In-laws not bought anything for baby!

[USAF_WIFE]

In laws arent interested in my pregnancy at all

My OH has a wee girl with his ex and they bought her £500 pram, crib, the lot!
Its not that i want anything, I'd just like them to take more of an interest

*sigh* oh well. . .

First I am so sorry you feel like your bub might be less important to them. Second I think this is the point the OP was trying to make but in anger she used words that made people go off on her.

 

[midori1999]

I think it is odd to say you don't expect anything from someone, but then in the same post say it would be nice if they did buy something as it implies you actually were expecting something.

I have very wealthy and generous Grandparents, but it hasn't even occurred to me they might buy me anything for the baby, it certainly hasn't occurred to me that they might offer to buy specific items such as a moses basket etc. My in laws are equally wealthy but not as generous as my Grandparents. My MIL also has an obsession with having a Granddaughter. They aren't 'tight' they just worry about money more than my Grandparents and like spending it on themselves and why shouldn't they? It is their money after all!

In actual fact, although my in laws aren't generous in financial terms, when it really came down to it, when my beautiful twin daughters died, I couldn't have asked for more in terms of compassion or emotional support from them, which is worth far more than anything of monetry value.

I think maybe the fact that the OP's parents are so generous means it is hard for her to understand someone not displaying their affection or how excited they are in terms of buying things.

 

[Ashley2189]

In laws arent interested in my pregnancy at all

My OH has a wee girl with his ex and they bought her £500 pram, crib, the lot!
Its not that i want anything, I'd just like them to take more of an interest

*sigh* oh well. . .

First I am so sorry you feel like your bub might be less important to them. Second I think this is the point the OP was trying to make but in anger she used words that made people go off on her.

x100 on both comments

 

[rockabillymom]

My in laws havent at all. Dh's mom doesnt have the money and is in the hospital and DH and his father dont get ahold. So its just my side of the family that is helping with the baby.

 

[qpaulina42]

In laws arent interested in my pregnancy at all

My OH has a wee girl with his ex and they bought her £500 pram, crib, the lot!
Its not that i want anything, I'd just like them to take more of an interest

*sigh* oh well. . .

First I am so sorry you feel like your bub might be less important to them. Second I think this is the point the OP was trying to make but in anger she used words that made people go off on her.

I got the same impression.

 

[Purple_poppy]

Your original post sounds a little... I don't know.

But if you are just wanting them to make a bigger deal out of you being pregnant, than they are... perhaps try to include them more in it?

Remember, people being excited and interested doesn't always equal them buying you stuff... regardless of how wealthy they are. I'd be happier if MIL called and asked how I was feeling or how my recent check went, than if she spent 5000 on baby stuff and didn't care or ask how I or the baby was.

If you need help buying stuff for your child, perhaps ask?

HUGS, all these pregnancy hormones huh!?

 

[sammiesmile]

My inlaws on the other hand this is their 4th grandchild and they can't be bothered. They've called my husband a couple of times to ask him how I'm doing but they've never called me personally. Last time we were at their house they didn't even mention the pregnancy at all. It was a bummer. I know that when the time of the baby shower arrives that they will buy us the biggest present wrapped in huge ribbons and bring it in with pride and joy so that everyone in the room can say "ooooooh ahhhhhh, you're such good inlaws!" But I know the truth, my mom is there for me every day helping me and inlaws only help when it's a public gesture so that other people will think they're great grandparents.

this is like my inlaws exactly

 

[DragonMummy]

My parents are divorced. My mother bought loads of stuff when I had Harry and used to show everyone in her office everything she'd bought before she gave it to us. My dad hardly bought me anything. It wasn't his thing.

Guess which one was round a few times a week to help out and calling me every day to see how i was getting on when I had crippling post natal depression for over a year.

People show they care in different ways. As long as they actually care, that's all that's important.

 

[Serene123]

You make a baby, you pay for it

 

[Starry Night]

You make a baby, you pay for it

I think this is the type of comment that some people are reacting too. No one is saying a parent shouldn't take responsibility for their own child. People are just saying that they want some sort of gesture of support from their parents and inlaws. Also, seeing someone in need, it's good to help them out. It would be cruel to say to a homeless person, "you got yourself here, go feed yourself". Soup kitchens don't only serve the homeless who at least tried to get off the streets. They also serve the people who made bad choices.

People show and receive love in different ways. And some people receive love through gifts or show love through giving gifts. Others show love through kind words, others through touch. I think it's important to understand where another person is coming from.

