Inconceivable and beyond :-)

[MrsPTTC]

Thanks for your reply ladies, especially 2have4kids great reply yes it was a huge huge compliment to be asked! I really would love to do it but I need to be sure it's not going to ruin the rest of my life thinking about the child as my own. I've contacted a couple of fertility clinics today about counselling and am waiting to hear back. You would normally get counselling further down the line but I think I need some now to help me reach a decision. I spoke to the National Gamete Donation trust today and the lady warned me about the risk it would affect my future fertility and need to consider it very carefully. She also said my cousin should call them as they can help her find an egg donor more quickly than sitting on the waiting list for eggs. To answer your questions I'm 34 which is towards the ideal upper limit of 35 here and my BMI is good

SKP big congrats!

 

[Garnet]

For the Ladies wondering we checcked out 3 or 4 US clinics! It was about $28K to35K for the process! There was one that was 17K but then 6K for donor and then they put more money with extra fees! Some of the Ladies had success with US clinics and they had a guarantee for say 5 cycles or your money back! We went to Prague and spent about for 11k for 10days that includes IVF, Hotel, Chauffeuring, Plane tickets from clinic and other places. 7K for IVF of the 11k! I don' t know what Retrofit prices are but signicantly cheaper than US prices! As for whether people felt about a donor child! Alot of people on this thread do not feel as if the child is not a biological child! Some said that their child look so much like their biological child or children!

 

[Mrs G]

Skp, yyaaaayyyyy!!! Massive congrats!!! Xxx

Pinkie, my dh and I have very different views. if he had his way no one would know what we've been through. I said I couldn't do it without my family knowing so my parents, sister and bil and a couple of close friends know. But none of his family have a clue where either dd or this baby came from. My sister knows we've used a donor this time but I haven't told my parents. As much as they are very open minded it does bother me (a tiny bit) that on s generic level the baby is not related to them. I don't think we will tell either child they were conceived by ivf, simply because is their own conception something you discuss with your children?? I know others may disagree.

Just wanted to repeat something puddycat said about epigenetics. A biologist friend of mine introduced me to it and it has brought me lots of comfort to know by carrying this child I am having a massive impact on his development and the person he will ultimately become.

Hope everyone is ok.
Xx

 

[SKP]

Here it is

https://i1087.photobucket.com/albums/j461/StephanieKaylaPenney/Eggie.jpg

https://i1087.photobucket.com/albums/j461/StephanieKaylaPenney/Pregnancy2015/PTtestJuly15th.jpg?t=1436984260

 

[LLbean]

SKP!!! So thrilled for you!!!!

Mrs PPTC... In regards to donating eggs to a cousin... I agree it is a teeny tiny cell AND perhaps you can do the egg share option which would allow you to keep some of the eggs for yourself for future use and help you know that you had that to use when needed... Some of us wish we had thought of freezing our own eggs a while ago and now we would have had our own babies again

...just a thought for you

 

[crystal443]

Congrats SKP!!! Great news

 

[2have4kids]

2have, your response to MrsPTTC was great, you nailed it. I found it a very interesting read myself. Sounds like you have some great friends and family around you.

PC, thanks for the extra info on Reprofot. There is so much research to do.

A Question to the donor ladies... the people who knew you were going through IVF did you tell them you were having a donor cycle? Will your also be telling you child? Me & the OH are still in discussions about this.

SKP, congratulations on your BFP. A line is a line.

Pinkie, I didn't tell anyone about the DE part except for very close friends and immediate family. Others just knew about the IVF part and immune issues. People have so many judgments and religious based nonsensical beliefs that I didn't want to have to deal with their judgement or be spoken of badly behind my back.

