I'm really struggling.

[teenpregnant]

Im a mother of 2 (not a teen despite my username) I'm having such a hard time. I do not feel close or any strong feelings for my 10 week old, my eyes fill with tears as I write that that as I hate myself for even thinking it let alone type it! She's beautiful and is starting to smile, she loves cuddles however I do not feel the same for her as I did my first. I do all the thing she needs (feeding/changing ect) but I do not want to do anything extra like take her out for a walk or have cuddles. I feel terrible. I just do not know what to do.

I'm also having huge family problems which one family member is not hesitating to say disgusting negative things about me to me daily! 😞 I hate myself so much and do not know how much longer I can feel like this for.

4 years ago I was severely depressed and was admitted for 2 weeks for an overdose then on going treatment for 1 year and a half. I do not feel at the point I did four years ago and could never leave my children without a mum.

My partner is wonderful but I fear if he knows how I feel he will judge me and have no understanding and see me as the worst person 😢

I don't know where else to go. My health visitor is not a approachable person at all.

Sorry for the long post and any spelling mistakes.

 

[Maxy1]

I think you need to talk to your dr about it. you don't have to be at your lowest to seek help.

I had suffered for many years from depression and what-not over 10 years ago and thought i would easily be able to spot when or if I got depressed again. But after the birth of my first i didn't really notice it when it came on, there was so much other stuff going on and I put it down to learning to everything new. i knew I loved him so I thought it must be right. I was going to see my dr about something completely unrelated and we got talking (I really like my dr and talk to her about all sorts of stuff) and she suddenly looked at me strangely and asked if I thought I was depressed. I said no, of course not. She said she thought I was and offered me meds. She knows my history and that I had done 10 years of counselling already. I accepted her offer because I trust her judgement and it was the best.

After a year and a half of loving my son, I finally was struck with that bonded feeling and being in awe of how amazing he was and beautiful and it really changed how I interacted with him as a parent. It was great.

With my second babe I couldn't tolerate the meds while pregnant so had to stop taking them. I resumed at 6 weeks pp and it has been so much better with her. I feel really bonded to her since taking them.

It sounds like you are going through a very tough time at the moment. Having a second babe, physically recovering, emotionally adapting, trying to look after two children and find yourself again is really hard, let alone the extra stuff you have with your extended family!!

You really should seek some help, either from a supportive friend or family member who could help you getting some time out and sleep (if you are lacking), help with preparing nutritious meals etc and see if that helps you out a bit. or if you think its a bit more serious (which I would err on the side of caution with your history) then a counsellor or your dr.

I really recommend doing it sooner rather than later. I look back at the time I wasted not bonding with my first with regret.

 

[teenpregnant]

Just to come back and say thank you for replying. My children have both been poorly and in hospital at separate times so I've been running back and forth trying to be with both and feeling guilty for both. I got round to going to see the gp this morning, i almost turned the car around as I felt sick about going but glad I did. I feel ten times worse than when I wrote this post but I'm glad I went she's given me antidepressants and I'm being referred to a health visitors group for pnd.

I'm starting the antidepressants tomorrow I'm hoping I start to feeling a bit better!

Thank you again for taking the time to reply!

 

[birdlee337]

I really hope the meds help u. U r doing the right thing by asking for help.

 

[Krissykat1006]

Thanks for checking back in with us, I'm glad you seeked help and it will possibly take a few weeks for them to kick in fully, but you will start to feel better very soon!