Is The Decision To Have Only One Child Fair?

[mixedmama]

It depends. I think siblings are wonderful, but not all siblings grow up close to each other anyway - that largely depends on the age differences.

One good point of being an only child is the exclusive attention the child can receive from their parents, which is a lot less when there are more siblings involved in the family.

I only have one brother who is 5 years younger than me. Growing up, 5 years was too much of a difference for us to interact on the same level. We're close now though.

 

[LankyDoodle]

Yep. Having siblings doesn't mean they will get on. When my parents are gone, it wont make any difference to my sibling relationships. I will still be living life my own way, not seeong them or hearing from them one month to next.

Very true, which is why it's such a personal decision and nobody can be sure for certain what will happen, a gamble - either way.

And that is exactly why i said what I said in my first post. The only thing that would be unfair as far as I see it, is having a child you cannot support simply for the sake of having more than one. I come from a home where tvat was the case and I resent every memory of not having enough to eat, having to make do with inadequate clothing etc. If people are comfortable enough to have more than one then of course it is not an issue and another child would not detriment the first child.

Saying it would be unfair on the child not to have siblings, is too simplistic; there are too many personal variables at play.

 

[babyjiva]

not fair? what is fair? i mean it's not like we signed a contract at conception. it's the parents decision. what would be less fair is having a second child when you don't want to and it ruining the quality of everyone's life. if a sibling was essential for happiness i would say it's necessary to have more than one, but plenty if not most of single children report that they were and are very happy. i've got tons of siblings but when i look back on pictures, it is ALWAYS pictures of my college days, high school and friends. i look at family pics once in a blue moon and they aren't nearly as fun as the days i chose for myself.

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

Who is anyone to judge whether it is fair or not? Every family is different just like every child is different. I have a brother and a sister and I can't say we are that close. Yes only children are the only ones within the family but as long as they have a good network of friends and recieve the attention they need then what's the problem I think people need to stop analysing others and concentrate on them selves. There is no hard and fast rule in any family setting. As long as it works for that family then why would it be unfair? I personally would like more children but that's just me, not everyone else feels that way and I see nothing wrong with that xx

 

[Embovstar]

Hi

Well Isaac is going to be an only child. We made the decision, my Husband and I, and are over the moon about it.

I have many 'only child' friends and whilst 1 or 2 have hated it, the others have loved it and wouldn't have it any other way.

Nicola xx

 

[aob1013]

Yep. Having siblings doesn't mean they will get on. When my parents are gone, it wont make any difference to my sibling relationships. I will still be living life my own way, not seeong them or hearing from them one month to next.

Very true, which is why it's such a personal decision and nobody can be sure for certain what will happen, a gamble - either way.

And that is exactly why i said what I said in my first post. The only thing that would be unfair as far as I see it, is having a child you cannot support simply for the sake of having more than one. I come from a home where tvat was the case and I resent every memory of not having enough to eat, having to make do with inadequate clothing etc. If people are comfortable enough to have more than one then of course it is not an issue and another child would not detriment the first child.

Saying it would be unfair on the child not to have siblings, is too simplistic; there are too many personal variables at play.

That's exactly it

Parenting actually scares me at times. I don't know what to do for the best .. Hard situation really.

 

[MrsGlitz]

Parenting scares me all the time! There's no actual right or wrong answer, hard or fast rules and I'm always questioning myself.

 

[jogami]

I am the oldest of 3, a younger sister by 4 years and baby brother by 10 years. DH is also the eldest of 3. My mother told me how she could not/ WOULD NOT believe that she was pregnant with my brother (my dad and her were going through the rough patch), and when he was born I basically cared for hi for about the first 3 years, changed diapers fed him, was his mother. She cries now and yes he is her "baby boy" I ADORE them, couldn't be prouder and am of the opinion that they have only enriched my life. We didn't have a smooth childhood and had to depend on each other alot, if not financially certainly emotionally. And we all turned out pretty damn good IMO! When I think of a homeless person my immediate thought is "Don't they have family?" I know I'll always be ok cos I have them. I also have tons of cousins, my maternal grandmother gave birth to 10 children and my paternal grandparents 3. Although we can't afford as many I'd at least like to give my son 1 sibling (this is what DH wants), or if I can get my way 3! Neither of us ever felt like the odd one out x

 

[stardust599]

Of course it's fair.

