Is it right to smack a child?

[ShanandBoc]

Sigh!!!!!! :/

 

[Gen79]

https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2002/06/spanking.aspx

"Until researchers, clinicians, and parents can definitively demonstrate the presence of positive effects of corporal punishment, including effectiveness in halting future misbehavior, not just the absence of negative effects, we as psychologists can not responsibly recommend its use," Gershoff writes.

In other words, there's no proof it actually works at all in the long term.

 

[Dragonfly]

My boy isn't scared of me

I don't smack my son to 'control' him. Or to make him fear me. So I think I'm safe to say that there isn't any connection--at least not in my house or between me and my son

So why do you do it then if he isnt to make him scared or control him?

 

[ShanandBoc]

^the same reasons u use whatever forms of discipline you do with your children!!

 

[pinklightbulb]

My boy isn't scared of me

I don't smack my son to 'control' him. Or to make him fear me. So I think I'm safe to say that there isn't any connection--at least not in my house or between me and my son

So why do you do it then if he isnt to make him scared or control him?

I've already said multiple times backthread my reasons for smacking 'occasionally'. JackiePed explained again why I use it when confronted with a potentially dangerous situation-- to teach that touching something hot/dangerous/running out onto the road will be painful. My toddler isn't one that likes to listen and often chooses to disregard what I say and I don't want him to ignore me when it comes time to teach him that certain situations are very dangerous. I'd rather smack at the scene than deal with a burnt/fried/run over toddler because he is wilful and refuses to listen unless I repeat myself multiple times-- something that I may not have time for in the moment.

 

[Dragonfly]

My boy isn't scared of me

I don't smack my son to 'control' him. Or to make him fear me. So I think I'm safe to say that there isn't any connection--at least not in my house or between me and my son

So why do you do it then if he isnt to make him scared or control him?

I've already said multiple times backthread my reasons for smacking 'occasionally'. JackiePed explained again why I use it when confronted with a potentially dangerous situation-- to teach that touching something hot/dangerous/running out onto the road will be painful. My toddler isn't one that likes to listen and often chooses to disregard what I say and I don't want him to ignore me when it comes time to teach him that certain situations are very dangerous. I'd rather smack at the scene than deal with a burnt/fried/run over toddler because he is wilful and refuses to listen unless I repeat myself multiple times-- something that I may not have time for in the moment.

Would you not want your son to know something was dangerous rather than he gets hit if he goes near this and that? isnt that confusing? I havnt ever had to hit either of mine for doing near something dangerous I have plugs hidden and have them safe (not saying you dont but I cant see why any one would hit a child for being in danger). It seems parents do this when they loose it out of fear themselves? smacking at that time will cause the shock and to stop so it appears to have worked but dosnt teach whats dangerous or lessons in the long term. Most often they will do it again in defiance or for attention still not knowing there is actual real danger there apart from the smack which they already know about. I just feel there are other better ways at getting the point across.

If I put myself in a childs shoes that happened to soon as I got hit I would feel ashamed and embarrassed

 

[pinklightbulb]

I do it because I know my son and he responds immediately to being smacked-- he doesn't when warnings are yelled. So in dangerous situations I know it will be effective. I don't use smacking all the time or he would become complacent as he has about yelled warnings/distraction/etc. I use smacking for situations where he 100% needs to learn that something is completely off-limits.
The times I have smacked, he has never done what it was for again-- he has associated the powerpoints/oven with the sting of being smacked on the hand and doesn't want to experience it again, so hasn't tried. I don't do it to hurt him-- a sting is all that is really needed to imprint in their minds that the consequence of what he is doing is not something he wants to experience every time he goes near the object.
Using words/distraction techniques is fine for most things, but as I said, my son is very stubborn and I don't want the time he doesn't listen and I choose not to use the effective method of discipline I KNOW works to be the time he is seriously injured/killed.

 

[Dragonfly]

Ok you know what you are doing then it is a distraction I dont believe its for pain now that you explained but the shock to stop them. I cant agree it would be best way to teach a lesson but if you wanted to stop a child by shock then that would work. I just explain to my son its dangerous and he did catch on and tells me things are dangerous now.

