IVF Article number Bleh - Egg Collection

[krissi]

Hi hun, hows things today, hope you are managing to keep sane xx

 

[toby2]

just dropping off a pritt stick for your toffee crispsxxx

 

[CurlySue]

Thanks. They'd like that. To be honest, though, I'm just not "feeling it". Too many people on the May IVF thread got pregnant. If you consider 1 in 3, I'm pretty sure I'll be one of the 2 in 3.

Negative, negative. I just find it hard to stay positive when I'm just not feeling it.

 

[toby2]

whatever is going to happen will happen however you feel((((((((((((((((())))))))))
Also can i just point out that not everyone in the country who had ivf in may is on that thread so your numbers may not be entirely accurate....
its tough to be positive all the time, dont be hard on yourself about it and personally, although obviously its better for you, i dont believe it will make any difference to the tc's
xxxx

 

[chocci]

Hey

I think everyone feels exactly like that in the 2ww!!! Its normal to go up and down and generally feel negative regardless of the outcome. I have heard of many women who were certain they were NOT preggers after ICSI/IVF and who got the biggest BFP in the end!!!

xx

Chin up !! ;-)

 

[CurlySue]

I'd go so far as to bet a whole lot of money on the fact that I'm not, to be honest. Lets just call it a lifelong hunch.

It's probably natural to feel like it hasn't worked. It's probably NOT natural to pretty much know from the day you can even have thoughts of this kind that you're not going to have kids. When my friends were playing with baby dolls as a little girl I always just 'knew' that wouldn't be me. Said it to my OH when I met him. "I think there's something wrong with me." Cue testing which proved me right. How did I know that at seven years old? We all know our bodies, I guess.

Would love to be proven wrong but I've been right thusfar.

Negative,negative.

Sorry, but I just am. Would love to be different but I just don't feel it.

 

[toby2]

Theres a spark of hope in there somewhere or you wouldnt be putting yourself through this and thats all you need even if you dont know its there or cant connect with it. You may be right or wrong with your life long hunch but you must be in with a chance.
Distraction sounds like the way forward to me today-get in that kitchen and bake your cake!!!Dont come out till there are iced and looking lovelyxxxx

 

[toby2]

As i said before i cant find pma for me but i have it in anoyingly large buckets for you(lucky lady!)so here's a bit more cheerleading for you...


toffee crisp toffee crisp rah rah rah

toffee crisp toffee crisp rah rah rah

gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo the tc's!!!!!

 

[toby2]

p.s am glad am far enough away that you cant slap me for that!!heh heh
xx

 

[chocci]

I'd go so far as to bet a whole lot of money on the fact that I'm not, to be honest. Lets just call it a lifelong hunch.

It's probably natural to feel like it hasn't worked. It's probably NOT natural to pretty much know from the day you can even have thoughts of this kind that you're not going to have kids. When my friends were playing with baby dolls as a little girl I always just 'knew' that wouldn't be me. Said it to my OH when I met him. "I think there's something wrong with me." Cue testing which proved me right. How did I know that at seven years old? We all know our bodies, I guess.

Would love to be proven wrong but I've been right thusfar.

Negative,negative.

Sorry, but I just am. Would love to be different but I just don't feel it.

Its funny you say that since i have always known me and my hubby would have probs, when we used to talk about kids, deep down i just never thought it would happen, when i used to have talks with friends about having kids i would to change the subject as i did not want to curse myself, as i felt like it would not happen.

Now I actually deep down feel it will happen, i have always thought i will have twins and before we knew about any problems, when we found out my hubbies swimmers were not the best, and our only hope was ICSI, the first thing i said to him was dont worry love i knew we would have twins i just didnt realise it would be this way!!! I am hoping my gut is right!

On the other hand mate.........to be honest and totally frank i thought the problem would be with ME, i thought it would be me that had fertility issues, thats why we got refered since i went to docs! The docs said 3 times you need to get you hubby to give a sample too, he never did it till we were refered, but i didnt care since i "knew" the prob was me! Just goes to prove sometimes that gut instinct can be right I agree..........other times it can be TOTALLY wrong marred by that self protection thing we go on about! I have to admit my gut was totally wrong, just like yours could be too!!

Also I bet if we did a poll on here for all women who have had no problems conceiving and also those who have had to have fertility treatment, i guarantee at least 70% on both sided would say they had negative thoughts in the back of their mind thinking, it will never happen, they couldnt have children only to be delighted and surprised when they got their BFP!!! I believe in gut instinct like you, BUT i also know its not always right, even thought i like to convince myself it is too!!!

XX

 

[chocci]

Theres a spark of hope in there somewhere or you wouldnt be putting yourself through this and thats all you need even if you dont know its there or cant connect with it. You may be right or wrong with your life long hunch but you must be in with a chance.
Distraction sounds like the way forward to me today-get in that kitchen and bake your cake!!!Dont come out till there are iced and looking lovelyxxxx

I agree, deep down you have hope or you would not go through all this, its just self protection, psycology, we all think we will fail, very few people have such self confidence and hope that they dont look at things negatively, its human nature...........

 

[CurlySue]

It just feels right to me. Thanks for the cheerleading though, Toby. That was sweet.

Gut instinct. I knew there was something wrong with ME. I knew it was me. I always knew it was me. Your gut instinct is that you will have twins, Chocci. Mine is that I will not have children at all. I went through IVF so that I could at least try to prove my 'instinct' wrong but it's just not shifting.

