International bumps to be!

[Madrid98]

Hi ladies!!

So sorry I haven't been around but I've been very busy. As I mentioned before my daughter is going to spend the summer with grandparents and there's so much to prepare for her trip.

Went to the doctor yesterday to try to convince him to send me for a scan but he was as inflexible as an iron pole. And he started lecturing me about if it's meant to happen will happen and I have to relax and leave nature take its course,.......... By the time I left the gp surgery I was tired and I've noticed my twinges in my cervix & like a discharge. As soon as I got home I went to check and I had a stain in my knickers like cm mixed with brownish blood. I panicked and thought it was the beginning of another mc but since I haven't had any more. On the contrary I've been having more symptoms or they've become more acute as my bbs getting so full, particularly the left one.
But with all these events I've arrived to the conclusion that to a certain extend the gp is right. There's nothing I can do about it and seeing something in a scan doesn't give me a 100% chance of staying ok for the whole pregnancy. So I've decided I'm going to enjoy every day & stop panicking about every single thing. If it's destined it´ll happen.

Hena same goes to you. Don't feel down until you're sure you aren't pregnant. In all my pregnancies I've always felt as if af was coming but it didn't. Symptoms are very similar so just hang in there.

Stuckinoki don't get upset about people who have nothing better to do than to upset others. It's very sad they use their frustrations to hurt others. School playground behaviour indeed!!

Regarding my job I'm a civil servant at present. As soon as I finish my studies I'm out of there. Can't stand it but it pays the bills in the meantime.
Chrissik your job sounds like my ideal job. That's exactly what I'm studying for. You mentioned you have a PhD in Comparative Literature. What does it entail exactly? Is it regarding comparing texts from different ages & the development of literature? I'm intrigue because Literature is my favourite subject.

Sorry if I've forgotten any of you in my message but I have to go now and this is far too long as it is already.

Hope you're enjoying your weekend!!!

XX

 

[mzswizz]

Well bad morning ladies for me. And the venting and ranting begins....Right now even though DH and I were inseparable, I have slept in the guest room last night. DH and i got into a VERY HEATED argument to the point i walked last night to do a 35 minute walk to calm down. I slept in the other room because I dont feel comfortable sleeping next to him at the moment. Even though we hugged, said good night, kissed, and said i love you, it didnt feel right. I guess TTC will be put on hold. Im starting to feel down about everything and feel like Im not going to be blessed with children so why even TTC. I just feel so distraught and I just need to get away. My whole world just crashed down on me and I just feel like a failure at this point. I guess I can just go and hang out somewhere by myself or ball my eyes out with tears. Sorry if i brought the day down for anybody. I just needed to talk.

Madrid-If you DTD maybe thats where the brown is coming from. Also its not to bleed in the first trimester. Everything will be okay.

Stuckinoki-Dont let them get to you. Many women are immature instead of venting, they take it out on everyone around them. Just ignore the negativity.

Hena-Its not over until AF shows her face. FXed she wont for you.

 

[stuckinoki]

Sorry you're having a rough time of it mzswizz; I know my DH and I have had arguments like that before....where even though you call a truce and apologize you still don't quite feel like making up yet In fact, if it makes you feel any better tonight will probably be one of those nights for me as well. I can just feel a huge fight brewing.

I'm sorry you have to go through that, hopefully tomorrow is a better day.

 

[stuckinoki]

Madrid, brown blood is old blood. Did you BD recently? Sometimes that irritates the cervix.

 

[mzswizz]

Sorry you're having a rough time of it mzswizz; I know my DH and I have had arguments like that before....where even though you call a truce and apologize you still don't quite feel like making up yet In fact, if it makes you feel any better tonight will probably be one of those nights for me as well. I can just feel a huge fight brewing.

I'm sorry you have to go through that, hopefully tomorrow is a better day.

I hope you dont have to go through any arguments today. We didnt even call a truce nor apologize. So everything is just hitting me hard today I just dont know what to do.