 

[pinklightbulb]

Mine doesn't so I use what I know works. Wish I had a kid who liked to listen lol.

 

[indy and lara]

Honestly, I am getting rather fed up of having to say over and over again that the occasional smack had ABSOLUTELY NO IMPACT ON MY LIFE. Whether you choose to believe that or not please do not constantly tell me that I am wrong/ deluded/ on the side of racists/ covering up buried and suppressed emotions/ etc because I AM NOT.

I know me better than any psychologist or stranger on the internet. Having gone through extensive counselling after the death of my Mum from an illness which may well affect me and the death of my son I think I can safely say that I have no deep underlying issues caused my smacking and in my experience, I am the majority not minority. I am sure most people didn't like getting smacked and can remember that as adults but that is not the same as suffering longterm trauma from it.

Can we please stop linking together parents who beat their kids into submission and terrorise them with those who occasional or have occasionally smacked their child?They are not the same and it is actually very insulting.

I was with you until you said you were the majority rather than the minority. That's just a subjective opinion, you have no proof of that. However, I will admit that a handful of smacks over the course of an entire childhood is unlikely to scar a child much, depending on the personality of said child.

That doesn't mean its right though.

I said in my experience, referring to friends, family and the parents I work with. It is my opinion but is based on my experience and was prefaced as such. This thread, like most on a forum are based on personal opinion and interpretation. It is afterall not right in your opinion, but okay in others' opinion.

 

[Dragonfly]

Mine doesn't so I use what I know works. Wish I had a kid who liked to listen lol.

I just noticed mine knows by the sound the alarm in my voice and immediately would back off. Sometimes Alex picks stuff up and puts in his mouth if i panic and go for what it is he drops it and moves away he sensed danger from me. I dont know why both mine do that I thought all kids did that.,

 

[pinklightbulb]

No mine gets complacent like I said, the more often I yell in alarm the less he registers it. It gets to the point he totally ignores me and that's dangerous

 

[indy and lara]

Dragonfly you can't put yourself in an other person's shoes and know how they feel. You can suppose and imagine. You can also imagine how you would feel but this is based on you and your own experiences.

 

[Dragonfly]

Dragonfly you can't put yourself in an other person's shoes and know how they feel. You can suppose and imagine. You can also imagine how you would feel but this is based on you and your own experiences.

Thats why i was asking questions and only saying what I felt and yes on my own experience. Kinda stating the obvious there. I am trying to put myself in someones elses shoes to understand though . Maybe I think there are better ways but I am not there so I cant tell really for them. Only speaking from what I would do.

I hope that makes sence.

 

[pinklightbulb]

Makes sense to me. I don't know what it's like to have a child that responds well to verbal warnings but I can dream about how nice it might be

 

[Eve]

I didnt repeat my "bad" behavior as I "feared" a spanking would happen. You can say your child doesnt fear you... But then why would they stop the undesired behavior? Clearly the child at such a young age doesnt understand your real reasons behind striking him...? I cant see my two year old thinking how lovely of a mum I am as I hit her to protect her which the hit was the lesser of two evils.. Her logic and understanding is totally different than that of an adult. If I hit her I couldnt imagine what would go through her little innocent head

 

[Eve]

What about time out? That has worked for many.

 

[Laura2919]

I was smacked as a child. I use the same as what my mum and dad did.

The girls get one warning, then another, then naughty step and when all else fails a smack on the hand, not hard. I dont whack them or lose my temper with them. I've warned them they know the drill. Most of the time they stop at the second warning.

I wouldnt want the girls to fear me. I dont smack the girls each and every time they are naughty.

 

[AppleBlossom]

Time out has never worked for Grace. Ever. Not through lack of trying either, let me tell you

 

[Eve]

I dont use time out. I baby proof, keep an eye on her and when all else fails I give a firm no and say why. She uaed to always run for the bathroom when the door was left open and through lots of repetition and a patient mum she now doesnt bother it works for me.