsey rules. You've not put a dampner on the thread hun, we're here to support each other
It's your body, your baby and your birth - stick to your guns!
My old midwife told me pretty much the same about her decision being paramount...she actually said "my decision is final" Er, NO it is NOT!
As for "letting you" dilate 1cm per hour - BULLSH*T!!! You are not a text book - I'd refuse internals too if I was in your position.
If I couldn't have the midwife who finally delivered Aimee, I was planning on saving for independant - because you are right...it does suck in some places. Some midwives just aren't in the right job in my opinion.
My heart really goes out to you, you don't need this rubbish so late in the day! I'm sure that everything will be fine hun - just lay down the law

 

[urbanbumpkin]

Hello all! Unfortunately no natural, water, home birth here, but a baby nonetheless: Murdo Fraser, 8lb 6 and 57cm long.

In simple terms 'meconium staining sucks' but 'hypnobirthing rocks'.

I'll do my full birth story in the announcements section at some point when I have access to more than my mobile but I ended up in hospital with an'intervention cascade'. I laboured at home until the midwife came out when the contractions were every 3 mins and I was 6cm dilated at that point with only hip wiggling, hypno breathing and sitting on the loo to aid me. She wasn't happy at all with the heavy level of meconium staining of my waters and strongly advised transfer. As I was so far along, and because they had been so great as a team all along I took her advice and went in.

After that the level of monitoring did for me, I was on a continuous monitor which only worked if I was stood up or perched on the edge of the bed (or laid down - but no way was I doing that) and gave me a range to 2ft square. If I bent forward or sat on a ball it would lose the trace. Baby was back to back so obviously this wasn't ideal for moving him.

My dilation went backwards to around 5cm and my contractions dissappeared. I got advised to go on the synto drip which I resisted for a while knowing it would make the contractions more intense and that with limited movement I didn't have many ways of dealing with that. But the hypnobirthing was brilliant, in the end I got to contracting every minute fully dilated, except for a small anterior lip, on the synto drip, with a limited range of movement and an OP baby on nothing more than humming and breathing! I half heard the midwife ask MrUrban if I normally had an exceptionally high pain threshold, and later say to him "this is not what a women at 9cm normally looks like" as I stood there humming and breathing. She asked loads of questions about it and is now thinking about training in it.

At this point though although he had half turned his head was still highish and he wasn't putting enough pressure on that last bit of cervix to get rid of it. So in the end the consultant advised c-section. He said we could leave it longer but that he wasn't convinced that it would get us anywhere but more tired. So we went with it. Thinking about it now I wish I had ripped the monitors off at that point and got down on all fours to move that baby round! But hindsight is a wonderful thing at the time the section seemed like the unfortunate but right decision.

The team were all very respectful of my birth plan, and were very good on using quiet voices, leaving us to discuss things, and not distracting me when I was 'in the zone' with my breathing. And I got almost immediate skin to skin and plenty of it. Murdo crawled to the breast but has been a bitreluctant since, prefering to sleep or suck his fist! But ultimately the experience was very medical. But I feel quite zen about it, I think the hypnobirthing has helped there too. I would highly reccommend it.

Wow, that was longer than I meant it to be!

Tell me if it is too negative to have all that on this thread, I really wouldn't mind deleting it, and finding somewhere else to put it if people wanted me to, so do just say. I wouldn't want it to put anyone on a downer.

 

[gina8177]

I am so sorry to hear that they are giving you such a hard time. They are definitely being unreasonable. I can't stand when people put "time limits" on dilation... I know that Eternal Rose had some issues and she fought them, maybe you can read back to her posts and find out what the process was. (I'm not from the UK so I'm not so useful).

Remember that it is your body and as long as you and baby are healthy, you should be able to give birth where you choose!!!

 

[gina8177]

Congratulations Urban!!! I am so happy to hear that your little guy has arrived safe and sound!

Your birth story is not negative, it is your birth story and we would never ask you to remove it! I'm sorry you didn't get your home birth, but I am so happy to hear that your hypnobirthing helped you throughout labour.

There was a recent case here where a doula advised a mom not to contact her midwife due to meconium until right before birth so that she could still have her home birth and now the baby is very very sick. You did the right thing by putting your little one's health first.

 

[nikki-lou25]

Congratulations Urban!!!
You may not have got your homebirth but you did so well and Murdo got here safe and sound! Well Done!

I agree with your birth story staying here!! It's not negative at all

Wishing a fast recovery from the csection

 

[Mervs Mum]

It's not negative at all! Well done!! I cant believe you got all the way to almost fully dilated only to be sectioned It's very similar to what happened with me right at the end with Hebe but they let me push from 9cm with the lip there and she turned at the last minute. Soooo good to hear your hypnobirthing worked well too!

