Inconceivable and beyond :-)

[TTC74]

Stacer - i second what pinkie said. I was sharing with DH about how upset I would be in your shoes. He shared with me how painful this is for the father, too. He said, give the guy a little time. He'll come around to the point where they can have a meaningful conversation. So, while I don't know your DH, I took comfort in knowing that another man said that this is just about pain for your DH. Just give him a minute. I bet you two will be having a meaningful conversation about what's next before you know what hit you!

 

[Bluebell bun]

Stacer, so sorry to hear this. Like the girls have already said I am sure your OH is simply hurt and hates seeing you hurt also. I know my hubby has said no more on several occasions simply because he hated seeing me upset x.

 

[stacergirl]

I have to just say, you ladies are the best! Thanks again for all of the support. I had a rough night last night-as I am sure we all have. After I put my son to bed, I just let it all out. I guess I just thought this was my "golden ticket" as I am sure some of you ladies have as well. That Donor Egg must be the miracle answer. I know everything happens for a reason but just hard trying to figure out what that reason is. It is important for me to have another child, primarily because I don't want my son to be alone if I can help it. I have a very small family and so does DH. Me and my sister are only a year a part and I'm so thankful to have her, we are best friends, so I want to give the same to my son, hence why we started trying again when he was only 6 months old. Obviously that hasn't worked out yet. I looked into other clinics in the area, they don't take my insurance though (which saves me from paying for blood work and ultrasounds which adds up fast). Consults with them are $250 plus $200 for ultrasound. I don't know if all of my tests would transfer if we decided to transfer but obviously if they didn't that would set us back more months. My DH did send me a message saying he will do whatever I want which was sweet. I know he is upset too. Its just a hard reality to accept that not even Donor Egg worked for us. He suggested adoption and I'm not against it, but I don't think its right for me. I think knowing what the baby was exposed to in utero is very important to me. I just wonder had the lab not contaminated (or whatever happened) to the initial 6 eggs we purchased at the last minute and we had all 6 eggs, if it might have been a better outcome. I looked at the DE database today. I'm not really interested in any of them. Am I picky? I hate to sound picky, but when they give me the ability to me, I guess I have to be. Plus I would want nothing but the best for my future child (as we all do). So I emailed my clinic and they said they did still have some of my husbands sperm (which means we wouldn't have to wait until he got home in June to proceed if we wanted to move forward), and they also contacted our "last minute" donor to see if she would cycle again and she agreed to in May/June. They would freeze the eggs though so I assume we couldn't cycle until July the earliest? I just want to know what our options are so I can make the best decision. If money weren't an issue, I would probably give it one last shot with my own eggs, but then again, I don't think I would want to go through the retrieval or stimming process as I already did that 3 times (and its tiring). The DE FET does sound like the easiest route. Maybe having DH home will make it that much easier. If we decide to move forward with this donor, I guess we do have some time to decide. Would you ladies be looking at a different clinic if you were me? There are 2 other in the area that are very comparable if not rated better than my clinic on IVF in women my age and donor cycles. Where did you ladies do your research to find the best clinic and best price?

I hope you all are doing well in whatever stage of the process you are in. You all are very strong women and you should be proud of yourselves! And for those cycling in May, we are less than a week away from May 1st!!! woo hoo!

 

[stacergirl]

Stacer, I am so sorry hun.

I think your DH is hitting out because he is hurting. After our last negative it was me crying saying I couldn't do it anymore but after a few days, lots of talks with DH and some wine we had a new plan. Give it a few days and talk again, if you feel that strongly about going again he will come around. In the meantime look after yourself x

Its amazing what wine will do! I ended up dropping my brand new bottle last night after only pouring 1 glass. EESH! I wish dh can actually sit down and have a face to face but with all of our communication being over phone or facetime its frustrating!!

Hi Stacer, that's SO frustrating. Both getting a negative and gaving a partner who's dragging feet while you want to forge ahead (or at least have a positive outlook at the next steps. Everyone's story is different but I'm personally fed up with waiting. I waited too long for my DH to propose (9 years and told him if he didn't propose by such n such date I'd walk away). Then waited for him to want a family after we married, then when I was diagnosed DOR he wanted to wait to do DE ivf. By that point I had done counselling on my own to deal with my anger at him for having to wait for all the normal things that we're supposed to experience. counselling helped me realise that I'm partially to blame -I allowed myself to wait! I should have left him after 3-4 years with no ring. She was very insightful. The only thing I can do now is ensure I'm happy with my choices. So when he wanted to delay with DE ivf I made the appointment in Prague and that I was happy for him to bow out at this point but I was having children - with or without him. I still feel the same way. When I'm old I want to be surrounded with my family. Men quite often leave this world before their wives do. And so I'm considering that my DH wants to delay again but in the end this is my decision. Most couples don't work this way. I have to accomplish certain things in my life and so I'm taking this part like a typical type A personality
I hope you and DH can find the right balance without you being resentful or him feeling he made a mistake. Try again if you can and if it's really important to you.

