Is The Decision To Have Only One Child Fair?

[Terrilea]

I have a sister (2yrs younger than me) and i couldn't imagine how my life would have been without her we have always been really really close. I coudn't imagine how xmas, birthdays, holidays etc would have been with just me an no sister there. OH also only has one sibling so i think we kinda both want the same kind of family set up we both experienced ourselves for Ruby so we will have one more LO xx

 

[EternalRose]

Havent read the entire thread, ( But will do ). I have only read first page. The fact of the matter is, in an ideal world most of us would love to have lots and lots of children. But if you cant afford them, you shouldnt be having them. I know people say, all you need is love..and all that. Well thats great and everything, but love alone is not going to put the food on the table, school uniform, tuition fees ( Abigail will be going to private school ) and all of the rest of the things children need/desire. I would rather ensure that the one I have is well looked after, rather then having more than one..and say 'No' 'No' ' No' all the time because you cant afford what they would like. Im not talking about spoiling your children silly, but I want to have the choice of whether I buy my child something rather than I just simply cant. I must admit, I would hate to be in a position where I have to tell my children that I couldnt afford things for them all the time. I would rather have no children at all, then to feel that feeling.

 

[AP]

My MIL only had OH, her PND was so bad she couldn't risk another

 

[TwilightAgain]

I'm 1 of 6 children but I was raised on my own (with no contact with the other children) so technically i'm an only child and I bloody love it.

I love my alone time and own space too much to want someone else invading it. I love being Daddy's girl (Daddy's only child) I know that makes me sound like a spoilt brat but I don't mean it like that. It's just that it's always just been me and my Dad, so we're like a team. I've never felt like I needed a sibling.

If I wanted to hang out with someone i'd just call my mates or play with the other kids in the street. I'd see my mates at school and then afterwards and then when I wanted quiet time I could just go home and that was that nice and peaceful.

So personally I see being an only child as a blessing.....and I know a few people like this as well......but to be fair, we don't know life any other way .....I can see why some people would like a sibling though.

 

[SKATERBUN]

Finances aside I do not want LO to be an only child, being from a small family anyway and having a rather large age gap between me and my siblings I know what its like to be growing up alone, you are reliant on your parents and friends as your only source of company I really really hope I can concieve again (hopefully next year), but Im the wrong side of my 30's now so I may have to accept that it may not happen, but fingers crossed.

 

[MrsVenn]

DH and I are both only children and both really loved it. We decided way before we conceived Molly that we'd only have the one based on lots of reasons.

My friends all want 3, (which is interesting as probably 90% of them don't talk to their brothers and sisters) that's fine by me but we'd rather just focus our attention on one.

 

[sequeena]

I was basically an only child as my sister is 15 years older than me and I barely saw her for a lot of my childhood. It's not bothered me in the slightest.

We are probably going to only have the one. If we do decide to have another we will wait until our first is 5/6.

 

[Lane_Meyer]

What an interesting topic (no goats though...) Maybe I'm weird because I love my sister and we are best friends, but I'm choosing to have only one child. My parents kind of sucked, so it was great to have someone to turn to (I guess I better not suck as a parent!!) But I find it strange that people are like oh I have my own family now but it's not the same as my siblings. My husband and daughter are my family and it's a tremendous bond. If I was an only child and my parents died then my husband would be there for me. He's my best friend too.

Also I really want to travel around the world with my daughter, and I see this as being much easier with one child.

And, I was at the zoo last weekend watching families with exactly this issue in mind, and it seemed that all the little kids were competing for their parents' attention, not merrily holding hands like chums. I'm sure this is not always the case and probably changes as they get older though.

 

[Natsku]

I have 4 older brothers and couldn't imagine growing up without them. Family holidays would have been so boring if I had been alone! So I definitely want to have more than one child, preferably 3 or 4 but of course that'll depend on our circumstances further down the road. I think I would have felt it unfair on me if I was an only child but obviously not everyone likes having siblings and some are happy as only children.

 

[Sarah10]

Ideally, i would like a sibling for Jayden, if that wasn't possible, there's no way he would be deprived!

 

[bky]

I think it's up to each family as to what is right for them?
We want 3, because we like kids and want a larger family, but also because we have no other family nearby so all our kids will have is us and siblings, no aunties, uncles or cousins in the same hemisphere.

 

[lanaross]

Fair to whom? We decided to have just one kid and one kid only. Maybe it's not fair when they are 7-10 asking for a sister or a brother to play with. But she will have other friends. I can count on my fingers how many times I asked mom for a brother or a sister. But I can't count how many times I asked her or my father to stay a little longer, pay a little more attention, be with me, play with me etc.. and I was the only child.. Parents' attention is the key.

 

[AlwaysPraying]

I've only read the first few pages bt wanted to reply.