Congrats honey

 

[urbanbumpkin]

I cant believe you got all the way to almost fully dilated only to be sectioned

I know! I think that was mostly down to a shift change, I ended up with a different consultant and midwife - someone with new eyes looking at the notes not the people who had seen me labouring. Which is another reason home birth is such a good option, you are likely to get much more individual attention during labour I think.

But Murdo is lovely, soooooo laid back. Once we get back home (tomorrow I hope) and have the feeding cracked it will be great.

Thanks for the congratulations all.

He was born on Monday night by the way, can't remember if I said that and can't scroll effectively on my tiny screen.

 

[special_kala]

I'd really love a homebirth. Do i bring it up at my booking in appointment? I can imagine my MW being a right cow about it though

 

[Mervs Mum]

Urban - he's most likely to be so laid back because of your birth experience and approach - sounds really calm even if the outcome wasnt as you'd hoped. Another fine example of HB being more than a location - definitely a state of mind

 

[Mervs Mum]

Hi Special Kala :wave: Why do you think she'd be a cow? You can mention it from the get go or wait to see how things pan put if you think they wont be supportive. If you think they will e negative, it might be an idea to wait a while so they cant 'create' reasons to talk you out of it

 

[gina8177]

I'd really love a homebirth. Do i bring it up at my booking in appointment? I can imagine my MW being a right cow about it though

I've mentioned at a few appts that I would like a home birth and my MW is pro home birth. But we don't really discuss it in detail until my 36 week appointment since here you can't have a home birth until 37 weeks.

 

[winegums]

hey can i join here? i haven't really read through the thread as it's massive but!!!! last year i had my first baby. I had hypnobirthing classes read books about hypnobirthing, natural birth, dr grantly dick reeds book you get the picture. I convinced my hospital to hand me over to the community midwives who were not very happy about my home birth! due to 'first time' and being a 'teen mum' at 19!! among other things. but i managed to persuade them!!! a week before my due date they discovered my baby was breech. oh well i said i still want to carry on. i had bought my birth pool i had gotten everything ready, i was SO excited. But no.. I got the option of plan a HOSPITAL birth with lots of drugs and intervention tons of people as well as the threat that my babys body would come out and his head would get stuck and he would suffocate and die hanging out of my body........ thank you nhs midwives!! or pay an extortionate amount of money for an independant midwife who would be prepared to help me do it MY way.
Eventually all the horror stories, dead baby stories, greif counselling for it being my fault my baby could die for not having a c section etc... well it got to me and i gave in and had a c section. i have regretted it ever since! some people think they are not that bad but it was honestly the WORST thing i can think of that has happened to me in a long time.
in terms of pain and also in terms of not being able to move for a couple of days, my baby laying there crying i was in too much pain to even reach out and pick him up from his little plastic cot by the bed. :'( i was cuddling him with me and they kept coming over and putting him back in his plastic cot thing saying i might fall asleep and roll on him and kill him etc
so that is my VERY long rant about the midwives i was 'cared for' by. There's a whole lot more b*tchin i could do but i will stop now! lol
ANYWAY i am pregnant with my second baby and guess what.......... 'ohhh well you have to have a c section now cos you've already had one' ERRRR NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not happening.

 

[madasa]

Hello all! Unfortunately no natural, water, home birth here, but a baby nonetheless: Murdo Fraser, 8lb 6 and 57cm long.

In simple terms 'meconium staining sucks' but 'hypnobirthing rocks'.

I'll do my full birth story in the announcements section at some point when I have access to more than my mobile but I ended up in hospital with an'intervention cascade'. I laboured at home until the midwife came out when the contractions were every 3 mins and I was 6cm dilated at that point with only hip wiggling, hypno breathing and sitting on the loo to aid me. She wasn't happy at all with the heavy level of meconium staining of my waters and strongly advised transfer. As I was so far along, and because they had been so great as a team all along I took her advice and went in.

After that the level of monitoring did for me, I was on a continuous monitor which only worked if I was stood up or perched on the edge of the bed (or laid down - but no way was I doing that) and gave me a range to 2ft square. If I bent forward or sat on a ball it would lose the trace. Baby was back to back so obviously this wasn't ideal for moving him.

