Hubby's unrealistic expectations!

[shambaby]

Me & hubby are planning to TTC pretty soon, but I am getting really frustrated. He has got it into his head that the best month to have a baby is August (thanks for that - will be lovely to be heavily pregnant through the summer!!) and has worked out that we will need to get pregnant in November to achieve this. And apparently it's as simple as that.
He thinks I should stop taking the pill a couple of months before that, but use a barrier method in case the pill causes any problems and then we can get pregnant in November. I have tried to point out that, at 31, it can take quite some time to conceive, apparently the average is 9 months (!) and that you can't just decide when you will have your baby and that it isn't as simple as that and that i might not get pregnant at all and what does he say? It'll be OK. Plus some women are extra fertile as soon as they come off the pill and I don't want to miss out on TTC in case we miss our chance and then have to wait for months, especially considering the advice to wait was relevant when the pill contained much higher doses of hormones and there is no evidence that modern pills can be harmful to babies. The only reason to wait is for your cycle to settle down so you can get more accurate dates, but I will test if no AF and I know dating scans are accurate and offered to everyone where I live.
Sorry, really long post, but needed to rant. Worst thing is, I know his answer to any worry is always 'it will be OK' because he wants to reassure me and stop me from worrying, but he doesn't seem to get that it feels like he is dismissing my concerns which makes it worse - I have to worry for both of us. And that's not good for TTC!!!!

 

[Pyrrhic]

Oh dear lord, I know what you mean. OH thinks we will get pregnant first cycle Men!

 

[orange-sox]

Men

Honestly they all think they have super sperm!

Why on earth does he think August is the best time to have a baby? There's no such thing, though I'd probably be least inclined to have a summer baby - based on being heavily pregnant during the heat!

 

[calm]

Yes, my husband used to think too that the first time would mean baby, wish it was true!

 

[buttonnose82]

men are funny things aren't they hehe

I am prepared in my head for it to take a while for us to concieve due to my endo problems but DP thinks he has super sperm and that one sneeze and I'll be pregnant hehe, if only huh!

 

[Kess]

Ditto here. OH thinks there's no rush to start trying as as soon as we decide to TTC, it'll happen and that's that. They obviously do think they all have supersperm. Must be a macho thing.

 

[shambaby]

Men

Honestly they all think they have super sperm!

Why on earth does he think August is the best time to have a baby? There's no such thing, though I'd probably be least inclined to have a summer baby - based on being heavily pregnant during the heat!

It's something to do with being the youngest in the class when they go to school, so they will learn earlier, plus when he went to college the people born in August got grants for longer!!!!!
Also, we both (and a lot of our family members) have birthdays in the couple of months either side of Christmas and he wants to avoid our baby having the same - rubbish time for birthdays, too much expense all at once etc. I think he thinks that if we are not pregnant by February we will stop TTC for a few months to avoid it happening. Hope we don't get to that point, but big shock for him if we do!

 

[Louise N]

Men! Bless their ignorance hey!!

My OH thought the same that making a baby was easy and then I sat him down in front of that documentary that was on a few months ago - the great sperm race (or somthing like that)

 

[carla15x]

Aww lol = ]

My oh thought I was going to get pregnant on the implant without a condom when I first met him = /

p.s. I love being an August baby, youngest in the class! = D

 

[EstelSeren]

It is quite sweet really!

Just spoke to my DF about it and he blames the school system. In modern sex ed all you really get told is if you don't use a condom the girl gets pregnant! You do get told about other forms of contraception but, for other health reasons, only condoms are really pushed. If all the information you got about sex is from biology lessons, as may have been the case in the past, then all you get is the scientific approach: intercourse takes places, sperm and egg meet, conception occurs, woman is pregnant and about 9 months later the baby is born.They never bother saying about difficulties that may occur when ttc- at school you shouldn't be and knowing won't help you pass your exams so you don't need to know at that point. DF says too that often men don't bother finding out anything else about conception and whatever and often don't see the point in worrying about stuff. So their knowledge is just the extreme "think about unprotected sex with a girl and she'll get pregnant" that schools advocate and what they can gather from dirty jokes! Then when you look at what they can find out from shows like Scrubs where, though admittedly Carla and Turk did have problems, Dr Cox and Jordan weren't trying and got pregnant and JD got Kim pregnant without actually having full with her, it's hardly surprising that most guys don't have a clue how difficult ttc can be until they actually experience it!!

