Inconceivable and beyond :-)

[crystal443]

I'm sorry SKP

 

[2have4kids]

SKP

Crystal, it's been an unusually hot summer starting early here. I've been ok so far. With a few tricked out items helping me cool off...DH set up personal misting sprayers to the roof of the trellising on our deck, so it's really nice out there in the evenings. During the day we turn the fan on blowing all the cool air up from the basement and have a tall AC unit sitting on our bedroom. It's been ok so far. I don't know if we get up to what it does in Aussie tho, 30 something degrees here is usually our max.

Did you gain much weight with the twins Crystal? You're such a tiny thing as it is and it was all belly & baby from what I saw I just feel like I'm going to hurl half way through every meal. Have total head hunger because I can't just finish something I really wanted to eat

 

[TTC74]

Fmu 10 dpo

 

[crystal443]

TTC ah yes I see lines!!!! I miss testing I stand in front of them sometimes at the chemist and DH has to pull me away haha!

2have you have a lovely set up!!! We have hot summers.. Yep 40+ some days in the summer it's just cruel for preggie ladies!! I didn't gain much while pregnant in fact I found it difficult to eat what the dietician told me to eat. It was way more then I would normally eat and further along I just had no room. Toward the end I ate because I had to, the reflux was torture I lived on Zantac and mylanta... I would do it all over again to have my girls but it was the hardest thing I've put my body through. I had the kidney stones etc too so was rough but ahh they are so worth it I still look at them at least once a day and think I am so lucky... And I am, I worked my butt off to get them here but I am lucky too.

 

[TTC74]

Beta = 9.9/Early pregnancy. I go in for my doubling rate Friday.

 

[Pinkie3]

I hope everyone had a great weekend, I have been away for a few days and so many posts to catch up on.

Just wanted to say thanks to all the ladies that have given their opinions on the 'tell or not tell' regarding DE. It's always really interesting and has been helping me a lot.

SKP, I am so so sorry.

TTC, amazing. I hope you get a great number on Friday.

 

[TTC74]

Me too. I'm so nervous after seeing other people's beta numbers. is 10 really low at 10 DPO?

 

[Pinkie3]

I don't know much about beta because we don't have them here in the UK. But if you google HCG blood levels you can find a breakdown. I have just seen that at 3 weeks its between 0-5 so sounds ok to me.

 

[crystal443]

TTC I really think it's if it doubles that matters ��

 

[2have4kids]

TTC I really think it's if it doubles that matters ��

Agreed!

 

[2have4kids]

Ttc this is my favourite beta score calculator:
https://www.babymed.com/tools/hcg-calculator

It shows the average and your score in comparison. All the best with your next test!

Pinkie hi how are you? That's a hot debate but I think it follows adoption standards very closely. They made adoptions open for a very good reason. There were two sides of betrayal with keeping secrets. The bio mom and the child. Here with DE we don't consider the psychology of bio mom but we should consider how this sort of betrayal would hurt the child as a grown adult. Like adoption, we still view DE in a secretive fashion. When we can talk about it openly without being judged things may change as adoption has. Until then only social workers & psychologists have seen what it does to people finding out they were 'protected' from the truth. That's a little bit how it was discribed by the psychologist to us and jibs with the devistation we heard about at our adoption workshop. Parents have a huge protectionist instinct that takes over and it's totally understandable why/how each is motivated to their prerogative.

 

[Pussycat1]

2have, completely agree on the DE / adoption comparison. That's exactly how we feel and the thought of out little ones finding out when they are older and feeling betrayed confirms for me that it has to be something they have always known and is open. No matter what these are my children, even if the initial cells came from elsewhere.
TTC, so pleased for you! x

 

[TTC74]

Ttc this is my favourite beta score calculator:
https://www.babymed.com/tools/hcg-calculator

It shows the average and your score in comparison. All the best with your next test!

Thank you! This calculator shows me at average (spot on) if I double correctly. That makes me feel so much better!

 

[SKP]

My number is now 127 on Day 14. Still low but theres still a chance!
I like to make it past a week from Day 12. Thats when mc happened.

 

[Pinkie3]

It is definitely a hot debate and I am sure everyone has their reasons as to why they choose to tell or not tell.

Sorry more questions... From all your discussions with the psychologist apart from the betrayal and psychology reasons for telling the child were there other reasons as to why they should know? My DH seems to have an answer for everything and I am so 50/50 with this and before we start the process I want to make sure we are both on the same page.

SKP - I really hope that number keeps rising for you.

 

[SKP]

Thanks pinkie,

Imo: i dont feel a need to tell them voluntarily, if it came up i would, like when it time your asked where babies come from, then i would mention all the ways it can happen, at age appropriate of ofcourse

 

[2have4kids]

I would seek a professional opinion on it Pinkie, they're less likely to have the protective parent instinct and have materials about how honest foundations are key to trusting parents & having a tightly connected family. There are a huge amount of resources online too:

https://www.dcnetwork.org/telling-your-child
https://www.mercatornet.com/articles/view/the_pain_of_anonymous_parentage/
https://parents.berkeley.edu/advice/parents/fertility_explain.html
https://www.abc.net.au/austory/specials/howimetyourfather/vartahowtotellchildren.pdf
Ultimately it's your decision. The psychologist asked us to think about this:
ask yourself if you're basing your decision on grounds of fear, shame, or self protection, or are your interests for the well being of this person you are bringing into the world. And if you chose not to tell and they find out when they are an adult, what's your plan to deal with the aftermath? Are you willing the risk of a permanent fracture in your long-term relationship with your child over this?

 

[crystal443]

I would add be careful who you tell, I'm a strong believer that when you tell someone something you cannot take it back so once you tell family members or friends you cannot untell it. While my babies are little I see it as I'm borrowing or holding their story for them so I keep it close and I'm very careful who I share it with in real life. No family memebers know except one aunt that only knows more for my support during all of these treatments and losses. My kids know whom are 17&19 so carry that story with the intention of protecting their sisters story and of course their daddy.

This is not my life story, this is their beginings and life story so I really shouldn't be telling anyone how they came about should I? No I don't think so, they will choose who they share that with. I have no idea when we're going to tell them it won't be when they're babies or when they're toddlers it will be when we can explain the ifs whys and what's so I imagine about 5 or 6. I also don't want to confuse this with adoption and birth mothers because this is not the same, I'm their birth mum and their egg donor likely donated to be nice and for some extra money. Its not a
Fairy tale it's life

 

[Coolstar]

SKP, keeping my fingers Xed for you.
PC, when is your EDD ?
To tell or not to tell is such a difficult decision. My DH is totally against it, while I want to.
So, one more question, I am 16 weeks now but I have not gained any weight. When did you ladies start gaining weight ?

 

[LLbean]

I look at it differently...you are merely getting a tiny cell donation...studies have shown that the genetics of the carrier also have influence on the baby genetics...

My daughter is my own eggs and even with her there are things I have no answers to as I don't know all of my family's medical history, so truly I don't see how that would be different. Unless it is a major health concern in which case you would think those donors would be screened it really should not even matter.

I strongly feel there is major things that come up when the child is adopted (why wasn't I wanted, etc) that shouldn't be there with an egg donation. Why create it?

Just my own two cents...right or wrong.