Is it right to smack a child?

[Laura2919]

This ain't about teachers! Its about parents.

 

[Bex84]

I know its about parents and I said to parents when working as a teacher that being a parent is different too teaching and I could only tell them what worked for me. I was linking my experience of behavoral managements techniques. This is just my opinion, you are entitled to your own. I have personally decided that I will never smack my child, I grew up in a home where smacking did not happen so that probably colours my opinion, my mother was a child minder so was always looking after alot of children some who had behavoiral problems, my methods of parenting are linked to what I saw growing up and also my own experiences of working with children in the 0-11 age group. There are shades of grey and I understand a tap is different to a smack. I know my child will make mistakes and have personally decided to use positive reinforcement of good behaviour and to try and guide my child to make the right decision through having firm consequences. I am in no way personally attacking your own views, everyone parents differently, I should have written in my first post that it was my opinion and it was unfair as it sounded like a genralisation and sweeping statement. I was looking after my LO so I was not thinking about the need to state it was my opinion due to I thought it was obvious. My daughter is still young and I know that when she is older she will test the boundries as every child does. I personally dont believe in smacking so will try and use the things I have learnt through my experiences. I am sorry if I offended anyone, I should have thought more about how I worded my posts

 

[nosocks]

I know it's not about teachers- I was just trying to show how there is always another way. I know things can be hard and we can all run out of ideas I just think that there is always another alternative to making our children be good out of fear.

 

[JASMAK]

Actually, the debate was "Is it Right to Smack a Child", not "Your child". Personally, (and we all know I how I feel on this issue) but if a teacher can't, then a parent shouldn't. That is just MY opinion though. LOL

 

[pinklightbulb]

To those who asked, if you read back I have explained where and why I use smacking and why it is only effective in certain situations.

 

[WantingABubba]

I'm glad that most of you seem to be against violence. I am VERY against it, and find most people don't share my views about it. So glad most of are you against it.

 

[WantingABubba]

Sorry if it was posted before. I seen it on a lovely fb page and well... It speaks truth

What page was this? I think I'd like to join it!

 

[WantingABubba]

IMO children behaviour in the past 10year has become out of control. I know SO many children that just don't listen and are crazy little brats. Spanking taught me when I was a child not to do things, these days all the child gets is a "Don't do that" so then they just associate bad with a telling off, woohoo. As a child I associated being naughty with a spank on the bum and sent to my room.

Well see when LO gets older and depending on what he does to if I will spank him, I will use all techniques before ever resorting to that. My mother used to chase me around with a razor strop to whoop my ass. I would run for my life. What it teaches them is to associate bad decissions with a spank, then they will think twice. Mum was telling me the first spank I got was when I was trying to stick a fork in a power socket. She would never strike me anywhere but my bum, it onlyever gave me a fright and that was enought to makeme cry! I remember once me playing up being a total little shitand not going to be as mum asked, dad could hear all this from the bath, he got out and gave me a good smack on the arse, mum even cried. But thats horrible, these days you will get locked up for doing that.

To be honest, all the 'bratty children' I've seen have horrible 'Mothers' who ignore them, shout at them, hit them and generally speak to them like they're a piece of shit, and this is in public, so God knows what they're like to their children behind closed doors. I have rarely seen a 'bratty child' who isn't hit. Yes, some people are scared to discipline their children but that's not an excuse to hit :S There are several types of discpline, it doesn't need to be extremes of hitting or not disciplining.

And as for being locked up for what your parents done, it's a good thing, IMO, that parents get in trouble for doing that these days. Children are not possessions to be hit.

 

[WantingABubba]

By the way, I was hit as a child and I can tell you it's had a massive, massive effect on me. I'm an emotional mess, and do not respect my Mum in the slightest. I am so VERY against hitting, probably because of my own experiences. I cry inside every time I see a child getting hit, threatened, ignored or spoken to like a piece of crap, and I see this ALL THE TIME.

 

[WantingABubba]

Haha...wow......... I'm pretty sure the 6 or 7 times I was spanked throughout my childhood had absolutely no impact on my life whatsoever....aside from me never even thinking of repeating my poor choices that resulted in the swat on the butt to begin with!
Any psychologist who wants to tell me otherwise can find bite me!

And there is a definite increase in lazy parenting and bratty kids! Not saying that it's because less parents spank these days...but I think so many young parents are getting the notion that even saying "NO!" to their kids is emotionally abusive! Who knows....maybe some bored psychologist will come up with a study in the near future that will "confirm" that saying no to our children is traumatizing..

Some woman (my age...early 20's) was sitting in church the other week with her two year old who was climbing on the seats like a jungle gym. She told him to sit down and plopped his butt on the chair. He was PISSED, stood up, and punched her in the face! The mom chuckled and said in a BABY VOICE(!!?!), "Oh no tweetie...dat's not vewy nice!"
What is this world coming to!!

what should she have done to a toddler in your opinion?

I would have suggested a FIRM voice to say NO, not baby talk. And also saying that if he was going to behave like that then they would have to leave. And follow through.