 

[ChrissiK]

Oh mzswizz - that sounds terrible! I hope the storm has cleared the air and you can find common ground again. TTC is a lot of stress and I am amazed by how many relationships break apart over it. Maybe you need to have a talk and express your fears and hopes, how the other one makes you feel sometimes (without being accusatory). Your are on edge because of the TTC, maybe he is too? And its just coming out projected onto another topic?
Remember how happy you were when you found each other. Worst case scenario is that you don't get pregnant AND lose each other for support. So hang on to your man, he might be hurting, too but is not able to express it in a constructive way!

Madrid - when I was 12 weeks pregnant with my first, I bled "old blood". I was so freaked out, I even had an amnio. Turns out the placenta hit a blood vessel when implanting, bleed into the amniotic fluid and then slowly seeped out. But it scared me big time! Hope it all turns out well!

BTW: Comparative Literature means you study/compare literature of different languages. So in my case I wrote a thesis about German, French and English travelogues to the South Pacific in the 18th Century (yes, I know - not very applicable for real life, but it did get published.) Here is a link to it, if you're interested:
https://www.wallstein-verlag.de/9783892448082.html

Hena - any further signs of AF? Hope not!!!!

 

[Hena]

Madrid, what a scare you had with the blood, don't worry though, like the others said it could just have been from intercourse, or something equally innocent. I'm glad your symptoms are strong again, it must give you comfort knowing your baby is growing! Your attitute is amazing, you bouyed me up from my self-pity in a big way. I'm still pretty sure this is AF becuase very shortly after my last post the cramping started, and I had a bit of blood a few hours ago, but after reading your post I think I'm in a better place about it.

mzswizz, massive for you. I know how bad it can be, even in the most loving, happiest couples. In our relationship it's usually job stress boiling over to the point where the tiniest word out of place can cause an explosion. You can imagine in a bi-lingual household how dangerous that can be. The most important thing to remember at times like this is how great it is when you're not fighting, and put in perspective the amount of time you spend loving each other versus the amount of time you spend feeling like this. Your love is worth a few bad days, isn't it? That's my 2 cents anyway. I hope you and DH are able to kiss and make up by tonight so you can salvage the weekend.

 

[Hena]

Chrissi, we were tying at the same time! Thanks for sharing the link, I find it very interesting. My favourite German prof at university did his PhD in comparative lit German English and Italian. I can't remember what his thesis was at the moment...a very interesting collection of short stories I'm sure you've heard of but the name escapes me.

 

[mzswizz]

Thanks ladies. I have written a letter to express how i feel and it will be waiting for him when he gets home. Every time i try and get everything out that im feeling, he always interrupts and asks questions and when im done answering, what i say next i either forget or it doesnt have any relevance. Hoping we can just figure out what to do and move on from it. Also i am having sharp pains on my left ovary side again. Feels kind of close to AF cramps.

Hena & Chrissi-I would like to say thank you for helping me. I greatly appreciate it . Also Hena keep us updated on the bleeding. Hopefully it doesnt turn into AF but you know how we women get once we see blood...prepare for the worst comes to mind.

 

[Hena]

Writing a letter was a great idea. That way he can read all of your concerns without extra emotion and ask questions when he's done. Hope it works!!

I had more blood last time I went to the toilet. It's very very very light, like I don't even need to line my inderwear with toilet paper, but I think it's time to accept that it's the If I weren't so many days dpo I'd think it could be IB, but 13dpo is just too late to hope for that. Looking for a bright side....I can go out and have a drink with my baby bro when I visit! I'd rather tell him he's going to be an uncle, but a few beers will make me forget all about it

 

[mzswizz]

Hena-Dont want to get you excited or drive you crazy but....one of the women in the other thread I am on hd late implantation like around 13dpo. The day before her AF was due so she thought AF then after that day no more blood. Few days later she got her BFP. So until it becomes a normal AF flow it is possible. Even though now I may have put you in mode

 

[dusty_sheep]

Hey you, we're having a busy weekend here with the Lo and everything, and it took me all day long to write your replies (been on and off computer), so I might be not up to date anymore as there've come a lot of new replies since I started writing.

stockinoki - I guess that's the bad thing about getting emotionally involved in things that happen on the internet. Just like in RL, you meet nice people and others you simply don't get along with. I've had a simliar experience in another forum, and I still visit and post there once in a blue moon, but not on a regular basis anymore.

