Is The Decision To Have Only One Child Fair?

[storm4mozza]

me and my OH were discussing this just yesterday actually, he wants more kids, but after the pregnancy, birth and the 2 weeks after it im not sure if i want more, i always thought i would but after what ive been through now im not so sure. we decided to discuss it in the future, maybe ill change my mind by then but im definatley not rushing into another baby i want to enjoy my childs childhood with him a little first and then if i change my mind about having kids so be it, if not my OH is more than happy to stick with my wishes x

 

[pinkandfluffy]

Haven't really read through yet.

I was an only child til I was 9 and never asked for a brother / sister. But my mum got me involved in stuff (dancing etc) and I had heaps of friends.

If you want another child go for it - but I wouldn't personally have one just so LO had a sibling, as he has enough of a social life / playmates that I don't think I would need to 'build' him one

Having said that I hope to have another, as children are lovely

 

[LankyDoodle]

I wish I'd been an only child tbh! My mum and dad split up, my mum never had enough money to clothe and feed us all properly, she never had time for us all and seemed to devote herself to my brothers and football. My dad had two more chn afterwards. Both parent has favourites. My middle brother is a pathological liar, my youngest is addicted to ketamine, I'm the normal one who works hard, went to uni, has a decent life. Guess who is the least favoured! We all live miles apart and we rarely speak!

My sibling experience has made me what I am now, and that is not all bad, but i have strong opinions, feel insecure and a lot of tge time unloved.

I think it would be unfair to force that situation on a child, and that is why in my earlier post i said it is fairer to have an only child than several chn who suffer if you can't comfortably afford them.

 

[LankyDoodle]

I wish I'd been an only child tbh! My mum and dad split up, my mum never had enough money to clothe and feed us all properly, she never had time for us all and seemed to devote herself to my brothers and football. My dad had two more chn afterwards. Both parent has favourites. My middle brother is a pathological liar, my youngest is addicted to ketamine, I'm the normal one who works hard, went to uni, has a decent life. Guess who is the least favoured! We all live miles apart and we rarely speak!

My sibling experience has made me what I am now, and that is not all bad, but i have strong opinions, feel insecure and a lot of tge time unloved.

I think it would be unfair to force that situation on a child, and that is why in my earlier post i said it is fairer to have an only child than several chn who suffer if you can't comfortably afford them.

 

[dani_tinks]

We've done a lot of thinking about this. I had a tough time through pregnancy with morning sickness from day one right through, acid, and spd.
The birth wasn't easy either, he wouldn't come naturally so I was induced at 42 weeks pregnant, I had a tough time pushing (3 hours!) turns out he was a big boy at 9lb 0.5 oz and i'm teeny tiny so I guess that's why I had trouble. THEN, I had to stay on the ward as I couldn't move from my pelvis (spd!) I had a catheter in as couldn't feel when I needed to wee and I couldnt walk because of the pain anyway! Then we had latch problems. So yeah.... it was quite an experience for me and the thought of going through it again scares the crap out of me. I would have to have a C section aswell due to my pelvis. BUT I don't want Jacob to be an only child. We're getting married next year, so we've agreed to wait until then and then maybe TTC number 2. The memories I have growing up with my sisters are priceless. We did hate each other, we argued and we went through a lot together BUT now they're my best friends . I want Jacob to have company.

 

[aob1013]

Also, when Vince & I die, i want Leni to have someone around.

 

[Mum2b_Claire]

Thing is, I am not an only child but I will have to deal with my parents when they are elderly etc without my brother as he lives a 10 hour flight away. I will not be alone though - I have my OH?? I know when my mums parents were alive my mums partner did absolutely loads for them. No siblings does not equal being alone.

 

[LankyDoodle]

Yep. Having siblings doesn't mean they will get on. When my parents are gone, it wont make any difference to my sibling relationships. I will still be living life my own way, not seeong them or hearing from them one month to next.

 

[aob1013]

Thing is, I am not an only child but I will have to deal with my parents when they are elderly etc without my brother as he lives a 10 hour flight away. I will not be alone though - I have my OH?? I know when my mums parents were alive my mums partner did absolutely loads for them. No siblings does not equal being alone.

What if your OH dies prematurely though? What if you and your OH pass away, but Ruby still hasn't found an OH? You now what i mean?

It's such a personal thing. I'm still on the fence whether i think it's fair or not. As sometimes i think siblings can be a bad decision, but i do take a little comfort in the fact that when we are gone, Leni will have siblings and they can comfort each other and he will always have someone on this earth he has a special bond with and can rely on for anything. Or it can go the other way and they could despise each other and my theory wouldn't work. See, it's so personal and such a gamble - either way.

 

[aob1013]

Yep. Having siblings doesn't mean they will get on. When my parents are gone, it wont make any difference to my sibling relationships. I will still be living life my own way, not seeong them or hearing from them one month to next.

Very true, which is why it's such a personal decision and nobody can be sure for certain what will happen, a gamble - either way.

 

[Mum2b_Claire]

Thing is, I am not an only child but I will have to deal with my parents when they are elderly etc without my brother as he lives a 10 hour flight away. I will not be alone though - I have my OH?? I know when my mums parents were alive my mums partner did absolutely loads for them. No siblings does not equal being alone.

What if your OH dies prematurely though? What if you and your OH pass away, but Ruby still hasn't found an OH? You now what i mean?

It's such a personal thing. I'm still on the fence whether i think it's fair or not. As sometimes i think siblings can be a bad decision, but i do take a little comfort in the fact that when we are gone, Leni will have siblings and they can comfort each other and he will always have someone on this earth he has a special bond with and can rely on for anything. Or it can go the other way and they could despise each other and my theory wouldn't work. See, it's so personal and such a gamble - either way.

