In-laws not bought anything for baby!

[miss cakes]

same here the fob family have not even said congrats to me let alone offered to help with anything whatsoever the tight feckers i asked fob to help with pushchair costs the other week and all i got from him and his family is its my problem i better sort it out myself i have to say the C word comes to mind whenever i think of them grrrr! x

OMG! I would have replied with "So I got myself pregnant did I?" or "Fine. If it's my problem don't even bother trying to see MY child when it's born."

This seems wrong to me and I hate men that have this kind of view. Grrr.

i did say i thought it took two people to make a baby surely? ive also said he can tell the same to the csa then and see what they have to say about it lol some men are such losers shame i didnt know what a huge one he was before all this x

 

[Ember]

same here the fob family have not even said congrats to me let alone offered to help with anything whatsoever the tight feckers i asked fob to help with pushchair costs the other week and all i got from him and his family is its my problem i better sort it out myself i have to say the C word comes to mind whenever i think of them grrrr! x

He really said it's your problem?! He'd have been crumpled on the floor in pain the moment he said that if it was me iykwim. So I guess he doesn't think of it as his child at all? Then I guess he doesn't need to be in his/her life, then does he?

@ chocciebutton: That's like saying you've broken your arm twice, you don't need a cast the third time. It's not a perfect metaphor, but you know what I mean. Your MIL sounds horrible, I'm so sorry. And why would he not want to be there for the birth of every child he has? Oh, I guess only the first two were special, but since you already have two, this one isn't important? Ooooooh I hate people like that!

TBH I am personally not expecting my in laws to buy us anything. Or anyone for that matter. My in laws have actually given us a lot of baby and kid stuff over our years of TTC because they had it, didn't need it, and knew that someday we would make use of it. They pretty much offer us everything they don't need anymore. In fact, almost all of the furniture we own came from them. My parents saved everything from when I was a baby, for us to have for ours, but most of it has gotten ruined in basement floods or by raccoons getting into their attic, and they don't have any spare money, so we aren't expecting anything from them at all.

I do think that it would be nice if your in laws would at least buy something to show that they care about their first grandchild, even if it's just one of those little onesies that say something about the grandparents on it. I would think they'd at least want to give something to their first grandchild, but as others have said, maybe they just don't want to do it this early. You do have 17 weeks to go.

 

[miss cakes]

yep its my problem i better soak it up was his exact words if he thinks hes coming anywhere near my baby after saying that hes got another thing coming i woulda loved to have kicked him in the balls but the coward said all that over the phone lol damn shame x

 

[Ember]

Good for you for being strong enough to put your foot down and refuse to let him near if he refuses to take responsibility! Too many women these days just let the FOB walk all over them and do whatever they want while they're left to take care of the baby all by themselves!

 

[sammiesmile]

my inlaws have never bought anything for any of my little ones and i wouldnt expect them too neither does my own family buy anything x

 

[Starry Night]

I think expectations sometimes are cultural. In North America baby showers are pretty much expected and having the parents not even get a token gift would seem very odd. But you can't demand it either. Also, I agree with others that it's a bit early. Some people are just superstitious about these things. With the older generations there were still higher odds of something going wrong during labour. I can see why some would be cautious. Try to give them the benefit of the doubt for now...

We haven't bought anything for our own baby yet either. I feel too freaked to do it but then, this has been a complicated pregnancy....

 

[1QueenB]

This is my first baby and my OH and i have only just started looking at bits and pieces- we really wanted to make sure the 20 week scan went well and i guess we are little apprehensive to be buying lots of stuff. We still think its a tad early to be kitting out- we are just browsing really at the moment.

I personally havent expected either families to contribute to our baby- but my mum lovingly paid for the cot and mattress which was very generous of her considering she works damn hard herself- im sure people will buy baby gifts closer to the time but we do not expect anything. I do find these whole "Amazon baby gift lists" a bit horrid.... its like a list of "I WANTS" and so what if you get 20 babygrows from different people?? Whatever happened to being gracious and thankful for the gifts you are given- does it matter that they do not fit the criteria you suggested??? ​

 

[Lawhra]

I would never expect anyone to buy anything for the baby I chose to have. It is my responsibility (and OH). My dad and step mum have said they'd really like to buy me a pram and my mum wants to pay towards a cot and changing station. Both offers were a big surprise and hugely appreciated. I'm even making sure none of it costs too much.
Your mum spending £1000 is incredibly generous and I think it is unfair to expect anyone to buy things. I'm actually quite taken aback by this post, sorry.

