I dont want to wean her!!

[MissMamma]

i recently split up with my ex, it has been truly awful and he now has our daughter for 50% of the time but he refuses to give her breastmilk?! she only has milk before bed and i express and give him breastmilk every time he takes her but he says its "unweaning" her to give her breastmilk and he tips it away. I DONT WANT TO WEAN HER!! i am currently training to be a breastfeeding peer supporter and the more i learn about it the more i am certain i am going to keep breastfeeding (no idea until when, i will just take each day as it comes i think...) i just dont understand why he wouldnt want to give his daughter the best milk he possibly could?!!

am i wrong for thinking its a good thing to keep breastfeeding her?

 

[kirst1805]

Not a bad thing at all hun! Why has he got it in his head that you were weaning?

xx

 

[Dragonfly]

nothing wrong with breastfeeding past a year there are loads of benefits! as with ex would tell him where to go least your a putting your child first.

 

[midori1999]

Is he doing this as a way to try and control you/get at you? It certainly sounds like it. Why buy formula when he doesn't have to.

Is access court ordered? Can you ask your solicitor as to whether you might be able to do anything about this?

Personally, I would want access to be at times when it wouldn't interfere with BF if he won't give her expressed milk. In fact, if he persisted and courts/mediation etc did nothing to resolve the matter, I'd be tempted to have to move away as IMO, someone who puts getting at a Mother before the well being of their child (and let's face it, that's what he's doing) is not a father I'd want for my children.

 

[deafgal]

Just keep pumping. you may be able to get a court order that you like to breastfeed your child more at home since he won't give her breastmilk.

 

[MissMamma]

thank you so much for your reassuring replies. sometimes i think i just need a confidence boost that i am doing the right thing!

i am going to see a solicitor soon because it is ridiculous. we have an apalling relationship now and i'm not going to take ny of the blame. it is entirely his doing. he asked me to provide milk, food and nappies because cant afford so i agreed and offered breastmilk and cloth nappies, he refuses to use either. i wasnt sure whether courts/solicitors would accept breastfeeding as a reason for regulating access because she's over one?

 

[Dragonfly]

He sounds like he is being difficult on purpose hun.

 

[MissMamma]

tell me about it
how do i stop it?!

 

[Dragonfly]

I dont know him to say but you need to talk to him.

 

[MissMamma]

i cant. he wont. literally wont say one word to me. not even to tell me if my daughter is okay

 

[austinsmom]

Next time he wants to see your LO, just say NO. Let him get a court order.

 

[austinsmom]

On a side note, get a letter from your LO's pediatrician stating the benefits for your child to be breastfed... hard for a court to argue with a medical professional.

 

[midori1999]

I would be very wary of not allowing access as if it does go to court it will make you look very bad. Could you arrange access that doesn't involve overnight stays for now so it doesn't interfere with BF? Also, try and arrange mediation. This might help resolve things but if it doesn't and it comes to court it will show that you are trying to enable access and a good relationship.

It might help to contact somewhere such as La Leche League for advice too. They may have experience of cases like this and due to the attitudes to BF in this country, you might struggle to convince a judge, should you need to, that breastmilk is best for your baby. LLL will certainly have resources that can help you if nothing else.

 

[MissMamma]

i am wary of restricting access because he has threatened me with it [on her birthday no less] and apart from anything else it was an awful feeling being told i wasnt allowed to see my own child.

thanks for the advice about LLL i will defo do that and i think i'll try get some help from my dr and hv too

its all great advice, thanks ladies