Is this irrational? (Sorry long)

[bumpy89]

My MIL and her partner have a large fish pond in their garden, it's at ground level and is not covered at all. I want MIL to 'baby proof' the pond somehow by covering with a grate, fencing it off or anything else that would prevent LO getting in there accidently and drowning. But she's point blank refusing to do anything about it, saying "it's ok we'll watch LO".

This is just not good enough for me, babies and toddlers just move too fast. It only takes someone losing attention for a second and he could fall in or have escaped out of an open door to go and look at the fish.

This has been a source of discussion since I first became pregnant and she is still refusing to do anything about it. LO's now getting closer to being able to crawl and summers only round the corner and MIL and her partner are already talking about BBQ's and sitting outside with LO on a picnic mat. I just can't take the risk, not with my son's life. So i've told OH that as soon as LO is able to crawl, we will not be going round there until the pond is baby proofed because MIL and her partner are so pushy, OH just gives in to them and I know I will get bullied into taking LO outside.

Honestly, is this completely irrational?

Also, what are people doing about ponds in yours or familes gardens? My parents are actually having their pond filled in at the moment because it's a risk they are not prepared to take.

 

[shellie82]

i dont think it irrational at all, i think mil is being a bit silly not putting something in place to protect her grandchild, it hasnt got to be permanent just while lo is around at their house, its not an unreasonable request

 

[mrsthomas623]

Are you offering to pay to put the fence around the pond? If not then no I do not see why they should have to baby proof their house if LO does not live there.

You could buy a play yard to use when you need to put LO somewhere safe while outside.
https://www.amazon.com/Pavlovz-Toyz-Electronic-Interactive-Activity/dp/B003JFJ6I0/ref=sr_1_6?s=baby-products&ie=UTF8&qid=1301402094&sr=1-6

 

[amygwen]

Are you offering to pay to put the fence around the pond? If not then no I do not see why they should have to baby proof their house if LO does not live there.

You could buy a play yard to use when you need to put LO somewhere safe while outside.
https://www.amazon.com/Pavlovz-Toyz-Electronic-Interactive-Activity/dp/B003JFJ6I0/ref=sr_1_6?s=baby-products&ie=UTF8&qid=1301402094&sr=1-6

This is exactly what I was thinking
If you're willing to pay than it's not irrational and a play yard would be an EXCELLENT way to make sure that your LO is safe without disrupting their pond. A friend of mine used a play yard to protect the Christmas tree so the kids wouldn't pull on it.

 

[jaybee]

NOT AT ALL!
U can't watch them ALL the time.
Can they not get something which goes over just when LO is around? my parents have an old metal fence (like a crowd control fence) over their pond which is put down when any children are in the garden.
I shall be covering the pond in our new garden with something too.

It a problem I have with my PIL in france with their pool. They say it has an alarm on it.... but it could still take a minute or two to make it to the pool! I would prefer a fence!

children can drown in as little as 2 cm of water and very quickly! Stick to your guns and get it oovered.

 

[blondey]

Not irrational hun. If we could watch kids all the time then there would be no accidents, and we all know that accidents do happen!

My parents have a very large pond in their garden, but luckily it isn't one which is ground level, it has a knee level wall round it. It also has netting on the top which is there to stop the fish jumping out and birds getting the fish! But even with these extra measures, I still wouldn't let me LO outside near there without keeping a firm eye on her, so I can only imagine how anxious you feel about your MIL's pond!

xx

 

[special_kala]

Are you offering to pay for it to be done?

Im not usually one to agree with a MIL but as long as your lo is supervised i dont see why they should baby proof their garden (unless your willing to pay for it).

We go round peoples houses that have dangerous things in them like open fireplaces and knicks knacks about the place but i cant expect them to change their house just because of River.

I would just never leave them unsupervised in the garden (which id do in any garden tbh) if they get close you pull them away

 

[bumpy89]

Are you offering to pay to put the fence around the pond? If not then no I do not see why they should have to baby proof their house if LO does not live there.

You could buy a play yard to use when you need to put LO somewhere safe while outside.
https://www.amazon.com/Pavlovz-Toyz-Electronic-Interactive-Activity/dp/B003JFJ6I0/ref=sr_1_6?s=baby-products&ie=UTF8&qid=1301402094&sr=1-6

We've told them we are more than happy to pay for whatever is needed to make the pond safe, but money isn't the problem (they're loaded) they just truely think there is no issue

I thought about getting a playpen for the garden but then I worry that when LO gets bigger he might get out of one of the doors if someone is not watching him, go to look at the fish and fall in

 

[special_kala]

I dont think worrying about your LO's safety is irrational though i just think trying to make them cover their pond is a little unfair

 

[mrsthomas623]

I am assuming then that they just wouldn't like to look of it on their property? Not much you can do about it, as it is their choice. Perhaps they may change their mind when they realize how worrisome it is when LO is of age to go off. They will see how stressful it is when you guys visit and cannot relax. Wish I had a better solution for you guys.

 

[Leanne27]

When i was a toddler I fell into my nans pond! So no I do not think your fears are irrational. Luckily I was pulled out pretty quick!

 

[Cazzyg]

Not irrational - give her a copy of the book Freakonomics, there is a section about the number of children that fall into ponds/swimming pools......

 

[Babushka99]

I think its very reasonable and sensible of you not irrational at all. Stick to your guns on this one.

 

[Lushwirral]

I agree. You hear some horrible stories in the press about ponds. Not irrational at all. I just wouldn't go round until it was sorted.

