Is it right to smack a child?

[deafgal]

Some people I know personally who were spanked and claimed they were not harmed by it or anything, but it didn't help me be convinced when they are racists and lack of compassion to people who are different from them (they have an ideology that things must go their way or else..a form of control)

 

[pinklightbulb]

How does being smacked make you a racist? I've seen some out-there connontations of what smacking does but that's from left field if I ever saw anything from that far out!

 

[louandivy]

Yeah linking spanking with racism is reaaaaally reaching...as if the cause of racism is that simple

 

[xolily]

is it only me who was smacked as a child and isn't bothered by it? i was a little shit, my mam could tell me and tell me again, i never listened and reckon i made her life a misery to be fair.. i deserved what i got! with regards to my children, ignoring Laila seems to be working for us.. telling her off makes her do it more, a tap on the hand is a joke to her and if my mam says "do you want a smacky bum?" (literally a pat on the bum) she bends over! she truly hates being ignored so that is what's working atm! x

p.s. my OH is asian so it definitely didn't cause me to be racist or any less compassionate than the next person

 

[deafgal]

How does being smacked make you a racist? I've seen some out-there connontations of what smacking does but that's from left field if I ever saw anything from that far out!

I didn't say it make them racist, I said it didn't convinced me because they were. That's how they were raised. Their parents raised them the way they want them to think and behave.

I mean, here they are making racist comments, using the N word, and then say "I was spanked and I turned out fine" Whatever

btw, I don't know why people think people who don't get spanked won't turn out fine "Today generation are bad because people aren't spanking"

 

[pinklightbulb]

I was smacked and I don't fear my folks, not at all, we had issues but it wasn't because of that and I can honestly hand on heart say that being smacked had nothing to do with what my issues with them were. I get along with them both wonderfully now that we have sorted our differences.

 

[pinklightbulb]

How does being smacked make you a racist? I've seen some out-there connontations of what smacking does but that's from left field if I ever saw anything from that far out!

I didn't say it make them racist, I said it didn't convinced me because they were. That's how they were raised. Their parents raise them the way they want them to think and behave.

I might be thick but I still don't quite get what you're saying. I don't see any link between smacking and rasicm at all...

 

[deafgal]

I just think spanking is a form of control and fear by the parents. I often wonder if they weren't spanked and controlled by their parents, would they be more opened minded? Even if their own parents were racists?

 

[pinklightbulb]

I don't smack my son to 'control' him. Or to make him fear me. So I think I'm safe to say that there isn't any connection--at least not in my house or between me and my son

 

[JackiePed]

...
If you are close enough to smack your child when trying to touch something hot why not move them? If your hands can reach them while trying to run for the road, again...grab them. There are many different ways to teach our children without using force.

...

When people explain that they have used spanking or a smack on the hand as a method to teach "no" to dangerous situations such as grabbing something hot, sticking something in a socket, or attempting to run out into the road... they are referring to wanting to be SURE that the child will not attempt to do this again when the unfortunate circumstance happens where mom isn't fast enough, or when they are in someone else's company who perhaps isn't as vigilant as mum is...

No matter what... no matter how vigilant you are.... no matter how attentive you are... these things can happen unless
1.) your child is strapped to you at ALL times
2.) your child is never, ever under anyone else's supervision

That ^^ is a rare situation, I'm assuming.

So yes, you could pull your child out of the way, remove them from the situation... and that keeps them safe in that moment...but the purpose of the swat on the hand that has been mentioned in those situations is to teach the immediate association of "this action = OW!"

I have mentioned before... I personally only see the point/benefit of this during the short interim period where baby is mobile but hasn't learned yet what "Ow!" means. A smack on the hand right by that hot oven with a vehement "Ow!" will teach them the word "Ow!" very quickly ('ow' means it will hurt me). After that, you only have to whisk the child's hand away and say "No. Ow!!" in another situation like that, and they'll usually get the point.
It is a teaching tool... not cruel, not forcing, not a power struggle, not a belittlement.

 

[bumpy_j]

I doubt anyone here would smack their kid for having a different opinion to them - that's a whole other level...

 

[ShanandBoc]

...
If you are close enough to smack your child when trying to touch something hot why not move them? If your hands can reach them while trying to run for the road, again...grab them. There are many different ways to teach our children without using force.

...