My dilation went backwards to around 5cm and my contractions dissappeared. I got advised to go on the synto drip which I resisted for a while knowing it would make the contractions more intense and that with limited movement I didn't have many ways of dealing with that. But the hypnobirthing was brilliant, in the end I got to contracting every minute fully dilated, except for a small anterior lip, on the synto drip, with a limited range of movement and an OP baby on nothing more than humming and breathing! I half heard the midwife ask MrUrban if I normally had an exceptionally high pain threshold, and later say to him "this is not what a women at 9cm normally looks like" as I stood there humming and breathing. She asked loads of questions about it and is now thinking about training in it.

At this point though although he had half turned his head was still highish and he wasn't putting enough pressure on that last bit of cervix to get rid of it. So in the end the consultant advised c-section. He said we could leave it longer but that he wasn't convinced that it would get us anywhere but more tired. So we went with it. Thinking about it now I wish I had ripped the monitors off at that point and got down on all fours to move that baby round! But hindsight is a wonderful thing at the time the section seemed like the unfortunate but right decision.

The team were all very respectful of my birth plan, and were very good on using quiet voices, leaving us to discuss things, and not distracting me when I was 'in the zone' with my breathing. And I got almost immediate skin to skin and plenty of it. Murdo crawled to the breast but has been a bitreluctant since, prefering to sleep or suck his fist! But ultimately the experience was very medical. But I feel quite zen about it, I think the hypnobirthing has helped there too. I would highly reccommend it.

Wow, that was longer than I meant it to be!

Tell me if it is too negative to have all that on this thread, I really wouldn't mind deleting it, and finding somewhere else to put it if people wanted me to, so do just say. I wouldn't want it to put anyone on a downer.

I don't think that is negative at all, sucks about the intervention but sounds like you did really great.... I envy you! If I get coerced into a transfer (likely, dammit) I hope I cope even half so well!

And as a bonus, you've probably converted a professional and opened their eyes to the fact that birth isn't, under normal circumstances, a screaming, wailing, agonisingly painful emergency "even" at 9cm!

Congrats on your new arrival

 

[madasa]

My appt with the senior MW yesterday was not great. She did give lots of good advice and information and some of it was reassuring/useful.... but some of it was just plain BS!

Apparently you can't have candles AT ALL because of the gas and air being in the HOUSE (not just being used). What crap! How hard is it to leave the cannisters in the car until/unless they are NEEDED?!

Apparently I need a "liner" for the pool, which I thought was just a waste of money if I'm sterilising it anyway.... and then it has to be used on the day brand new, so if it doesn't fit properly, you're screwed. Still debating whether to get one just to keep them happy.

Apparently if it's very busy when I'm in labour I "will have to go in". Crap crap crap. How many women are fed this line?? On the day they'll just be told, "we're staying home and we expect someone to be here" but it still worries me.

Another good one: "We'll LET you (ha) dilate at half a cm per hour, if you go slower than that you have to go to hospital..." F*** that! No internals for me!

My favourite? "You have to understand that the midwife's decision is paramount." What happened to bodily autonomy??? WHO is going through labour and birth here? Whose body is it anyway? Surely they can ADVISE me and MY decision is paramount?!

The worst part is I *SIGNED* something. I was reading it as she was going through it, but straight after I thought, I should have taken that out of her hands and read it *properly* before I put my name on it. How stupid can I be?! Just what have I agreed to or signed away? F*** times ten thousand. Starting to think Sod it I'll just go to effing hospital like they obviously WANT me to. Bloody gits. Bullies. I hate them. I am not of a mind to let any of them TOUCH me while I'm in labour, wherever I am! How am I supposed to trust any of them after being fed a pack of lies? If they tell me I need to transfer, how am I supposed to trust that I really do need to go, and it's not them being over-cautious, or just plain LYING again??

Couldn't sleep last night at all, I even bawled my eyes out at one point which is NOT like me. OH tried to tell me it would be OK, where we were didn't matter that much, the important thing is to get Peanut out isn't it? Do I even have to say how much worse that made me feel, and worse still because he thought he was being nice and supportive and saying the right things.

I swear, I am never having kids again unless I save up beforehand and hire an independant midwife. This system SUCKS!!!!!

Sorry to put a dampener on the thread. I am so so so so pissy and mad right now and when I run out of energy being mad I just bawl and feel miserable and then I go back to being mad again. Just over a week ago I was SO bl**dy excited about having this baby and now I'm dreading it..... dreading being lied to, bullied, coerced, talked over and probably butchered.... all over again. I just want the farce to be over with, wherever it happens.