Sorry for going on a bit!

Beca :wave:

 

[carla15x]

So how come we all know? lol
Actually If I'm honest it's only the past year I've learned all about 'it' = /
'It' being ovulation and how it's not the WHOLE time you are likely to get preggers

xx

 

[EstelSeren]

So how come we all know? lol
Actually If I'm honest it's only the past year I've learned all about 'it' = /
'It' being ovulation and how it's not the WHOLE time you are likely to get preggers

xx

Yeah, he pretty much argues that women will look stuff up, especially when we're getting broody as it's our bodies that'll be affected and he jokingly said that all men are interested in is the fun bit at the start as that's their job done!

Beca :waves:

 

[stargirl69]

My husband is exactly the same. To be honest I blame sex education. It was drummed into us all that if you have sex without using protection you will get pregnant. Even when I tell my hubby that there is only a certain amount of days you have a chance of possibly conceiving he is not convinced.

 

[Kess]

I agree it's sex ed at fault. We use the LadyComp for birth control, which basically entails not on the few days a month I'm fertile, but we can without contraception the rest of the time safely. It took ages to persuade OH this is safe, I had to show him all the studies and the pearl indexes and stuff to show him it's actually as safe as the pill, and his words? "If it's so effective why don't they teach us about it in school?" lol.

 

[Tudor Rose]

my DS was born in august. anyway my hubby has been thinking the same he seems to have forgotten it took 6 months to concieve our DD and 4 months concieve DS!!

men

 

[poppy]

Men! They do think things are as simple as that don't they! I think only about 20% of couples get pregnant in the first month TTC. Men do think that one time of unprotected sex instantly equals baby.

I suppose, if you were really keen on going for it in November, you could use opks to give yourself the best chance of conceiving.

Good luck!

xxx

 

[eclipse]

Men are funny. You could be really mean and force him to go to the doc with you and have the doc explain it REALLLLLYYY SLLLLLOOOOOWWW so he gets how conceiving a baby works otherwise, is he going to be in for a surprise!

 

[kate.m.]

Men

Honestly they all think they have super sperm!

Why on earth does he think August is the best time to have a baby? There's no such thing, though I'd probably be least inclined to have a summer baby - based on being heavily pregnant during the heat!

It's something to do with being the youngest in the class when they go to school, so they will learn earlier!

As a teacher, unfortunately i can say that your hubby is wrong on this part! They may start learning at an earlier age, but exams/reports etc all take place at the same time of year...regardless of how many months younger each child is, So by the time important stuff like exams/reports come around, all children will have had the same amount of education (12 months september to september)! In fact, it generally tends to be the children who are older that are the cleverer ones at first, and the younger ones are behind for the first year or so. But then they all catch up by the end of the first year at school, and age doesnt really come into it too much after that! (its obviously not quite as cut and dry as that, but that is roughly what ive found in my classes!)

I do agree with the whole "having a birthday in the summer" tho. Mine is in november, and i sorta wish i had the presents spaced out over the year! lol

 

[shambaby]

I do agree with the whole "having a birthday in the summer" tho. Mine is in november, and i sorta wish i had the presents spaced out over the year! lol

I must say I do agree with this bit actually - our birthdays are both in January and it is really rubbish - everyone's miserable because christmas is over, all the money was spent on christmas so there's none left for birthday presents or parties or going out and then there's nothing until the next christmas! Would be nice to have a summer bubba to look forward to, but I don't share his confidence that it will be that simple!

 

[shambaby]

Men! They do think things are as simple as that don't they! I think only about 20% of couples get pregnant in the first month TTC. Men do think that one time of unprotected sex instantly equals baby.

I suppose, if you were really keen on going for it in November, you could use opks to give yourself the best chance of conceiving.

Good luck!

xxx

I explained about the chances of getting preganant (about 15% each cycle at my age apparently) and he was rather shocked. Also pleased when he realised how much would be required!!!

I'm not really keen on using temp charts or opks, at least until we've been TTC without success for a while - I think it would stress me out too much and I'd be focusing on that instead of enjoying it!