Is it right to smack a child?

[omfgski]

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[Dragonfly]

I know I dont need an article, study or books to tell me that hitting someone is wrong.......

 

[Dragonfly]

Also some people who spanked never answered my questions. Heres one.

I will ask again.
what would any one who spanks do if your child hit another child or adults?

 

[meli1981]

I know I dont need an article, study or books to tell me that hitting someone is wrong.......

again its not hitting repeatedly, its a little smack on the bum

 

[meli1981]

Also some people who spanked never answered my questions. Heres one.

I will ask again.
what would any one who spanks do if your child hit another child or adults?

i would tell them not to do it again, this has been repeated a million times, but ill say it again, spanking is done out of disipline NOT out of anger

 

[JASMAK]

I personally won't be smacking my children and I don't think it is right to smack a child. My mum and dad used to smack us sometimes and while I don't think it has had any lasting damage or anything, I remember being frightened when I did something wrong and trying to hide it rather than going to my mum or dad and tell them what I did because I was scared I would get a smack. Looking back, they really did not hit us hard or very often but the fear of it was there. I would rather my daughter felt she could come to me about anything and not have to worry if she is going to be physically hurt for it. Yes she would be disciplined and would probably not look forward to that either lol but I would never want her to cower away from me like I remember doing as a child.

I also don't understand this tapping on the hand to teach a child not to touch something. A lot of people on here have said things like when a child goes to touch something hot or dangerous, they will stop the child and then tap them so they associate pain with the thing they were going to touch. I would be concerned that rather than this teaching the child the hot thing causes pain, it may teach them that if they touch the oven or whatever, mummy will smack them. Similarly with the road crossing example. If I had a toddler and she ran towards the road, I would grab her so she didn't run out and try an explain to her at a level she could understand that roads are dangerous. If I smack her (or tap her), all that teaches her is if she runs into the road mummy will get mad and smack her. What is there in that that associates the pain from the smack or the smack itself with the road being dangerous? I am not judging, I genuinely don't understand it.

I do think as well, smacking isn't always kept just as controlled discipline. For some people, it can be a gateway into going too far. I have seen (and experienced, sorry mum and dad!) occasions where the parent just explodes in anger and smacks their child without seeming to think. I remember one time I screamed in the car because my dad revved the engine and I thought the car was going to go fast (weird child I was lol). My dad just leant over and smacked my leg to shut me up. It caught me by surprise and I remember feeling so confused and upset because all I had done was be scared. I think there are a lot of people who smack in situations like this and not just in the controlled examples that are being given on this thread. I am in no way saying every parent who smacks does this before I get jumped on lol but I do think it happens.

This is all just my opinion though and I do respect that different people have different parenting styles.

I don't understand either. My daugher is 22 months old, I have NEVER tapped her or yelled at her, and if I say the word 'hot' in the kitchen (for example, when I am about to open the oven door) she says 'hot' back and runs out of the kitchen. I have never had to physically hurt her to understand this.. For those who say that spanking never harmed them in any way but feel that they need to spank their child to be respected or disciplined, then aren't you PROVING that it harmed you? You are repeating a cycle of abuse (sorry, I know people are going to flame me here, but it is of my opinion that spanking is abuse - you may disagree, and that is fine, but to walk around in this world thinking that people don't see spanking as abuse is putting your head in the sand...there is people out there who believe it is) which means you are damaged from the spanking you had.

 

[Tasha]

But a two, three, four year old doesnt understand that it is done for discipline, not out of anger. They just see Mummy and Daddy smacked me because I did something that was naughty/they didnt like, that boy pushing me out of the way on the slide is naughty/I dont like it so I will smack. Do you see what I am saying?

The reasoning might make sense to (some) adults but it is not adults who are receiving the spank/smack.

 

[meli1981]

first of all i dont spank my baby since shes too young to understand the concept of disipline, and she doesnt do things delibertly, shes just curious. but my six year old does act up, and can understand when shes being disiplined. now like i said i havent spanked in a couple years, but when she was four she was old enough to understand when she misbehaved and the consequence that followed. she was never afraid of me, i think it is because i may have given her a spank here and there, but we get plenty of cuddles in each and every day

 

[JASMAK]

But a two, three, four year old doesnt understand that it is done for discipline, not out of anger. They just see Mummy and Daddy smacked me because I did something that was naughty/they didnt like, that boy pushing me out of the way on the slide is naughty/I dont like it so I will smack. Do you see what I am saying?