Oh my gosh honey!! I just read the whole post (I tend to read backwards, end of topic to where I last read)
I am so sorry you're having to deal with all these arsey rules. You've not put a dampner on the thread hun, we're here to support each other
It's your body, your baby and your birth - stick to your guns!
My old midwife told me pretty much the same about her decision being paramount...she actually said "my decision is final" Er, NO it is NOT!
As for "letting you" dilate 1cm per hour - BULLSH*T!!! You are not a text book - I'd refuse internals too if I was in your position.
If I couldn't have the midwife who finally delivered Aimee, I was planning on saving for independant - because you are right...it does suck in some places. Some midwives just aren't in the right job in my opinion.
My heart really goes out to you, you don't need this rubbish so late in the day! I'm sure that everything will be fine hun - just lay down the law

Thanks. You;re all completely great. I feel so much better for ranting.

I don't like that they are so negative, but I do understand that they have to cover the a$$es and tell me the risks, even when the risks are small. So I understand that completely. But when the info is incomplete and exaggerated, designed to scare me into going into hospital, when they are just plain NITPICKY (eg, about the candles, I mean FFS.... I know of lots of ladies who used candles and if they are THAT bothered, why not just LEAVE the G&A in the car they come in???? is it really that hard?!)

FTR, I was gunna refuse internals anyway I know that labour can stall if you get in the water "too early"... but you know what, if that happens... I'll just effing well get out! Maybe the MWs round here have a common sense bypass on the NHS when they get the job? Who knows.

It's so STUPID to put a time limit on labour.... Some women have long labours and that;s normal. Surely the progress has to be considered WITH other factors, but oh no, that would require "common sense" wouldn't it.... Sheesh. So if they want to transfer me just for that, I'd refuse.

I wish I could lay down the law. There are a few things stopping me. I am not a confrontational person by nature so I instinctively don't want to rock the boat. Add to that the fact that I am quite aware these people will be caring for me when I am in labour and vulnerable, so I kkinda don't want to piss em off iykwim. Mainly.... they haven't ACTUALLY refused me my home/waterbirth - YET. I think the refusals and the pressure and coercion will happen when I'm IN labour, less able to stand up for myself.... and altho I know DH will stand up for me up to a point, he loves me. If they scare him with some bullsh*t, he's going to cave eventually. He's only human. So instead of looking forward to my big day with excitement, I'm dreading it. Balls balls balls. I just wish it were over already.

 

[madasa]

I am so sorry to hear that they are giving you such a hard time. They are definitely being unreasonable. I can't stand when people put "time limits" on dilation... I know that Eternal Rose had some issues and she fought them, maybe you can read back to her posts and find out what the process was. (I'm not from the UK so I'm not so useful).

Remember that it is your body and as long as you and baby are healthy, you should be able to give birth where you choose!!!

I read the whole thread when I joined! It took ages! I rmbr the saga ER had with her HCPs.... she had it soooo much worse than me. So if she didn't cave, I ain't gunna either. Most of the law laying will happen on the day I am sure.... I am going to tweak my birth plan and show it to my MW at my next appt. I wasn;t going to bother, but now I think I need to!

 

[wannabubba#4]

Many congrats urbanbumpkin on the birth of Murdo, well done. I know you must be disappointed about the actual delivery but you done what was best for Murdo and you at the time, and up until that point the labouring sounded perfect. Hope he is feeding a bit better and that you get home soon. Also, hope you are recovering well from your c-section xxx

Welcome winegums and special_kala - hope you both find this thread as supportive and informative as I have. Special_kala -I never mentioned homebirthing to my mw until week 28 -when, other than having spd, I was having a text book pregnancy so she couldn't immediately give me any reasons not too haha -although she did try to use the spd as a reason not to, but I was prepared for that lol . I have however been told that as there is already one woman booked in for confinement that same week; if she goes into labour first then I wont be able to deliver at home due to staff shortages lol . To this I just smiled and nodded, but have every intention of phoning in labour with the 'I am in labour and expect a mw to attend' speech.

madasa- sorry you had such a crappy mw visit. What a load of BS really!!!!! I would just smile and nod and once you are in labour, and they are in your house, your domain then let them try and tell you what you CAN and CAN'T do- Yes, please give me all the facts, advise away to your hearts content but dont tell me what we are allowed to do, especially in our own homes. Safety obviously comes first , and no mother is going to put her unborn child at risk but scare tactics like this are just unfair and unjustified.

Gina -did you get your pool ? I had mine delivered today - haven't had a chance to get it out the box yet but yay!!! So excited it's here.

Hope all ladies, babies and bumps are well xx

 

[Mervs Mum]

welcome winegums so sorry you feel regret about your first birth. Breech is too often seen as 'abnormal' when it really shouldnt be. Who's afraid of a little bum!! And all this crap about the baby suffocating hanging out of you!?!?!

Anyhoo....you go for you HBAC and we'll support you here all the way!!