I have a brother 2 years younger and a sister 3 years younger. We're not that close and I can't see how not having them there would have made any difference to my upbringing.

I won't be having any more children. I had a very difficult pregnancy, induction, labour, PND. Macy has severe reflux and a protein intolerance. I absolutely will not be able to cope with another. But she'll grow up to be loved, happy and secure with cousins, family and friends xx

 

[vaniilla]

I think its fair we're very lucky atm that my OH works so hard to provide for us and so far we are planning to ttc this summer, for us its very important that any kids we have will not miss out on anything in life simply because we wanted more children, for me personally its very important for lo to get a good education and with it costing 30k plus for public schooling for two kids that will probably mean we don't have a third for ages if we do at all as fees go up every year so does the cost of living and so on, however had his work not gone well we would only have had the one,

I have several relatives and friends that are only children and they're happy as anyone, yes I'm glad I had a sister, are we that close? sadly no, we speak often but its not something that would have been make or break in my childhood, some people only want 1, some can only afford 1, some couldn't cope with more than 1, some aren't able to have more than 1, whatever the reason there is nothing wrong with being an only child

 

[MiissMuffet]

I am the oldest of 7 and I try not to go to mum's house as its too stressful

 

[Laura2919]

I think its up to you what you decide. I only ever wanted one child and when I found out I was expecting the twins I was over the moon. I would like one more but OH doesnt want any more.

I have a sister of 30 and a brother of nearly 29 and I am 24, big age gap and its horrible, was when I was a kid anway, they used to go out and have fun and I stayed in with mum and dad, when I was old enough to go out they didnt want to anymore so it works both ways.

 

[Nibblenic]

I am a very only child. Not only do I not have siblings but I also dont have any first cousins. When I was young I didnt really care. I had friends and one best friend who I still have. My mum was very accomidating taking her on holiday with us and having her round for sleep overs most weekends

There are many advantages, past being spoiled. I have had some very close friendships in my time, 3 people who I consder the siblings I have chosen. I am very capable to look after myself and dont feel alone in the world. Yes there are finiancial benifits to being a lone child but really that doesnt really make a difference

The one thing I would say is when theere is a emergancy like my mum going into hospital. It mi my issue to deal with alone and although I have firends to help ME out my mum is my responsibilty a lone and sometimes that is difficult and has been in the past. But whos to say if I had a sibling that they wouldnt be on the other side of the country or even world and I would be in the same situation.

My oh had a brother, they are 18 months difference in age. Yes it was company in childhood but they hate eachother as adults and BIL declared Oh dead last year and thats it.

Everyone I know who has silblings trys to 'win' thier parents favour or attention. And always wonder if they are the 'favorite' or if thier sibling is getting more love/support/money basically treat differently or more special. I have never ever had that and I am asured in my mothers/dads sole love for me and never even question it as I dont have it to compare against anyone.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

I feel bless to have my 2. A boy and a girl under 2 years apart is what I always wanted. They are best friends and have special words and games they play.

I have 2 sisters, 5yrs between each and I HATE the age gap!! I always wish I had a sibling closer in age!

I think the reason it works for us is because having a boy and a girl, they are into different things and I get 1-1 time with both of them! I can say I have a favourite because hand on heart, I love them in different ways, they are different children. I love them both just as much, but different ways. I think 2 is perfect, one hand for each child when we go out lol. They hug and hold hands it melts my heart. It is good for them to be in the same school too!

I think the pros of having a sibling outweigh the cons!
My OH was an only child and he always feels like he missed out!