Thing is, you can say any number of 'what ifs', can't you. Anyone could die, siblings included. For some people, having another pregnancy could risk themselves.
Also - I think it is absolutely great that some siblings have the special bond and are able to rely on each other for anything, but you can't force that, and sometimes it just does not happen.
I think this is truly one of those 'each to their own' issues

 

[MiissMuffet]

I think what makes you happy is fair on your child. if you only want one, don't let other people pressure you into having another one. Yes there are benefits of a child having siblings, but if thats not what you want then don't do it! Only you can decide what is best for you and your baby hun. Just make sure baby has lots of interaction with other babies, then they can learn the concept of sharing and stuff xx

 

[CocoaOne]

I know someone who's sister died, they were very very close and my friend is not the same, and I don't think she ever will be. It's certainly affected her more than if her parents had died. She relies on her friends for comfort rather than her family. Not that that's a reason to not have siblings.... just a point that you never know what life is going to throw at you.

 

[aob1013]

Thing is, I am not an only child but I will have to deal with my parents when they are elderly etc without my brother as he lives a 10 hour flight away. I will not be alone though - I have my OH?? I know when my mums parents were alive my mums partner did absolutely loads for them. No siblings does not equal being alone.

What if your OH dies prematurely though? What if you and your OH pass away, but Ruby still hasn't found an OH? You now what i mean?

It's such a personal thing. I'm still on the fence whether i think it's fair or not. As sometimes i think siblings can be a bad decision, but i do take a little comfort in the fact that when we are gone, Leni will have siblings and they can comfort each other and he will always have someone on this earth he has a special bond with and can rely on for anything. Or it can go the other way and they could despise each other and my theory wouldn't work. See, it's so personal and such a gamble - either way.

Thing is, you can say any number of 'what ifs', can't you. Anyone could die, siblings included. For some people, having another pregnancy could risk themselves.
Also - I think it is absolutely great that some siblings have the special bond and are able to rely on each other for anything, but you can't force that, and sometimes it just does not happen.
I think this is truly one of those 'each to their own' issues

It's so hard to make all these decisions, it scares me actually. I am so worried i will get it wrong Claire!

I do understand and see where you are coming from though, and it does make sense

 

[Mum2b_Claire]

Thing is, I am not an only child but I will have to deal with my parents when they are elderly etc without my brother as he lives a 10 hour flight away. I will not be alone though - I have my OH?? I know when my mums parents were alive my mums partner did absolutely loads for them. No siblings does not equal being alone.

What if your OH dies prematurely though? What if you and your OH pass away, but Ruby still hasn't found an OH? You now what i mean?

It's such a personal thing. I'm still on the fence whether i think it's fair or not. As sometimes i think siblings can be a bad decision, but i do take a little comfort in the fact that when we are gone, Leni will have siblings and they can comfort each other and he will always have someone on this earth he has a special bond with and can rely on for anything. Or it can go the other way and they could despise each other and my theory wouldn't work. See, it's so personal and such a gamble - either way.

Thing is, you can say any number of 'what ifs', can't you. Anyone could die, siblings included. For some people, having another pregnancy could risk themselves.
Also - I think it is absolutely great that some siblings have the special bond and are able to rely on each other for anything, but you can't force that, and sometimes it just does not happen.
I think this is truly one of those 'each to their own' issues

It's so hard to make all these decisions, it scares me actually. I am so worried i will get it wrong Claire!

I do understand and see where you are coming from though, and it does make sense

Aw you won't get it wrong.
I am definitely not saying I think it is wrong to have 2 or more kids, faaaar from it. If you have the resources to support them, I believe people should have all the kids they want.

 

[indy and lara]

I am alone with my Dad now. Mum died of hereditary bowel cancel almost 6 years ago and in reality I am the only family Dad has left. As there is just us, there are considerations and sometimes it is a big responsibility. However, OH has a sister but she is in the States with her husband. When something happens to OH's parents she won't help. Going on past experience we will be lucky if she comes back for their funeral. So although he has a sibling he would be as well to be an only child for all the support his sister gives.

There is an ideal that siblings will support each other but that is really not a 100% guarantee. You have to do what is right for you and your OH. I never expected to lose my Mum before I was 30 but it happened. You never know what curve ball life will throw. If you would like more than one child and can afford it great. But if you don't want another child or can't afford more then that is fine too. You just have to work out what is the right choice for you.

 

[lisa9999]

Difficult one.
My mum has already told me it 'won't be fair on Sophie' for her to be an only one. !!!!
I'm one of 4 and love my siblings, but I also know lots of ppl who are only children and it didnt bother them growing up.
The thing with me is, although I would love her to have a sibling, I'm 38 next month. I had loads of issues when pg with high bp etc, and the increasing risk of downs scares me.

 

[louandivy]

I'd also like to add that me and my sister who is closest in age to me (she is 3 years younger) have the most incredible bond. Sometimes the most incredibly random thought will pop into my head and she will turn around and say what I'm thinking! Its like we actually share a brain sometimes. I really hope Ivy gets to have that with future siblings, to me its worth the risk of them not getting on.

 

[ShanandBoc]

My DH is an only child and he said to me that having a brother or sister is all he ever wanted I am the youngest of 6 so i cant relate

But u also have to be realistic about the situation, babies cost money. We dont have alot but will have more than 1 (i want 3, DH wants 10 lol) Love is free haha

 

[kitabird]

I had two brothers and all we did was fight. Some people enjoy having siblings, some don't. There are plenty of happy only children out there and my LO will be one of them!