Is it right to smack a child?

[JackiePed]

No, I didn't make myself clear. Sorry, truly. I wasn't calling you arrogant or implying you have raised a 'wild child'. I said we as parents would be arrogant to take full credit for how our children behave or for their personalities.
My point was that someone can take your exact approach, or my exact approach, and their child could be 'out of control' because it wasn't the right match for that child. Simply saying that our children are all very different and even within the same family we may find one that needs a very different approach than the first two, or three, etc...

 

[JackiePed]

The one size dosnt fit all thing dosnt ever feel right to me when parents try and explain what they are doing its like saying this kid deserves to be hit more than that one or my child's harder to manage. They all need love, that fits all children and respect, Some children are more spirited than others and some would say hard to manage but just deserve more help.

again, I specifically said I didn't say that as a case for spanking.
But, it could be a case for utilizing discipline methods that you wouldn't with another child. For example, when my son is fired up, there is no talking or reasoning with him at the moment. He is calmly given a short time out during those moments. To collect himself... To just remove himself from the situation. He is not shamed or banished, but he is told he needs 5 minutes in his room. Then he comes down and we talk.
There must be a way for parents to make it clear to a child that something is not okay, if the calm talk doesnt work. If he hits his sister, and we talk to him, tell him the reasons why we don't hit, explain how he's hurting his sister, etc....
And for whatever reason he continues to hit his sister.... At some point if we continue to take the same approach that isn't working, we are sending the message to him that it is ok to hit her, really. And how does she feel when she continues to get hit and we aren't helping her?
Again, I'm not saying hit him back.... But he certainly may get a time out, or be removed from where they are playing even if that's the playroom where all his toys are. He may not be allowed to play with his sister for the next hour, because he hurt her. She's his best friend, so he'd get lonely real fast.

All of those are forms of punishment. And at times, for certain children, they are effective when the less punitive method may not be during that phase.

 

[JASMAK]

... wake up in a good mood...? You've already made that point...and now you've made the point you refuted earlier.. remember, the one you thought I was making about you enjoying riling people up? Seriously.

i didn't thin k i ever mentioned it being against the law...wake up in a bad mood? oh no wait...you always talk like that.

 

[JASMAK]

Not to mention... What do we say about the parents who don't believe in punishment, and their kids run wild? Why does, for one, it create well-behaved children, and for another, it creates children who are a bit of a nightmare? We've all seen both scenarios.
And that's not a case for spanking, but a case that one-size-does-not-fit-all when it comes to children.

so people who don't use corpral punishment have wild kids who are nightmares?!! good grief! nothing to say there..rather funny howe off the mark you are...perhaps you are trying to rile people up... Normally I would never accuse someone of riling people up, but in the case that you have for me, since I have an opposing opinion....perhaps you are really talking about yourself?

 

[LegoHouse]

I was never smacked as a child or even tapped and I wouldn't say I'm wild. I was very well behaved actually

I find the problem people I have met to have had very violent parents...

 

[JackiePed]

I was never smacked as a child or even tapped and I wouldn't say I'm wild. I was very well behaved actually

I find the problem people I have met to have had very violent parents...

I specifically said I wasn't saying that's a reason to spank a child (see post 139 and 142). I also said I wasn't saying that if you don't punish that your child will be wild. I was trying to say consider when it works for one but doesn't for the other. -- I'll edit the comment we're referring to so that it says more clearly what I meant.
For example, Dragonfly said that she doesn't really subscribe to punishments such as time outs or spanking. And that her children don't rebel.
So clearly, she doesn't have 'wild' children-- it works for her and with her children....they aren't rebelling or misbehaving.
What I was bringing up was...what about when a 'no punishment' approach does result in wild children? And it does sometimes. Plenty of approaches result in 'wild children'...or they wouldn't exist. Clearly there are variables...and my only point was that if we believe that parenting is this black-and-white, then we are kidding ourselves. It is not simple.

There are principles that we, as parents, stand on. Such as not hitting your child, never punishing your child, or other things like what we will allow our child to eat, or what kinds of T.V. shows we allow them to watch. I'm not suggesting that we aren't allowed to have those principles, or that we should compromise them. I am suggesting that we are in no place to say that our way is the only way to raise a child properly (to a certain extent.. I'm not looking for ridiculous extreme cases of a child being abused, neglected, beaten, etc... and saying we should turn a blind eye)

And you're right...violent parents could...and probably would... result in unruly children as well, as well as a host of other problems.