Hena - I can so understand your disappointment. Still, you don't know for sure yet. Chocolate and idiot tv is a good idea, just make sure you don't get too depressed, okay?

mzswizz - I was hoping you'd be on a trip now, but I read you had an argument with your DH. I know that some days, you just don't feel like TTC, because the relationship is not okay. Still, I'm very sure that you guys get it sorted a little. Has this cycle passed for you without DTD?

RJ - nothing wrong about a glass of wine every now and then, otherwise TTC would be even more depressing than it can be at times.

Madrid - congrat on passing your exams, I have yet to do mine. And I can so relate to your wanting to get an US to make sure everything is alright. But yes, actually there's nothing you can do right now, except wait and hope.

Chrissi - I know how much it sucks to apply for jobs when you actually hope that you'll be pregnant by that time. I'd definitely go for that job, and if you get pregnant, you can still quit or ask for less working hours? Because if you don't take a job because you might be pregnant when it starts, you will regret that even more in case you aren't pregnant then (though I hope you get pregnant some time soon) Plus, nobody can expect you to "know" at this time - most women find out around week 4-8)

I am just a mom right now, home with the LO. She'll start day care pretty soon and I'll start an office job a little later and take some business classes at college alongside.

AFM

Hehe, we did it. twice This is TMI, but I was on top, so I don't know how much of the hit the goal. But once things worked really well, I didn't want to change positions anymore.

You guys were so right, because this was such a good quality and if I do get pregnant, I will remember how much fun we had when conceiving

I think it was a good decision to not tell DH about my ov days. After the desaster on Thursday, I didn't mention anymore, and I haven't been talking about conceiving #2 in a while. So, last night, it was all DH's decision to try again - and it worked!

Guess that means that in 2 weeks, I will know more. Because still, the chances to get pregnant are only about 20 %.

So, here's the facts:

After taking clomid and US, I got the injection that's supposed to make you ov on Thursday noon. Ov should be about 36 hours later, i.e. last night (Friday) when we DTD.

However, I had some kind of cramps (like when you ov) on Thursday morning already. So I don't really know when it happened. But... we DTD on Wed night as well, so I should be covered

 

[Hena]

YAY for dtd Dusty!!!! I always laugh when people say "just" a mom or "just" a housewife, because to me that would be one of the hardest jobs I can imagine! So much of my sanity depends on my hours out of the house engrossed in something entirely seperate from my home life that I can't imagine the 24-hour a day job that you have, with no pay or benefits, hats off to you for doing an important and difficut job.

lol, mzswizz, now I'm hopeful again

Theoretically, how many days past implantation would a test work? On the off-chance that this isn't really AF, could I reliably test tomorrow morning, or would that be too eary? I've had a few more drops (not even really spots) the only time I've seen blood like this before has been right after a bath at the very begining or very end of AF when you get a sort of red-brown watery spot on the paper, know what I mean? Gah, I'm going to make myself crazy lol.

 

[mzswizz]

Dusty-Seeing that my cycles are all over the place, I have no clue what could possibly be OV week. I dont think Im out but then again from seeing all the signs of OV last week I think it passed already. I hope we can sort things out.

Hena-I would say 3 or 4 days after implantation would be more idealistic or just to make sure a week. HCG rises every 2 to 3 days so you should be able to get results a few days later.

As for me I am sulking terribly. I was in our bedroom and saw that he has his wedding ring on the dresser. HE NEVER TAKES IT OFF . I dont know what to do at the moment. He hasnt even texted or call me. The last time I heard from him was when he said bye when he was leaving for work. Why does these things happen to me

 

[Hena]

Oh mzswizz! my DH did that to me once early in our marriage. It's so hurtful and unnecessary! Is there anything you can do to take your mind off of things for a few hours? You've already written your letter, and focusing on things will only make you feel worse.

 

[mzswizz]

Well I started cleaning up and feeding the dogs and now I am going to listen to music. Music always brings out my emotions and usually when I dance and my feelings go with it so Im just going to listen to music. And yes it is very hurtful and I had put his wedding band on top of my letter. I did have my wedding band and ring on there also but felt incomplete so its back on my finger where it belongs.