I hope your DH agrees to move forward. If you want a big family and he is on board with that, its better to start sooner rather than later. Tell him my story! Still TTC second baby 1 year and 7 months later.

Sorry Stace, but IVF is all a game of chance. I am sure you will have a better luck next time if you try, maybe with a different donor. Why are you annoyed with the clinic?
Hubbies always have the easiest part during IVF and even if you get a BFP. So I guess they will never understand. I had an argument with DH 2 days back about IVF and I just shouted back saying it was me who took all the injections and my butt was all black and blue how the hell he would understand.

So we finally get my lining thick enough after 4 cycles of trying and we selected our donor back in September, well they contaminate 6 of my eggs the morning of defrosting them and fertilizing them. So we were to decide within less than 24 hours whether to select a new donor or to cancel the cycle. It was stressful, especially because of the time difference between me and my DH is 8 hours so it was difficult to communicate with him to make a decision.

oh no I'm so sorry...where did you go Stacer? what clinic was it? What a nighmare.

I'm sure your hubby will cool off and change his answer in a bit. He's probably irritated with their mess up

The clinic is here in Orlando. Like I said, I like my doctor, I love the nurses, I'm just kind of irritated. I guess I'm at a point where I'm realizing we have other options. So should we stay at this clinic or move on??

 

[TTC74]

Stacer - You're in Orlando?! I'm in Gainesville. That's too cool. You're the first fellow Floridian I've bumped into on the boards.

 

[stacergirl]

Ttc-what a small world!!!

 

[LLbean]

...

 

[2have4kids]

I hope your DH agrees to move forward. If you want a big family and he is on board with that, its better to start sooner rather than later. Tell him my story! Still TTC second baby 1 year and 7 months later.

it took us 5 years after marriage for him to want to try for a family and 6 years for us to conceive after 3 iui's, 3 regular ivf's, 3 DE IVF's and being on the adoption list. Surely my man knows all too well what it takes to get pregnant and the only reason he wants to wait is because of the financial costs. DH was laid off last year and his EI funds ran out in Feb. He's enjoyed his time at him with LO and been very slow to get job hunting (only just this month). So it doesn't make me want to worry about our financial situation if he's been sitting on his hands. My goal is to get pregnant again and if he doesn't feel that getting a job is all that important why should I worry about putting a DE IVF on credit? Might put a fire under his arse to get a job. He's not motivated by much and my sympathies are quite short these days!
I'd stay with your clinic and negotiate a better price for your next IVF be it regular or DE. In Chosing DE or regular you have to ask yourself how many excellent eggs did you make at what cost and did they take? Do you think it was your egg quality and if that isn't a factor and your DE failed (remind me how many embies again) then have you been checked for the top 5 reproductive immune issues? If you think your eggs are poopy, don't waste your time & $$ especially if DH is growing weary, try another DE. If you had great egg success and your DE failed too, consider getting immune tests done? But why oh why are they wanting to freeze the donors eggs if she goes again before you use them. Do you realize how much it lessens their chance of successI f they do this? Did they mean they'd freeze embryos or her eggs. At least embryos have a relatively decent chance but not eggs. Very few clinics deal with frosty eggs for this reason. They're too fragile to go through the freezing process, much better if made into embies first. I'm sure you'll sort a path forward, sending you hugs in the mean time

 

[Pinkie3]

Stacer, I second what 2have says. My clinic also will not freeze eggs for the same reasons. In terms of research it was speaking to lots of other DE women, fertility friends have a massive DE following. I done a lot of research on there. There are so many clinics it can get a bit overwhelming. Its also about what is important to you, we wanted our donor to be anonymous, we also wanted a less known clinic (ours only perform on average 600 cycles a year) to get that personal touch. Plus the cost was important, we pay 5500 euros plus meds, which I think is about 6500usd? Good luck in whatever you decide hun x

My AF finally arrived, baseline scan and bloods tomorrow and then hopefully get this show on the road.

Hope everyone else is doing well x

 

[LLbean]

Ladies lately I have read that frozen and fresh have the same success rate. Something about the new freeze method used. Is this not true?

 

[Pinkie3]

Yes, I believe that is correct for frozen embryos but not for frozen eggs x

 

[stacergirl]

Yay pinkie! Glad you're moving forward again!! Where do you go to for monitoring?