 

[JackiePed]

... wake up in a good mood...? You've already made that point...and now you've made the point you refuted earlier.. remember, the one you thought I was making about you enjoying riling people up? Seriously.

i didn't thin k i ever mentioned it being against the law...wake up in a bad mood? oh no wait...you always talk like that.

...? 'Talk like that'?

I was referring to your child-abuse comment. You left the discussion, then promptly jumped back in when I was explaining something to someone else that you and I have already established you don't agree with. Which is fine... we all do tend to repeat ourselves when we want to make a point.

But then you go the child abuse-route again. And yes... you did already mention it being against the law a few pages back-- which isn't a big deal. It's just that you felt the need to hop back in and make sure to tell me that my explanation of the only situation in which I feel smacking a child's hand would do some good is child abuse.

Dragonfly doesn't agree with me at all, either, and she manages to state her opinions in a respectful manner. I've unintentionally offended, like I did a few posts earlier to Dragonfly, so I immediately apologized for how it came across... because that was never my intention.
You don't bother to do either.

So... I figured maybe you woke up grumpy and needed a good tussle.

 

[louandivy]

Not to mention... What do we say about the parents who don't believe in punishment, and their kids run wild? Why does, for one, it create well-behaved children, and for another, it creates children who are a bit of a nightmare? We've all seen both scenarios.
And that's not a case for spanking, but a case that one-size-does-not-fit-all when it comes to children.

so people who don't use corpral punishment have wild kids who are nightmares?!! good grief! nothing to say there..rather funny howe off the mark you are...perhaps you are trying to rile people up... Normally I would never accuse someone of riling people up, but in the case that you have for me, since I have an opposing opinion....perhaps you are really talking about yourself?

That wasn't what she was saying at all, she said that parents who don't believe in punishment sometimes result in having well-behaved children and sometimes result in having wild children, therefore a specific type of punishment does not work effectively for all? (At least I think thats what she's saying!) I don't agree with any form of spanking but I think that JackiePed has put her argument across intelligently and articulately and doesn't sound like she is trying to get you riled up at all, you are just doing that to yourself.

 

[smokey]

Not to mention... What do we say about the parents who don't believe in punishment, and their kids run wild? Why does, for one, it create well-behaved children, and for another, it creates children who are a bit of a nightmare? We've all seen both scenarios.
And that's not a case for spanking, but a case that one-size-does-not-fit-all when it comes to children.

so people who don't use corpral punishment have wild kids who are nightmares?!! good grief! nothing to say there..rather funny howe off the mark you are...perhaps you are trying to rile people up... Normally I would never accuse someone of riling people up, but in the case that you have for me, since I have an opposing opinion....perhaps you are really talking about yourself?

I think what Jackie was refering to where children not punished that do run wild as opposed to those not punished and are well behaved ie the ones left to run wild just because the parent cant be bothered to control, punish (however you want to phrase it) and the child ends up running wild more and more as they get older and get away with it (we have all seen them).

She didnt mean all who dont punish have wild children.

I think its getting to be a case of the subject being to argumentative and people missunderstanding then jumping straight into a comeback.
Its just one of those personal oppinion subjects that will cause conflicts no matter how you try to word your views.

 

[JackiePed]

That wasn't what she was saying at all, she said that parents who don't believe in punishment sometimes result in having well-behaved children and sometimes result in having wild children, therefore a specific type of punishment does not work effectively for all? (At least I think thats what she's saying!) I don't agree with any form of spanking but I think that JackiePed has put her argument across intelligently and articulately and doesn't sound like she is trying to get you riled up at all, you are just doing that to yourself.

Yes, that's exactly what I was saying. Thanks.

 

[JackiePed]

I think what Jackie was refering to where children not punished that do run wild as opposed to those not punished and are well behaved ie the ones left to run wild just because the parent cant be bothered to control, punish (however you want to phrase it) and the child ends up running wild more and more as they get older and get away with it (we have all seen them).

She didnt mean all who dont punish have wild children.

I think its getting to be a case of the subject being to argumentative and people missunderstanding then jumping straight into a comeback.
Its just one of those personal oppinion subjects that will cause conflicts no matter how you try to word your views.

Yes to the first bolded statement... thanks for the help in interpreting.. I definitely never intended to say that all who don't "punish" have wild children.

And to the second bolded statement... probably right. As much as we'd like to have simple debates in here, it rarely remains a simple debate. Probably because it all matters very much to us. There is nothing more emotional to us than the subject of our children, and our role as mothers. Thanks for the wisdom.