We absolutely would have been telling our babies/children about their heritage. We did counselling about how to handle DE IVF and the counselor had videos, studies, and loads of information about how children fair better knowing who they are and how if you make them feel like you tried so hard to have them, you wanted them SO badly, you had an angel to help bring them to you - it makes them feel special and embrace the concept of a slightly different path into life. Like closed adoptions, when the kids of DE IVF find out they aren't from their parents 19 years after the fact or that they've been lied by their very own parents it can cause huge problems down the line. And with technology & genetics evolving DH and I have no doubt they'd find out. We wouldn't ever want to hide something like that, you have to trust yourself that you'll be able to handle any question posed by your child about where they came from and know you'll be able to help them through any problems later on they may encounter with the concept. Just like how children can be ridiculed in school, you can always explain to them that it might be something they want to hold close instead of telling others but there should be ~1/3 assisted conceptions in schools these days so maybe it wouldn't be all that enticing to be for kids to find something about it to pick on. You can always help them brace for ridicule by coming up with really good short come-backs or walk them through what a healthy confident response might look like.

SKP congrats on your BFP!

 

[TTC74]

I was thinking something similar 2have. I was thinking "I don't know who we'd tell. I think I'd have to do some counseling to work out those issues."

If we end up going with FET, I think we will tell the child if for no other reason than so that they know about their medical history (or lack thereof). I guess the only remaining question is who else to tell.

I think that your example is beautiful, though, and I have always heard that about adoption - that the best thing to do is to tell the child, mommy and daddy wanted to love you so badly, that we picked you out! (or something to that effect).

 

[MrsPTTC]

SKP!!! So thrilled for you!!!!

Mrs PPTC... In regards to donating eggs to a cousin... I agree it is a teeny tiny cell AND perhaps you can do the egg share option which would allow you to keep some of the eggs for yourself for future use and help you know that you had that to use when needed... Some of us wish we had thought of freezing our own eggs a while ago and now we would have had our own babies again

...just a thought for you

Thank you LLbean that's certainly something to consider

 

[SKP]

Thanks everyone!

Just close family know about donor and my very close friends.
I do not want to tell our child about being a donor. Unless it ever comes up then we will. I personally don"t feel there is a need to tell our children

 

[Garnet]

Congrat SKp!

 

[Mrs G]

Thanks everyone!

Just close family know about donor and my very close friends.
I do not want to tell our child about being a donor. Unless it ever comes up then we will. I personally don"t feel there is a need to tell our children

That is such a lovely picture, congratulations!!
We're of the same mind re telling the children. I have battled for years with my husband's massive male pride. In the early days out issue was mf, more recently my crap eggs were the problem but even so he just doesn't see any reason for anyone to know what we've been thru. I remember the counsellor telling us "it'll come out over too many glasses of wine at Xmas" but I know with dd and even now with ds, as much as I'm very proud of where they have come from, it is not something that matters anymore.

I finish work today for the summer and only have 2 1/2 weeks to go when I get back in sept! And moving over to third tri today!!

Happy Friday everyone

Xx

 

[Pinkie3]

Thanks again ladies, I am starting to not feel so alone in this journey.

MrsG, I am feeling you about battling with the DH pride about telling people at the moment. I partly agree with my DH views. He thinks that our parents generation and older wont understand and we will cause them unnecessary worry about what we're doing and he also thinks that's unless you have been through our struggles people will not understand our reasons for doing this. Close friends and immediate family know we've been through IVF but he thinks that's where it should stop, he says what difference is it going to make if people know all the details. I am worried about the 'it coming out over too much wine' and I am also worried about having to make up white lies about our cycle. With regards to telling our child/children, he feels the same way, but my concern is that I am going to have this hanging over my head for the rest of my life like I am holding onto a big secret. He think if it presents itself later on in life for medical reasons then of course we'll have the discussion but otherwise what is gained from them knowing. Again I am probably thinking too much into things, DH is one who uses his head, I use my heart. I done some reading yesterday on these concerns and one site said to wait until the child is born and then make a decision as you will feel completely different towards them when they are finally here.

Congratulations again SKP, what is the next step for you? Do you have to go for a blood test?

MrsG, count down to summer is on.

Hi to everyone else, I hope I get to speak to you all at some point.