And to reiterate: the parents of the child are responsible for the child and shouldn't mooch off the grandparents but it's OK to ask for help from time to time if it's needed. If the OP grew up in a family that showered parents-to-be with gifts it would make sense that she expected it from her in-laws too. Sure, she needs to understand that not everyone does it that way, but to run her into the ground for her thoughts isn't very nice either.

 

[Serene123]

Seriously...

My IL's didn't have any part in my pregnancy and that was their decision. I wouldn't start a thread moaning that they hadn't offered to buy me a cot Cot's are EXPENSIVE.

 

[southerngal2]

Wow, the edited post sure is a lot different from the original.

 

[USAF_WIFE]

Seriously...

My IL's didn't have any part in my pregnancy and that was their decision. I wouldn't start a thread moaning that they hadn't offered to buy me a cot Cot's are EXPENSIVE.

That is you... I think some people just need to stay out of threads if you are just going to cut people down. You have no idea how wrong posts come off sometimes and in anger even more so I find it sad that 90% of the people in this thread have been so negative!! Way to support others...

 

[USAF_WIFE]

Wow, the edited post sure is a lot different from the original.

Indeed but I think after all the crap shes gotten and once she was not so mad she saw how it came off and its not what she had intended as a point. I hate threads that get taken out and let the OP get so much crap thats not needed! It makes some of us women not like speaking our mind for the comments we might receive!

 

[Guera]

Havent received anything from my In laws, but I really dont mind. This is out 4th baby, and they have crappy taste anyway
I bet after the baby is born I will be given a bunch of goodwill stuff from them! Dont get me wrong I am all for second hand stuff, but you have to be choosy, not just grab anything there is and that is what they do.

 

[Palestrina]

My OH is a different ethnicity than I am, and his family has not even offered to buy anything. I know it's not a money issue. I sat thinking about this, and I know that I am still very early in my pregnancy, but I will feel offended if they do not even offer to get something small. I'm do not by any means expect them to go out and spend $200 on something. All I want is the *offer*. If OH's mom says, "Ashley, is there anything you need that we can get for you?" I will smile politely and say "Thank you, but no." Unless they INSIST, I will not accept. Why? Because I view an offer as a polite gesture. This is just what I'm used to, it's the way I was raised. Even when it comes to something as simple as eating, I was raised to OFFER to everyone else. If I'm out at a restaurant and order something different from my OH, I always offer some to him. If I'm going to a friend's house, I always offer to bring something. To me, it's a sign of respect.

I know exactly what you mean. On one hand my parents don't simply make a polite gesture of offering something, they make specific offers that they intend to keep. They say things like:

"We're coming in the spring to help you set up nursery."
"We're going to buy all the big item furniture in the nursery. Pick it out yourselves and we'll pay for it."
"We're sending you $xxx for buying a _______"

and so on

My inlaws however make polite gestures that mean nothing. Like at our wedding for example my inlaws said "whenever you need help paying for something just ask us." Well I don't know what that means, but it probably means that I have to ask for what I want and I'm not one to ask for anything. I would much rather they offered real help like "we want to help with the expense of the wedding by paying for the photographer" instead of offering help that we have to ask for. They've basically offered the same kind of deal with this baby. Whatever we need..... just ask for it. If they wanted to help they would help, they wouldn't put us in a position to ask.

 

[Palestrina]

Havent received anything from my In laws, but I really dont mind. This is out 4th baby, and they have crappy taste anyway
I bet after the baby is born I will be given a bunch of goodwill stuff from them! Dont get me wrong I am all for second hand stuff, but you have to be choosy, not just grab anything there is and that is what they do.

Haha I know exactly what you mean. Sometimes the gifts I do receive on other occassions from my inlaws I'm like "why on earth did they think I'd like something like this?" Terrible taste! I especially hate nik naks. And the best part is that they never include a gift receipt so I'm always stuck with storing these eye sores.

 

[Claudiam2321]

Both my parents and my partners parents said it's "traditional" for the daughters parents to buy the pram and the son's parents to buy the nursery furniture.

Never did I ask though they completely took it upon themselves and I really can't thank them enough it's been such a great help considering I was made redundant from my job in november.

Thy have all bought us some gorgeous stuff, little baby grows etc wen they go out. It's brilliant xx

 

[Gwizz]

Both sets of in-laws have spilt in our family.

But MIL had offered to buy pram for DS and also her other grandson and she has offered again to buy our new double buggy. I didnt ask, she just offered which was a lovely gesture and we humbly and graciously accepted. My mum brought our DS his nursery furniture which will be used again for #2. FIL sent us premium bonds and my father clothing on DS birth. I never specifically ask for anything as I know each member has their own financial limits and beliefs.