Is it right to smack a child?

[JASMAK]

That's agreed Dragonfly, however some who use 'negative' (your judgement not mine) parenting techniques but do not spank a child, seem to think it is appropriate to look down on those who smack... When actually smacking is not the issue. Tactics, control and reasonability are the issue.

Just giving my opinion take it how you will.

I thought this thread was about smacking? Just saying I don't do it. Thats how I view it. I wasnt smacked and turned out ok.

ditto...never was hit as a child (or adult). Thank goodness!! I think I turned out pretty good, actually. Sure there is stuff I think my parents could have done differently, and I try to learn from their mistakes too. I want to give my kids the BEST chance at this crazy world.

 

[Dragonfly]

Sorry you didn't appreciate the conversation/clarification of each others views...

Which is all it was.

ok.

 

[feeble]

What's really odd, is that you started the discussion (with me) and then got thoroughly put out when I... Well... Discussed it...

Strange, but true...

 

[JASMAK]

What's really odd, is that you started the discussion (with me) and then got thoroughly put out when I... Well... Discussed it...

Strange, but true...

I think she's just trying to get back on track, is all. Try not to take all these 'debates' so personally hon.

 

[Dragonfly]

I am not trying to back track anything I just have no idea what feeble is talking about? I am not put out either just stated my opinion. Am I missing something here? clearly am.

 

[nosocks]

Dragonfly- I'm lost too......

This thread is about smacking.... And I think most people who have said they don't agree with smacking have also said they wouldn't shout or scream at their LO either so not really sure what we're debating now?!

And I don't actually believe smacking and shouting are the same (still won't do either) in my opinion
And I do believe a 'spank' is still uneccessary.

 

[Dragonfly]

Dragonfly- I'm lost too......

This thread is about smacking.... And I think most people who have said they don't agree with smacking have also said they wouldn't shout or scream at their LO either so not really sure what we're debating now?!

And I don't actually believe smacking and shouting are the same (still won't do either) in my opinion
And I do believe a 'spank' is still uneccessary.

Thought I missed something there, I am usually multitasking when here. I agree with you and also think we all have to agree to disagree at this point as we wont make each other see their side and change. I dont hit my kids thats it. I wasnt hit either and see no call for it. Others do. Same old same old over again.

 

[Tiff]

I personally don't believe in smacking. Hubby on the other hand was raised in an "spare the rod, spoil the child" environment. There was legitimate phsyical abuse as well.

We clash because (of course) most people believe that how they were raised is normal so he very much wants Claire to get a spanking if she's been bad. My parents didn't overly hit me as a kid, there were a few spanks here and there but for the most part I deserved it.

The only way that I (finally) convinced him that it wasn't a good idea is that we're trying to teach her as a toddler that she shouldn't hit when she's angry. So I don't understand how we're to live the double standard that it isn't okay for her to hit us when she's upset with what we are doing but its okay for us to hit her.

JMO.


That being said, we do Time Outs with Claire and that seems to work well. She hates being separated from us and it gets through to her far better than us hitting her. Its to the point now that we only have to ask if she needs a time out and she'll shake her head "no" and calm down and use her words to express why she's upset.

There's people who don't agree with Time Outs either. But it works for our household.

 

[JASMAK]

I am not trying to back track anything I just have no idea what feeble is talking about? I am not put out either just stated my opinion. Am I missing something here? clearly am.

no, i didn't mean back-track, i meant get on track...with you saying its about smacking not shouting...i think that's what you said??? i dunno.

 

[xolily]

wow.. i wish i was a parent who didn't shout!

 

[pinklightbulb]

OH and I clash too-- I only believe in smacking as a last resort/in dangerous situations where Eamon isn't listening but he wants him smacked after one warning. Needless to say it hasn't happened his way. There are lines and for me that crosses them.

 

[angelandbump]

I had my bum smacked as a child and it did me no harm. I am a hard working mum, I have a great relationship with my partner, I have no criminal record and I wouldn't change my up brinning for the world. My mum used it as a last resort and i would say i was only smacked a hand full of times.

My LO gets his hand tapped when he touches sockets (he pulls out the safety sockets and actual electrical items) If anyone says it's because i don't keep an eye on my child enough is wrong.
I NEVER tap his hand out of anger as that is wrong. I have tried telling my LO no, I have tried distracting him, I have tried covering them up but he keeps going back and IMO a tap on the hand is better than an electric shock that could kill him.

