Is it right to smack a child?

[pinklightbulb]

Lol!

 

[Bex84]

I wont smaking shows a lack of control, you should be able to disapline a child without resorting to violence. If you smack you are teaching a child if they are upset by something its ok to smack, I got annoyed when teaching when a child smacked another and said, 'but my mum and dad smack me so smacking is not wrong' when explaining to a child smacking is the wrong choise to make.

 

[Laura2919]

I wont smaking shows a lack of control, you should be able to disapline a child without resorting to violence. If you smack you are teaching a child if they are upset by something its ok to smack, I got annoyed when teaching when a child smacked another and said, 'but my mum and dad smack me so smacking is not wrong' when explaining to a child smacking is the wrong choise to make.

Thats what I call a sweeping statement. I think everyone is different and I don't see it as a lack of control.

 

[JASMAK]

I wont smaking shows a lack of control, you should be able to disapline a child without resorting to violence. If you smack you are teaching a child if they are upset by something its ok to smack, I got annoyed when teaching when a child smacked another and said, 'but my mum and dad smack me so smacking is not wrong' when explaining to a child smacking is the wrong choise to make.

Thats what I call a sweeping statement. I think everyone is different and I don't see it as a lack of control.

It's her opinion, and she's entitled to it, like everyone else. It may not be yours, but it's hers.

 

[Rhi_Rhi1]

isn't an opinion different from generalisations ?

 

[pinklightbulb]

She said 'smacking shows a lack of control', not 'I feel that smacking has a lack of control'. To me, one is a sweeping generalisation, the other an opinion worded properly.

 

[JASMAK]

i think that is nit-picking...i am pretty sure that is what she meant.

 

[ShanandBoc]

Ah im so glad this thread has been resurrected again!!

 

[Laura2919]

I wont smaking shows a lack of control, you should be able to disapline a child without resorting to violence. If you smack you are teaching a child if they are upset by something its ok to smack, I got annoyed when teaching when a child smacked another and said, 'but my mum and dad smack me so smacking is not wrong' when explaining to a child smacking is the wrong choise to make.

Thats what I call a sweeping statement. I think everyone is different and I don't see it as a lack of control.

It's her opinion, and she's entitled to it, like everyone else. It may not be yours, but it's hers.

Wow state the obvious.. doesn't mean I'm not allowed to say my bit.. I don't agree so there is my opinion.

And she said smacking shows a lack of control so she means in all cases that people use smacking. Personally I think a lack of control is when you lose your temper not a little tap on the wrist..

 

[nosocks]

I don't think we need to say 'in my opinion' before we say anything- it's pretty obvious we are stating an opinion.

I won't smack. As a teacher I never wished I was able to- and I had 30 children- many of who'm had behavioural issues. I believe there are so many other 'tools' that can be used to manage behaviour.... Like rewards, positive enforcement, time out, modelling good behaviour and hundreds of others.
I just wonder why it is that smacking is used- in my opinion it is like saying 'I'm bigger and stronger than you' and surely has to instill some fear into a child and I wouldn't want any child to feel fear like that especially towards me. That is why I will not shout at my child (ok, maybe not until they're 16 and still haven't tidied their room)
I want a relationship with my children that has mutual respect. I wouldn't respect another adult who smacked, slapped or tapped me when they disagreed with me!
Isn't it a very old fashioned way of bringing up children.
Just my opinion and I know that many parents choose this way- and I respect that everyone has different ways of doing it- it's definately one of the more difficult aspects to get my head round though.

 

[JASMAK]

well said nosocks. I agree, that there are other tools. You said it much more eloquently than I ever could (never been great at getting my point across).

 

[pinklightbulb]

Just pointing out how feathers get ruffled is all... one way is almost guaranteed to do it, one isn't so black-and-white in its context. Sorry, will bow out again now

 

[Laura2919]

How do you know what other tools people use? I've tried naughty step, time out, seperating the twins, you name it I have tried it. Sometimes they listen and other times they don't. Its typical that you get your odd person saying yes there are other tools blah blah blah but have you actually asked if people have tried them before jumping to conclusions. Things work for some and don't work for others, remember that all children are different..

 

[pinklightbulb]

Mine doesn't respond to the naughty step either, or time out, or taking away of toys. It's hard when they're stubborn like that. Mine's almost 2 so I don't know that these techniques can really be used effectively anyway though.

 

[Bex84]

sorry if people think it was a genralisation, I didnt mean it that way. I worked in a school with alot of behavoral problems and in my class had some severe cases, I never felt the need to smack as, as another poster said there are other tools to use. I think its your choice what you do, I have had to deal with children who have smacked others and often they will say 'well ----- was naughty so I smacked them' as they see correction to be a smack, I apoliguise if I offended anyone, maybe you dont see smacking as a lack of control, different tools work for different children. I do know that not all tools work for all children. I personally wouldent go to hitting though.

 

[nosocks]

Can you imagine if a teacher at the end of a day said to a parent 'sorry I tried everything else- they didn't listen so I smacked them'. As a teacher- I would've been sacked and dragged through the courts no doubt! Smacking, caning etc was banned in schools for a reason. Now you can barely hold a Childs hand without worrying it will come back to haunt you! That's a different story though.
I completely understand every child is different- I had 30 different ones in my class aged 4.... And most of the time I was on my own with them. I was unbelievably frustrated a lot of the time with particular childrens behaviour. I completely understand that it is hard- I am a parent.
As a teacher I learnt that you just have to find the tool that works for the particular child- I agree the naughty step might not work with all children. But I really don't believe that 'the only thing that works for some children is a smack, spank etc'
I'm really not criticising anyone I just simple wanted to point out that I worry smacking instills fear and behaviour management shouldn't be about fear.

 

[nosocks]

Mine doesn't respond to the naughty step either, or time out, or taking away of toys. It's hard when they're stubborn like that. Mine's almost 2 so I don't know that these techniques can really be used effectively anyway though.

So you smack A young child because other techniques won't be effective? That really doesn't make sense to me- if anything I would say a smack would work better for an older child that you can explain to- 'if you continue to be naughty, I'm going to have to smack you'..... A young child probably things- 'why the hell did you smack me?'
There are so so so many different ways of doing things. Why is smacking a child different to smacking your husband?

 

[Bex84]

completly agree no socks and have to say I have worked with a few parents who smacked due to they couldent find anything that worked and finally found smacking didnt either, and always come up with other ways to disipline, best one I find is positive reinforcement of good behaviour rather than constant negative reinforcement of bad behaviour.

 

[nosocks]

The fact that people seem adamant nothing works but a smack would indicate something worrying to me.
Should we think about what it is that makes smacking more effective? Why do children stop when smacked? Fear, pain, worry, being scared of what else may happen? Children will love their parents no matter what- we shouldn't take advantage of that. If my husband smacked me I'd tell him where to go- if my husband smacked my young child, she wouldn't hold a grudge- she would still love her daddy.

 

[Bex84]

Totally agree nosocks I think you have put it alot more elloquently than me.