 

[StaceyPreedy]

If its a concern for you then its not irrational at all, its like BLW and Cloth nappies and FF vs BF, what you want for your child is what you want and if you do not want ur child near a pond that is uncovered then put your foot down. I don't agree at all about covering the cost, your parents want to see their grandchildren and their house isn't safe then they need to make it safe. As a parent and one day grandparent we make these children to protect and help in all ways possible, that includes out children when they have their own children, if they need something doing for safety then you bloody well do it. When my daughter have children i will have my house done up top to toe so i can look after then when they need a day off from children, i will have everything from when they where little so if they need anything but can't afford it, i have it if they want it. I think some parents when they become grandparents need a kick, "grand"parents for a reason, their the support to hold up tired parents and that means having their kids round and then need a safe house.

 

[bubbles]

If its a concern for you then its not irrational at all, its like BLW and Cloth nappies and FF vs BF, what you want for your child is what you want and if you do not want ur child near a pond that is uncovered then put your foot down. I don't agree at all about covering the cost, your parents want to see their grandchildren and their house isn't safe then they need to make it safe. As a parent and one day grandparent we make these children to protect and help in all ways possible, that includes out children when they have their own children, if they need something doing for safety then you bloody well do it. When my daughter have children i will have my house done up top to toe so i can look after then when they need a day off from children, i will have everything from when they where little so if they need anything but can't afford it, i have it if they want it. I think some parents when they become grandparents need a kick, "grand"parents for a reason, their the support to hold up tired parents and that means having their kids round and then need a safe house.

completely agree (I agree with it all but the bolded bit in particular)

 

[MissBroody]

I'm of the opinion that if they want to see their grandchild and take him out into the garden, where they have a pond that could cause a potentially fatal accident, then it's up to them to make it safe. Fair enough don't expect people to babyproof their whole house for you, but if its grandparents and you visit often then is it really too much to ask to make the pond safe? Imagine the guilt they'd feel if LO fell in, especially if you've been asking since you were pregnant. If they're refusing, but still expecting to take LO outside for BBQs etc my answer would simply be that you won't be attending any bbq's or taking LO outside unless its covered. No pond cover - no going outside. Simples.
xx

 

[jakey1]

No I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. We can't expect everyone whose houses we visit to baby-proof on our behalf, but I think its a very reasonable request to make of your parents or PILs, as their Grandchilds safety should be of paramount importance to them as well as to you. Accidents can happen so quickly and it's just not worth taking the risk IMO. We kind of had a similar problem with my MIL. My kids are not used to being around dogs and her dog is quite nasty so after being nagged to go and visit her, we agreed but only on the basis that she would be prepared to use a safety gate (which we were providing) to keep the dog seperated from the babies (they were about 12mo old at the time). She agreed and so we made the 200 mile trip to visit her. However, when we arrived she said that she wasn't prepared to use the gate and why should she segregate the dog when it was used to having the run of the house. We said that was fine because it was her house, but if that was the case we were gonna book into a hotel. She said not to bother and that if she had to she would begrudgingly keep the dog in a different room for 1 night if that's what it took to make us stay. Then, the moment we turned our backs, she opened the door so that the dog could run into the lounge. He knocked my son over, who hit his head on the wood flooring and then it jumped up on my daughter, started growling at her and badly scratched her face!! Needless to say I will never be going there again and if she wants to see her Grand children, then she can come to us. It makes my blood boil even now!!!!!

Sorry for my rant btw but what I'm trying to say is if you feel really strongly about this then stick to your guns!!

 

[MissBroody]

If its a concern for you then its not irrational at all, its like BLW and Cloth nappies and FF vs BF, what you want for your child is what you want and if you do not want ur child near a pond that is uncovered then put your foot down. I don't agree at all about covering the cost, your parents want to see their grandchildren and their house isn't safe then they need to make it safe. As a parent and one day grandparent we make these children to protect and help in all ways possible, that includes out children when they have their own children, if they need something doing for safety then you bloody well do it. When my daughter have children i will have my house done up top to toe so i can look after then when they need a day off from children, i will have everything from when they where little so if they need anything but can't afford it, i have it if they want it. I think some parents when they become grandparents need a kick, "grand"parents for a reason, their the support to hold up tired parents and that means having their kids round and then need a safe house.

completely agree (I agree with it all but the bolded bit in particular)

I agree too. My parents would do anything to make their house/garden safe for their grandson. My OH's parents are a different story. They wanted to take LO out for the day but only had a second hand old carseat they'd been given by a friend of a friend - I explained several times that I don't want my baby in a 2nd hand carseat and if they wanted to take him out in the car on daytrips they'd need a new one - if they didn't buy one they simply didn't take him. It's as simple as that. Child's safety is paramount. Stick to your guns
xx

 

[bobloblaw]

I'm of the opinion that if they want to see their grandchild and take him out into the garden, where they have a pond that could cause a potentially fatal accident, then it's up to them to make it safe. Fair enough don't expect people to babyproof their whole house for you, but if its grandparents and you visit often then is it really too much to ask to make the pond safe? Imagine the guilt they'd feel if LO fell in, especially if you've been asking since you were pregnant. If they're refusing, but still expecting to take LO outside for BBQs etc my answer would simply be that you won't be attending any bbq's or taking LO outside unless its covered. No pond cover - no going outside. Simples.
xx

This.

Afterall, we're not just talking something like a coffee table with sharp corners. In my opinion it's just not worth the risk. Stick to your guns! x