I do agree about the superstition side of things though. They could very well be worried and want to wait until later in pregnancy or baby has safely arrived.

Being so snotty on your reply if they do offer is out of order in my opinion.

 

[lynys]

Sorry, but you come off as sounding incredibly immature for starting this thread.

No one owes you anything or should HAVE to buy you anything. You got pregnant, it is your child...

I could never sit back and complain that they didn't buy you something.

 

[kanga]

You're only 23 weeks, give them time. Not everyone is an efficient as you and your family

 

[Wudluvanuva1]

I wouldn't expect my inlaws to tbh?
I'd just be pretty chuffed that my parents had spent that much??? x

 

[chels24uk]

wow.
Id never expect anyone to buy a thing for MY kids. My ex-inlaws seem to be rolling in it. Doesnt mean I expect them to buy anything for my son or baby. They didnt offer anything for Joshua until I reached 35 weeks and they very kindly offered to pay for the pram. I made sure it wasnt an expensive one because I felt bad. Over the past 5 years theyve bought lots for him (not really stuff given to me, but stuff like car seats for their car, clothes to have at theirs when they want to have him over night, days out for him..) i never expect a thing off them and anything they do CHOOSE to do i highly appreciate, but i wouldnt think any less of them if they never done anything.
As for this baby, theyve said they want to give me £250 to put on my mothercare babyplan, which i, again, highly appreciate, but dont expect. They're not there to pay for YOUR child. Thats your job! They are there to enjoy being grandparents, and if they choose not to be very involved, that is also their choice.
My mum has bought a couple of outfits and the bouncer. Again, not expected but appreciated. You sound rather snotty in your post and immature. Also, your only 23 weeks gone. You have loads of time to go!

 

[Lover]

My in-laws haven't offered to buy us anything but I didn't expect them to. They've had their baby's and paid out for them so why would I expect them to pay for mine too

If anyone is generous enough to offer us anything then I'll be incredibly grateful but there's no way I'd be slagging them off for not buying stuff

 

[sophisticat]

I have the opposite problem, they want to buy everything. My OH's stepmother was even discussing buying a breast pump with me! I barely know them! Don't get me wrong, I really appreciate anything anyone buys for the baby but she was emailing me every day with this and that and trying to push things on me I wasn't interested in (mainly bottle feeding related equipment and breast pumps when I had made it clear I wanted to give breastfeeding a good try first) until I sent her a (polite!) email pointing out that there was still 4 months to go and I was being offered a lot of second hand stuff for free, so to wait to spend her money.

I haven't heard from her since, so I hope I didn't annoy her too much.

Having said that, we have been incredibly lucky to receive offers of second hand things from relatives, my parents have bought a cot and my mother in law wants to buy a pushchair. I did expect the baby to get gifts, but I expected a couple of outfits and clothes, and nothing like the generosity I have been shown by both sides of the family. As I said, we are very grateful that we won't need to buy much ourselves at all.

 

[Jennayginger]

Gosh I am so lucky ... I have amazing parents who WONT STOP offering to get this that and the other... i have an amazing mil who has started buying stuff everytime she gets paid... HOWEVER ... its MY baby so technically i should be buying the stuff... as i am the one who CHOSE to have a child...

i do find it nice though - and everyone needs a bit of help... as clothes, nappies, wipes, everything isnt cheap!
xxxxxxx
hope u alll have a happy pregnancy xx

 

[alilou151]

wow.
Id never expect anyone to buy a thing for MY kids. My ex-inlaws seem to be rolling in it. Doesnt mean I expect them to buy anything for my son or baby. They didnt offer anything for Joshua until I reached 35 weeks and they very kindly offered to pay for the pram. I made sure it wasnt an expensive one because I felt bad. Over the past 5 years theyve bought lots for him (not really stuff given to me, but stuff like car seats for their car, clothes to have at theirs when they want to have him over night, days out for him..) i never expect a thing off them and anything they do CHOOSE to do i highly appreciate, but i wouldnt think any less of them if they never done anything.
As for this baby, theyve said they want to give me £250 to put on my mothercare babyplan, which i, again, highly appreciate, but dont expect. They're not there to pay for YOUR child. Thats your job! They are there to enjoy being grandparents, and if they choose not to be very involved, that is also their choice.
My mum has bought a couple of outfits and the bouncer. Again, not expected but appreciated. You sound rather snotty in your post and immature. Also, your only 23 weeks gone. You have loads of time to go!