Yeah my eggs are crappy. First cycle got 6 eggs transferred 2, got pregnant with both but miscarried 1 at 9 weeks, no embies to freeze. 2nd cycle got 6 eggs, miscarried prior to first scan, no embies to freeze. 3rd cycle got 4 eggs, none fertilized, so cancelled the whole procedure. I was hoping the clinic would let me do a fresh cycle. I guess they freeze the eggs because they have a guarantee plan that if you don't get a blast you get 6 fresh eggs. So their thinking is that if the eggs survive defrost then you're getting the best of the best? I wonder if I can talk them into a fresh cycle of we choose to do that. They are kind of catering to me. Sending me donors via email before they even put them in the database. We will see.

 

[LLbean]

well that's good, at least you are getting first dibs!

 

[2have4kids]

Yes first dibs is great Stacergirl. Do ask them what their success rates to live birth are with frozen eggs before you agree to go ahead. My home clinic only gives success rates for frozen eggs to bfp and SKP paid $50k (as did many many other ladies in the region) with very low success rates. If their reasoning is to have a back up plan, why can't they do a fresh cycle for you using your own eggs and have frozen Emby back up with DE embryos since they have frozen DH sperms?

Well I've asked Reprofit for another search and for a protocol if I'm to have a transfer either mid May or in June. I'll go to my GP and get a requisition for a scan and panel for them too. Everyday I wait makes me more confident that I should forge ahead and just try again. In 20 years when I have my family I'll look back and scoff at the small debt we incurred for more children. I think it's worth a try. DH was about to book us a vacation for a week in May for $800. If we can afford that surely we can go the extra mile for a go for more kids.
Just looking at flights now.

 

[sienna]

Pinkie I’m sorry to hear your hubby has to go out again; it’s so frustrating when these things happen and it’s much more difficult when the clinic is in a different country.

I’m so sorry Stacergirl, give your DH time it’s awful when it doesn’t work I’m sure he’ll come around he’s probably as disappointed as you and it’s his way of coping with it. I decided to change clinics after my failure mainly due to cost but there were also a couple of other things I was not happy with. You need to go with what feels right for you. I definitely wouldn’t spend money on frozen eggs the success rate is too low, you have a much better chance with embryo’s.

2have wishing you all the best with your cycle, DH’s can be so frustrating with this whole process.

 

[2have4kids]

Hi Sienna, thank you. How are you and what have you been up to?

Well I booked flights to Reprofit and arranged a transfer date of May 30. I'm going to miss MacKinley on this trip!!

And oh my goodness, please give me a beautiful set of twins like Crystal & PC out of this. Please, please, please!

MacKinley will have siblings soon

 

[LLbean]

holy molly that was quick 2have!!!!!!!!!! FXd for you!!!!

I think we would all love a beautiful set of twins like those

Maybe May will make us all lucky!!!!

 

[Bluebell bun]

2 have, go girl! Do you have frosties over at reprofit or is this a new donor cycle? Wishing you lots of luck.

 

[Pinkie3]

2have, my gosh you do move quickly, good for you, its fabulous news. Will DH be going with you or will he be staying home to look after MacKinley?

I had my baseline scan and bloods done today and everything was good so I start my meds on Monday. I will get an update on our donor Weds when she goes into the clinic and should hopefully start her stims. I feel exhausted if I am honest, all these cycles are starting to take it toll. 2have, I am praying we both have a set of gorgeous twins, at least so I don't have to do this again.

X

 

[Vonn]

Since twins have come up, I am curious about everyone's thoughts on twins versus singleton. We are weighing the pros and cons about putting one or two back. (I know embies can split on their own, so we only have so much control. Plus egg quality matters too.) I feel quite unsure of what to do. On one side, I want two kids. And the sooner the better. And I'd rather not have to start this tortuous journey all over again. On the other side, I know it's much harder on your body & with my health issues, I'm afraid my body wouldn't handle it well. I don't want to try for too much and end up with nothing. Plus, the difficulty & expense of having two infants (day care, etc.) at once. What do you all weigh when making this decision???

Pinkie--glad your baselines went well!

2Have--good for you for moving ahead. What did DH say?

Stacer--good luck with your decision. You have to weigh the pros and cons of switching clinics and go with what feels most comfortable for you.

LLBean--I have heard also that donor egg fresh & frozen egg rates are becoming much more comparable. My clinic said 5-8% lower success rates with frozen.

AFM--Stopped bcp yesterday; finish Lupron on Sunday; go in Monday morning for baseline labs and scan. The donor does too, so we will know Monday afternoon/Tuesday morning if I'm set to go and if the donor can start stims. Next steps!