 

[Dragonfly]

I didnt mean that jackie was saying kids run wild I was more defending myself by saying I wasnt going to have a kid like that because I didnt spank. You hear so many saying kids need a slap these days when most of them thats whats happened to them in the past anyway and worse. And I know thats probably going to offend someone who does spank but I dont know what other way to put that I suppose you could say really abusive familes major ones I mean. (pass me the spade) But i dont think jackie is being mean, we may not be on the same parenting page but the only one thats put her point across from what I seen with parents who do smack in the way she did without calling the rest of the non smackers names. (I still need that spade , please).

ps can you tell I am crap at wording things? lol

 

[smokey]

I didnt mean that jackie was saying kids run wild I was more defending myself by saying I wasnt going to have a kid like that because I didnt spank. You hear so many saying kids need a slap these days when most of them thats whats happened to them in the past anyway and worse. And I know thats probably going to offend someone who does spank but I dont know what other way to put that I suppose you could say really abusive familes major ones I mean. (pass me the spade) But i dont think jackie is being mean, we may not be on the same parenting page but the only one thats put her point across from what I seen with parents who do smack in the way she did without calling the rest of the non smackers names. (I still need that spade , please).

ps can you tell I am crap at wording things? lol

I never called anyone names

 

[Andypanda6570]

You don't hit anyone including kids. Violence only teaches violence and that there are NO other ways of handling disagreements only to punch the crap out of someone. Kids need love not smacks..JMO

 

[MonstHer]

I agree with Andy panda's statement, unless the kid hits me first (as an older child, obviously not any younger than say, 10 or 12), or is grossly disrespectful.
I don't really know what I would do if my kid decided to call me a bi*ch or cu*t in a store.
(I've heard it happen before!)
But then, I really don't see my child doing those things with how I'll be raising her.
The behavior is learned from somewhere.

 

[brunette&bubs]

JackiePed- I just read through this entire thread and I'd just like to reiterate how wonderfully you conveyed your opinions. I really don't know you at all but you seem very intelligent and level headed. I'm not really sure if I am gonna "smack" or whatever...the closest I've ever gone to "hitting" is grabbing my sons arms tightly when he was pulling my hair and laughing hysterically at the same time.

JASMAK...I'd like to say that I feel like you are creating argument out of nothing. I feel like you are being an instigator. Many of your comments were basically blatantly offensive and then you don't want to hear what anyone else has to say unless they agree with you. I am pretty unbiased on this topic too!
Just remember JASMAK, opinions are like anuses, everybody has one!

 

[JackiePed]

Thanks for the kind words. I've read your posts a few times and really enjoy them.

 

[JackiePed]

I didnt mean that jackie was saying kids run wild I was more defending myself by saying I wasnt going to have a kid like that because I didnt spank. You hear so many saying kids need a slap these days when most of them thats whats happened to them in the past anyway and worse. And I know thats probably going to offend someone who does spank but I dont know what other way to put that I suppose you could say really abusive familes major ones I mean. (pass me the spade) But i dont think jackie is being mean, we may not be on the same parenting page but the only one thats put her point across from what I seen with parents who do smack in the way she did without calling the rest of the non smackers names. (I still need that spade , please).

ps can you tell I am crap at wording things? lol

it took me twice to get the spade references.

And for the record you're not crap at wording things, but actually quite articulate.

 

[brunette&bubs]

Thanks for the kind words. I've read your posts a few times and really enjoy them.

aw don't make me blush!

 

[Dragonfly]

I didnt mean that jackie was saying kids run wild I was more defending myself by saying I wasnt going to have a kid like that because I didnt spank. You hear so many saying kids need a slap these days when most of them thats whats happened to them in the past anyway and worse. And I know thats probably going to offend someone who does spank but I dont know what other way to put that I suppose you could say really abusive familes major ones I mean. (pass me the spade) But i dont think jackie is being mean, we may not be on the same parenting page but the only one thats put her point across from what I seen with parents who do smack in the way she did without calling the rest of the non smackers names. (I still need that spade , please).

ps can you tell I am crap at wording things? lol

it took me twice to get the spade references.

And for the record you're not crap at wording things, but actually quite articulate.

Takes me a while to get the head together with two toddlers, scatter brain multi tasking so sometimes, or most the time I make no sence

In Jasmacks defence I think she is just passionate about the topic. I dont like hitting children on any scale either but arguing will get us no where in here I am just glad the point went across where no name calling was here. And there never was on this site I am referring to others like facebook where the wright stuff answer to kids is electric dog callers and beatings from their members