Where in my post did I say i EXPECTED anything from anyone?! I merely pointed out that I thought being their 1st grandchild they MAY want to buy us a moses basket, cot or something etc. I know its my choice to have a child & I have bought nearly everything myself, Im very independent & lived away from home since I was 18. I have got most baby things without my OH's help aswell as paying bills etc as he doesnt earn much. My in-laws have never even been generous towards their own son & always want £20 back when they lend him it to him. I was just interested to hear other peoples points on what involvement their familes had not an attack on me so dont call me immature when you dont know anything about me!! My parents bought the pram, car seat & accessories & cot with mattress which came to around a £1000 so I obviously still have things to get.

 

[Jennayginger]

everyone is entitled to there own opinion and you shouldnt judge people calling them immature and snotty on there own thread its how they feel ... this is a place to make friends and support other people... :')

Hope you're all okayy xxx

 

[Itsychik]

Where in my post did I say i EXPECTED anything from anyone?! I merely pointed out that I thought being their 1st grandchild they MAY want to buy us a moses basket, cot or something etc.

I see from your response that this may not be what you meant, but you called your in-laws "tight" and that despite their higher income they haven't offered to pay for anything... and then followed up with a statement that even if they offered you wouldn't accept now anyways. I definitely got the same impression that a lot of others had which was that you seem to be expecting something from them (sorry, that's just how I interpreted your post).

I agree with several others that I think it's a bit soon to be expecting such gifts from other people. We haven't bought anything yet ourselves and certainly don't expect anything from parents/in laws in the coming months... maybe (as others mentioned) they're waiting until LO is born to surprise you? Or maybe since you seem to have problems with them this is just something else that upset you?

Your parents seem really generous though!

 

[CLH_X3]

Your first post does come across like you expect them to buy something..

As when I call someone tight it usually means I expected something of them money wise and there not doing it or shelling out ..

Everyones parents are dif, some spend loads others don't. End off really

 

[Noodles]

wow.
Id never expect anyone to buy a thing for MY kids. My ex-inlaws seem to be rolling in it. Doesnt mean I expect them to buy anything for my son or baby. They didnt offer anything for Joshua until I reached 35 weeks and they very kindly offered to pay for the pram. I made sure it wasnt an expensive one because I felt bad. Over the past 5 years theyve bought lots for him (not really stuff given to me, but stuff like car seats for their car, clothes to have at theirs when they want to have him over night, days out for him..) i never expect a thing off them and anything they do CHOOSE to do i highly appreciate, but i wouldnt think any less of them if they never done anything.
As for this baby, theyve said they want to give me £250 to put on my mothercare babyplan, which i, again, highly appreciate, but dont expect. They're not there to pay for YOUR child. Thats your job! They are there to enjoy being grandparents, and if they choose not to be very involved, that is also their choice.
My mum has bought a couple of outfits and the bouncer. Again, not expected but appreciated. You sound rather snotty in your post and immature. Also, your only 23 weeks gone. You have loads of time to go!

Where in my post did I say i EXPECTED anything from anyone?! I merely pointed out that I thought being their 1st grandchild they MAY want to buy us a moses basket, cot or something etc. I know its my choice to have a child & I have bought nearly everything myself, Im very independent & lived away from home since I was 18. I have got most baby things without my OH's help aswell as paying bills etc as he doesnt earn much. My in-laws have never even been generous towards their own son & always want £20 back when they lend him it to him. I was just interested to hear other peoples points on what involvement their familes had not an attack on me so dont call me immature when you dont know anything about me!! My parents bought the pram, car seat & accessories & cot with mattress which came to around a £1000 so I obviously still have things to get.

I think that the original post may benefit from an edit. I feel that it was written at a time when you where frustrated with your inlaws and therefore the language used in it came across wrong.

For example the first line 'Just a rant about my tight in-laws!' set the tone for the post. If you were't expecting anything from them, then why would you consider them to be tight? I know it's prob not what you meant but, regardless that's how it comes across. Prehaps if you had simply asked if it was unusual for the mother's parents to buy more stuff then the inlaws, then you would have gotten a different responce.