I had such a surge of hope when they told me I had 10 eggs fertilised. Such a crashing blow when I realised only two of them had divided as they should have done. High. Low. I liken it to a little trip to Barcelona I had recently where everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, went right. It was perfect. Utterly perfect. Things which should not have worked worked, things which had not been mathematically planned for fell perfectly in favour.

Three minutes. Three minutes to go before the most fantastic night ever. And it all fucked up.

So many things had gone right (good egg number, good fertilisation number, ringing bells, here) and yet three minutes from the end, right in front of us, it all 'went to shit'.

Wish it had been hopeless from the start. At least then we wouldn't have got excited about it. I'd rather have no hope than false hope.

As you can see I simply feel shite today.

 

[chocci]

It just feels right to me. Thanks for the cheerleading though, Toby. That was sweet.

Gut instinct. I knew there was something wrong with ME. I knew it was me. I always knew it was me. Your gut instinct is that you will have twins, Chocci. Mine is that I will not have children at all. I went through IVF so that I could at least try to prove my 'instinct' wrong but it's just not shifting.

I had such a surge of hope when they told me I had 10 eggs fertilised. Such a crashing blow when I realised only two of them had divided as they should have done. High. Low. I liken it to a little trip to Barcelona I had recently where everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, went right. It was perfect. Utterly perfect. Things which should not have worked worked, things which had not been mathematically planned for fell perfectly in favour.

Three minutes. Three minutes to go before the most fantastic night ever. And it all fucked up.

So many things had gone right (good egg number, good fertilisation number, ringing bells, here) and yet three minutes from the end, right in front of us, it all 'went to shit'.

Wish it had been hopeless from the start. At least then we wouldn't have got excited about it. I'd rather have no hope than false hope.

As you can see I simply feel shite today.

Mate i know how you feel, i had the same as you, i feel i flew over the hurdles, no trialing leg nothing, everything going so well, then as i was approaching the last hurdle, my shoelace loosened and i clattered into it like a right baffon and fell flat on my face........I can empathise in how you feel hun, but you have one thing more than me at the moment YOU still have hope, you still have not had that BFN, you can still possibly be preggers, like i say I always thought it was me, my GUT told me that, I was WRONG althought i was certain i was right!

Its not over till the fat lady sings mate, but if it makes you feel better, then dont get your hopes up, like we said better to be pleasantly surprised than totally utterly devastatingly dissapointed.

As i have said this first time at IVF/ICSI is probably the hardest, its like hte first time giving up smoking its much harder than the next and the next until finally you crack it.........

You still have a chance no matter what you feel now, if its ment to be it will be eh like we said XX

 

[CurlySue]

That's the thing, really. I don't think it's meant to be. I had a dream last night that I was pregnant with somebody else's child. The tests kept coming back positive, and I kept on saying "This is not my child. Don't get your hopes up. This is not my baby."

Not really into dream analysis...

 

[chocci]

Not sure if this helps or not but i found this article about negative thinking.

See if you are naturally predisposed to thinking negative (like you and I) then it becomes a habit. We forget the thinks that are positive and focus on the bad things. I bet your the type that if someone says "wow your hair looks lovely" you analyse everything else that was said in the 2 hr convo and focus on what could be deemed negative than think oh but they said my hair was lovely.

See at the end of the day you could say you have been very lucky, you could say that not many people get to egg collection, you have not had OHSS, you managed to get an embryo to transfer, infact you got 2 and those 2 were VERY good quality.........mate, many people dont get that far, many fall at the first hurdle, you have got over all so far and are running towards the last.......you have not finished yet but you are still running!!!!

https://www.livinglifefully.com/flo/flonegativethinking.htm

Hope it helps X

 

[toby2]

just get through today, the other stuff can wait till tomorrow

 

[toby2]

Nothing anyone says is going to chnage how you feel today and your right,sometimes shit things happen when it doesnt look like they will or things stay shit when it only seems right they change BUT sometimes they dont and thats why we all put ourselves through all this stuff-hang on in there and just get through today
xxxx

 

[chocci]

All i would say now is, remember your still running and approaching that final hurdle, thinking your gonna trip and fall flat isnt going to help you clear it is it? Thinking your going to fly over it but then have a fall may really hurt but will it hurt more than thinking you were going to fall anyway? NO it wont! It would hurt just the same...........BUT with a bit of positive thinking you will save your self the anxiety of failure during the run up and will lift your legs higher and really throw yourself over the hurdle..........positive thinking can only help, negativity attracts negativity, i am positive now, i wasnt, especially after my failure BUT i have learnt now after the first ICSI, negative thinking doesnt work, we have to be positive or we risk falling into a deep depression, we need to think about what we have, and how lucky we are, like i say, you have got much further than many others going through the same process and you havent failed yet!!!

Chin up X

 

[CurlySue]

At least if I have prepared myself for the fall it won't hurt so much. I'd be sticking my hands out to catch myself.

I'm not a person who is particularly capable of positive thought. I've tried everything. Counselling. Hypnosis. The lot. I still dwell on those negative thoughts.

So, I suppose what I am saying is...in this moment, let me have my negative thoughts. They're protecting me. No amount of bubble and flower is going to make me feel any differently so I will just accept it and hope that tomorrow is better. Because today? Sucks arse, big time.

 

[MrsR32]

Hey CurlySue

I hope you don't mind me dropping in, I've just spent the last hour reading through your story while supposed to be working (!) and just wanted to say good luck for testing (tomorrow I think?). I'll keep my fingers crossed for you and pop back tomorrow to see you announce your BFP!

xx