One thing strikes me.... I really think it's what people "imagine" it would be like with a sibling. They are saying "I wish I had someone to play with to confide in to share thoughts with etc". I actually feel the same way but I do have a sibling! For most of my life we've been chasing each other. One of us always wants to be friends when the other is busy and vice versa. For ex one will be in school the other has a boyfriend or one is working the other is in college. Just life not lining up. It ends up hard so very hard to be a good sibling when people are just "off" with the other. I wish we were closer I wish we talked more but we arent and we dont.

I may end up with an only child and that will be just perfect if that's how it ends up. Just today I was told I should never have just one because they always turn out awful! How rude! Right now I see my friend so busy with two that they can see straight. While I'm going to movies shopping and playing games with my boy. They just don't have the time and energy to do the same with the second because there are two.

I know I'm rambling. But I just think that we will all raise beautiful wonderful people who have big or small families and that's that. I adore that I can attend to my boys whims and not have to share myself with another child right now.

 

[elephant29]

Well I'm an only child.

I dont think I've missed out on anything at all. How can I miss what i've never had?

Growing up I had very close cousins. Then I made my own friends and as I've got even older I have my close group of friends and my OH. I dont think I'm missing anything vital in my life to be honest.

I'm well rounded, secure and not at all spoiled!

In saying all that. I would probably like Aria to have a brother or sister but if it never happens I will be just as happy having the one.

xxx

 

[MrsGlitz]

I'm the eldest of 4. I didn't get on with my siblings until the day I moved out at 18. My brother is 19 months younger, sister 1 is 8.5 years younger and my (half) sister is 14 years younger. Despite my sisters now living in Bristol (mum died 7 years ago, they live with Uncle) we are all very close now, well as close as you can be given age differences and distance. My brother is fiercely protective of me, even offering to move out of his flat to let me and Harry move in when I nearly split with DH.

That said, childhood we weren't that close but we rubbed along.

DH is one of nine and loathed his childhood. He has no contact with his family at all so feels very much like an only child, without parents now (his parents are also dead).

As it stands, Harry will be an only child. We can provide for him but we can't afford luxuries. We definitely couldn't afford another now, we'd even struggle with the basics and I'm not prepared to put my child(ren) through the same struggles DH and I had growing up. I don't think that's selfish. Also I had sever SPD and was almost housebound, I'd hate to think of Harry missing out because mummy can't take him anywhere.

 

[CocoaOne]

We probably won't have any more, we couldn't afford it - nursery fees would cripple us unless we waited until Number One was in school - in which case there would be a 5 year gap... which is pretty big in sibling terms!

My brother is 2 years younger than me, we get on but we're not close. My sister is 8 tees younger than me and we're closer now than when we were kids, but by no means best friends. Luckily, I'm very close with some of my cousins, and my LO has 3 cousins very close to her own age to play with, and around 8 of my friend's kids to play with too. I'm sure she won't feel isolated if we don't have any more.

 

[flubdub]

I'm an only child, and greatly wished I had a brother or sister when I was growing up - I still do; someone to talk to/someone to play with. Also, my mum and dad are quite 'intense' - ie, they were very overprotective, and still are. They like to be very involved in my/our life, whether I want them to are not. I think that having a brother or sister would take some of that pressure off me - I really struggled when I was growing up. Thats probably quite selfish of me though.

 

[BethK]

I'm very close to my cousins but not at all to my brother! Which unfortunately means my LO doesn't get to see her cousin.

But she will have other cousins from DH's side.

I would like another to hopefully get a good sibling bond for her but as we need ivf it may never happen, it costs us £5,500 each time!

Freya will get loads of attention and opportunities I'm sure she won't miss out!

I'm in my 30's and I'm more emotionally unstable from the lack of emotion from my parents rather than my brother!

 

[jackiea85]

I was an only child until I was nearly 15 and it was quite lonely but my mum was a single mum and worked long hours, my dad was a useless arse who i barely saw and i didn't have any cousins. I think it is fair to only have one child if you are aware that loneliness can be a factor and get them involved in things. I don't think they necessarily need siblings but I do think they need to have hobbies etc to build their social skills as they get older. I have found as I have got older I am not very good at talking to new people!x

 

[indy and lara]

I'm an only child and I am perfectly happy thanks and I always was. Being an only child can be a very positive experience. I have a very close reationship with Dad and had a fantastic relationship with Mum before she died. I went to loads of clubs and mixed with other children so did not miss out there. OH has a sister. They have never been close and she now lives abroad and he never speaks to her. As children they did not get on either. I can't see how that experience is better than mine?

Emma has a big brother who was born sleeping. She is unlikely to have any other siblings. I quite honestly could not go through another high risk pregnancy. It would be very unfair on me to make me do it simply so Emma has another sibling. Sometimes it is as simple as wanting another child. Some of us have pretty enormous obstacles in our path.