The reasoning might make sense to (some) adults but it is not adults who are receiving the spank/smack.

I think this is a very good point. Kids cannot understand our adult reasoning and how do you explain to a child that your violence is done lovingly? Also, to say your child still loves you...of course they do!!! Even severely absued children love their parents with all their might! They don't know any better. Not comparing spanking with severly abused children, just the relationship.

 

[meli1981]

i guess because i dont see it as violence

 

[meli1981]

But a two, three, four year old doesnt understand that it is done for discipline, not out of anger. They just see Mummy and Daddy smacked me because I did something that was naughty/they didnt like, that boy pushing me out of the way on the slide is naughty/I dont like it so I will smack. Do you see what I am saying?

The reasoning might make sense to (some) adults but it is not adults who are receiving the spank/smack.

I think this is a very good point. Kids cannot understand our adult reasoning and how do you explain to a child that your violence is done lovingly? Also, to say your child still loves you...of course they do!!! Even severely absued children love their parents with all their might! They don't know any better. Not comparing spanking with severly abused children, just the relationship.

to say my child only loves me because she doesnt know any better? wow

 

[Dragonfly]

Its all on the same scale, maybe lesser violence than punching someone or beating but its on that same scale.

Low end
smack, tap
,. spank, slap
anywhere on body

high end
punch, beating etc

so its ok to spank your child but if they hit someone else you tell them its wrong? how confusing for them.

 

[Dragonfly]

But a two, three, four year old doesnt understand that it is done for discipline, not out of anger. They just see Mummy and Daddy smacked me because I did something that was naughty/they didnt like, that boy pushing me out of the way on the slide is naughty/I dont like it so I will smack. Do you see what I am saying?

The reasoning might make sense to (some) adults but it is not adults who are receiving the spank/smack.

I think this is a very good point. Kids cannot understand our adult reasoning and how do you explain to a child that your violence is done lovingly? Also, to say your child still loves you...of course they do!!! Even severely absued children love their parents with all their might! They don't know any better. Not comparing spanking with severly abused children, just the relationship.

to say my child only loves me because she doesnt know any better? wow

I think what she means is children offer unconditional love to their parents.

 

[meli1981]

well to me and the law, a spank isnt violence. and its not confusing to my daughter, though shes never hit anyone before so ive never had to deal with that.

 

[JASMAK]

But a two, three, four year old doesnt understand that it is done for discipline, not out of anger. They just see Mummy and Daddy smacked me because I did something that was naughty/they didnt like, that boy pushing me out of the way on the slide is naughty/I dont like it so I will smack. Do you see what I am saying?

The reasoning might make sense to (some) adults but it is not adults who are receiving the spank/smack.

I think this is a very good point. Kids cannot understand our adult reasoning and how do you explain to a child that your violence is done lovingly? Also, to say your child still loves you...of course they do!!! Even severely absued children love their parents with all their might! They don't know any better. Not comparing spanking with severly abused children, just the relationship.

to say my child only loves me because she doesnt know any better? wow

I think what she means is children offer unconditional love to their parents.

exactly. I am saying that your children love you because you are their mother.

 

[meli1981]

But a two, three, four year old doesnt understand that it is done for discipline, not out of anger. They just see Mummy and Daddy smacked me because I did something that was naughty/they didnt like, that boy pushing me out of the way on the slide is naughty/I dont like it so I will smack. Do you see what I am saying?

The reasoning might make sense to (some) adults but it is not adults who are receiving the spank/smack.

I think this is a very good point. Kids cannot understand our adult reasoning and how do you explain to a child that your violence is done lovingly? Also, to say your child still loves you...of course they do!!! Even severely absued children love their parents with all their might! They don't know any better. Not comparing spanking with severly abused children, just the relationship.

to say my child only loves me because she doesnt know any better? wow

I think what she means is children offer unconditional love to their parents.

well that sounds better! the way she worded it was not the best

 

[JASMAK]

No it wasn't. Reason why I should proof read, but I had to click the computer off for a minute as I am at work.

 

[meli1981]

No it wasn't. Reason why I should proof read, but I had to click the computer off for a minute as I am at work.

youre brave to go into such a heated debate at work!

 

[JASMAK]

hahahah! Well, my work is full of debates. LOL...I work in law.

 

[meli1981]

ohhhhhh! so thats why youre so good at debates! no fair!