There are so manyparents who never follow through to demonstrate that there are consequences for actions. They simply make empty threats. When we say to E that we are going to leave/ stop activity if XYZ behaviour continues then we ALWAYS follow through. Sometimes it is more painful for us (eg, really poor behaviour at soft play means we all have to leave, even if I have just started my coffee) but consistency is the key.

^I can agree with this, but I've seen so many parents lack consistancy (sp?), and hit. It's stupid. My way of discipline is to follow through.

 

[beccad]

I won't be using smacking to discipline my kids. If I hit an adult that would be assualt. I was smacked as a child and to be honest was just plain scared of my mum most of the time. It never stopped me misbehaving (not that I was a particularly naughty child). A smack was her first response, and if that didn't get the required response she just whacked me harder or more times. I still associate certain actions/noises with anger or being smacked. My mum always did vacuuming when she was cross with my brother or I, and to this day I still jump when I hear a vacuum cleaner, or go running around trying to be helpful and do stuff so as not to piss off DH if he's vacuuming or make amends for something I didn't know I was meant to be doing. He's never pissed off with me and finds the whole association totally bizzare, he's just doing the hoovering!

I don't want my kids to be scared of me.

 

[feeble]

I see no difference between smacking a child (gently not talking about massive whacks here) and shouting loudly at a child

Both are shock tactics, used usually in moments of extremity like a child trying to run across a road without looking or trying to grab something electrical

I think the only massive difference is that people who dont smack big themselves up a lot, rather than accepting that actually ANY out of control reaction to a child is not really on (though sometimes understandable) when actually, if you scream at a child your creating exactly the same shock emotions as if you smacked them

 

[Dragonfly]

I see no difference between smacking a child (gently not talking about massive whacks here) and shouting loudly at a child

Both are shock tactics, used usually in moments of extremity like a child trying to run across a road without looking or trying to grab something electrical

I think the only massive difference is that people who dont smack big themselves up a lot, rather than accepting that actually ANY out of control reaction to a child is not really on (though sometimes understandable) when actually, if you scream at a child your creating exactly the same shock emotions as if you smacked them

And then there are people who dont scream at their kids either. Just because you dont spank dosnt mean you scream at them. I have had little cause for ever going mad and screaming let alone spanking. Same as I wouldnt do an adult. I just try and treat like I would like to be treated. I dont have children that go mad at me, hit, kick or be violent that need hidings. Its not my style.

 

[feeble]

That i can understand Dragonfly, i just dont understand why there is the huge difference between parents that smack and parents that dont.

on VERY rare occasions i would spank a child, i also would never scream at them at full throttle i was just trying to show, that actually a smack that is light and careful, is very different from a 'hiding'

like a shout in frustration is very different from a scream in anger

 

[Bex84]

One of the things I learnt working with children that lowering your tone and speeking in a normal volume gets childrens attention better than shouting (I never raised my voice working with over 30 noisy 4-6 year olds, when you shout pitch tends to go up and children dont listen. I dont plan on raising my voice to discipline LO. The only time I think shouting works is when you need to get a childs attention when they are about to do something dangerous. I hated shouting growing up and I would just shut down, I still hate shouting to this day. I wont be using smacking either

 

[Dragonfly]

That i can understand Dragonfly, i just dont understand why there is the huge difference between parents that smack and parents that dont.

on VERY rare occasions i would spank a child, i also would never scream at them at full throttle i was just trying to show, that actually a smack that is light and careful, is very different from a 'hiding'

like a shout in frustration is very different from a scream in anger

There is a difference. One is negative parenting, punishments etc Some are in between may not spank but use other punishments and those who are positive who do not use spanking and punishments. No matter how hard you hit you still hit a child. That is negative.

 

[JASMAK]

I try not to yell at the kids. I have raised my voice with them, but I never embarass, scream, shout, threaten, belittle, name call, or hit my children. They are all well-disciplined children with lots of friends, good marks in school, and values. I treat them with respect, as indiviudulas with opinions, feelings, and valid thoughts. I teach my children right and wrong from not only MY actions, but my morals. I expect to be treated a certain way, and that is the same way I treat my children. I don't use 'scare' tactics.

 

[feeble]

That's agreed Dragonfly, however some who use 'negative' (your judgement not mine) parenting techniques but do not spank a child, seem to think it is appropriate to look down on those who smack... When actually smacking is not the issue. Tactics, control and reasonability are the issue.

 

[Dragonfly]

That's agreed Dragonfly, however some who use 'negative' (your judgement not mine) parenting techniques but do not spank a child, seem to think it is appropriate to look down on those who smack... When actually smacking is not the issue. Tactics, control and reasonability are the issue.

Just giving my opinion take it how you will.

I thought this thread was about smacking? Just saying I don't do it. Thats how I view it. I wasnt smacked and turned out ok.

 

[feeble]

Sorry you didn't appreciate the conversation/clarification of each others views...

Which is all it was.