When people explain that they have used spanking or a smack on the hand as a method to teach "no" to dangerous situations such as grabbing something hot, sticking something in a socket, or attempting to run out into the road... they are referring to wanting to be SURE that the child will not attempt to do this again when the unfortunate circumstance happens where mom isn't fast enough, or when they are in someone else's company who perhaps isn't as vigilant as mum is...

No matter what... no matter how vigilant you are.... no matter how attentive you are... these things can happen unless
1.) your child is strapped to you at ALL times
2.) your child is never, ever under anyone else's supervision

That ^^ is a rare situation, I'm assuming.

So yes, you could pull your child out of the way, remove them from the situation... and that keeps them safe in that moment...but the purpose of the swat on the hand that has been mentioned in those situations is to teach the immediate association of "this action = OW!"

I have mentioned before... I personally only see the point/benefit of this during the short interim period where baby is mobile but hasn't learned yet what "Ow!" means. A smack on the hand right by that hot oven with a vehement "Ow!" will teach them the word "Ow!" very quickly ('ow' means it will hurt me). After that, you only have to whisk the child's hand away and say "No. Ow!!" in another situation like that, and they'll usually get the point.
It is a teaching tool... not cruel, not forcing, not a power struggle, not a belittlement.

Explained brilliantly, thank you

 

[deafgal]

I doubt anyone here would smack their kid for having a different opinion to them - that's a whole other level...

actually people have, but I wasn't about that.

 

[JackiePed]

Well.... in fairness... she said "anyone here"... I think she was inferring that by the very nature that moms are on BnB and wanting to swap advice, etc.. and learn how to be a better mom, they're probably not the type of people who would smack their child for a difference in opinion.

 

[bumpy_j]

yeah I was directly referring to the mums on this debate and I'm sure that the general BnB community fits into that ideal too. I am under no illusion that there are some people who hit their kids into submission simply to force their viewpoints on them be it with racism, religion etc however I would class them as abusive.

 

[deafgal]

no I mean they fear to think differently from their parents, even if their parents don't spank them for having a different opinion.It's a matter of seeking their approval.

 

[pinklightbulb]

To JackiePed: You explained it exactly how I did further backthead, thank you for doing again for me so I didn't have to lol.

 

[indy and lara]

Honestly, I am getting rather fed up of having to say over and over again that the occasional smack had ABSOLUTELY NO IMPACT ON MY LIFE. Whether you choose to believe that or not please do not constantly tell me that I am wrong/ deluded/ on the side of racists/ covering up buried and suppressed emotions/ etc because I AM NOT.

I know me better than any psychologist or stranger on the internet. Having gone through extensive counselling after the death of my Mum from an illness which may well affect me and the death of my son I think I can safely say that I have no deep underlying issues caused my smacking and in my experience, I am the majority not minority. I am sure most people didn't like getting smacked and can remember that as adults but that is not the same as suffering longterm trauma from it.

Can we please stop linking together parents who beat their kids into submission and terrorise them with those who occasional or have occasionally smacked their child?They are not the same and it is actually very insulting.

 

[ShanandBoc]

I was smacked very occasionally as a child too Indy and lara, so were my 5 brothers and sisters and we have the most loving relationship with our mum, always have. I have no ill feelings about it all now, nor did it affect me at the time, i did not fear her at all and never have, all it did was correct my behavior and teach me that i really overstepped the line on those occasions!

Im sick of the generalizations and assumptions in this thread also

 

[Gen79]

Honestly, I am getting rather fed up of having to say over and over again that the occasional smack had ABSOLUTELY NO IMPACT ON MY LIFE. Whether you choose to believe that or not please do not constantly tell me that I am wrong/ deluded/ on the side of racists/ covering up buried and suppressed emotions/ etc because I AM NOT.

I know me better than any psychologist or stranger on the internet. Having gone through extensive counselling after the death of my Mum from an illness which may well affect me and the death of my son I think I can safely say that I have no deep underlying issues caused my smacking and in my experience, I am the majority not minority. I am sure most people didn't like getting smacked and can remember that as adults but that is not the same as suffering longterm trauma from it.

Can we please stop linking together parents who beat their kids into submission and terrorise them with those who occasional or have occasionally smacked their child?They are not the same and it is actually very insulting.

I was with you until you said you were the majority rather than the minority. That's just a subjective opinion, you have no proof of that. However, I will admit that a handful of smacks over the course of an entire childhood is unlikely to scar a child much, depending on the personality of said child.

That doesn't mean its right though.