Happy Friday

 

[Butterfly67]

Hi ladies, just thought I would weigh in, this is always an interesting discussion as to whether to tell them or not. One thing I would say is it's probably worth making the decision beforehand. The reason I say this is that certain older members of the family don't know. If I tell them now they will feel very betrayed I think. However, if I tell LO when he is old enough he is bound to say something to grandparents. So nothing will be said at least until the grandparents are gone.

 

[Coolstar]

Wow, so much to catch up !!
SKP, congrats!! Hope you have a h&h 9 months.
Pinkie and TTC Welcome to the thread.
Pinkie, i was about to ask the very same question. Except my DH and parents we have not shared it with anyone that it's DE. My DH is totally against sharing with anyone else, his family has no clue, not even that we have gone through IVF. About sharing it with our baby, I want to but my DH is absolutely against it. Maybe I am little insecured since genetically it's not mine, I am praying that the baby looks more like my DH.
2have, MrsG how are you ladies ?
PC, how is your PIO shots going on ? Although my PIO shots are over, still my butt is sore.
AFM, I am scheduled for level 2 u/s on Aug 6th.

 

[SKP]

I had my beta blood test today, hopefully i can be official tomorrow.

 

[2have4kids]

Skp are they only doing 1 test? I thought they only did 1 on you the first time too? It's really nice to see how the levels are rising and have some sort of feeling of confidence that it's a viable pregnancy. Please tell me they're doing 2 bloods 48 hours apart. I'm not a fan of that clinic but after you going through a mc only mnths ago you'd think they'll be stepping up their care for you?

 

[Pussycat1]

Gosh ladies, south going on here, justctryingvto catch up! Mrs PTTC, can only echo what the others have said, im not sure how I'd feel about donating eggs and knowing the resulting child so I can completely understand where you're hesitations are, you have to be 100% certain though. I'm surprised your cousin has been offered IVF on the NHS at the age of 42, also egg donors in overseas clinics (reputable ones) are screened just as carefully as in the UK with all the same testing etc
SKP, huge congratulations! Amazing news you must be thrilled.
To tell or not to tell? Well when we first started on this journey (TTC) we told a few people, however as time went on and with each failure we stopped, it was simply too difficult to deal with our own disappointment without having to deal with others and I'm not great on receiving sympathy, well meant though it is. We never told our families, with what's been happening with SIL it hasn't seemed appropriate or fair. We will tell our families next weekend and will probably tell them it was DE. I'd like them to know just in case there are ever any medical or genetic issues, at least they will have each other. I've also always thought I'd want the children to know right from the start in an age appropriate way, I'd hate for them to find out when they were older and feel like we'd lied or cheated them. However I'm not as certain as I used to be. Once it's out there it can't be taken back and if you tell someone then the children have to know as I reckon it will always get back to them. It's such a personal thing though I don't think there's a right or wrong answer. When we had counselling we were recommended to look at these guys: https://www.dcnetwork.org
AFM, made it to 9 weeks! I've been a bit concerned the past few days as I've been feeling a bit crampy or bloated, I'm fairly certain it's just my two little ones growing and my body adapting, but I can't help worry. I know I'm not getting enough sleep, I wake every day at 4am and can't get back to sleep. I'm hoping when I finally get off the prednisone this will stop. I have 6 more PIO shots then I'm switching to cyclogest (I have loads and the clinic say it will be fine)for the last two weeks before I stop all the meds. My bum has two itchy sore 'mounds' and I'm sure I'm full to saturation with PIO as at often squirts back out! Looking forward to stopping them and the cyclogest (bruised tummy).
Hope everyone is well! xx

 

[SKP]

No they just do one test,

When I mc, I did a few to see if the levels was going down. And at the time of mc my beta was 9000 +.

I inquired about the possibility of stepping things up, but they said theres nothing to do, because my numbers was good, I responded to meds, ultrasounds good. They just say it just happens.

 

[TTC74]

RE called today with DHs SA results. I won't know more until Monday but morphology is 1%.

I suspect that we will be moving on to donor IUI as a first step, but we shall see.