I don't normally moannn..buuut

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Second Trimester' started by Flumpy :), Aug 31, 2009.

  1. Flumpy :)

    Flumpy :) Mummy to a girl :)

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    Well me n OH are arguing alot recently cuz he acts as though he cudnt care most of the time and im always the one trying to make an effort or 'chasing' after him which is starting to get on my nerves. It stresses me out like near enough every other night nd its not doing me or bub any good. I am not sure what to do about it anymore, i don't normally open up about these things but since i've become pregnant i had loads of friends but now i have literally zero. No one talks to me nemore and doesn't bother with me! He has his friends and does sometimes lets go of our plans for them which im sick of. I have nothing to do except sit at home and think about my OH which makes me worse i am fed up really am!! I just can't see anything getting better :(
     
  2. hivechild

    hivechild Mummy to Ronan

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    Sorry to hear that things aren't going so well. :( :hugs: I hope that they get better for you and your OH starts showing you more love and appreciation. Have you talked to him about how you've been feeling lately?
     
  3. eddjanuary10

    eddjanuary10 Well-Known Member

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    awww, sorry to hear your feeling down.. have you talked to him about how he makes you feel? sometimes guys just don't get it! its important u spend time together and i'm sure he could find a balance between you and his friends. your probably feeling more annoyed at him because of the way your friends are being towards you! alot of people feel distanced from their friends when they become pregnant, especially if none of their friends have children cos some people just assume you don't want to do certain things anymore that you might normally do and therefore don't include you.try talking to them too, good friends will make time no matter what even if its going for lunch or to the cinema etc. maybe try talking to someone else you trust for now, family maybe? so u don't feel so isolated and frustrated. i hope u work things out real soon x
     
  4. Flumpy :)

    Flumpy :) Mummy to a girl :)

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    Thank you! Well yeah I couldn't sleep last night so I thought about things and i think it is because of my friends that I get upset n basically take it out on OH. I think we shall work through it xx thanks and sorry for moaning loll
     
  5. Belle30

    Belle30 Mummy to a baby boy

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    Sorry to hear you're feeling like this. I know exactly where you're coming from as I am feeling and thinking similar things at the moment! It seems to be a sad fact that some friendships seem to turn a bit odd when one of you becomes pregnant, maybe because people assume that you have more important things to do and think about and your life is moving on - and they neglect to realise that it's at this time you need friends more than ever! But agree with PP that true friends will understand and make time for you - although maybe they need a nudge in the right direction.

    It has happened to me, and I have been quite upset about it, and I do think that I take it out on DH a bit. But that's also because he is incredibly busy at the moment trying to make our dilapidated house habitable, and as much as I try to explain that we need to spend more time together, there is always something more urgent for him to do.

    What I have tried to do is explain to a couple of my most trusted friends how I am feeling, and just talking about it has made me feel better - like the PP suggests, you could try this. As for DH, I'm just hoping that things will change as the house gets sorted and when the baby arrives. You already know this, but our pregnancies can have strange effects on our men folk as well, and in typical male style they can go in on themselves and seem to want to spend more time with their friends than with us. If your OH is anything like mine, it's probably not that he doesn't care, it might be that he's dealing with the thought of becoming a father - and all the worries that go with it - in the only way he knows how. It can be so hard to get them to open up, and we resort to 'chasing' them out of frustration.

    Maybe you could try asking him how HE feels about the pregnancy and the baby - not in a pushy way, but in a caring way that shows you are interested in him and the way he is feeling. THis can be hard to do sometimes when you're the one carrying the baby and you need support that he doesn't seem willing to give you sometimes, but I've found that my DH responds much better to this kind of approach than any other, and it makes a change from me banging on about how I'm feeling. Don't forget that a lot of the time, people (including his friends, probably) will ask HIM how YOU'RE doing too - and I know this has got to my DH in the past - ("why does no-one care about meeeeeeeee??!!!")

    Anyway, I've rambled on long enough - hope you feel better soon and you two can work through it and come out very happy and strong on the the other side.
    :hugs:

    xxxx
     
  6. Klb8916

    Klb8916 Well-Known Member

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    I think that's just men in generally. Only once the baby arrives do they have to change there lifestyle, for the 9 months before it's all the same for them. I also don't think it will sink in there a daddy until they actually hold them in there arms. Where as we can feel LO moving and have to make changes earlier.

    I find a good cry in front of them often helps and makes them listen to you. My OH now won't let me lift a finger around the house and as become super boyfriend. Even that or tell there dad. LOL. A dad chat might make him realise things from your side.

    And as for friends, don't worry. You may find some of them are actually jealous of you!
     
  7. littledancer

    littledancer Well-Known Member

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    Flumpy, I just wanted to post my support- it sounds like you've got a lot on your plate right now between your OH being a bit of a pain and your having some friend issues as well. I agree with one of the other posters in that it could be jealousy- it's hard for some women to deal with pregnant friends, even if they themselves are not ready/don't want kids there is still a bit of an awkward feeling for some...
     

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