As i said before, a parent should never smack tap out of anger as that is wrong, but i see no wrong in what i did and to be honest, he doesn't go to the sockets now and has NEVER once showed any fear towards me.

 

[Dragonfly]

I never hit my sons for going near sockets but they know not to now. They know they are dangerous. I kept them hidden till they understood this. If I hit them they wouldnt know it was dangerous just that I would hurt them if they went there.

 

[nosocks]

i'm curious as to how someone who taps, slaps, spanks, hits etc 'know' for sure that their child is not fearful of them or their actions. They may not scream, cower, run away or cry but doesnt mean it doesnt hurt them in some way. And is a 'tap' meant to cause pain? because i think if I just tapped my LO's hand and it was very gentle like i imagine a tap to be... I'm sure she'd just smile at me!
My LO loves plugs- so I firmly tell her 'no'... pick her up and move her away- finding something else to distract her. I may do this 10 times a day but I would rather be consistent than cause her discomfort. I did this with our fire guard and she doesnt go near it- IF she does all it takes is me to say no.

 

[angelandbump]

I actually spoke to my health visitor as i was at my whits end not knowing how to keep him away and she stayed and supervised me (on request) one afternoon and she even comented on how persistent he was and she was the one who advised me to tap his hand as she felt that hiding the sockets was not resolving the problem. She said there is a difference between a tap and a smack and harming a child. She is very much against the "naughty step" and also calling a child bad or naughty.

I have only tapped his hand twice and i actually felt full of guilt but the health visitor was the one who advised me that a tap is better then an electric shock and i agree'd. I take on all advice when it comes to LO as i am a first time mum.

Oh and if you met my son, you'd see he is the happiest baby and everyone comments on how he is always smilling, always happy and a proper mummies boy. I know my son better than anyone ever will and I KNOW he isn't scared of me...

 

[Dragonfly]

I just meant teaching the real danger of the socket, sometimes when kids get scolded to much and not learn the dangers they do not understand why and sometimes can be defiant and touch them again or when you arnt around to smack.

 

[angelandbump]

I never hit my sons for going near sockets but they know not to now. They know they are dangerous. I kept them hidden till they understood this. If I hit them they wouldnt know it was dangerous just that I would hurt them if they went there.

I think there is a line between hitting which "hurts" and tapping a hand. I have NEVER hit my son and never made cry by tapping his hand

 

[angelandbump]

I just meant teaching the real danger of the socket, sometimes when kids get scolded to much and not learn the dangers they do not understand why and sometimes can be defiant and touch them again or when you arnt around to smack.

He is only 1... When i see him touching them, i go down to his level and say no and tell him it's dangerous but I could be speaking french to him for all he knows. He understands no but it doesn't stop him. I don't know if he is testing the boundrys as we have just moved home and was never interested in the sockets at out old house or what but i am doing my best to keep my child safe.

 

[Dragonfly]

I never hit my sons for going near sockets but they know not to now. They know they are dangerous. I kept them hidden till they understood this. If I hit them they wouldnt know it was dangerous just that I would hurt them if they went there.

I think there is a line between hitting which "hurts" and tapping a hand. I have NEVER hit my son and never made cry by tapping his hand

Sorry I didnt explain right aside from however hard you smack, tap how will they know something is dangerous if you just tap, smack? what if you arnt there to tap ? sometimes kids do stuff away from eyes of parents who tap and smack as they feel freerer . Inquisitive children especially. Will want to know whats wrong with this plug that they get tapped for it. My 3 year old tells me things are dangerous now and i never tapped, slapped, smacked it in him. Give them credit to learn.

 

[angelandbump]

I never hit my sons for going near sockets but they know not to now. They know they are dangerous. I kept them hidden till they understood this. If I hit them they wouldnt know it was dangerous just that I would hurt them if they went there.

I think there is a line between hitting which "hurts" and tapping a hand. I have NEVER hit my son and never made cry by tapping his hand

Sorry I didnt explain right aside from however hard you smack, tap how will they know something is dangerous if you just tap, smack? what if you arnt there to tap ? sometimes kids do stuff away from eyes of parents who tap and smack as they feel freerer . Inquisitive children especially. Will want to know whats wrong with this plug that they get tapped for it. My 3 year old tells me things are dangerous now and i never tapped, slapped, smacked it in him. Give them credit to learn.

I agree with you here, my son is very inquisitive is in to everything (like most 1 year olds i suppose). I understnad what your saying about his understanding i will take that on and maybe just explain every time until he does understand