 

[Madrid98]

Hi again!!

mzswizz please don't worry about your argument or him taking off the ring. It could well be he's only done it in the heat of the moment or just to hurt you because he's also hurt about your argument. It's understandable to have arguments with our husbands, partners, children, & whoever that shares his/her life with us. It's part of relationships & to a certain extend is also healthy. We can't be always in because it'd be far too boring.
The letter is a very good idea. You have a chance to express how you feel and your worries to him & he'll be able to read it at his own pace & to realise the way to move forward.
As I've told you before I've been married for many years and believe me when I say that the best medicine for a good marriage is communication. There's no point in keeping to yourself how you feel and to expect the other to understand because none of us are mind readers. If we say how we feel as soon as things happen we may clear the air before it builds into a huge balloon.
I'm sure you're going to be fine. Just listen to each other & with love & understanding you'll work it out. Ttc puts a lot of pressure on us even if we don't realise it at times.

Dusty_sheep well done with your bd'ing. You've covered all the O days so you should be fine. It's a question of time before you'll know. Fx'd.

Chrissik I think is very interesting. I never thought about comparative literature but taking into account I speak both English and Spanish that could be a possibility for my thesis. I haven't had a chance to check the link but I will.

Hena hang in there . I hope it'll be just ib & that you can join me in bump world.

rjsman how are you? Is your dad better? Did you have fun at your friends? I'm sure you did

Stuckinoki is this the first time you've been away from home for so long? I don't know any more what being home sick means. I always find myself as if I don't belong either here nor in Spain. I don't think I could ever go back to live there again.

I've been out with the children shopping again for my dd . We have everything ready for her; I only need to be ready for it myself but I think that's impossible. You can't learn to live away from your dd even if it's only for a few weeks
I'm feeling ok today so far so good . I got cheap poundland tests just to have a go and see how things are going and the pic is attached. I'm drinking milk. I love full fat milk & I usually don't drink it but I'm just enjoying it so much these days. I'm taking advantage of not having to count fat or calories

XX

 

[Hena]

What a beautiful line, Madrid!!!

I'm glad you said what you did about being homesick (or not) I feel the same. I don't even know what to say when people ask where I'm from I had to make a conscience choice to consider "home" to be wherever I share a bed with my DH. I think one reason I love Switzerland so much is that it's neutral territory for us: neither of us is Swiss, so we're on even footing so to speak. Still, I wish Star Trek style transporters would hurry up and be invented so I could see my fam more often

 

[mzswizz]

Thanks Madrid for the advice and PMA. Also loving your lovely lines.

Well I just spoke with DH for the first time and cried my eyes out and I cant wait until he gets home because he now knows how Im feeling and he said we can sit down and talk about everything or we can just move on from it, its all up to me. For once, Im not forced into anything. Im hoping this will all work out and everything will get better. Im just praying this whole thing makes us closer.

 

[ChrissiK]

Good news then, Mzswizz! Phew!
Hope it all works out tonight. Just make a point to also listen to his side of the story after he read your letter. people can perceive the same situation so differently, esp. man and woman! I agree with Madrid that communication lines NEED to stay open, otherwise it's downhill from there. And for two people where one of them is a non-native speaker in an argument it is even easier to misinterpret. I learned the hard way (after 13 years of marriage) that he often means something else than I heard. He calls it "worst interpretation possible" selective hearing!

As for being homesick - I haven't lived in Germany for over 15 years, so when I visit I see everything through the eyes of a stranger, yet I don't feel rooted in the US or the UK either. Home is where my family unit is.
I like the UK as neutral territory, too. While I had to bend over backwards (green card, drivers license etc) in the US, it is now payback time and HE had to do all that (because my German passport gives me the same rights as Brits).

Madrid - I admire you sending your dd to grandparents (how old is she?). I have not done that step. The closest we came was last year when my dad watched the kids for 5 days at OUR house so that DH and I could go to Iceland... alone!!!

We are having a big 4th of July party tomorrow, mainly work people. I've been preparing food ALL day!

I had this freak incident yesterday that I check my saliva during the day and it ferned. It didn't do it that morning or later one, but just in case we